I just want to say thank you to everyone who reviewed the previous 3 chapters of this fic. I'm really grateful for your kind words and I feel very fortunate that there are people out there who not only take the time to read my fics, but to review also. I'm so glad you are enjoying my very first That 70s Show fic. I hope the rest of the fic doesn't disappoint. I would, ideally, like to address every reviewer individually, but there was such a great response to this fic I couldn't possibly. I just want everyone to know, I really appreciate the support and I thank you. :) -Ally

Chapter Four

He stood outside the door, his arm raised and his hand in a fist, ready to knock. But he couldn't move. He just stared at the numbers in front of him. He knew she was in there, alone. Fez was back at the basement. She was in there, packing. Packing to leave his life and as much as his heart screamed at him to go in there and stop her before he lost her for good and with her himself, he just couldn't move.

Hyde had worked himself up the whole ride over to talk to her. Really talk, without putting up the zen walls and let her yell and scream and cry until she was no longer angry and she could take him back. But somewhere in his mind he knew that wasn't what was going to happen. He could, and he would, let her yell and scream and cry but she wouldn't take him back after. She would need time. So as he stood there frozen to the spot, he told himself he was there to talk her into time.

She taped up the second last box and turned at the sound of a knock at the front door. Striding over she opened the door with a smile that quickly dropped when she saw him. She knew why he was there. At least she had two guesses. Either to mock her, to taunt her like he'd done since his 'wife' came to Point Place. Or to talk her into staying - to promise all the things he always promised, until the next time. She couldn't do that again. She couldn't forget and put it behind her just to have her heart broken all over again. It was too much and she wouldn't put herself through it again.

She stood aside and let him in. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes as she released it. She had to be strong. She had to remember the pain and forget the way his arms felt so strong around her. She had to remember his wife and not the way his kisses left her breathless. She had to remember the nurse and not the way his touch warmed her to the core. He was no longer the boy that was hers and she was no longer the girl that was his. Instead he was the man who came so close to breaking her and she was the woman who wouldn't let it happen again.

"What are you doing here?" She asked in a small voice. She'd wanted to sound confident and in control but her voice wouldn't cooperate with her head. It seemed to be in cahoots with her heart.

"Please don't go Jacks." His voice was no stronger. No louder. And she almost crumbled when his eyes met hers. He'd always hidden behind those sunglasses. He could never mask the emotion in his eyes so he did the next best thing and covered them. But as he stood looking at her without them, she could see his pain, his love. And she almost broke.

She shook her head and crossed her arms over her chest. Looking down, away from him, before meeting his eyes again. "No. I have nothing keeping me here Steven. I have a future in California."

He stepped towards her and she had to remind herself to stand firm. "You could have a future here Jacks. With me."

Was he kidding her with this? Her eyes flashed at him. The anger rising from deep within her, long since repressed and now making a vicious comeback.

"A future? With you? You didn't want me. You made that perfectly clear." She yelled. She fully expected him to don his zen mask and mutter 'whatever' before leaving the apartment. But he stepped toward her.

"I always wanted you Jacks. There was never a time when I didn't." He sounded sincere and calm and she was only made angrier that he seemed unaffected by her when she was so thrown off by him.

"What do you think we'd do, huh? That you and I could just fuck when your wife wasn't looking?" She yelled and took a step back from him.

"She's gone Jacks. She left while you were in California." His statement only provoked her anger further. Her eyes flashed as her voice began to rise.

"So that's what this is about. She's gone and now you want your little play thing back. Then what Steven? Drop me as soon as another skanky ass stripper comes along? I will not be second best to anyone least of all a stripper. I will not be your left overs." Her hands clenched at her sides as she fought to mainatin control.

"I told her to go Jacks. I love you." His voice remained calm and low. His confession sounding eerily similar to that so many years ago. He'd only ever said those words when she was standing, with her hand on the metaphorical door knob, ready to walk away. He said it to stop her, he said to make her forgive him. But it wouldn't work this time.

"No. You don't come in here and tell me you love me and think that everything's going to be ok. It's not ok Steven. I don't care if you told her to go. You let her stay. You married her. You almost destroyed me. I can not and I will not forgive you for that." Her voice returned to his usual volume but the venom remained.

"I've been a shit Jacks. I know that. And there's nothing you could do or say that can make me feel any worse than I already do. The last thing in the world I ever wanted to do was hurt you. You are the only person I've ever truly loved." Once his words would have filled her heart with love, but now, they were too little, too late. And if she were truly honest with herself, she doubted there was any truth to his words.

"Love? Is that what you think you felt for me? Love does not act the way you have Steven. Love does not seek to hurt. Love does not seek to break." Her eyes filled with tears she refused to let fall, she turned away from him. She didn't want him to see the tears shining in her eyes before she could blink them away.

"I'm sorry Jacks. I will say sorry every day for the rest of my life if you want me to. I am truly sorry. I was so confused. I didn't know how to handle what I feel for you and I screwed up, but please baby. Please try and forgive me. I don't want to lose you." He pleaded. He'd never pleaded with her. He always demanded. She had to force herself to work through his words.

"You want to know what you'll lose Steven. You'll lose someone who loved you with every ounce of themselves. Someone who believed in you and trusted you. I would have done anything for you. Anything... So tell me Steven. How does it feel?" She turned back to him, her eyes as cold as her tone. "How does it feel to lose me. Because I'm already gone."

"No Jacks, Please." He looked terrified, standing there, shaking his head in disbelief. She'd always taken so much, it was a shock to see her stand strong in defence of herself. But it was time to think logically. Love doesn't always turn out the way you want it to, and Jackie Burkhart was starting to fear that for her, it never would.

"I forgave you. For the nurse." Her eyes focused on a point over his shoulder. Completely void of emotion, she looked numb as she spoke. "It took everything in me, more strength than I ever thought I had, but I did it. I pushed it to the back of my mind, telling myself over and over and over again that you weren't Michael. That it was a mistake that you would never make again. That you were telling the truth when you said that you loved me and that it would never happen again. I forgave you. But its amazing what you can talk yourself into when your young and want something so badly. You can actually start to believe the lines. You actually start to believe all the lies and except them totally as fact."

Steven watched her as she spoke. She was finishing them. Everything she said was closing the door, locking him out. Out of her life and the reality hurt more than anything he'd ever experienced, more than he could bear. But as she continued, the pain grew even worse.

"And yet, all the strength it took to forgive and forget. That was nothing to what it took to except Sam. To talk myself out of the lies and force myself to see the truth. That you'd done it again, only much much worse. That nothing would ever bring you back because I couldn't take you back. Not after her. Not after the torture you put me through for weeks before I finally escaped to California."

Hyde started to wonder if she was trying to hurt him. Paying him back for all the pain he'd caused her. So he stood, watching the girl he loved, summing up their relationship into all the most painful moments, letting her words cut him like a knife. But he would never back down. Not this time.

She shook her head at him. Trying to make him see what he was asking of her. Trying to make him see what he'd done to her and to them. Something that was so horrendous, forgiveness could be not asked.

"I don't have that in me again. I don't have the strength to pick myself up again. Please don't ask me to do it. I don't have the strength Steven and I don't think you're capable of being with me and being the man I need you to be. You will always be the boy in the circle in the Forman's basement. You can't be the man in my heart, who loves me as much as I love him. Who'll support me and trust me, the man I can trust. It'll never happen." The pain in her eyes broke his heart. But the resignation, the finality, almost destroyed him. She had not only given up on them, she'd given up on him.

"I am that man baby. I am. Give me a chance. Stay. Let me prove to you that you can trust me again. That you are the most important thing in my life. You are my life. Please baby." He had to make her see. He had to make her see that he wasn't the monster she thought he was. The monster he'd been. That it was a mask. The man he was, was willing to be anything and do anything to be with her. To be the man she needed him to be. The man she deserved.

"No. I can't. As much as I want to. As much as I want you to walk over here and pull me into your arms and tell me that it's all different. It's not. It's exactly the same and my heart can't take it." Her voice caught on the sob she was holding back, and she couldn't fight the tears any longer. They fell from her eyes and ran down her cheeks unchecked.

"You were right all those years ago Steven. I deserve better than that. I grew up a lot with you. That's the irony of it all. The old Jackie would except your apology and declaration of love and take you back. But the Jackie that I've become with you, she isn't so foolish. She's not a child anymore longing for love, any love, so badly that she'll take some screwed up version of it. She's a woman, an adult, who knows great heartache and is smart enough to know that nothing ever changes. That promises don't add up to jack shit. And people only let you down." He'd done a really great job. He'd turned her into him. Cold and scared and untrusting. Everything she hated, and everything she'd always overlooked in him.

"I never wanted to do this to you." His voice was small. But Jackie's anger wasn't spent.

"Then why were you so happy you broke me?" Her voice was accusing and he looked at her confused. "You didn't think I'd find out? Michael has a big mouth Steven. He told me how you two were so proud of yourselves for screwing me up. I believe there was even a high-five." Her eyes bore into his and he knew that everyone had always been right about him. He was a screw up. Because he'd screwed up the only that ever truly mattered.

"I'm sorry." He whispered. He didn't know what else to say. She looked at him and knew he was. She knew that his apology was not only for the comment, but for everything. For every horrible thing he'd ever said. For all the times he'd never been there. For all the times he'd ignored her. And for all the times he'd hurt her, with complete disregard for her feelings.

"I know you are. I do. I can see that. But sorry's not good enough anymore. " She said softly, the anger draining from her eyes, being replaced with exhaustion. She was tired and she couldn't fight anymore.

"Please Jacks. Give me a chance. Stay." He pleaded again, but once again, she shook her head.

"I stayed for you last time Steven and you married someone else." The tears started falling from her eyes again but were quickly wiped away. "I gave up a great life and came back here with nothing. No job, no family, no boyfriend, no place to live and slowly I realised, no friends. You have to realise something Steven. You broke my heart. I've never felt pain like that before and I don't ever want to feel it again. I'm sorry but no." She was determined and she was standing firm. There was nothing he could say today to change her mind. He knew that. But he wouldn't give up. He'd fight for her, like he should have before. He'd show the passion and the courage she deserved.

"The boy you think I still am. The one who so recklessly broke your heart would walk out that door right now and let you leave. He'd let you get on that plane and fly out of his life." He stepped towards her, his eyes firm and determined.

"But the man you made me, he wants you to know something. We're worth it. We're worth fighting for and I'm not going to let you go again." He strode towards her, closing the gap between them. He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her deeply, passionately and was gone before she had time to react. She screamed her frustration and picked up the nearest object, throwing it across the room. He was still under her skin, still in her heart and hell if he still couldn't make her feel more desire than she ever dreamed possible.

TBC...

A/N: Just wanted to let everyone know that although things look bleak right now, things change. There is always light at the end of a dark tunnel :)

-Ally