"My name is Hermione, Severus. And I miss him too."
Snape looked down at her hand on his for a moment. i Merlin, she feels so warm. /i Then he picked her hand up and removed is from his.
"Miss Granger –"
"I told you, call me Hermione."
"Miss Granger, while I appreciate that we have all suffered losses in this war, I have requested neither your comfort nor your presence here." He was using his best Professor Snape voice, riddled with disdain, and expected it to send her either running for or stamping off toward the door.
To his surprise, she chuckled.
"And I,Severus," she snarled back at him, mimicking his tone with extraordinary accuracy, "didn't ask you if you wanted either."
He stared at her for a moment, shocked. This was certainly not how he had pictured her reacting. She was supposed to be scared of him…wary, at the very least. But here she was, holding his gaze, her chin lifted and a smirk on her face.
Did she learn that from me?
He kept his eyes on hers for a moment longer, than turned to look back into the night. "Impudent little witch," he murmured.
"Sarcastic, introverted old prat!" she snapped back.
He spun on her and she took an involuntary step backwards. "I may no longer be your professor, Miss Granger, but you will show me respect when speaking to me! Which, if the gods will have it, will not be for much longer!"
She said nothing. Staring into her eyes again, Snape felt his confidence falter. Whatwas this? Why was she not cowering in fear from him? Why was she not close to tears? Was he losing his touch?
Why can't I drive her away?
"Professor, I do apologize. My remark was …"
"Rude and uncalled for," he finished for her.
"Well, I'll give you rude," she muttered.
With a deep sigh he turned his head away. "Miss Granger, what precisely is it you want from me?"
A chance, a chance, just a chance.
"I would like a chance," she began, and there was a slight waver to her voice, "to be heard."
"Fine," he replied, his face now contorted back to its usual semblance of exasperated boredom. Hermione stifled a nervous giggle at how childlike he could seem.
"I'm waiting, Miss Granger. I would prefer not to spend the entirety of what is left of my evening listening to prattle, so if you could just get on with it…"
With a deep breath, she began. "I am not a child any more. I don't suppose any of us could go through what we've gone through and think that we could come out with our childhood intact. I've learned a lot about myself from this war, and I believe I've also learned a lot about others. What I mean," she continued hurriedly when he shot her a dark look, "is that my perceptions about others have oftentimes not been…well, dead-on." She took a small step closer to him and continued, "For seven years, you scared the hell out of me."
That's more like it.
"Don't think I didn't see that smirk, either," she remarked, without missing a beat. "I know that's the way you preferred it. You scared me, you intimidated me, and you made me think that you were a cold, heartless man with no concern for anyone else in the world."
"Splendid," Snape jeered, "insults by moonlight. Personal attacks on my character 'neath a starry sky. Yes, this evening just continues to get better and better!"
Hermione went on as though he hadn't spoken. "Then I found myself looking at you a bit more objectively; I saw the sacrifices you made for Dumbledore and the Order, and I realized that you were making them for ALL of us…and not least of all, for Harry. I know you don't like Harry," she shrugged, "but I don't know why. And I'm not asking why, either. It's not my business. I know that you have sacrificed things that the rest of us have taken for granted in our lives: families, friends, relationships, happiness. And peace. The rest of us have dealt with this for a comparatively short time; you have not had peace in years."
Longer than you know, Miss Granger. Longer than almostanyoneknows.
"I just find that when I look at you now, I see a very private, very strong, very caring man that I would like to get to know better." There. I've said it. Oh, bloody hell, I've said it.
Severus was quiet for a moment, and then, still not looking at her, he asked, "And what makes you think that I would reciprocate those feelings?"
"Honestly?"
He glanced toward her. "Certainly."
"I don't know that you will. But at this point in life - where there seems to be so little left to lose- I wasn't willing to forgo the idea without trying." Her voice softened slightly as she added, "And also, because I think you lost damn near every real friend you had in that war. "
Taking one more small step toward him, she reached her hand out and put it on his shoulder; tentatively, as though she thought he would brush her away.
"I like you, Severus. I would like to be your friend."
Flying from the front doors of the school, Severus tried to drown out the laughter he heard from behind him. He fought back tears that he knew would boil his father's blood, and ran blindly toward the Forbidden Forest.
Gods, how he hated them! Oh, the whole fucking lot of them! Potter, Lupin, Black…everyone else, too! Why must they torment him at every chance? Every fucking chance!WHY? He had done nothing but be born a Snape, and he had most certainly never asked for that!
He was so tired of the taunting, the mortification, the isolation. He wanted to be at this school…he wanted to learn everything that he could about magic - particularly Potions – from the best professors in the world. But this was becoming more than he could bear. He could spend all of his time here, amongst these people that were supposed to be his 'peers', living with them, going to Quidditch matches with them, attending classes with them, but he knew the truth. He would never belong.
It was not much better at home. His father could barely stand the sight of him, and made it known at every turn. His mother, while he was sure she tried her best to love him, was petrified to her very soul of her husband. She would show no compassion or gentleness to Severus when his father was around; his father had noticed this very early on, and made it a point to keep their moments together to a minimum.
Gods, he was tired of being soalone .
He kept moving toward the Forbidden Forest, beyond the point of caring that it was off-limits to students.
"Severus! Severus, wait!"
Turning toward the voice, he moaned. 'Oh, not now. No, she saw the whole thing, she must have seen the whole thing, she ALWAYS sees the WHOLE THING!' He ran faster than before, sure that she would never follow him into the Forbidden Forest. A Gryffindor prefect was most likely not even capable of breaking such rules!
Bursting into the darkness of the trees, he kept running until the pain in his side told him it was time to stop. He had reached a small clearing, and stumbled over to sit on a large, moss-covered rock. His breathing was hard and labored, and the pounding of his own blood in his ears was deafening. For this reason, he did not hear her approaching until she sat down beside him.
He again jumped to his feet, but she grabbed his arm and said, "Would youplease just sit down for a minute! For Merlin's sake, I can't keep chasing you around!"
He stood awkwardly next to the rock., confused and adolescent. He wanted her to leave and he wanted her to stay. He couldn't take any more ridicule, especially from her. Coming from her, it would surely kill him. He was terrified that she would open her mouth – that beautiful, beautiful mouth – and utter words that would be his undoing.
But how could he make her go? This was Lily. This was the girl that he watched every day in classes and corridors, and loved every night in his dreams. She was perfection personified…a living goddess whose presence had kept him from fleeing Hogwarts more times than he could remember. He didn't know why she was there, why she was chasing him, but he knew in his heart that they had met here at a crossroads, and she was about to decide the direction of the course.
"Severus, you have to try to ignore them. They're just doing it because they know how much it upsets you."
He looked at her, dumbfounded.
"Ignore them?Ignore them! Do you know how ridiculous that sounds? Do you know how hard it is, to be the butt of their jokes over and over andoveragain? What am I saying?" he scoffed, "Of course you don't. You're a Gryffindor. You're a prefect, for Merlin's sake! You're smart, you're beautiful, everyone likes you, you're practically the ideal woman…" He blushed brightly as he realized what he'd said; two bold spots of red on his pale cheeks.
"Why, Severus! What a sweet thing to say! But you know, of course, it's not true. Not everyone likes me."
"Perhaps not. But not everyonedislikes you, either. And therefore you can't know what it's like to be me."
She rose gracefully from the rock and stepped in front of Snape, forcing him to look at her.
"I don't dislike you."
"You don't even know me," he snapped, avoiding her eyes.
"I know you as much as you know me!" she laughed. "You're absolutely brilliant, you're handsome, and I believe you have a kind heart."
He couldn't hold back a derisive snort. "What?" she demanded. "Why is it perfectly all right for you to say nice things about me, but I'm not to return the compliment?"
"Because Imeant the things I said!" he yelled, taking a threatening step toward her before he realized what he was doing.
Putting her hands on her hips in a ridiculously childish gesture, she held his gaze and replied, "And so did I!"
'She didn't step away,' he thought to himself.
"You are one of the most brilliant wizards of our age, Severus. Even you cannot deny that. And you're a handsome man. Not conventionally handsome," she continued, as he rolled his eyes, "but definitely attractive in a noble sort of way. And I do think you're kind. At least, you've always been kind to me."
Turning away, he tried to collect himself. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Lily Evans…not only was she talking to him, she was complimenting him! He noticed that everything around him, although still encased in the darkness of the forest, suddenly seemed a bit brighter, a bit clearer, and he felt a lovely aching in his chest. His mind and body were under assault from an emotion that he hadn't experienced in years…if ever.
Severus Snape was feeling hope.
'No!' his mind suddenly railed at him. 'No! This is another one of their tricks! This is just another chance for them to laugh at you!'
'But they are not here,' another voice argued. 'It is only she and I. Why would she be saying these things if she didn't mean them?'
'So that she can go back and tell them all how she tricked you, how she had you begging at her feet like a trained Crup.'
He rounded on her suddenly, almost ferociously. "Why are you here?" he hissed.
Again, without shrinking back from him, she held his gaze and replied, "They're all a bunch of wankers, really." If she saw his look of surprise on his face, she did not acknowledge it. "They make fun of you to make them feel better about themselves. That's just a bit sad, I think." Shrugging, she looked up at him with such innocence that he felt his breath catch in his throat.
"I like you, Severus. I want to be your friend."
And with those words, he let her lead him out of the forest, and into the light.
He felt the unfamiliar prickle of tears behind eyes that had been dry for many, many years. He blinked hard, several times, and turned to face her.
She's not Lily, Severus.
"I am not in the market for newfriends, Miss Granger. And if I were, I am quite sure I could do better than to turn to a self-important ex-student with absurd delusions of grandeur. Good night."
Without a backward glance he left her in the dark.
Disclaimer: J.K Rowling owns all the rights to the characters, but she called me on the phone the other day and told me I can do whatever I want with them. No, really, she did!
Author's Notes: Thank you so much for all of the wonderful reviews and honest criticisms so far. You have no idea how much they mean to me! Please keep letting me know what you think!
A Crup is described as: A magical creature that strongly resembles a Jack Russell terrier, except that a Crup has a forked tail.
Rated for later chapters and intended plot development.
This story is dedicated to my husband, who has had to give up spending time on his own computer while I work on mine. (I don't like to write with anyone else around.) He's such a good guy…maybe he'll get a little wiggle tonight. ;)