April 3rd

Hours worked: 10 (not so bad)
Hours slept: 6 (would be good, but dreamt a lot, so still tired)
Times thought about Jack in last hour: 13953 (or thereabouts)
Times spoken to Jack since kiss incident: 0 (bad)

10:30am - Oh, life is terrible. Cannot believe life is such drama, and that am such drama queen. Have not spoken to Jack in two days! Have not seen him since 'Kiss'.

Have told Janet of incident, but friend seems not to see what momentous occasion kiss was. Am all alone in world, have not seen Jack in two days.

Two days!

He could have gone to Australia in two days!

Am sure however that he has not, as have been informed by font-of-all-knowledge Daniel that Jack was on base today. Wonder if he is avoiding me?

10:41am - Have decided that someone must make first move in potentially awkward situation. Should be the most mature, most adult and most clear-headed individual. Have decided to wait for Jack to speak to me.

10:45am - Am not getting anywhere at all with this. Was bad idea to wait. Maybe shall go find Jack?
10:46am - Am too scared! Will call Janet instead.

10:57am - Have decided that must plan something for Janet, as she is seemingly always unhappy about Daniel. Since Daniel is almost always unhappy over Janet, have decided that seems obvious something needs to be done. Ooh – have just realised what good excuse this is to talk to Jack.
10:58am - Have just realised still don't know where Jack is.

12:21pm - Still no luck in finding Jack. Think he must have gone to Australia, as is most definitely not on base. Am going to go home, as am not working anyway so is no point being on base.

12:35pm - Is that someone in my house?

12:37pm - Argh! Is CO! Wonder if should hide in bushes until said CO leaves? No, bad thought. CO was obviously waiting for me, so running away or hiding will not help. Damn. Have decided to pluck up courage and enter house anyway.

12:40pm - Still here.

12:45pm - Still here.

12:50pm - OK, really shall go in now. Is stupid that am scared. Have faced down Goa'uld army but prospect of talking to CO is scary. Think that completely reasonable. Goa'uld were also scared of Jack. Perhaps am in good company?

12:55pm - Really am going in now. No, really.

1:02pm - OK, ringing bell – wait, is own house! Will fetch keys instead.

"Anyone home?" Stupid comment. Know that Jack is home. No, not home, here. Naughty Freudian slip.
"Um, Sam?"
"Sir?" Try to sound incredulous that CO could be in own house. Think that carried it off v. well.
"Yeah, Carter. And don't pretend that you didn't know I was here. I saw you sitting in your car." Damn. Maybe is time to take Janet up on offer of acting classes?
"What did you want, sir?" Yeah, avoid the issue. That usually works.
"Well, I just thought that we haven't really spoke much since, umm, you know…" Will not grin stupidly at thought of kissing Jack, will looking slightly confused, will not grin- "Carter?"
"Sir?"
"Are you ok? You look a little ill." Hmm. Definitely time for acting classes.
"No, I'm fine. You were saying?"
"Well, I just… was wondering…" Wondering what? Can only dream what Jack was wondering.
"What sir?"
"Well, if you… were ok with writing the mission report to P3X-364. I mean, I know I sort of dumped it on you and everything, but I've got this really important thing tonight, and you know…" What? Cannot believe it; Jack is talking of mission report! Not kiss! Unsure of whether or not am pleased at fact. For sake of future relations with colonel, will stick with pleased at moment.
"Umm, no sir, that's fine. Was that all?" Don't let it be all…
"Uh, yeah. So, I'll see you back at base?" Damn!
"Yeah, sure. See you later, sir." CO has left the building. Am tired and confused and have mission report to write. Don't even know where P3X-364 is! Am in big trouble.

3:58pm - Decided to stay home and write mission report and not run risk of bumping into Jack at base. Realised moments later that do not have necessary materials to write report at home. Decided did not care, and would stay home and watch TV instead. Have rationalised to self that do not work whilst at base, so not working at home is just as productive.

4:26pm - Have achieved work whilst at home! Have created new theory – theory of anti-work. Have decided that in tradition of work-avoidance entire human race has really be creating anti-work for people such as self that work too hard and do not sleep. Have therefore decided to create as much anti-work as possible to pay back the SOBs that have kept self from having life for last 30 years.

5:02pm - Hmm, is that doorbell?

5:04pm - Was deliveryman, bringing flowers. Flowers for me. Am confused. Card says 'I'm sorry. O'Malley's, 1800 hours?' Nothing on back, no name. Who is sending flowers to me?
5:05pm - Could be Jack!
5:06pm - No, is not Jack. Cannot be Jack.
5:07pm - Am going just in case. Not because hope is Jack. Am going out of scientific curiosity, and the opportunity to create more anti-work.
5:08pm - What to wear?

11:48pm Ooh me love Jack. Jack shorry. Wonderful night. Drank lotsha wine. Jack like wine. Me like wine. Hehe. Lotsha wine. Have big hangover tomorrow. Don't care. Very happy. Hehe. Could shing am shoooo happy. Tralala. Oopsy, tumble over. Musht find bed.

April 4th

Hours worked: 0 (not sure if good or bad)
Hours of anti-work created: 3 (so far)
Hours slept: No idea
Size of hangover: North Dakota

12:05pm - Eugh. Have headache size of North Dakota. Feel sick. Am going to get off sofa and go to bed.

1:24pm - Argh. Have just realised that should have been in work lots of hours ago. Past caring. Am trying desperately to remember events of last night and keep drawing blank. Not good. Am going back to bed again.

3:45pm - Have just been awoken by doorbell. Do not know how anyone could be inconsiderate enough to call at such ungodly hour. Pull self off bed and towards door. Uh oh, is Jack. Still cannot remember what happened last night. Think 'oh dear' would be understatement right now.

"Sir!"
"Carter? You ok?" CO cares. Lovely. Would be nice, but am in too bad a state to care much.
"Hmm, yeah, sorta."
"You look like you just woke up." Me? Never…
"Mmmph." Damn, that should have been 'no, not me, I'm perfectly coherent and bubbly this morning'.
"Right. Shall I come in, or do you want to keep me standing on the doorstep all day?" Oops. "And Carter?"
"Yes, sir?"
"You wanna get dressed?" Bigger oops. Had forgotten in hungover state that was only wearing skimpy pyjamas. Not good impression to give CO, love of life and potential future husband.
"Right, yeah. Make yourself at home." Stagger to bedroom, pull on clothes. Back to kitchen – need coffee desperately.
"Hey Carter, you ok?" Oh, had forgotten presence of CO.
"Um, yeah, you keep asking. You want a coffee?"
"Please. And I keep asking because I don't think you're answering me honestly. You got a headache this morning by any chance?" Oooh nasty mean Jack! Know that he knows I have hangover size of North Dakota. Am going to ignore comment tactfully. "It's ok to be ill every once in a while you know. God knows you don't take time off often enough."

What? Is that invitation from CO to bunk off work more often? Reckon that this means CO has not spoken to General Hammond about lack of work done recently.

"Mmm?" That's right Sam, go non-committal on him.
"You know what I mean." I do? Am confused. Take coffee and go join Jack on sofa.
"I'm afraid I don't. You might be cheery this morning but I'm a little under the weather so you'll have to be gentle with me." Realise as words leave mouth that was probably not most tactful way to say that.
"I know Carter. You did have quite a bit to drink last night." Uh oh. Still cannot remember last night. Perhaps did something stupid whilst drunk? Wish that could remember.
"Uh huh."
"Don't worry, you didn't compromise your dignity." I didn't what? Am still too hungover to understand CO's complicated language. Hope that is good thing that didn't do.
"Oh, good."

"You haven't got a clue what I'm talking about, have you?" Ah, damn. Really should sign up for those acting classes the moment Jack leaves.
"Um, no. Sorry, sir." Jack laughing. Dammit. Nasty, mean love of life. "Don't."
"Don't what?"
"Laugh. My headache is bad enough as it is."
"Sorry Carter. I just happen to see the irony in the situation." Irons? What's he talking about ironing now for? "After all, it's usually me that has a problem understanding what you're going on about." Oh. So not ironing then. Shame. Need to do own ironing.
"No offence, sir, but you're not generally hungover." There. Have said it. Suddenly wish that hadn't said it. Never mind, too late now.
"You have a point." I do? Oh good. "Still, I didn't come round here to engage you in conversation no matter how stimulating this is turning out to be." Hmm. Think that was dig at me.
"Really?"

"No. I wanted to talk about last night." Uh oh. Still cannot remember events of last night. Feel that this does not help situation.
"Oh." Think that was very appropriate response in circumstances.
"You don't remember anything about last night, do you?" Damn CO! Wonder if picked up mind-reading capabilities on P3X-whatever or if has always been omniscient.
"Umm, no." Damn him for smiling again. Cannot concentrate on memory retrieval when faced with the smile.
"How about I jog your memory for you." Haven't got much choice really. "We went to O'Malley's, and I bought you a drink at the bar." Eugh. Head throbs at mere memory of alcoholic beverages. "Then we sat down and ate and then afterwards you had some more to drink, and I apologised. With me so far?"

"Mmm." Dare to think what might have come next.
"Then we went to another bar, and we danced…" Uh oh. Have just remembered conversation that had with CO.
"And then I told you that I…" Cannot say it, cannot say it, cannot say it-

"Loved me." Ah. Thank you Jack.

"Um, yeah." Shit. "Well, that's one reason for me never to drink again." Oh, am in so much trouble.
"Don't panic Carter. I'm not gonna have you up on charges." Oh. Thank you God.
"Um, thanks."
"That's ok. Do you remember what happened next?" Heck. Next thing that remember is falling off sofa at home. Which is obviously not what happened next.

"Um, no. Sorry."
"Well, I sorta told you that I…" Oh!

"Loved me too." Oh God! Had forgotten Jack's confession of love to self! Could go and drown sorrows again right now. Or on second thoughts perhaps not. Haven't got over first hangover yet.

"Carter, I understand if you want to forget it, I mean you were a little tipsy and I wasn't completely sober either and you know-" Am gobsmacked. Am not going to let CO get away on excuse of being drunk. "-that I mmmpph!" Ah. Kissing Jack on own terms is much better activity.

4:15pm - Mmm. Like kissing Jack. Have decided that is new favourite hobby. Naquada reactors can go blow up in a star for all I care.