Disclaimer: I don't own any of this wonderful stuff. Unfortunately. I wish I did, but the lucky devils at ShowTime, Gecko and MGM have the pleasure, so I guess I'll just have to be content with doing what I do now, writing for fun. I don't get any money for it either. Sigh. And I don't own Bridget or any of her antics either. You'd think I'd be better off really, wouldn't you?
Author Comment: Yes, I know, it's been a long time coming. A very, very, very long time. But I've got around to it now! And I hope that it was worth waiting for. Do let me know!
December 18th
Christmas cards written: 0
Christmas presents purchased: 0
Wedding/bridesmaid dresses chosen: 0
Discovered diary under large pile of 'Bridal Monthly' as was clearing out stock of said magazines. Have officially given up hope of attending any weddings in near future – own or otherwise.
Is scary how close to Christmas find self and have not written any cards or purchased any presents. Is terribly scary how unorganised self is. Must get more organised.
Am going Christmas shopping with Janet tomorrow. Will hopefully find present of suitable amazingness to give to Jack, AKA wonderful man in own life. Believe that Janet has similar present to find for Daniel, AKA wonderful man in Janet's life. Hope fervently that some such gift will appear after only short amount of shopping time. Am leaving very early to miss Christmas chopping rush.
December 19th
Christmas cards written: 0
Christmas presents bought: 0
Shops currently walked around fruitlessly: 26
10.31am. Woke up. Realised that shops opened 2 ½ hours ago. Got dressed quickly and headed for Janet's.
10.46am. Arrived at Janet's to find her still in bed. Got friend out of bed and poured coffee down neck. Should get to mall soon. Must have own coffee first though.
12.12pm. Finally reach mall. Am terrible thirsty. Must get coffee.
12.23pm. Mmm. Coffee.
12.59pm. Enter first shop. Am not sure that will find present for Jack or Daniel in ladies clothes store. Must look around anyway, just in case.
1.34pm. 10 shops later. Still no luck.
1.52pm. Are there any present shops here?
2.02pm. Need lunch.
2.46pm. Must return to shops.
2.48pm. Am thirsty.
2.50pm. Mmm. Coffee.
5.54pm. Returned home. Wonder why managed to achieve so little shopping today? Must get ready, have date with Jack at 7pm.
6.25pm. Damn, damn. Where is hairdryer?
6.27pm. Cannot find eyeliner!
6.33pm. What to wear?
6.55pm. Can't find shoes…
7.01pm. Well hello soldier!
December 20th
Christmas cards purchased: 100
Christmas cards written: 0
Christmas presents purchased: 1
Woke up late. Is Jack's fault. Told him so, then made breakfast. Jack told self about joy of shopping for presents on Internet where is dry constantly and you can have a cup of coffee beside you at all times. Am overjoyed that Amazon offers pre-Christmas delivery and have found present for Daniel but must now find presents of equal wonderfulness for rest of friends. Shall tell Janet of Internet findings.
Need to write some Christmas cards. Am painfully aware that need Christmas card list first. Must write said list, but so far only consists of following:
Jack
Daniel
Teal'c
Janet
Cassie
General Hammond
Dad
Mark and family
Definitely need larger list.
12.02pm. Jack finally left. Said he got fed up of watching aforementioned Christmas card list not getting any longer. Found self agreeing with love of life, only have realised that cannot leave as is own home and own list. Must think – who to add?
12.33pm. Should Apophis get card?
12.41pm. Martouf?
1.04pm. Nareem?
1.05pm. Wonder why half of Christmas card list is deceased. Think maybe am sort of Black Widow after all. Must remember to warn Jack.
1.08pm. On second thoughts, maybe not. Cannot be healthy to scare off men in such a fashion.
5.46pm. Have given up on idea of Christmas cards. Will tell friends that am trying to single-handedly save world's rainforests and so am not sending cards this year. Am sure that Brazilian monkeys are grateful. Hope that Goa'uld do not take offence at lack of card and declare war on Earth.
6.16pm. Realised that Goa'uld do not have Christmas, so likelihood of them taking offence at lack of card is minimal. Good thing too. Shall look for Christmas film on TV.
7.30pm. Nothing on. Wonder why pay cable channel such extortionate rates for such rubbish when am never at home to watch it anyway.
8.59pm. Gave up. Early bed tonight.
December 22nd
Number of decent cable programmes on TV: 0
Cards received: 37
Cards sent: 0
Presents bought: 3
Am still to find decent cable TV programme. Perhaps will protest outside TV station headquarters in New Year. Wonder which one to pick, as have about 500 of them.
Have received 32 cards to date and still sent none. Am beginning to feel terribly guilty about previous anti-card act. Wonder if should repent and send cards to entire SGC? Am unsure of where to find 372 cards in Colorado Springs and where to find 4 hours required to write said cards. Don't think that General Hammond would agree that they are necessary paperwork, but cannot afford to miss anyone out. What to do?
December 23rd
Cards received: 145
Cards sent: 0
Presents bought: 4
Decent cable programmes found: 0
Wore 'Save the Rainforests' shirt to SGC today in hopes of deterring prospective card-givers. Was working perfectly until was intercepted by General Hammond who ordered immediate return of self to proper uniform.
Am more than slightly disgruntled, as have now received cards from more than half of entire base personnel, including two of the cleaners. Am v. sure that have never met 'Doris' or 'Mickey' and wonder why they felt compulsion to send card to me.
Still no luck on interesting TV programmes. Believe that TV stations have finally hit all time low with an entire day of Teletubbies repeats.
December 24th
Number of decent cable programmes on TV: 0
Cards received: 306
Presents need to buy: 1
Have now received 306 cards from base personnel. Am sure that given racial diversity of all enlisted personnel on base that the remaining 66 probably don't even celebrate Christmas or have similar anti-card programmes to self. Feel slightly guilty that have probably upset all 306 people by not sending meaningless greetings to them. Also wonder if have ever met 'Jill' or 'Ernest'. Am quite sure that have not.
Was shocked to realise that am still missing present of immense wonderfulness for love of life. Only have a few hours left before stores close. What to buy? Must go shopping immediately!
3.45pm. Is pair of socks a suitable present?
3.58pm. Book?
4.12pm. Tasteless tie?
4.36pm. Have gone to jewellers in search of wonderful present. Know that is worked for Janet and Daniel, so think it is worth a try.
5.02pm. Last jewellers. Had better find something in here or might consider hanging self.
5.16pm. Finally found present for Jack. Cannot wait to give it to him! Am sure that he will love it.
6.26pm. Have just realised that have no wrapping paper at home. Am very glad that shops open late on Christmas Eve. Will just pop out and get some.
6.49pm. Arrgh! All shops sold out of wrapping paper. Is terrible. What sort of shop doesn't stock wrapping paper on Christmas Eve! All shops in Colorado Spring, apparently.
7.12pm. Still no luck. Am giving up – know that have brown paper at home. Is only small present so should have enough.
7.32pm. Have no brown paper left. As last resort am hunting for brown paper bags.
7.38pm. Success! Finally found paper.
7.44pm. Have wrapped CO's present. Am glad that fuss is over.
7.53pm. Just realised that have not wrapped any other presents either. Do not have that many paper bags! What to do?
8.02pm. Have given up. Friends and associates will have to receive gifts in carrier bags. Hope they won't hold it against self.
8.05pm. A thought! Wonder if love-of-life has spare wrapping paper that is willing to share with self?
8.32pm. Hurrah! Jack has much spare paper and is coming round soon to bring it. Arrgh, must change.
8.38pm. Changed. Why isn't he here yet?
8.39pm. Still not here.
8.40pm. Still not here.
8.40pm. Doorbell!
8.43pm. Mmm…
10.24pm. Fainlly got around to present wrapping. Distractions were v. welcome though. Wonder what love of life would think about staying late, um, early tonight,
10.25pm. Mmm, thinks v. good idea…
11.34pm. Must get back to presents…
11.58pm. Finally finished presents. Must sleep now.
December 25thPresents given: 1
Presents received: 42
New copies of astronomy books: 14
9.22am. Am shocked at how late have got up on Christmas Day of all days. Is all Jack's fault for keeping self up to early hours of morning. Still, am awake now.
9.42am. Have opened all presents from under tree. Yet again all those merely feeling obliged to buy self present have sent beginners books of astronomy. Wonder how they think managed to achieve PhD in Astrophysics without already having a pretty good knowledge of the stars. Still – books make v. good doorstops/coffeemates.
Ooh – Jack has appeared.
10.12am. Think now would be a good time for presents. Hope it's ok…
"What is it?"
"Well I'm not going to tell you, am I?"
"Fair point."
"Well, open it!"
"I'm savouring the moment."
Grrr.
"Open it!"
"Yes, Ma'am!"
Darn love of life's cheeky grin.
"Wow, Sam…"
Am v. glad that Jack like's present so much. Mmm, v. v. much…
11.17am. Have just realised that have not received present from love of life.
"Jack, you haven't given me my present yet!"
Uh oh. Think have said wrong thing…
"Yeah, Sam, about that…"
What? He can't have forgotten, can he?
"It's just that… what with everything…"
"Hey, it's ok. Really. It's not like I need presents or anything when I've got you."
"No, I haven't forgotten, it's just taking longer than I thought to get it."
Yeah, sure. Heard that one before.
"Oh, well. Ok."
Hate awkward pauses.
"Shouldn't we be getting to Janet's?"
Oops. Almost forgot. Will go to Janet's and have lovely time and forget fact that love-of-life didn't buy self present.
December 26thAlcohol units consumed yesterday: too many
Size of hangover: half of known universe
Presents from CO: none
12.58pm. Urk. Am sure bedroom is not meant to spin in such a fashion…
1.48pm. Really should get up. Advil is only in kitchen. Not difficult. Get up slowly…
1.49pm. Collapsed in kitchen. Think might just grab Advil and crawl back to bed…
3.37pm. Finally in some semblance of conscious state. Time for some food – am starving.
3.52pm. Mmm, much better. Am now as close to compos mentis as think will manage today.
Christmas part at Janet's was v. fun, though can only remember bits of it. Like kissing presentless-love-of-life under mistletoe… in front of General Hammond… oops. Think that secret is probably out now.
Crap.
December 31stPresents received from CO: none.
Repercussions from mistletoe kiss: none
Decent cable TV programmes none.
Have not written in last few days as was nothing to write about. Luckily neither self nor Jack have heard from General Hammond, so can only hope that commanding officer's commanding officer was tipsy enough himself not to have noticed. Or remembered. Or both.
Have recovered from Janet's Christmas party in time for Daniel's New Years eve party. Should be fun. For a meek archaeologist Daniel really knows how to throw a party.
Should really get ready.
6.12pm. Ack. Jack will be here to pick self up at 7 and am nowhere near ready. Actually found half-decent film on TV and couldn't pass up opportunity to watch possibly only good programme of all year. So am now running late.
Must wash hair.
6.30pm. Now washed, now must find suitably wowing outfit for party…
6.45pm. Ready, finally.
7.08pm. Jack here, if a little late. Mmm…
7.29pm. Is lucky that party doesn't start until 8. Reckon that Jack anticipated such, ahem, delays, when he suggested pick-up time of 7. Not like it takes an hour to get to Daniels. Don't need to leave until about 7.45pm.
7.48pm. Crap. Am going to be late.
7.49pm. Who cares? Daniel won't.
7.56pm. Really am leaving now.
8.12pm. Arrived at party. No-one noticed absence. Too busy having fun. Hmph.
10.36pm. Ish good party. Am glad that decided not to drink sho much tonight, Am having shuch fun. Larks. Much kissy Jack. Heheh. Musht ask Janet where she ish she keeping all that orangsh juish. And vodka. Heheh.
11.49pm. Midnight in 10 minutesh! Musht find Jack. Fun party, fun dancy. Heheh. Lotsha mushic. Lotsha danshing. Oops, tumbly over.
11.58pm. Wheresh Jack?
11.59pm Jack! Foundsh love-of-life, foundsha my Jack, foundsh him…
"Ten!"
"Sam…"
"Nine!"
"Yesh…"
"Sam, I've got your Christmas present."
"Eight!"
"Shwat?"
"Your present! I'm sorry it took so long, but the jeweller had to get it just right, I insisted."
"Seven!"
"My preshent?"
"Yes… Sam?"
"Six!"
"Yesh?"
"Five!"
"I've been meaning to ask you…!"
"Four!"
"Sam, you mean more to me than anything in the whole universe…"
"Three!"
"…and so I want to know…"
"Two!"
"…will you…"
"One!"
"…will you marry me?"
"Happy New Year!"
Feel suddenly v. sober indeed.
"Yes, Jack, yes!"
Am certainly most happy woman in world. What a wonderful way to end wonderful year!