HEY GUYS! SORRY THIS CHAPTER TOOK SO LONG AND THAT IT IS SO SHORT, I'VE HAD QUITE THE WRITERS BLOCK. PLUS, MY PUPPY BROKE IT'S LEG AND I'VE HAD MY COLLEGE CLASSES TO GET THROUGH SO I'VE BEEN BUSY BUSY. THIS CHAPTER IS A P.O.V CHAPTER SO IF IT SEEMS REALLY CHOPPY THEN THAT IS WHY. I TRIED TO MAKE IT SOUND LIKE JUMBLED THOUGHTS. HOPE YOU LIKE IT.
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Jacks P.O.V
I kissed him.
I was in major trouble.
I had no idea what to do now.
These three things I knew.
Oh my god Bobby was probably just waiting down there. Waiting for me to come out. No way was that happening anytime soon. I'd already pushed my desk in front of the door just in case Bobby had followed me up and I wasn't moving it until tomorrow morning.
I didn't even know why I was freaking out like this. I mean, Bobby had said he would never hurt me and I trusted him. If it wasn't for Derek then I'd probably still be down there taking part in that out-of-this-world kiss , instead of hiding in my room like a little girl. Fucking fairy.
I'm so pathetic! I didn't want to believe him when he'd started telling me that but it was true, I couldn't deny it now! I've let myself be backed into this place and I have no idea how to get out. For years I've dreamt of Bobby, felt disgusted with myself for thinking it; Ma raised us as brothers! Eventually I accepted it, even if I knew it could never happen.
Derek.
Derek is the biggest mistake I've ever made but at the time all I knew was that Bobby would never want me so I took whoever did. I thought that maybe he could stop the hurt for awhile, but he just brought more. Soon I stopped feeling the pain from the hits, stopped caring when he'd let his friends paw at me. I wasn't worth real love. I never was.
Ma took me in out of the kindness of her heart after nobody else would and she kept me safe. I took it with me though……all the pain, the hate, the disregard, and even though I would always remember the love Evelyn gave me… the first time Derek's fist hit me it all came back.
Now I'd screwed things up royally with Bobby. How could I just throw myself on him like that! There he was going on about how he would always be there for me and I give him a damn good reason why he should just run the other way….forget we were ever brothers….forget we were ever anything.
I'm so stupid!
Oh ya, good job Jack, keep crying.
The look on Bobby's face when we pulled back from our kiss keeps replaying in my head. He looked so perfect, peaceful, and then I had to ruin it by remembering I was Derek's used goods, remembering that I was sitting in our dead mothers house kissing a man that I'd been raised to think of as my brother.
I'd come to terms with the love I have for Bobby, I knew it could never be just brotherly affection anymore….but Bobby still thought of me as his little brother, his little Jackie.
Had I ruined all that?
I mean sure he was kissing me back, but he could have just been caught up in the moment. Could've been thinking about one of the many girls he's been with over the years.
So, once again I'm forced to come to terms with the fact that Bobby and I can never be like that, except this time I know exactly what I'm missing out on.
I just… hope he'll be able to forgive me.
I still have Derek to deal with.
Bobby P.O.V
He's sitting up there right now. Probably curled up on his bed, maybe strumming his guitar to calm down. I don't know for sure, and it hurts to admit that.
When did Jack become so complicated? Was it when I started to love him as more then a brother? Is it because I'm just reading too much into it?
I don't know.
The only things that I know right now are 1. I'm so damn confused it's not funny, 2.There is nothing in this world that's gonna stop me from kissing Jack again, and 3. I've got a bag of melted ice on the crotch of my pants .
I can't believe that fucker gave my Jackie a black eye. God, who knows what else he's done to him!
Is that why he ran from me? He's scared I'm gonna hit him or treat him like that? No, it can't be that, Jack knows I'd never do that to him…… but what else could it be?
I'm so fucking confused.
Finally something happens between us, something I could've sworn Jack wanted too, and he runs!
I hope I can deal with this shit better tomorrow. There's no way I can stay away from him now…now that I know what I've been missing.
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The next chapter should have an apppearance by Derek with a little bit of Jeremiah and Angel, as well as a little bit of romantic action. No promises though so don't hold it against me if I go with something different.