A.N. No one reads these anyway. ;p
"…And I watched from my window,
Always felt I was outside looking in on you.
You're always the mysterious one with
Dark eyes and careless hair,
You were fashionably sensitive
But too cool to care.
You stood in my doorway, with nothing to say
Besides some comment on the weather.
Well in case you failed to notice,
In case you failed to see,
This is my heart bleeding before you,
This is me down on my knees, and,
These foolish games are tearing me apart,
And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart.
You're breaking my heart…"
Jewel ~ Foolish Games
Chapter 22: Pretence
"His…betrothed?" I repeated the words she had spoken only moments ago.
"That's right," She said cheerily. "Are you alright?" Tengaar asked in concern a moment later. My face must have visibly paled.
"Oh, I'm fine." I did my best to recover, "It's just…ah, well I can't see how someone like him could get someone like…well, you." Aright, so it wasn't the best thing I could have come up with, but it worked at the time. She smiled, her hazel eyes lighting up.
"I know he seems a bit…stiff at times, but underneath that he's really a loving, caring person." 'If you call persistency and stubbornness caring, then sure.' I thought, wondering why he hadn't told me he was promised. "When I first met Legolas, he was very…how should I put it? Closed-off?" She paused, drawing breath deeply. "But once I really got to know him, he opened up and I saw…the real him." Tengaar seemed distant, remembering things long past. "Oh, listen to me carrying on when I'm sure you have better things to do." She suddenly broke into the present.
"Yeah, sure." I replied weakly.
"I'd best be getting on." She said, choosing to ignore my lack of enthusiasm. "There are so many people I haven't seen it what seems like forever. So much catching up to do." She gave me a brief smile. "Well, Yuna, it was nice meeting you." Tengaar said, a note of finality in her voice. "I guess I'll see you 'round." With that she raised her hand, the fingernails of which were exactly a half centimetre long, gave a wave which consisted of barely a flick of the wrist, and was gone.
~*~
"So…" I addressed Narin. We were sat out on the balcony of her room, one door down from mine. She was somewhat preoccupied, her nose firmly planted in a book with a worn, leather bound cover. This left me with only myself for company and so for the last hour or so I had stared out at the city and…counted things. How many people there were walking about, houses, trees, methods of suicide…
When I actually realised I was doing the latter of these, I decided that something would have to be done to alleviate my immense case of chronic boredom.
"Ahem, so…" I tried again, a little louder this time as she obviously hadn't noticed the first.
"…Hmmm?" She made half an attempt at a decent response but still didn't take her eyes of the neatly scribed Tengwar letters.
"…How long have they been together?" I wondered what had possessed me to say that. But the question had been plaguing my mind since the day before when I'd talked to Tengaar and I wasn't too thrilled at the idea of asking either of them.
"Huh?" She made the sound in the back of the throat before doing me the courtesy of putting the book down. "How long have who been together?
"You know, Legolas and Tengaar."
"Oh, right." She crinkled her forehead in an adorable manner in thought. "Well, they met about, um, I suppose it's been about a thousand years or so, and they've been courting for about two thirds of that time. So I guess the answer to your question is about six hundred years. She must have seen the look of horror on my face and so decided to elaborate. "You know how it is with those Noldor. Everything takes forever. Courtship can last as long as a year to an age. Literally." I had to admit although it did seem like quite a long time to just be courting, to them it was perfectly normal. I let my eyes wonder back over the city, the horizon beginning to erupt in an orange blaze as the sun started to set.
"Wait, she's a Noldor?"
"Oh yes." Said Narin extravagantly. "Also part Edain, and Sindar." She smiled at my disbelieving expression. "Well that's what happens when you've got a Half-Elven grandfather who's brother is related through about a hundred generations to the King of Gondor. And I suppose she can't help being as lovely as she is with the Evenstar for an aunt." This was too hard to imagine. She couldn't be…
"Which one?" I said finally.
"Elrohir." Unless I was mistaken, I caught a note of bitterness entering her tone.
"Narin, correct me if I'm wrong…but are you jealous?" She looked at me for a second then laughed.
"Of course not. I'm only joking. I love her; she's a good friend of mine. But it's fun just bitching, don't you think?" Did she just say that? I could only nod dumbly. "Hey…why'd you want to know?" Said Narin after a moment of silence."
"Oh, just wondering." I replied nonchalantly. "So what's the book about?" I asked in an attempt to change the subject.
"Well, it's a modern study of the ancient Teleri healing techniques and how they've been adapted with new discoveries." I raised an eyebrow.
"Is that so? Then why is it called 'Sairalindë and the Cave Troll?" I enquired cynically.
"Alright, I lied." She admitted. "It's about this beautiful princess whose true love is changed into a cave troll by an Evil Wizard. Then, when she finally manages to change him back, her parents object to him marring her until he proves himself worthy." I tried to restrain the smirk heading to my face, not wanting to hurt her feelings and thankfully managed to do so. "I know it must seem silly," She added. "But I think it's ever so romantic, how they manage to overcome all obstacles…" She sighed and sunk back into the cushioned bench we were both sat on. "If only…" The sentence trailed off. I was tempted to ask what she meant but decided not to pry. Besides, I had an inclination as to what she meant.
After a minute or two in silence, Narin returned to her book and left me to my own devices once again. I stood up to stretch my legs, feeling them starting to go numb and slightly tingly, before striding over to the banister at the edge of the spacious balcony overlooking the main courtyard.
Down bellow, rows of pruned trees, shrubs and neatly tended pebble pathways stretched out for a good few yards. There were a few people milling about, stable hands, the last of the day's eager gardeners and a few Elves who just seemed to have nothing better to do with their time. I breathed in rapidly cooling air that smelt of cherry blossom and warm earth. Leaning against the polished marble, I closed my eyes, taking in the sounds as the evening drew ever closer. Birds heralded the twilight from the surrounding trees, the soft rustle of leaves existing through the breeze rippling them and a soft, very feminine laugh echoed from the palace grounds. My eyes flickered open and I looked back down, my gaze coming to rest on two figures walking side by side. The first figure, and owner of the noise, was unmistakably Tengaar. The second, I assumed, was Legolas, even though with so many blond haired, blue eyed Elves about, it was hard to tell.
They strolled along, seemingly without a care. Though I'd heard that was the effect love had on people. I wouldn't know, I'd never been in love with anybody, nobody had ever loved me except perhaps my mother, but she was long gone now…because of her love…
My gaze skipped past them as I noticed something odd in the bushes. Just poking over the top of a tall, vast array of leaves was a golden head, definitely of an Elf. Like myself, he was watching the couple but in particular, the female of the two. His eyes followed her like a hawk and every time one or both of them laughed, he scowled. He must have known her, that much was obvious, but who was this stalker? Surely if Legolas found out about him, he would be in trouble and that was putting it lightly. Thankfully, she noticed him first, their eyes meeting with a fleeting glance. She grabbed Legolas' shoulders; catching him unaware, and spinning him round so that his back was turned to their observer. She made up an excuse at a speed that almost gave me a touch of admiration and dragged him off quickly. With their absences, he left his position crouching behind a hedge swiftly, not giving me a clear look at his face.
What had just happened? Who was he? Why did Tengaar hide him? What was going on? I was full of questions I wanted to hurl at her, but I remained silent for the time being.
After another moment or two staring out at the twilit city, I returned to the bench, Narin still being completely engrossed in her book.
"Oh!" She said, putting the book to one side as I sat down. "I almost forgot to tell you. You've been invited to come with us tomorrow evening." She smiled disarmingly.
"Who's 'us'…and where?" I asked apprehensively.
"'Us' is me, Nólad, Cer, Celoril, Tengaar, Firowen, Jen and Legolas." She paused for my answer. It didn't come. "I've been told not to take no for an answer." Narin continued.
"Sure." I shrugged, knowing I wasn't going to win with her. "What's the harm?"
~*~
I lay in my bed that night, not because I had any intention of sleeping, just because it was a comfortable place to think. Lying on my side, I gazed out into the heavens, watching the stars as they carelessly lived out their existence, shining diamonds in a velvet sky. What were the questions that troubled me? There was, of course, the old favourite: Why did I care?
Why did I care that Legolas was betrothed? And to someone so incredibly dazzling? Gorgeous? Perfect? All of them described her to a T. Why did I resent her so much?…Apart from those previously mentioned facts. Why was I allowing myself to be dragged off when I didn't even know where we were going? I wasn't comfortable with the situation, why didn't I just say no? Was I losing grip on myself?
Who was the person hiding and why had he been observing the happy couple? What connection did he have with Tengaar? And all of this led me irrefutably back to my first question…why did I care that Legolas was betrothed?
I shoved a pillow over my head, hoping it might drown out my thoughts. No such luck. In less than a week I'd got my head completely screwed up. What was I to do? I felt like screaming. I felt like running. At least with Orcs you knew where you stood, and you knew what they wanted. Generally, your head on a pike. But…I had no idea what the people here wanted from me, and that frightened me more than I cared to admit. Even to myself.
I sat up and swung my legs over the side of the bed, stretching the sore muscles in my back. I hadn't stretched in what seemed like an age, not properly. Not when you feel you could bend like rubber. I tilted my head backwards, tipping over until my hands caught the edge of the bed.
I hadn't fought either. Sure, I'd been fighting the Orcs, but that was just scare tactics and evading them. I meant hand to hand where it was just you and the person you were up against.
My hands met the floor in a bridge, my stomach muscles straining to stretch far enough.
Fighting. Instinct. Skill. That was all you needed. Not traps set ahead of time, or the overwhelming odds against you, meaning meeting them head on would result in your bloody decapitation.
I brought my head back up by propelling it forward and up, aided by the springing of my arms. The blood rushing down to my brain was becoming painful and it throbbed in my ears. I tipped forward, almost without thinking, feeling my hands connect with the cold polished stone floor. My legs went up until I was vertical and my loose hair pooled on the ground bellow. I wiggled my toes as a strength I hadn't felt in a while filled my arms. Slowly, with a flexibility that always came to me when I needed it, I parted my legs until they were perfectly split and pointed. It may have seemed a bit stupid, but these things helped me not to feel my age as much. I wasn't old and crippled, my body was just as it had always been when I was just in my mid twenties, but it certainly felt like it at times.
There was just one final workout before I was finished. One last thing to do before I put my feet back on the ground. Gently balancing my weight on my left arm, I lifted my fight, pointed my index finger, and touched the tip of my nose.
After that, I lay on my back on the stone floor and pondered my immortal question for a while: What was I to do?
~*~
It was just before daybreak that I found myself wandering through the lush array of plants in the palace's extensive gardens. There were all sorts of flowers but I noticed the most common were roses. Deep red, pure white, light pink, bright yellow. You could smell the pungent scent from a mile off. Among their vast, neatly trimmed bushes were other flowers. Lilies, a personal favourite, daises, pansies, which I always considered a bit garish, orchids, probably from the East, geraniums, there were far more than I could count or name.
Of course they were all closed at this time of the morning, but as soon as dawn broke on the horizon they would open, letting their perfume mingle with the early morning air. I wondered on meaningfully through the maze of hedges, finally stumbled on a small pond that was encompassed by, for some reason, slightly overgrown bushes. This made it hard for anyone to know of its presence until they were practically on top of it. To one side, around the edge, where reeds, swaying in the early morning breeze and on to the other was a rather familiar presence.
"Fancy meeting you here." I addressed Firowen, who was sat on one grassy bank with a vague look of contemplation gracing his features.
"Hello." He said, briefly turning his head to meet my gaze.
"Why exactly are you mutilating a flower?" I was, of course, referring to the daisy he held in his fingers, half of the petals had been plucked off and were now floating aimlessly on the surface of the water.
"No reason really…" He trailed off. I decided to go sit beside him, truly having nothing better to do. "Couldn't sleep?" He asked after a while. I shook my head.
"Didn't really need to." I slowly became aware that I really should have put more on before I left my room. The loose, long-sleeved top I was wearing was light and frankly didn't leave much to the imagination. But then again, who was I to feel embarrassed?
"So, how does that whole sleeping thing work?" He asked, flicking the now fully de-petalled flower into the pond.
"It's kind of complicated." I started, a promising beginning to any explanation. "It's like being a very acute insomniac. The human part of me is telling me I'm exhausted and I should be sleeping. But then the Elven side is saying that I only slept a few weeks ago, why was I bothering again?" I sighed. "Not very pleasant."
"I'd imagine not." He said sympathetically. He'd only recently found out I was a Halfelven, through a random mention of my human side in a conversation. Of course, the other two parties present, Legolas and Narin, had known about it for some time, and acted as if it was common knowledge. Firowen of course suddenly remembered knowing all about it, and waved it off as a slip of his mind.
"But I've learnt to cope over time…a long time…" I breathed in and out deeply.
"So what about the dreams?" He asked, seeming fascinated with the subject of my sleeping patterns now. I felt like a lab rat.
"That's…really impossible to explain…"
"Why?"
"I couldn't say."
"Fair enough, I wouldn't want you to wrack that pretty little head of yours on my account."
"Ah, I see the sarcasm's finally woken up with you."
"Hilarious." He remarked flatly.
"Seriously, though. What was wrong with you a minute ago, you seemed marginally intelligent. Was all the thinking bruising your poor, overworked head?" All right, so it was definitely too early in the morning for my insult generator to work efficiently.
"I was thinking about something, or more…someone." His eyes took on a faraway look as he said the last few words. I couldn't help but raise an eyebrow.
"Who?" I also couldn't help but pry.
"I couldn't say…" He echoed the words I'd spoken a few minutes ago in a surprisingly similar tone.
"Fine, I get the hint." I smiled. Firowen attempted to do the same but didn't quite manage it; his gaze still focused on some distant point. I dabbed my fingers in the green tinted water, ripples drawing out and breaking up the reflection of the fading moon and stars.
"You know, now that you're here, I've been meaning to ask someone, why was your party traipsing through Rohan?" It was a minute of silence before he answered.
"Obviously we assumed that, you know, the locals might need the aid of a few dashing hero's to save them from monstrous individuals."
"…huh?"
"We were on our way back from Gondor, or Minas Tirth to be precise, Legolas had business with the King." I nodded slightly.
"How is Aragorn?" I said out of interest. It was a rare that news of the outside world passed the borders of Fangorn and as I had been so engulfed with my own dealings I hadn't had time to check up on old friends.
"Aragorn?" He said with a slightly confused look on his face. "Oh! You mean King Elassar." He realised after a moment. "He's prospering. The kingdom is growing in beauty more so everyday and I'm sure with a little time it will be back to it's former glory." I grinned slightly.
"I think I'm asking the wrong person, no offence." He nodded knowingly.
"Legolas spent a lot of time catching up with him, I'm sure he'll have more information then I could give you." I mimicked his nod, once again staring into the abyss of sky.
"So, Narin invited me to join you this evening," His head jolted up at the mention of her name, I battled to keep the knowing smirk off my face. "But she neglected to mention where we were going." He chuckled.
"Now, now, we're being sneaky." He shook his head, sending blond locks tumbling over his shoulders. "Don't worry, you'll find out tonight. And anyway, it's not like we're going to do anything to you. Hell, you never know, you might even enjoy the evening."
~*~
The day went all too quickly for me. Before I knew it, Narin and Genévieve were dragging me out of my room and leading me down to the courtyard where the others mentioned were assembled. I gulped air. 'Here we go…'
As we walked down through the tunnels, I realised I as probably being slightly over dramatic. What was the worst that could happen? A little socialising was something that if I tried really hard, I might actually live through.
After a good twenty minutes, we exited the tunnels into a heavily forested area. The sun came down through the trees in long beams of faded light. At the moment, I was involved in a conversation with Celoril concerning the advantages and disadvantages of a short sword over a longer, heavier version, as he seemed quite the enthusiast on weapons. A few paces in front of us was Jen, pointedly trying to ignore Firowen who was striding alongside her and Narin. Behind us, the prince and his…betrothed, no matter how hard I tried, I could not think of her as anything else. And behind them Nolad and Cer carried on a conversation I couldn't quite make out.
Slowly, I started to relax, feeling more at ease in these surroundings. It reminded me of the closest thing I ever had to a 'home.' Except it was definitely brighter and noisier.
"It's true that although you have less reach with it, the weight difference can give you an advantage against a quicker opponent." Celoril put forward his point. I nodded in half-hearted agreement.
"But with less reach, you are more open to attack by enemies with longer weapons. Also, some, including myself, prefer the heavier long sword. It's weight causes extra damage, and it is, in my opinion, easier to wield. Of course you get the added advantage of--" My reply was cut short by a girlish squeal in front of us. I looked up to see Jen dashing off ahead with Firowen a step behind. After a moment's hesitation, both I and the elf beside me quickened our pace until we came alongside the newly deserted Narin.
"What happened?" Celoril asked. We both noticed that her face had turned an interesting shade of tomato red.
"…She…um…uh…she…insulted his…erm…" She paused, taking a deep breath. "…Manhood…" The fully-grown woman said the word like a child recounting a swear word to two very stern parents. I shrugged, not really seeing her point. I'd insulted countless men's…manhood and they'd never tried to chase me. Though on second thought, the fact that they knew I could break every bone in their body if they tried might have been a deterrent.
"Poor Firowen." It was Legolas at mine and Narin's shoulders.
"Why?" I asked, not seeing why he should gain any sympathy when she was the one being chased.
"Well, he's going to get any manliness he has left beaten out of him when Jen's decided she's tired of running." I grinned as I imagined Firowen grovelling for his life at a vastly smaller built Genévieve's feet. The more I thought about it, the more likely it seemed.
"I get the feeling we shouldn't leave the two of them alone." I remarked.
"Funny." The archer chuckled mirthlessly. "Me too." We looked at each other for all of a second. "We'll be back in a minute." We took off, trees whipping by us as we both hoped we reached the two before there was some kind of mishap. We found them in a clearing surrounded by a near perfect ring of elms. Jen had her hands on her hips, glaring at a somewhat insulted looking Firowen. I couldn't overhear the argument they were obviously having but they stopped as soon as we got anywhere close.
"Why were you guys running?" Asked Jen, brushing the incident off as if it had never happened.
"We were pretty sure that you'd have Firowen on an inch of his life by now." She feigned a look of shock.
"Me?" She twittered innocently. "Now, would I really hurt such a dear friend?" She smiled deviously, slipping an arm around his neck to prove her point, but from my vantage point, she was dangerously close to his jugular.
"Precisely." He captured her in a surprise bear-hug, squeezing so hard she was left breathless when he finally let go. She thwacked him in the stomach and whipped her golden curls over her petite shoulders haughtily with a little 'hmph!"
It was only now that I noticed how well managed the clearing looked. In the very centre was a scorched patch of earth that had obviously been the sight of a camp fire not so long ago. Arranged in an almost symmetrical manner, were four sturdy logs that looked strangely comfortable. Up to the tree line the grass was lush, green and had hardly a leaf on it. All this hinted that someone had looked after the circle.
"Is this the infamous 'somewhere'?" I asked to all of them, apparently the tension was too much for the three and neither looked willing to answer. Thankfully, they all gave me a half nod, though nothing so extravagant as a voiced response. 'Well…this isn't awkward in the slightest.' I sighed inwardly.
Tired, either of standing or the situation, Jen strolled to the nearest log and gracefully sat down. This action left the rest of us standing like disgruntled passengers on a bus, none willingly to take the only empty seat. Once again I felt that need to run, go as far as I could as fast as I could. Jen was spending an absurd amount of time straightening out her skirt, but this was obviously not an attempt to ward off wrinkles. After a while of strained silence, both Legolas and Firowen made an unspoken agreement to sit each taking up a space on the logs either side of the she-elf.
And there I was, left on my own in the middle of an argument I didn't even fully understand. I had some idea as to what the topic would be, but any details were too far shut behind their lips for me to get to. The fact was I could just tell they were waiting to see whose party I would join. I hated awkward situations. I couldn't see why people just bottled things up for years on end, some even having the stupidity to do it for a lifetime, when coming clean was so much easier and a lot more gratifying.
So there I was and lets just say a rock and a hard place was nothing compared to this. Personally, I didn't care whom I sat next to but they obviously did, and so I took the only safe option, Legolas. Besides, in the last twenty-four hours or so I was still no closer to answering my question and perhaps this would be of some help.
It wasn't long before the morbid silence was broken by soft voices making their way to us and soon after the others appeared through the dense foliage. Their smiling faces contrasted strongly with our sombre mood and each group looked out of place with the others scene. Tengaar headed up their group her chocolate curls glinting with the sun and complementing her complexion extensively. The others walked behind her slightly, almost as if this was a part of some abstract play and they were peasants, only fit to walk in the goddess shadow.
"So, what happened then?" Celoril asked as they came to a temporary standstill before taking up their places on the only available seating. Jen scowled slightly at the object of her annoyance, but it was one of those cases that blink and you would have missed it.
"Whatever do you mean?" Firowen replied, seemingly unfazed. The younger elf looked taken back for a second before he shook his head lightly and mouthed the words never mind.
"It seems like it's been forever since I last came here." Stated Tengaar, seemingly obliviously to the situation from her place on the other side of Legolas.
"No offence," I started. "But why exactly are we here?" I asked because the Prince's betrothed had said it like we'd stumbled into some sort of wonderland whereas personally I didn't see the big deal. "I mean it's nice and all, but I can't see what all the fuss is about…" I trailed off, they all had to some degree or another hurt puppy dog expressions on their faces.
"It's our…" Nolad tried to start but couldn't quite finish his sentence.
"It's our sanctity." Narin explained what the other could not. "Where we go to escape life at the palace, even the city." My brow crinkled slightly.
"…No, I'm not getting this, what exactly do you need to escape?"
"Everything." Voiced Celoril. "Dealing with our lives in general, all the hassles and stress--"
"Excuse me?" I butted in without thinking. "There are people out there who don't know where their next meal is coming from, who work each day till they can hardly move, for nothing. Who don't know if they'll live to see another sun rise because they don't own their lives and you're going on about stress!" I realised now who exactly it was I was telling off, but to tell the truth, I couldn't care less. Besides, when had I ever let something so trivial as titles deter me from saying what I thought? "I'm sorry, but I don't know how being waited on hand and foot can be deemed as stressful."
"You don't understand--"
"Understand what? It's a hard life never having to worry about your future, if you'll have to sell your soul to pay for the roof over your head?"
"No, that's not what I mean."
"Then what do you mean?"
"I know how it might be for someone like you--"
"Someone like me, it's not like I live in a pit…no wait, I do, and so, yes, that is probably why I find it so hard to believe that you could be going on about hassles. I've seen brothers killing each other over a scrap of food after a hard winter, yet you, you've been protected from that your entire life, don't you realise just how good you've got it?"
It was all too painfully quiet now. No one knew what to say, but I suppose that was to be expected. They were all looking at the ground; no one wanting to meet the others gazes. I wondered if I should feel remorse for my words, after all, they had taken me in, even accepted me as friend. Far more than what most others would have done.
"I'm sorry." I said, the words sounding lame to my ears. "I kind of understand, but…don't you think you're being a little selfish?" Still silence. "It's true I don't know the half of what you people experience, I've only been here for a little while in any case, but I still don't understand how you could think you're any worse off than the common people in the city." I trailed off, not really expecting a reply, and perplexed when I finally got one.
"You're right." Narin started. "I suppose most people would kill to be in our positions. But…" She looked into the fire that had slowly been built up by the joint effort from Nólad and Cer. "I remember the first time I went down into the city. Of course, my father insisted on this entourage accompanying me, which was just the last thing I wanted or needed. I heard these women talking in the marketplace. It shocked me, the things they would freely speak of in public. When they saw me, they instantly recognised who I was and suddenly got so formal and…I just felt really out of place…" She looked back up at me. "I remember wishing, more than anything in the world, that I could be just like them. Free to do whatever I wanted."
"The thing is," Firowen began in a surprisingly serious tone. "You really can't empathise that much. You have so much freedom that none of us have ever had. I doubt anyone's ever tried to hold you down, and you don't know what it feels like to always have someone you're trying to please. He looked down, a humourless smile on his face. "You don't know how much we envy you for being able to do whatever you want, whenever you want. Freedom is of far more value than status, wealth, possessions, anything that our lifestyle could offer."
In a strange way, I did understand what they were trying to get across. Not from personal experience, of course, Firowen was right, anyone who had the audacity to hold me back swiftly regretted it, but from watching others. I saw the way Arwen, the Elven Evenstar, daughter of Elrond the wise, cursed her heritage as she fell for a mortal. And now, I saw the way these high-ranking Elves longed for a simpler life. One free of duties and the constant expectations.
"If it makes any difference, I quite enjoy being waited on hand and foot. I just come here to bitch and moan about life in general." And just like that, again, Jen had broken the tension with another of her little comments. "And speaking of bitching, have you seen who, or what, Lúinwë picked up from East Lorien? Maglo…something? He has the personality of a brick wall. Literally."
"Oh, you mean Carnesîr? He's not so bad…" Tengaar defended.
"Sure, if you like people who count monosyllabic answers as an extravagance."
"Sure he has his moods, but…" A moment of thought." Oh wait, he doesn't. He's always like that." A shrug. "You're right."
~*~
"No, no, no, you're telling it all wrong." It was Legolas, for the last hour the group had been recanting me with tales of their childhood. The sky was utterly dark; a few stars visible through the natural skylight directly above us. "You didn't tell him to give it. After he told you that you couldn't have Woozles, you cried so hard I thought you were going to--"
"Okay!" Firowen interjected. "Stop right there! You're just trying to make me look bad. Woozles was a very important relic of my childhood." He added rather sincerely.
"Then what about your safety blanket?" Added Jen.
"What? What safety blanket? I never had one."
"You so did!" Narin laughed sweetly. "It was blue with little tassels around the edges and--"
"No! Enough!" He turned to the prince with a rather psychopathic look in his eyes. "Why don't we talk about Legolas now?"
"Oh no, I think we've already heard enough."
"Nonsense" I said, this was an opportunity that I was not going to miss. "It's only fair."
"Jen, come on, reason with him." He said, in desperation.
"Oh hun, you know I would, but I'm just so very tired."
"Narin?"
"Not a chance." She replied flatly.
"Tengaar, please, they'll listen to you."
"Oh no." She started gently. "I want to hear this, carry on."
"Well." Firowen began extravagantly. "I remember a time when Legolas couldn't shoot straight."
"No." I said, feigning a shocked expression.
"Oh yes." Cer said, surprisingly enough, his eyes grinning for him.
"Back when Legolas was nought but a little elfling." Jen reminisced. "What was her name? Alassea…?"
"No, that was the other one." Jen's face lit up gleefully. "Whom we're not going to talk about." She scowled.
"Fine. Well, anyway. There was this little Elf maid whom our little Prince had something of a crush on."
"Apart from the fact that she was about four times his age…" Firowen drawled.
"I was thirteen!"
"Yes, well." Jen silenced all thoughts of interruptions. "So entranced was he with his fair maiden that he made an attempt to impress her with his non-existent archery skills. In the end, of course, he missed the target by miles and ended up pinning her skirt to the ground." She let out something in between a giggle and a cackle. "She refused to speak to him, and left Legolas heart-broken." A communal 'awww' passed around, neglected only by Legolas, Cer and myself.
"Jen had to chase her off afterwards and comfort him." Firowen said, grinning at a smug-looking Genévieve.
"Oh! Oh! Oh!" Jen squealed. "Remember the time when--"
"No I do not remember the time when." Legolas stopped her in her tracks with a glare and a murderous tone. "Now can we please do something? Anything besides sitting around talking about our incredibly boring childhoods?"
"So what about you, Yuna?" Tengaar's question directed the camp's attention towards me. "I bet you had an interesting childhood." I was enjoying just listening and being bone-idle. Now I was being made to talk. Damn. I saw Legolas visibly cringing. He already knew, unlike the others, that this was something of a touchy subject. It was obvious Tengaar was trying her best to be friendly to me. I couldn't condemn her for being curious. I found myself answering, not in my usual 'no entry' fashion, but honestly.
"Well…" I thought for a while. "What about one of my earliest childhood memories?" There was a general affirmative murmur. "Let's see…I must have been about seven or eight. I was still living with my mother." I smiled at the memory of her face. "One of the Men there in our village…" I turned to Legolas. "The one on the road to Edoras." He gave a barely noticeable nod. "He played this instrument…it was like a small flute or something…"
"A piccolo?" Narin tried.
"Yes…how did you know that?"
"Guessed."
"Anyway…" I said, not believing her for a second. "He was playing it one time, and I thought it sounded so…" I grasped for the right word. "Beautiful, exotic…I found myself asking him if I could try it. I thought…" I laughed, sincerely. For one of the first times when recounting a memory. "I thought that if I had that little piccolo he was playing, I would sound just like him. He said yes, so I took it and blew as hard as I possibly could. I must have scared half the children around him away, because I let out the shrillest, loudest sound I'd ever heard." I laughed again, staring at the fire. "I got really frustrated because I couldn't sound like him…he said with a little practice I'd be better than him. I knew he was only joking, so I gave it back to him. But before I left, he gave it back. He had another one, and said I could have that one because, apparently…" I looked up, a perplexed expression on my face. "I was cute." Firowen openly laughed at this.
"And…he called…you…" His words were broken up by fits of laughter.
"Excuse you." I shot. "I might have been a vaguely cute child…"
"Might?" Narin questioned.
"Well, we didn't actually have any mirrors, so I could never really get a very accurate image…oh stop it!" Firowen toned it down to a chuckle.
"I don't doubt for a bit that you were an adorable little child." He started, gaining control of himself. "I'm just imagining a seven-year-old Yunalesca being called 'cute.'" There was a general snigger from the camp. I scowled.
"What are you implying?"
"Nothing. I'm just surprised he got away with his life." There was an 'mm' from Legolas' direction. I turned my glare to him.
"Do you have something to add?" I questioned, my eyes narrowing to slits.
"Do you still play?" Narin asked innocently. I shook my head.
"I stopped a good few thousand years back."
"But you remember, right?"
"No." I said carefully, catching on to her intent fairly quickly.
"Of course you do, you don't forget something like that. It's just like riding a horse."
"But I'm a very forgetful person." I implored.
"No you're not. How else would you remember something that happened over three thousand years ago?" Jen caught on as well, and took Narin's side, much to my dismay.
"Nólad, did you bring that…?" Narin let him work out the rest. He fished in his pack for a while, and, to my utter mortification, pulled out a brightly polished piccolo.
"No." I stated. "Just no." She opened her mouth to weave her way through my excuses. "Absolutely not. I will not, repeat, not, play that thing within a league's radius of any of you. There is no way in the flaming pits of Mordor you're going to convince me to, so don't even bother trying. Just no."
~*~
And there I was, my fingers remembering the patterns of their own accord as a gentle melody floated around the clearing. My eyes were halfway closed, focused intently on the pipe I held to one side. My breath was slightly shaky, my fingers stiff and unused, but I was surprised at just how much I was able to remember on the spur of the moment. I was still unsure as to how exactly I'd been roped into performing for these vultures, but there I was.
The final note hummed out, tinged with a final vibrato as I finally recalled the technique. I half expected to look up and see the entire circle covering their ears, identical cringes on their faces. I put down the piccolo, and glanced upwards apprehensively. What my eyes met, stunned me. Narin was smiling in her strange, appreciative way, Cer let the merest hint of a lip curl upwards, Firowen looked confused, and the rest of them looked halfway between stunned and mystified.
"Alright, I tried to warn you. A thousand years without practice is never a good thing." An attempt at a vague kind of irony provoked nothing.
"Wow…" Jen started. "That was…" She looked at me and beamed. "Pretty." Pretty? Well, not the worst I could have hoped for. It was an old tune that I remembered. I couldn't quite grasp when it was from, or why I chose to so deeply engrave the notes in my memory. It was a slow, haunting aria that strangely soothed me every time the notes skipped through my head.
"Beautiful." Narin agreed. There was a general nodding of heads. I didn't know what to think. They were probably just sparing my feelings. I didn't actually care too much what they thought, I tried to tell them that I was very under-practised, but they -- read: Narin -- ignored me, saying I should at least give it a try.
"Such a haunting melody." Legolas started, his voice unusually faraway. "Is it of your own composition?"
"No…I don't know where it's from, I...can't remember." He nodded.
"Are there lyrics?" A flash of a memory shot through my head. A low, woman's voice lulled out a verse, her song floating along with the rhythm.
"Probably. But I don't know them."
"I bet you do, and I bet you've got a voice that's just as good as your playing, and I bet you're just trying to get out of showing us." Narin said eagerly. I laughed, although it sounded like more like a cackle.
"Now you have to be joking. Me? Sing? I'm sorry, but I draw the line at playing. I admit that I was good once upon a time with my little piccolo, but my voice is something, rest assured, you do not want to hear." That was the truth. My voice was not something I would want to hear, let alone inflict it on other people.
"You're still good with that piccolo." Nolad stated. "You were probably better than Legolas, 'once upon a time.'"
"You play?" The question, directed at the Prince, did nothing but elicit a shrug and a half-hearted response.
"Not so much any more, I'm lending it to Nolad so he can try." I looked down at the little instrument, wondering how many other people's lips had played it.
"Interesting." I said. "And Nolad just happened to bring it with him?"
"No, I brought it just in case Legolas decided to play for us. If we don't find anything decent to talk about, that's what we do." He nodded down at his pack. It held a strangely shaped object in it, bits poking out at odd intervals.
"What else have you got in there?" He pulled out a derivation of a harp, more alike to a many-stringed lyre, and handed it to Jen. Now I was confused. "So…is that what you do here? Talk, bitch and play music?"
"Basically." Firowen agreed. "It's just things we do to unwind a little. You know, so we don't go insane." He said this slowly and pointedly to Jen, through clenched teeth. For the last minute or so since she'd acquired the instrument, she had started plucking out the same flat chord repeatedly, at intervals of a second or two. It was beginning to grate across his mind. She giggled and stopped the noise.
Genévieve yawned extravagantly, and lay her head on Cer's shoulder. Her eyes closed as his arm found it's way around her smaller form, hugging her close. No one acknowledged this as something out of the ordinary, but I had a hunch as to why I hadn't noticed it before when now it was blindingly obvious. Cer's self-esteem was at rock bottom, and if he was, indeed, courting someone as stunning as Jen, he would probably be nervous around others. Perhaps her parents disapproved of a Half-Elf for their daughter? I felt my jaw clench at the thought. I knew nothing for sure, of course. But I could make a fair assumption on what I'd gleaned from that little display. Jen opened her eyes a crack
"It's getting late, we've been here a good three hours." I looked upwards, noting the silky moonlight filter through the canopy. The forest was strangely pleasant in the hours before midnight. The not-quite-twilight dimness gave it a strangely ethereal appearance. The evening mist adding to the effect. I wouldn't be outside in the middle of this forest willingly, but I suspected the situation concerning the infestation of Orcs, Goblins and…spiders had improved greatly with the cleansing of the wood.
"Should we head back?" It was Narin, she too was critically examining the rising moon.
"Might as well." Said Firowen, and for the first time, I noticed that the fighters of the group each carried a long knife, discreetly at their hip. They seemed to rise up as one, each gathering anything of theirs from the little circle.
As in the journey up, the group split off into twos and threes in order to have their own conversations. The hum of several voices was the only noise in the otherwise deathly quiet forest. If only for the irony, I half expected an army of Orcs to come crashing through the underbrush any second now. I was disappointed when the only thing that burst through the trees was a squirrel. Currently, I was engrossed in a conversation with Firowen, Jen and, to my right, Narin. Cer was with Nolad, and Legolas and Tengaar with Celoril. In all actuality, the conversation consisted of me and Narin watching the other two argue playfully.
"Excuse me?" Jen, ever the raving feminist, objected. "Care to repeat that to the class?" She indicated us with a nod of her head, her arms firmly crossed over her chest.
"All I'm saying," Firowen repeated, sighing. "Is that all women are born evil. Some just realise their potential later in life than others." I laughed, Narin giggled, Jen glared.
"Aha ha." She added flatly, "Men are all the proof we need that women can take a joke…"
"I'm hurt!" He exclaimed, clutching his heart and turning to Narin for solace, knowing full well he would get none from me. She smiled, unsure, and made to say something, then she stopped and seemed to reconsider.
"Firowen, haven't you learnt a long time ago that you can't win against one, let alone three of us." Jen interjected, seeing her discomfort.
"Alas, 'tis true. And yet you too seem to forget what I keep telling you." He grinned. "The mysterious reason we act so tough and strong on the outside because on the inside, we are scared, weak, and fragile." His shoulders had hunched together, and his hands were drawn together over his heart as he recited this self-evident truth. He straightened. "And the horrifying thing about the mystery of woman is that there isn't one." He was thwacked roughly on the arm for that statement. "What? That wasn't even sexist--ow!" Jen hmph-ed.
"Serves you right."
"The two of you are very violent, you know." I said, adding to the conversation.
"Well that's what I thought, but if Jen's into that sort of thing, then who am I to complain?" The look in Genévieve's eyes was downright bloodthirsty as she lunged at him. Firowen leapt forward just in time to miss, her. She swivelled on her foot and made a grab for his shirt, but was held back by Narin holding on to her wrist like a child clinging on to a parent. The smaller girl was almost dragged forward, her heals digging in to the earth. I stopped myself from laughing, which was rather difficult on this occasion. Just at that moment, Cer came forward, wrapped an arm around her waist as he pulled her gently away from Firowen, and slung her over his shoulder. My mouth opened to say something, but nothing happened. Her hand had just latched onto his shirt, bawling the collar of the fabric in one fist when she was swept clean off her feet. The odd thing was, she didn't seem angry, just surprised as Cer carried on walking as if he wasn't supporting her entire weight on one shoulder.
I saw Celoril crack up into laughter as he watched what was no doubt his suggestion unfold. Jen had given up all thoughts of struggling within the first seven and a half seconds, and was letting herself be carried along like a sack of oats. Her head was propped up on one elbow, which rested on his back. Her eyes were narrowed into oddly feline-like slits at Firowen, who trailed along awkwardly with Narin.
What had just happened? I had no idea. It seemed like I had so much to learn yet. So much about this strange fellowship of friends. These people were unlike any I'd ever met. They were so blindly accepting. They didn't bat an eyelid at my appearance, my background, my home, anything. They just saw me, who I was now, my personality. I'd never thought I was a particularly easy or pleasant person to talk to, let alone try and befriend, but they had almost forced me into their little social circle. They listened with genuine interest at what I had to say, they were understanding about my reluctance to discuss anything personal with them, they even seemed happy to see me when I crossed paths with them.
For the first time in my long life, I understood what I'd missed out on. I understood why I envied the children playing in the orphanage. They looked my age, but mentally I was far ahead of them. I never fit in around them. If I ever tried to play with them, they'd either comment loudly and rudely, as children are wont, on my hair, or my mother supposedly being evil. There was nothing I could do to avert these rumours. I was just a child to their eyes, and they thought I was just trying to deny it. I aged like a normal human child, but my body aged like that of an elfling. It caused me no end of joy to know I was at least immortal. Although this was soon elevated by the swift discovery that a life without end was a life filled with boredom.
I was a terrible procrastinator. I wanted, no, needed to sail to Valinor. I was growing tired of this world, constantly changing for the worst. I wondered how quickly all memory of Elves would be wiped from the fickle and short-lived memories of Men once the last had departed these shores. I kept telling myself 'Just this one thing. This last accomplishment, this last favour. And then I will go.' The short trip to Rivendell was my absolute last on the list of debts I felt I owed.
Now…I wondered if I really wanted to go so soon. For the first time I felt as if I had something to stay for, small as it was. It was strange to hope, but comforting at the same time that they might miss me. I didn't know why I cared so much. The feeling was alien to me. I wasn't used to people being so kind. It interfered with my set views that I was alone in this world. There was no place for someone like me. I'd pollute the beauty of Lothlorien, invade the calmness of the Dell, outlive the cities of Men. Here…it was hard to say…but I actually, for the first time, felt as if I ,might have belonged.
A.N. Promise, the Aragorn bit will be in the next chapter, as will the tournament thing. As for Tengaar, you'll just have to wait and see what happens to our self-proclaimed Sue.
(P.S. the names Tengaar and Hix (soon) are both from Suikoden II. Great game.)
Reviews: From now on, like the whore I am, I'll only be pissed to reply to constructive criticism, points or questions, because most one-liners don't really need a reply other than 'Thanks.'
Sylvia Viridian: I, too, despise the first chapter. And bits of the second, and mot of the first, etc. Generally because this was started almost a year ago (eek!)
Jmmart11: Yes! I was so afraid no one would get the whole twist thing! I was so pround of that idea. The logistics behind it will be explained in a thing that we have planned called "The Authouresses' apology" featured after the last chappie. And, taking your advice, my neglected coursework is sitting in a corner rotting in its own Evil coursework-y evilness.
" ": cool name. Trust me, it's not sad. I do it all the time. Kind of like when you're searching for a snack in the fridge, find nothing, then look again five minutes later as if something new has perhaps materialised.
Sweet-legolas: Betrothed is like another word for fiancée or bride-to-be, whatever.