When the Bough Breaks - Chapter Four
"You can never go home again."
A.N. The first scene of this chapter came out a little to much like the scene between Dawn and Buffy in the 5th season episode of Buffy then I intended. And I almost scrapped the whole scene and started over again, but the thing is I think the way Rory is grieving is exactly the way she would grieve in real life. She would hide behind the things that needed to be done and someone younger and/or more emotional (like Ellie) would find that hard to understand...but now that I've given away the entire first scene..read on! Also I know this is a shorter chapter but the next chapter is going to develop Rogan's marriage a lot more, then there'll be more Ellie and then Jess finally comes back into the picture!
"Ellie," Rory sighs and stares at her sister from across Sookie's kitchen, where Rory had pulled the doors shut after Ellie entered so she could priavetly convince her sister to come back to the house with her.
At almost nine Ellie was small for her age, a result of being born a month and a half premature, but Rory can't help but notice that since the accident she's seemed so much smaller than ever before. "I'm not coming with you," Ellie's words are soft and she refuses to meet Rory's gaze.
"Ellie you have to come back to the house with me, I know it's hard and it sucks but you can't live with Sookie forever. It's your home." The word sounds hollow to Rory's ears. Home. Could it still be a home without her mother there?
"No," Ellie's voice raises at this statement and her eyes lock onto Rory's, "no. I won't do it."
"Ellie, you can't..." Rory attempts to get a handle on her emotions, "you can't stay with Sookie forever."
"I'm not going back there!" Ellie shouts, "no. I hate it there. And I hate you for making me go there. You act like everything is job you have to cross of your list."
"Ellie, no," Rory's eyes shimmer with tears and she takes a step toward her sister, "I'm trying to take care of things. To take care of you..."
"I hate you," Ellie spits out, "I hate you. I hate you! I hate you!" Sookie appears through the doorway as Ellie bursts into tears, seeking comfort in Sookie's embrace.
"Maybe you should just let her stay here for the night," Sookie gently suggests.
"Fine," Rory shrugs before turning, "I'll stop by tomorrow."
Sookie gently strokes Ellie's dark hair as she nods, "okay. Ellie and I will sit down and have a talk."
Rory makes it outside of the house before she lets the tears slip down her cheeks. Part of her was relieved that Ellie was coming home, honestly Rory had no idea how she was supposed to deal with her little sister. Rory would never say she'd been the best big sister, she'd been the best she could be but with a life that kept her in New York and the age gap they weren't as close as they could possibly be. Lorelai, as she had with Rory, had a special relationship with Ellie but the same could be said for both Luke and Ellie as well. At eight she wasn't old enough to be influenced that her parents weren't cool. And to Ellie, Lorelai and Luke were her heros, her entire world.
Honestly Rory can't blame Ellie for not wanting to go home. The silence of the house was suffocating and deep down she knew she was pushing the subject to have Ellie come home so that she didn't need to stay there alone another night. But she'd seen the pain written across her sister's face at the suggestion and Rory knew she was being childish for attempting to make her child sister act like a grown up. Honestly, she didn't blame Ellie for hating her. Right now she hated herself too.
Wrapping her arms around her stomach she settles for wandering around the town aimlessly, the air is hot and humid but she hardly notices. She has no purpose in her wandering, really, she knew that if she wanted to she could stop by Lane's house. Lane would make room for her to stay the night. So would just about anyone else I the town. Hell Jess would probably let her stay the night in the diner. But she couldn't go there. Couldn't face the diner. Couldn't face Jess. But despite that her walk takes her right by the diner anyway, with a sigh Rory crosses the street and moves toward the gazebo.
She settles on the gazebo, fitting herself into one of the corners and pulling her knees to her chest she rests her chin there. With her arms wrapped firmly around her jean glad legs she lets her mind wander back to a day that felt like a million years ago. In reality it wasn't a million, just ten years and ten days. She could almost imagine her mother in the simple pale, pale, pink dress she'd chosen to wear for the almost impromptu wedding. She and Luke had just decided they were tired of letting life get in the way of their wedding, so Lorelai had picked up the phone one day. Called Sookie and told her that she and Luke would be getting married the next morning. And they had. In a beautiful ceremony that all of Stars Hollow had worked hard to create.
"Hey," Logan's quiet appearance at her side hadn't gone unnoticed so his greeting hardly causes a reaction from Rory for about thirty seconds.
"I thought you went back to New York."
"I did," Logan responds with a shrug. "I remember when Luke and Lorelai got married here, it was the day you decided to give me a second chance."
"Yeah," Rory whispers, "it was."
The couple, who were still legally married though they hadn't been living together for two months, sit in silence lost in their own thoughts. Both of the past. Logan's mind wanders to the time when he'd walked just across the street to talk to Luke and Lorelai about marrying Rory. And Rory could still almost see Luke and Lorelai standing before her exchanging their vows that confessed they'd been in love with each other for longer then they knew. "Rory," Logan's voice is heavy with emotions. "I know you have a lot going on, but we have to talk about the fact that you're pregnant."
"The baby is yours, if that's what you're wondering," Rory's voice is dry, emotionless.
"Of course that's not what I'm asking," Logan responds and Rory's tone doesn't go by him unnoticed. "You're pregnant again..." Logan trails, summoning the courage it's going to take to ask what he's about to. "I want you to move back to New York, we can try it over again."
"Logan, there are reasons, reasons why we are going through a divorce in the first place. They aren't going away..." Rory stops suddenly before dropping both her feet to the ground and jumping to her feet. "I want you to take me to New York." Her voice is almost manic, overexcited and agitated.
"Didn't I just..." Logan is thrown by Rory's sudden change in conversational direction and tone.
"I want to visit my babies," Rory states quickly.
Logan shakes his head slowly, "I don't know if that's such a good idea right now Rory. It's late. To drive to New York now...you need your rest."
Rory shakes her head this time, "Logan please. Take me to see them," her eyes fill with tears, "I need to see them. Please." Rory's expression is pleading and filled with tears, a heartbreaking look that Logan just can't resist.
"Please," Logan has to try one last time, "can we please go in the morning? Let you get some sleep?"
"No," Rory shakes her head the manic sounds in her voice is gone, but in it's stead is a broken voice. A voice that tells Logan that maybe if picking up and driving to New York at ten o'clock at night from Connecticut might not be the best idea Rory's ever had, but in some way it something she needs to do.
"Okay, we'll go." Logan gets to his feet and follows as Rory leads her way to Logan's car that's parked along side the road. He's well aware that this trip is about Rory, and not so much about her need to be in New York but to embrace something that isn't the pain of losing her mother. This has nothing to do with him. This has nothing to do with their "babies" that Rory so desperately wants to see. It's about Rory and Lorelai. In what way Logan doesn't know, but he never claimed to understand the strong bond between mother and daughter. But right now what he does understand is that this is a part of Rory's grieving process and to stand strong beside her like she needs him to drive to New York.