Disclaimer: I don't own Yami no Matsuei or any of its characters. I just borrowed them to satisfy such man-eating plot bunnies that resulted to the fic. Hanako, Chiaki, Ryu and Kuroyanagi-san are the only characters that I made up. Well, here is the new installment to the series! Enjoy!
While You Were Sleeping Chapter 6
(The Only When I Sleep sequel)By elana-chan
"…no need to stay the night. We can take care…"
"…insist. It was my fault that he…"
Oriya gradually came into consciousness hearing soft voices talking near his presence. Gradually opening his eyes, he noticed the familiar interior of his room in the private quarters of the Ko Kaku Rou. Only the soft glow of the moon bathed his surroundings, telling Oriya that it was already late in the evening.
As his mind finally caught up with his body, Oriya's memories of what happened that afternoon returned. Appearing in his dreams and now in the flesh, Muraki finally confirmed that he was still alive and decided to finally grace the world with his presence. And now, it seemed that he also wanted to grace the swordsman's life with his presence as well.
Why? Why now Kazutaka? When I've finally decided to let all of my feelings for you go…
Oriya brought a hand up to his eyes and tried to will the tears at bay. He was not going to shed tears for that bastard. He'd shed enough tears already.
The voices outside his room had eventually quieted down to whispers, becoming a balm to calm Oriya's turbulent emotions. The whispers finally stopped and the sound of movement at the door alerted him. Trying to sit up despite the weakness he was feeling, Oriya tried to compose himself enough to salvage his image after fainting like what happened earlier.
"Oriya-sama? You're finally awake! We were getting worried."
Hanako entered the room and noticed Oriya's conscious state. She moved to light the small lantern near his futon to better examine the brothel owner. Despite his quarters having electricity, Oriya preferred to have as little illumination in his room as possible. He had always wanted to enjoy the night with the eerie glow of the moon.
"How are you feeling, Oriya-sama? The doctor said that it was stress, coupled with your anemia. I've told you too many times to always take your medication but you've always been a stubborn one."
"I'm very sorry to have worried you Hanako-san." Oriya could only apologize to the mother-hen-of-a-cook. Telling her the true reason would only make her worry more. Remembering the voices outside his room a bit earlier, Oriya decided to make an inquiry about it to the matronly cook.
"Oh. Kuroyanagi-sama insisted that he stay here and help in taking care of you. He feels that it was his fault that you had that fainting spell. It's almost midnight and he still won't go home. I've argued that you might not like it that he spent the night here but he was persistent."
Oriya was quite surprised at Hanako's words. He never thought that the maestro would worry like that over him. He was used to his staff worrying about his welfare. But a man he had just recently met?
"He's not Muraki-san, Oriya-sama. Kuroyanagi-sama cares. It's about time you experience some caring aside from ours, Oriya-sama. You're so used to giving yourself to others that you always forget about yourself."
Hanako had read the question in his mind. And answered it quite bluntly. Oriya didn't mind the woman's lack of tact. He needed the answer to be like that anyway.
You have to be lectured by Hanako-san just to stop comparing Tetsuya to Kazutaka. They are not the same person, Oriya. They're DIFFERENT.
At Oriya's silence, Hanako heaved a heavy sigh and stood up to leave. She looked at the motionless man before turning towards the door.
"I'll get you something to eat and your medicine. Should I tell Kuroyanagi-sama that you are already awake?"
"Hai. Please send him here. I need to speak to him anyway. And please prepare a room for Tetsuya-san."
"As you wish."
Hanako left, closing the door soundlessly with a practiced ease. Quite exhausted by trying to remain sitting up, Oriya let his body fall back to his futon and waited for Tetsuya to come.
Minutes have passed when footsteps sounded outside the hallway. Moments later, a knock was heard and Oriya announced for the other to come in. Tetsuya entered the swordsman's room with a bit of hesitation, a tray on his hands.
Oriya made an effort to sit up again and face his guest. Tetsuya saw this and immediately went to the swordsman's aide. As the maestro helped Oriya get settled in his futon and set the food before him, he couldn't help but think over what Hanako had said a while ago.
/It's about time you experience caring aside from ours, Oriya-sama./
"Oriya-san, daijoubu?"
Tetsuya's soft tenor voice broke his musings, making Oriya focus on what the other was saying. The maestro was looking at him with such clear concern in that handsome face that so resembled Kazutaka. He gave the other man a small smile to convey his gratitude and at the same time, assure Tetsuya that he was feeling all right.
"Thank you for your concern, Tetsuya-san. You really shouldn't have bothered carrying my meal. Hanako would have gladly done it for you. After all, you are our guest."
"I requested it, Oriya-san. I'm not your guest anymore. I'm your friend. And friends help each other. I'm glad to be of help anyway." Tetsuya shook his head, a warm smile gracing his handsome features.
Tetsuya's words stuck a chord in Oriya's heart. Friends help each other. Oriya's friendship with Muraki had never been like that. It was always Oriya who helped Muraki. He never once asked help from the silver-haired doctor. He was so into the thought that he could help save Muraki from the hell he had plunged himself into, prioritizing Muraki's welfare over his own woes.
Hanako was right. I've been stupid and blind not to see my own problems, being so focused on helping Kazutaka with his own. So stupid…
Tetsuya had started speaking again, capturing Oriya's wandering attention once again.
"And I feel it was my fault that this happened to you. I should have heeded Hanako-san's warning about your condition. It gave me quite a scare, seeing you fall into my arms unconscious like that. I am very sorry of not noting your health when I asked you that favor of touring me here in Kyoto."
"You have no reason to say sorry, Tetsuya-san. I really wanted to tour you here. But it seemed that my body had not cooperated at that time. There is really no need to be guilty. The fault is on me and not on you."
Oriya gave the other man a reassuring smile. Tetsuya returned it with a smile laden with gratitude and relief. Silence then came over them as the maestro helped Oriya to eat his food and drink the medicine the doctor had issued. Tetsuya then helped the other get settled in his futon as Oriya prepared to sleep. As the violin maestro was about to leave the room, Oriya called out to him.
"Thank you so very much for today, Tetsuya-san."
"It's my pleasure, Oriya-san. After all, we are friends. Oyasumi."
After Tetsuya left, Oriya was left to his own thoughts once again. Hanako's words and the conversation between him and Tetsuya made question all the things he had done for Kazutaka. He had been selfless when it came to the silver-haired doctor. He gave and gave, not waiting for anything in return. In the end, it was he who suffered.
Maybe this time, I can stop being selfless and be a bit selfish. I only wanted to feel what it is to be really loved. Maybe this time…
Oriya fell asleep with those thoughts in his mind.
The feeling of a presence that was both achingly familiar and strange at the same time pulled Oriya from the peaceful confines of Morpheus and into the harsh world of the waking. He gradually opened his eyes, taking time for them to adjust to the darkness of his room. From the position of the moon in his window, Oriya assumed that it's in the wee hours of the morning. The silence pervaded his quarters, as if the whole house was holding its breath in anticipation to his next action.
Waiting for a few moments, Oriya kept up the hope of that presence going away. He had pinpointed its location, a spot in his private garden that held memories of a certain silver-haired doctor. Minutes ticked by but the presence had not left, extinguishing what little hope Oriya had.
Don't be such a coward, Oriya. You couldn't run away from him then. Why run away now?
Oriya heaved a deep sigh of resignation to what his inner voice said. It was right after all. He'd tried to run away from his feelings for Kazutaka before, knowing what would happen if he would let himself fall for the silver-haired man. He hadn't succeeded before. How could he even succeed now when the other man already have his heart?
Testing his strength, Oriya managed with such painful slowness to stand and made his way towards the door that led to his private gardens. Grabbing his haori in protection for the cold night and as an emotional shield, the swordsman opened the door silently and made his way towards the lone cherry tree in the garden.
As expected, a figure was waiting there, his back facing Oriya. The swordsman didn't need to see the other's face to figure who the figure was. Just the mere presence of the other man in his property is enough to know the other's identity.
"Kazutaka."
Just uttering that single word charged the air with an unknown tension. Oriya could feel himself tense as the last syllable left his mouth. But it seemed not to affect the other man before him. Instead, Muraki turned to face him with such grace and calm that irked Oriya. How can the man remain calm when the tension was so thick anyone could cut it with a knife?
The man was still handsome as ever. Not a single hair was displaced. It was as if that farewell had never happened and here was Muraki again for a visit in the Ko Kaku Rou. He was still garbed in his traditional whites, making him look like a fallen angel who had landed in Oriya's garden from the way the moon's rays illuminated his figure.
"Oriya. Hisashiburi desu ne?"
The bastard had the audacity to give him a greeting and smile like he hadn't said goodbye to him and promised never to come back! Oriya's blood began to boil. All the hurt, pain, sadness, depression and anger that he had felt and kept within him after Muraki's farewell all those months came surfacing up and was making Oriya lose his control. Trying not to make an idiot out of himself and wake the whole household, Oriya reined his temper in and took a deep calming breath before speaking.
"I think I heard it clear in your 'farewell' speech that I'm never going to see even a single strand of that silver hair of your in my property. So why show up now?"
That came out more harshly than Oriya intended. But he had every right to let out his frustrations on the doctor. He was the cause of it all anyway.
Muraki was silent for a moment. This caught Oriya's attention and he looked at the doctor's reaction to what he had said. That handsome face was shadowed by moon-kissed hair, hiding the doctor's reaction from the view of the swordsman. Finally, Muraki looked up and Oriya can't help but let out an audible gasp of surprise to see an emotion in those silver eyes. An emotion he thought in a million years never to see in those haunting silver orbs.
Sorrow. Regret. Most surprising of all is that these expressions were earnest.
But it seemed the surprise was not over. Muraki's next words sped up the beating of Oriya's heart, the swordsman trying to convince himself that all of this is not a dream.
"I am sorry for all the sorrow and pain I've caused you, Oriya. I've known all along your feelings and yet I abused them and used you. I know an apology is not enough. That's why I'm here to make things right again. For me. For us."
Oriya didn't whether to laugh or to cry at Muraki's words. Muraki admitting that he has used Oriya brought back a ton of pain that he had kept at bay for years. He knew in his heart that Muraki was using him but his heart denied what his reason was saying. It was also laughable for Muraki to say that there was an 'us' in a first place. Muraki didn't even acknowledge his presence when he didn't need any strings pulled for him.
Deciding that he would never cry in the presence of the other man, Oriya chose to laugh instead. His laughter came out with a bitter tone, perfect for what he was about to say in response to Muraki's words.
"Since when did you learn to have humor, Kazutaka? After all these months, you show up just to make a joke? There was never an 'us', Kazutaka. I had thought of that also those years ago. But I realized I was just humoring myself."
Oriya looked away from Muraki's handsome face to stare at the moon that was making its way across the starry sky. He didn't want to let the other see his attempt of keeping the tears at bay. Taking a calming breath to compose himself, Oriya continued.
"You were right when you said that an apology is enough. So what are you going to do now, Kazutaka? Do you really think that it's that easy to make things 'right' again? Since when did they ever become right? Does this mean you're going to use me again? Just like you did all those years ago?
"Why now, Kazutaka? Why say all of these when I've finally convinced myself to move on, now that Tetsuya had shown up? Is that Shinigami not enough for you? Or you just got tired of chasing him?"
Oriya knew he was ranting and that his voice was starting to break but he didn't care. He needed to let all of his frustrations out. He didn't care if Muraki saw him lose his composure. If he'd known that he had been using Oriya all those years, surely he must have known that Oriya had shed tears for him, too.
"I'm tired, Kazutaka. My emotions can't take such sadness and depression any longer. My heart's exhausted from dealing with the hurt that you gave me. I'm tired of giving myself for you to use and break all you want. I've had enough of the role of the martyr, Kazutaka.
"Now that I've had a taste of genuine appreciation of myself — that someone valued my not because of looks or money or power but of myself — I wanted that to last. Can you give me that, Kazutaka? Have you really changed? Enough to stop staining your hands and mine with innocent blood? Enough to act like a perfectly normal human being and love like one?"
Oriya ended his words in a whisper, his voice near its breaking point. He couldn't face the other man, fearing the expression on the doctor's face.
You've burned all your bridges, Oriya. There's no turning back. If he leaves, it's better for you in the end.
Oriya couldn't help but agree with his thoughts. There really was no turning back. He wouldn't let himself be hurt again. He had to say those words to get Muraki to see that he will not be used anymore.
Silence reined in the small garden. Tension lingered in the air as Oriya waited for Muraki's answer. Minutes seemed to pass and yet no answer from the other man. Oriya gave a resigned sigh as the silence went on.
I guess what he's feeling now is not enough to convince him to change. This is the end then.
Oriya was about to go inside and leave the other man in the garden. But the deep baritone of the other man's voice stopped him in his tracks. And the words that followed made him turn around to face the doctor, chocolate brown eyes widening with disbelief and a bit of hope.
"I cannot answer all your questions for tonight, Oriya. But I assure you that I have indeed changed and I'm willing to prove it to you. That I've changed enough to be worthy of your forgiveness…"
And love. Was the unspoken words. And Oriya knew that from the silver-haired man's eyes. Eyes that were once cold and deadly were now holding emotions of love and even hope.
Muraki then moved to lessen the distance between them and softly took hold of Oriya's hand. The doctor brought it up to his lips, placing a soft chaste kiss on the back of the hand before placing a single white rose, thorns already taken out, on a stunned Oriya's palm.
"Oyasumi, Oriya."
With such parting words, the silver haired doctor vanished into the night. Oriya could only stare at the spot where Muraki was last standing.
Going back to sleep, Oriya's dreams were filled with haunting silver eyes and soulful blue ones.
To be continued…
Author's notes:
I am so very sorry dear readers for the delay of this chapter. I got so hooked on my classes and reading doujinshis that I got a bit lazy in making this chappie. Not only that. My loyal laptop, 003, crashed coz of some damn virus. Argh! I hafta wait for 2 weeks until the people at the shop finally fixed him. (sniff) So tragic really. So I'm very very very sorry! Gomen nasai! So sorry for the typos and grammar errors that my beta happen to miss. We've been both very busy that's why our minds have turned into mush. Argh! Darn academics! Darn professors!
Anyways about the story, I know Muraki is a bit OOC
Oriya: A bit! He's like a freakin' alien!
Muraki: That's not true. I can be like that when I want to, Ori-chan. I'm just not in the mood to make a fool of myself.
Oriya: What does that mean, Kazutaka!
Anyways ignore them. They like to bicker. I know Muraki is OOC here but he's changed people! I just had to make him act like that to make the plot in my head work. And I guess Muraki really needs to be humble sometimes. The bastard's abusing Oriya too much.
Oriya: That's right! Hmp!
Tetsuya: I agree. So Oriya-san, when's our next date? (Beta Spare's Note: Yay Tetsuya-san! Yay!)
Muraki: Get out of here, pest. (BS' Note 2: Boo, Muraki! Hiss! Boo!)
Tetsuya and Muraki glare at each other. Oriya just sighs then proceeds to nap because Hanako's watchful eyes have been eyeing him lately.
What troublesome characters! I think this fic is almost at its end. Only a few more chapters and it's done. Well, that depends on the circumstances that might influence me and my writing. But I really need to finish this because I'm starting on another MurakixOriya fic. Well, I hope the lazy bug doesn't get a piece of me or it might take a month or more before I update.
Thanks to all those people to reviewed and read this fic! I'm so happy that people even bother to read and review this. I'm so thankful to you people! Much thanks to those who made this their favorite fic and also made me one of their favorite authors because of this fic. I'm so touched people! Wai! I love you people! Cookies and blueberry cheesecake for everybody! Tea or coffee will be served upon request. Hehe
Anyways, I'll try to be a good author and update as soon as possible. Till next time people! Keep those reviews coming! Ja!
Thanks to you people! I so love you all and your reviews! More cookies for you!
Jadeth - thanks for the review! we're keeping muraki in the story. i had a debate with my beta about the subect of killing tetsuya. she loved tetsuya and the guy sorta grew on me. so we decided to keep them both! let oriya-chan decide ne? hehe hope to see your review in this chappie!
Shieru - thanks! i never thought people would like this fic since it's not the usual yami no matsuei pairing. and people love pairing muraki with either hisoka or tsuzuki. but since i loev oriya-chan i gave him muraki. ehehe well, here's the next installment! hope you like it! i kept tetsuya alive btw! a blueberry cheesecake for you and that lovely review!
Anukaliate - wai! are you psychic or what! you read what's on my mind when i started writing this fic! you're right. it gets predictable that the competition gets killed off before the competition even starts. and our dashing gentleman tetsuya-san starts to grown on you ne? he's just so lovable sometimes when i was writing his character. well, here's the next installment! hope you like it! i'm looking out for your review! and a nice slice of blueberry cheesecake for you!
Mel-chan-of-doom - wai! i'm so sorry mel-chan! this chappie got in soo late ne? gomen! oh! the tea! and another slice of cake for you since i so love reading your reviews! hope you like this chappie!
Hana - well, in the story muraki sorta became a vampire. it will be explained as the story progresses. tetsuya's like that coz i dunno. he sorta came out like that when i was writing the story. maybe coz oriya-chan need a little lovin' like that in his life since he never got that from muraki. but you're right. muraki's more interesting. hehe thanks for the review! hope to see more of your reviews! and before i forget, a very nice slice of cake for you!