Chapter X

Cut Me from the Inside

HDM: I'm soo mean...muahahaha

In Squee's POV

Love and Lust are twins...

I never remember any fun times but only the bad. I never thought I could ever have fun. My parents can be responsible for that. Being with Brittany is fun and all, but I don't feel anything when I'm with her. I wish I did, because she's really fucking hot to feel like that. I mean, yeah I don't want to be a dick and break it off because "there's no magic" because no one has magic anymore. Magic isn't real...

I got outside after class for a brief moment. I needed a breath of...polluted air. I thought I was alone, I was wrong. "Todd is a basterd!" I hear behind me. I turn around to see Pepito smoking a cigarette and smirking slightly. "Pepito's an asshole" I replied tirelessly. This goes on every time we see eachother. Some days I think we mean it. I walk over to him as he snuffed out the cigarette. He's changed, I know he has. He won't tell me but he's different than what he was a year back. I don't remember but I know he was happier. Why is it so blurry? I don't really understand why it is because I don't remember anything.

"Were those big-bad jocks picking on you, again?" he asked with a cruel baby with sarcastic undertones. "Oh yeah I had to cry me widdle eyes out and go find my mommy..." I replied with the same baby voice. He gives me a hug. "It's okay, mummy's here." I pushed away but he just laughs. I couldn't help but smile, he's such a jackass. He stops laughing and looks over in a window. I think he saw someone he knew. "So, how's Brie?" I asked. He turns and frowns. "Did you hear anything...about..." I try to ask. "No, she's keeping the baby..." he hoarsly replied.

"What? Like, no adoption?" I ask stupidly. I don't know but I would think that Pepito would be the first to know. "No, she's so fucking stubborn...she won't listen to me!" he growled. My eyes widen, I never saw him so angry about anything, but yeah they are close friends. It makes me wonder if they weren't ever closer. But, that's a thing all together. He looks apologeticly to me, as if he was yelling directly at me. "I'm sorry Todd, I shouldn't of snapped..." he looks sheepishly toward the ground. I bite my lip out of habit but just shake my head. "It's cool, dude, I know how you're not too happy about it, you're looking out for her, that's all." He shakes his head. "Yeah...I looked out for her alright..." he spats.

The bell rings, breaking this awkward conversation. We both look at the door and start walking. "Hey, want a ride?" he asks me. I cock my head, he just changed his tune quick. "Yeah...sure that's great." I said with a smile. He nods and we break off to our separate classes. I walk in a fluid motion with the crowd. He's acting really weird, I don't know what's his deal. But, oh well, he probably has a lot to do.

After school came too slow for my taste. I look around to find his car. I bump into someone without looking. "Sorry..." I say but I look to see it was Brie. She gives me a smile. "Squee, have you been avoiding me? Am I too awsome for you?" she asks sacastically. "I'm not worthy of your awsomeness." I replied with a grin. She laughs as we start walking together. "How's things?" I ask her. She chopped her hair shorter, part of it hangs to the side, emo-style she calls it. "Oh, nothing really new, I was wondering if you saw Pepito..." she asks me. "He's giving me a ride so let's go find him."

We finally Pepito; he was talking to a group of the official "Goth" kids in the corner. They seem to be in negotiation 'bout something I have no idea. The Goth kids don't really care for me, they say that my stories are too dark to come from me. That got me pissed off, so just because I don't dress in black and wear mascara I can't write the way I feel? They left me alone suddenly but I didn't think much on it. Pepito's two-toned red eyes glimmered slightly when caught sight of us. He slips something in his pocket and heads in our direction. "Ready?" he asks but then sees Brie. "Oh...hey Brie, wanna hitch a ride?" he asks, almost like he was nervous.

"Um, yeah that would be great..." she says, staring at his pocket. We head for his car which wasn't too far off. I hop in the back and the two get in simultaneously. For about two minutes it was utter silence but the radio. "So..." Brie started, "How's your love life been, Todd?" If I didn't know any better, I could've sworn Pepito flinched. Brie looks at him but then back at me. "It's been fine, nothing to report..." I say without a care really. Pepito drums on the steering wheel rapidly. "Pepito...are you okay?" I asked him. He quickly stops and lets out a laugh. "I'm cool, don't worry about it..." he says quickly.

"The speed is getting to you..." Brie mummbled. He turn his head and glared. "Bullshit, I haven't touched the shit..." he said. "Today?" she finished. He tried to say something but lost his voice. He took a moment, probably to choose his words right. "Okay, I give up, why are you being a bitch with me now?" Ouch, the b-word, they must be at it. "Well, I don't know, maybe because you're getting drugs from Them AGAIN!" she yells. "Oh my God just drop it!" he yells back. We come to a red light. "Maybe I should go..." I say but no one will let me out. The car's a 2-door so I just can't open the door and run.

"Pepito, you gotta give it up! I told you that drugs won't help!" she yells in like a motherly tone. "Oh, and I suppose I could do something else." he snaps. "You already do..." she replies. I stifiled a laugh, they both look at me. "Todd, is he right or wrong?" she asks. Shit, she trapped me. I bite my lower lip nervously. They stare at me, awaiting for the responce they want to hear. "I think..." I started, "That you guys have issues that I don't need to hear." Brie's eyes widen. "You don't care?" Those words would've stung if I did. "No, you're right Todd, you don't need to hear this bullshit from us, you probably already hear it." Pepito sticks up for me. Brie shakes her head. I know she means well, this pregnant mood swings isn't going to be easy.

I get dropped off in front of my house but that doesn't mean I want to go in right now. I think I'll walk over to Johnny's house, maybe he's around. Well, he's basically a shut-in except he's morbidly skinny and has a lust for homicide. I walk across the lawn but I step over the "lumps" in the earth. I remember not to ring the doorbell, to Johnny's dismay, and I knock thee times, to let him know it's me. The door opens by itself, creaking slowly but loudly. I step in and look around. Everything looks normal, in the sense that you think the smell of flesh is normal. I look behind me, Johnny is there with a grin.

"Johnny!" I yell, falling on my arse. He just laughs, a cruel and sadistic laugh but that's the only one he knows. He gives me a hand and then squeezes me tight. "Oh Squee-gee! I missed you sooo much!" he screams like he hasn't seen me in years. I haven't been visiting much, actually. I felt kinda guilty, I didn't mean to it's just high school is such a bitch. "Um..." I let out so intelligently, "I'm sorry I haven't been around?" He lets go, allowing me to breathe, and he walks into the kitchen. I follow but I stop in front of a door. It was the basement door, the door that will lead you to your worst nightmare, even then it's worse than that. You'll never see the light after you descend into the living and deadly torture. He says that it's their fault but...still...

Nny pokes me in the arm, snapping me out of the trance. I look at him and just grin, hoping he doesn't suspect I'm plotting against him. Once he thought that...he had me tied upside down to a fire until I "revealed" my secret. I just told him that I was going to kill a bug...for some strange reason he started going into monologue about how this "Mr. Samson" is plotting against him and I saved him. He let me down of course, but I did get rope burns and couldn't sleep for a week. That, actually, was a nice change.

"You want Spaghettios?" he asks. I nod a 'yes' and I go into the kitchen to sit down. I look around, black and white tiles and rotted out cabinets. Wow, like every other nice kitchen in America...watch the sarcasm bite my ass on this one. "So how's the lil' devil?" he asks me. I just shrug as I play with a piece of lint. "Fine, if you think the whole 'drugs, sex, and rock and roll' thing is normal..." I say with a bittersweet notion. Johnny looks over but says nothing. Those cold eyes know something I don't, but that's always the case with us. I'm naive compared to him, he's got this knowledge so forbidden that maybe the gods don't even have access to. "Well, I hope that works for him...usually makes you like a million other fucks that pollute this earth toilet but hey..." he states with a sickened tone.

I walk back to my house, it's about six o'clock so they may not be around. I shove the key into the lock and jerk it around. I can hear the clicking of the locks, granting me access to my horrific abode. A stench of liquor hits my nose when I step in. I almost gag on the fowl oder. I start for the steps but I feel someone's hand around my shirt. In one second I'm down on the hard floor and my father towering over me. "Boy, do you know what day it is?" he hissed. My eyes widen, no not today. He grabs me by the collar so we're eye level. "It's..." he began, "Make Daddy Happy Day"

What 'Make Daddy Happy Day' is basically beat the living shit out of me until I'm almost unconscious. You also add in sayings like 'Why didn't the birth control work with you!' or my personal favorite 'Why did you come back home when we left you at the gas station on purpose!' and using salt and other acids to burn the fuck outta me.

I scream for someone to help me but nothing comes out. I've grown quite accustomed to living with these harsh words and actions. I honestly don't care if I wake up to the sun burning in my eyes or if I wake up in the fiery pits of hell. Apathy has grown in rather Depression or Anger. Personally, I like it better. I'm less emotional so my social skills haven't approved but who needs that? Not caring is the best thing I could've done for myself.

The whips and chains lash against my bare back but I do not scream. The hot liquids poured across my sensitive body doesn't make my teeth grind. I do not give my father the satisfaction he wants...he wants to see me suffer. He sends me up to my room without supper, I'm used to it by now. I run upstairs but I turn into the bathroom. I scramble through the medicine cabinet to get bottles. One by one I pop a pill into my mouth, night after night. It keeps me level headed and my pain numbed a bit. I walk back into my room and I peer out my window. I look, the skies are turning into a dark indigo hue. Such beauty, the only beauty I can ever see...and yet it mocks me. The nature of beauty mocks me because I cannot ever have something that precious.

Suddenly, a flicker of red shot across the ground...

Lovely Rose

I peer upon the lovely rose
So tender and poised
The sinuous features
Ever so perfect
The ruby hue glistens
It forms a circle
Around the lovely rose
That's now deceased

End of Chapter X

HDM: sorry I cut it short I'm too tired, I'm gonna work on my south park one now...