Summary: The story of "Chain of Command" as told from Dr. Crusher's POV.

Disclaimer: Paramount owns it, I have fun with it. I promise I won't make any money off of it!

From the Inside, Out

Chapter Eight
I say my "good-mornings" to my staff on the way into my office. I can see them tense as I walk by...I must have snapped at them harder than I thought yesterday. All right then, new goal: regain the trust of my staff. Like I didn't have enough on my mind. Shut-up, Bev. It was just a simple walk into the office. Gods, I over-analyse things.

It's funny though, that we still maintain the semblance of a night and day...and still work on a 24 hour structure for that matter. There are thousands...millions of planets that work on other time systems. Hmm, the arrogance of humans. I wonder how the other races handle the transition onto our time system. I'll have to do more research on it later...maybe that's why Starfleet is still 48 human officers..

The sound of a ship wide communiqué breaks through my thoughts. It's Data, calling a senior officer's meeting in five minutes. Hmmm, that's pretty quick...usually they give us an hour...must be something urgent. Do I dare even hope? Could it possibly be for him? Jean-Luc. Are you coming home at last? I feel a flutter in my chest at the thought.

I don't have time for this, I need to go. I grab a tricorder (just in case) and head for the turbolift. I dash into the 'lift and nearly knock over Deanna in the process. She acts so calm: asking me if I'm "all right", noting how I look exhausted. Her hand has a soft and comforting presence on my shoulder. It would be so tempting to break down: to cry to her. To tell her that I hadn't slept well for nearly a week. What if she thinks I'm nuts? What if she relieves me of duty? No, no. I can't tell her what I'm feeling. It would just end in me revealing my feelings for Jean-Luc. I could never tell Dee...or anyone else for that matter. I'm in love with my dead husband's best friend. I'm on love with my CO. I'm in love with a man 20 years older than me..."I'm fine," I tell her. I'm just serving my penance. We spend the rest of the ascent to the bridge in a quiet, awkward silence. I don't mind. I feel better just having her with me. At least for these few seconds I'm distracted. When did I become afraid of being alone?

Across the bridge, (with Deanna close behind, of course) and into the observation lounge. Jellico is already hunched over the head of the table. Data, and Worf (who shoots me a nasty look as I enter) are also seated. Still no Will. I wonder what he's up to. Oh wait, was that shuttle mission thing today? This early in the morning? Come on Bev, we've been over this: there's no such thing as morning in space. That must be why we're here. To find out what's happening with him.

Oh Gods, Deanna. She must be so worried about Will. I didn't even think. I look over. Her eyes are downcast: she's looking into her lap. Deanna, I'm sorry! I'll have top try to catch her on the way out...ask her if she's ok. What the hell is wrong with me? I usually pick up on that kind of stuff.

Geordi rushes into the room and quickly takes a seat as we begin. No one really minds his tardiness: we all know we'd be just as late if we had to come all the way from engineering. Ha, I wonder if he ever wants to tell us to have a meeting on his bloody floor for once.

Jellico clears his throat and all of our eyes are instantly on him. We are so well-trained. Our captain has taught us to work as a team: sharing ideas to achieve the best solution. I am so proud to be a member of this distinguished crew. I wonder what would happen to the discipline of this group if Jellico were to stay in command, and Riker were to transfer ships...No. I won't even think that way. Jean will be back. Jean-Luc is coming back. He'll be with us again. I love him so much. Stop, that's unimportant. My feelings are inconsequential. Jellico hasn't worked for our obedience. He does not deserve to take command of this ship.

Jellico begins his briefing...but he only mentions Riker in passing...says that he was successful and is returning home...mentions he has something more important "to deal with":

"...At 1100 hours today we will be picking up Jean-Luc Picard from the Cardassian planet Celtris III, where he has been held in captivity. I have decided to send Will Riker to lead the away team down to the planet to retrieve him. Dr. Crusher, you will be joining him. Mr. Worf, as a sign of good faith, I've decided not to send you, or a security team down to the planet. However, I will ask that you prepare a small security team..."

The words wash over me like a hot shower on a wintry day. Thank the gods, thank anyone who will listen. He's alive...he's coming home. Jean-Luc is coming back to me. Jean-Luc. He's coming home. I feel a warmth throughout my entire body. I can barely sit in my seat. I look up briefly, only to see Deanna looking over at me with a small grin on her face. She must have felt my joy. I can barely contain it. I wouldn't be surprised if Data could sense my happiness right now.

We are dismissed, and I leave quickly to prepare sickbay. Jean will want privacy at first...I'll make sure he gets it.

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