Summary: The story of "Chain of Command" as told from Dr. Crusher's POV.

Disclaimer: Paramount owns it, I have fun with it. I promise I won't make any money off of it!

Author's Note: Hello again. For those of you who surf the alt.startrek.creative, yes, this is the same story I posted there last year…I just feel I've finally perfected it enough for my first posting to I hope everyone is enjoying so far! Thanks to my early reviewers, and SonOfTed, I hope to deal with many more issues as the story progresses. Please R and R everyone!

From the Inside, Out

Chapter Two
...and we're in the caves. If it weren't for the danger of this situation, I'd probably make a joke about these silly uniforms. Like a "oh this is embarrassing, we chose the same outfit" ...hmm, or maybe a "good thing we wore BLACK to blend in with this nice GREY rock". Ha, it's a good thing I've learned to bite my tongue. I don't think Worf would be very amused. Ok, ok, Focus. Oh god, I hope this training I've learned doesn't come in handy. If this mission goes perfectly, I won't need it at all. We'll walk in, maybe shoot some Cardassians, get what we need, and run like hell. If all goes well, we'll be home in two days. I can go back to sickbay...maybe even deliver Carla's baby...she's due in...no, was it one week or two? I guess I've been off duty for about two weeks now and when we left she was just at eight months...wow, I don't think I've ever worn anything this itchy before. Ok, dammit, Focus. Just breathe, just follow. Just Focus. Mmmm, Jean-Luc does look good though. All this physical training has really...no, no I need to Focus. We could be attacked at any time. Wait, wait. What's that up ahead, a cliff? They're not going to make me go down that...are they? Oh god, they're strapping up.

"Guess there's no other way down is there?" I say aloud to Worf. He looks at me like I'm completely stupid...he says something like "You're not afraid, are you doctor?". I bite my tongue again...that was a close one. I merely reply "Of course not", and continue on unnoticed. Jean-Luc is already at the bottom, I don't want to frustrate him, so I repel down as quickly as I can. I don't think he's said one thing to me since we were in the transporter room...Well, of course not. Right now, we're not friends; I'm an officer on his team. Maybe he's even blocked out the fact that it's me. Maybe he just sees the uniform at this point. Gods, how do I know, it's not like I've said anything to him, he may be thinking the exact same thing, Beverly is acting very distantly or something like that. I wonder if he thinks in that gorgeous, deep talking voice he has, or if his internal monologue has less authority. Gods, I love that voice. I could listen to it all day...like that time I pretended I couldn't remember what Hamlet said about death, so Jean-Luc would read it to me. Absolutely amazing. I wonder if there's anything the man can't do. We're crawling through a small tunnel, good thing I'm not afraid of close spaces...but oh, thinking of fear: we have to go back up that cliff at the end of all this. Ok, ok, enough mental recess, we're almost at the lab, time to Focus, for real this time Bev.

What? what's happening? Suffocation...rocks...on me...a cave-in. Somewhere in the distance of my consciousness, I hear Jean-Luc shouting my name. Beverly! Beverly! Not my title, my name...maybe he does care. Ah, pain shoots through my entire body. My head feels light; I must have gotten a pretty hard knock. Doesn't seem bad enough to be a concussion though...no limbs broken, I'll be fine. I feel a large, strong pair of arms holding me, no pulling me. Worf. I am fine, I am safe. As Worf pulls me out, Jean-Luc grabs me from him and pulls me out of the tunnel to stand on my own. In his eyes: fear, and is that...dancing in the very corner of his worrying eyes...no it couldn't be...love? It's gone too fast for me to really see. I'm brushing myself off, I'm fine. I make a lame joke to prove it. We move forward...at least I got to see love again...in case I die today...if I die today...when? I die today.

There's the lab. We're here. My tricorder is going nuts. Let's just do this. Let's save the universe and go back to our normal lives. I'm tired. The door opens; we're all ready and armed. We're in the room...but there's no lab, just an emitter. I look to Worf and Jean-Luc. A Trap. A hot, burning wave of fear rushes over my entire body. This is it.

The room quickly fills with Cardassians, shooting and fighting. I go into a sort-of combat autopilot. I was never that good at fighting, but I can hold my own...even against big, angry, hulking Cardassians. This has to be the end.

I hear Worf, holding the door and calling to me. Before I can think, I run out of the door. I land on the ground, feeling the ache in my body intensifying. I think I've bruised my everything. I look up, Worf's still holding the door, but then gets hit by a weapon charge and falls to the ground beside me. Oh god. Jean-Luc. He's still in there. I ran to save my own ass while he kept them distracted so that...

The tricorder shows many, many, many more Cardassians coming our way. We have to get out. I try to pull Worf but he protests. "We have to save the captain." Oh Worf don't you think I know that? Don't you think I'm falling apart inside as I prepare to flee? All I can give him is logic. "No, there are more Cardassians coming this way." I pull him, he obliges, and we're gone. I run, but I've left my heart there. Jean-Luc. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, sorry. I'm apologizing with every step as I move farther away from him. Oh god. If he dies, it's my fault. I've killed him. I've killed my soul mate.