A/N: I just want to thank everyone who's reviewed so far. Thank you so much for your really great and kind comments. I really appreciate it and I'm ecstatic that you're all enjoying my fic. I write not only for myself but in the hope that others might find some enjoyment in it, just as I do in reading other's work. So thank you all, I really enjoy hearing from you and your thoughts. I only wish I could address you all individually. But thank you all SO much. :) Hugs to everyone. -Ally

Chapter 5

He stood outside the sliding doors that lead into the Forman's kitchen, just watching her. She was talking to Red and Kitty, smiling. She was beautful. She always had been and she always would be. She did deserve better, and once he would have bailed, sure he couldn't be that for her. But now. Now he was older and now he was changed. She'd changed him. Now he was willing to try to be the man she needed him to be. He was willing to do the things being that man required. If only he could convince her of that.

Two days. He had two days before she left for California. He had the flight number memorised, hoping that she wouldn't get on that plane and leave him behind for good.

He stepped inside and resisted the urge to turn and run as 3 pairs of eyes turned to him. Red and Kitty made some excuse to leave but he didn't hear it. His own eyes were focused on the girl that was his world. She looked at him, her eyes shiny and her breathing slightly uneven. He knew she was repeating a mantra internally, she always got this look he could never quite describe in her eyes, when she was. A part of him was yelling at him that he was pathetic that he knew such a random and silly thing about her. Worse yet that he loved it and was terrified of never seeing it again.

He sat down across from her and reached for her hand. He closed his eyes and sighed when she pulled it away from his grasp. He knew then that he mantra was to not to give in to him. This was not going to be easy, but he'd once heard that if it were easy it wouldn't be worth it. And they were certainly worth it.

"I have some things to say to you. Will you hear me out? I mean, just sit there and don't say anthing until I'm done. Just stay and listen. Will you please?" He pleaded with his eyes and he saw her eyes acquiesce long before she nodded her head.

"I love you." There was more conviction in his voice and love in his eyes than she'd ever seen before. "I'm not saying it because I've screwed up again. I'm not saying it because I think that's what you want to hear. I'm not saying it as a last resort to get you back. I'm saying it because I want to, because I need to and because I've never loved anyone as much as I love you." He reached for her hand again and this time she let him take it. He squeezed it gently, linking their fingers together before continuing.

"I'm never going to be the guy that says the right thing at the right time. And you know that. But I think you know that I want to. I'm never going to be completely comfortable saying 'I love you' all the time. But I think you know that I do. And I'll still be the guy that trusts no one. But I think you know that's not true. That I do trust you, and that's what scares me. But I can be a man that you can trust. I can be the man that supports you and loves you... I want to be the man that loves you and supports you. I want to be the man that puts the ring on your finger and the man that your kids call dad. I want it all, and I want it with you."

He stopped and looked at her. Her eyes shining with unshed tears. He was hurting her again. He knew it. His words were causing her confliction and fear and that was hurting her. But he had to get her back and he would take the pain away if she'd let him. He'd hold her and kiss her until the world disappeared. If she'd only let him.

"I do love you Steven. God I don't think you'll ever know just how much. So much that it scares me too. And it's taking so much strength right now to stand here and not reach out to you. To tell you no. I hurts so much. But not as much as it will when you lose faith in me again and it's my heart that pays the price. I can't go through that pain again Steven, I just can't. I love you too much to do it to either of us. I have to be the strong one this time." She shook her head as the tears fell from her eyes. Her voice still held conviction but her eyes. Her eyes betrayed her. She wanted him. She wanted to hold him and be held by him. She wanted to be with him, now and always. She was just too scared.

"Listen to me." He reached forward, cupping her face in his hands, kneeling before her. "I mean it. Every word of it. I want to be with you. I want to marry you one day and have kids. I need you Jackie. I made a huge mistake. An unforgivable mistake. But please Jackie. Stay around and torture me for it for the rest of our lives. Make me pay."

Everything he'd said up until that moment had been so out of character. Steven Hyde had never been the one to stand before anyone and profess his undying love. But here he was, saying it to her. Telling her she was the one he wanted. It made her heart swell, yet her fear still waged a war inside her.

"I want to believe you. So much. But I can't give up everything again. If you're serious. If you really want this..." She trailed off, averting her eyes from him. She was slowly giving in to her heart. She was giving in to the love she felt for him. So strong it consumed her and overwhelmed her. So strong it broke her apart and made her whole at the same time. It drove her crazy and it made her sane. It did everything the romance novels and love songs said, only this love was capable of tearing her apart for good. This love scared her to death. Listening to her heart got her in trouble and she was terrified sitting there knowing she was letting it rule over her head yet again.

"I do baby. I really do. Please don't be scared." His words should have shocked her. That he knew what she was feeling, but they didn't. He knew her better than anyone. Maybe that's why he was able to hurt her so much.

"If you really want this. Then you have to come to California. I've given everything up for you before and it blew up in my face. If you really think you can do this. If you really want to be with me, then you'll come with me." She looked at him and saw the shock in his eyes. It was the last thing he'd expected from her. But the only thing she could offer. She wanted him, she loved him, but she wouldn't put herself on the line again. It was his turn to fight for them. She was tired.

"It won't be easy Steven. We will get on each other's nerves. We will fight and it will take work. But I do want a life with you. I want the kids and the house. I want it all with you. You know that. I've never hidden that from you and trying to deny it now would be a foolish waste of energy. But you have to understand something. I can't go out on that ledge alone. You need to be out there with me. And if you're really willing to do that, you'll be on that plane with me when it takes off."

Her hand shook as she reached out to touch his cheek gently before standing and heading to the door. She stopped before leaving and turned to him.

"Think about it Steven. You have until departure time." And then she was gone. Leaving him stunned and confused, and with a lot to think about.

TBC...

Not long to go now. We are growing ever closer to that light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. :)