Hi and thanks to those of you who have read and reviewed. This story is getting a lot of "hits" but not many reviews and I'm not sure why. I really do appreciate reviews both good and bad. (I do ask that you are at least nice about bad reviews.) If there is something you don't like about the story, let me know. It helps to hear everyone's opinion.
Chapter 3
Christmas was just days away and Jack was hanging a huge fresh pine wreath on the barn door. If it were up to him, Christmas would come and go without much notice, but Ted was full of Christmas spirit. His two sons and their families were all coming in on the twenty-third. It was the first time all of his family would be home together for Christmas in several years and he couldn't have been happier.
"Looks good, Jeff," Ted called giving his approval to the height and position of the wreath.
Jack got down from the ladder and took it back into the barn without really acknowledging Ted's compliment. Ted followed him into the barn. An old sleigh sat near the back. Jack had helped Ted get it down from a storage area in the barn's loft and had proceeded to make it look like new. The leather seats were saddle soaped and the runners polished glossy. Ted could hardly wait to see his five grandchildren riding in it with his two biggest horses pulling them.
"There used to be a set of big brass jingle bells that attached to the harnesses. I wish I knew where they were," Ted lamented.
"I saw them in the storage room," Jack told him.
"Great! Bring them down. I'll have Lila polish them," Ted said clearly pleased that the bells weren't lost. Ted paced the barn while Jack went up to the storage room. He was too excited to stand still. Jack was amused to see the 73 year old man acting like a child. "This is going to be a wonderful Christmas. I can't wait to see everybody. I don't get to see much of the grandkids; they live too far away. Molly's planning a real feast for Christmas dinner, why don't you come and join us? You'll get along fine with the boys and their wives."
Jack got down from the pull down ladder that led to the storage room and handed Ted the coil of bells attached to a red leather harness. "Thanks for the offer, Ted," Jack said shaking his head, "I think I'll just hang around my place."
"I'll be damned if I can figure you or my daughter out. The two of you have been moping around here and avoiding each other like the plague for the last few weeks. What in hell is going on? I thought you two finally came to your senses when I saw Molly's car near the barn at four o'clock in the morning a few weeks back. I was pretty sure that you weren't watching a hockey game at that hour."
Jack couldn't hide the surprise in his eyes. He had no idea that Ted knew that he and Molly had spent that night together. He reddened and looked away.
"It was a cold night and my arthritis was acting up," Ted explained knowing that he had taken Jack by surprise. "I got up to take some pain medicine. The moon was full and the reflection off Molly's car caught my eye. Otherwise I wouldn't have known."
"I'm sorry, Ted. That was entirely my fault. I shouldn't have allowed it to happen."
"I doubt that it was entirely your fault. I think Molly was probably a willing participant. I know my daughter. If you were forcing yourself on her, she would have put up one hell of a fight and you would have ended up with at least a black eye," Ted smiled. He seemed amused by the whole situation. "I'm not upset about it if that's what you think. You're not exactly teenagers. And, believe it or not, I was your age once. I remember what it was like to be young and in love. Don't try and deny that you're in love. What I don't understand is what happened. You're both obviously unhappy without each other, so why don't you get back together?"
"Molly deserves better," Jack said succinctly. "I won't let her waste her life on me."
"Isn't that her decision? Personally, I think Molly would be lucky to have you. She was married to a doctor and as far as I was concerned he was a bum. He may have had lots of degrees and letters after his name and he thought that he was important, but he never really loved Molly. That's the important thing. It isn't how well educated you are or what you do for a living. It's how much you can love someone other than yourself. Zach loved himself plenty, but he didn't know how to love anyone else. He broke Molly's heart. When you showed up and I realized how you two felt about each other, I was so hopeful that Molly would let herself fall in love. You know how to love, I can tell. I wish that you'd allow yourself to love Molly."
"My God, Ted! I love her with all my heart, but I can't offer her anything else. I live in an apartment over a barn and I never know from day to day if someone is going to recognize me and I'm going to end up in a jail back in the States or even dead. I won't have Molly living that way."
"You're living in them middle of nowhere, son, no one is going to recognize you. Tell Molly the truth and let her decide what's right for her."
"No, it's better this way. I know Molly. She'll say that none of that matters and that she just wants us to be together, but in the end she'll be hurt worse than she is right now. She'll get over this, Ted. If the Secret Service ever finds out where I am, they'll put two bullets in the back of my head and if Molly is close by she'll end up dead, too. I won't risk her life."
Ted wanted to argue. He wanted to tell Jack how ridiculous he sounded, but it wasn't worth the effort. If he knew one thing about Jack it was that he was bull-headed. Once his mind was made up, there was no changing it until he was ready.
"Suit yourself. Be unhappy at the happiest time of the year. I don't care of you want to mope around and be miserable. What I do care about is that my daughter is miserable and there is really no good reason for either of you to be unhappy," Ted didn't wait for a response. He turned and walked toward the house shaking his head.
Jack watched Ted go and then went upstairs to his apartment. He hated that Molly was so hurt. He wanted to go to her and take her in his arms. The memory of the night they shared was strong. If he closed his eyes he could almost feel her there with him. He could feel her warmth and softness and remember what it was like to wake up next to her. The memory would have to last a lifetime, because he had decided that it could never happen again.
Jack had awakened early that morning, his arms encircling Molly's naked body, and instantly regretted everything that had happened. It had been tender and beautiful and he had enjoyed every minute of it. Of course he had enjoyed the sex, but it wasn't just that; it was being so close to another human being, allowing himself to be vulnerable and letting his protective wall down if only for a few hours. Now it was over and Jack was angry at himself for allowing it to happen. He had promised himself that he wouldn't get intimate with Molly and now he had.
Molly began stretching and rolled over to face him. She smiled as she opened her eyes. "Good morning," she whispered and then kissed his lips softly. "What time is it?"
"It's almost 5:15," he whispered back.
"I've got to get out of here," Molly said with a sigh. "Dad's going to be awake soon and I really don't want him to see my car here." She sat up holding the sheet to her chest suddenly modest in front of a man for whom she had lifted her sweater and exposed her breasts less than six hours earlier.
"Stay there," Jack suggested. "I'll get your clothes." He grabbed a robe from a hook on the wall and padded out to retrieve Molly's clothes from in front of the television where he had carelessly discarded them as he stripped them from her body. He felt a stir of desire when he remembered undressing her. "Here they are," he said as he handed the clothes to Molly. "I'll close the door so you can have some privacy," he told her awkwardly.
Molly smiled. She felt the same awkwardness. It happened to all first time lovers but she assured herself that it was a phase that would pass quickly. The love they shared had been so intense and so real. She couldn't wait to be with this man again and she hoped that the "morning after" embarrassment would subside by then.
Jack paced the kitchen while Molly dressed. He didn't know how to tell her that their relationship couldn't continue. Molly interrupted his thoughts as she opened the bedroom door. He picked up her coat and helped her into it. "I hate that you have to go out into the cold. The sun isn't even up yet." He focused on buttoning her coat and made sure that he didn't look at her.
Molly touched his face gently. "I wish I didn't have to go. I could have stayed in bed with you all day, but for now I'd rather my father didn't know about this."
Jack nodded. "I think that's best."
Molly leaned in and kissed his lips. "I'm falling in love, Jeff."
Jack involuntarily returned the kiss. "I know. So am I," he admitted aloud knowing that he should have never said so but somehow unable to stop himself. He walked Molly out to her car and watched her go.
Walking back to the barn he felt a blanket of self-loathing descend upon him. He hated himself for what he had just done. He had satisfied his own carnal desires and at the same time gave Molly the hope that they had a future. She would be devastated when he told her that they didn't. He wondered what Molly would tell Ted and what his reaction would be. Would Ted turn him in at that point? Would he demand that Jack leave his property? Maybe he should beat Ted to the punch and just pack up and leave. It would be best for Molly, but he loved the ranch and he couldn't make himself leave unless Ted insisted. No, he would simply face whatever happened, he just hoped that it didn't come back to haunt Tony, Michelle and Chloe.
Jack talked to Molly at her apartment later that evening. He made every excuse that he could think of and took all of the blame. "I work for you father," he told her. "I shouldn't be involved with my boss' daughter." That didn't seem to bother me when I was sleeping with Audrey, he reminded himself. "I'm not good enough for you. You don't know anything about me. You can do better than me."
Molly made no attempt to hide her tears. She countered every one of his arguments with one of her own but to no avail. In the end Jack kissed her forehead and told her that he would never stop loving her but that he had to go. As he closed the door behind him, he could hear her quiet sobs. He stood in the hall listening to her for a long time, not sure whether to run back in and take her in his arms or to leave the building. Torn by the decision, he went out into the cold night air and walked the streets of the little town for a long time.
Since then he and Molly had taken great pains to avoid each other. Ted's reaction had been largely to ignore the situation. He knew better than to get in the middle of what he perceived to be a "domestic squabble".
Jack paced his apartment wishing that none of this had ever happened. Finally, unable to bear the four walls around him, he decided to go into town for a while. He parked his old truck on the outskirts of town and walked down Main Street. The town was small; probably only five or six square blocks, but Jack liked it. He liked all of the little mom-and-pop businesses and the fact that he knew everyone by sight if not by name. Everyone was friendly but they left him alone. Ted was right; the place was forgiving. It seemed like he wasn't the only one here who wanted to forget the past. Strangers wandered into town and, as long as they didn't cause any trouble, they were accepted for who they were. Some hung around for a while and did seasonal work on ranches and then moved on while a few others stayed long term as Jack had done.
Main Street was decorated for Christmas. Strings of lighted garland hung across the street, their lights twinkling as they swayed in the breeze. Jack turned left at the corner and entered the wine and spirits shop. He said hello to the owner who stood behind the counter wearing a Santa hat and looking like he probably had drunk some of the profits over the years.
"Merry Christmas, Jeff," Jim Riley said. Jim's face was ruddy and his nose bulbous.
"Same to you," Jack returned trying to look like he meant it. He felt like Scrooge and it took all of his waning energy to say something other than "Bah, humbug!"
"Looking for something special? I've got some nice bottles of wine. Molly likes the white wines from California," he said winking.
Yes, I know that, Jack thought. If you want to get specific, she likes chardonnay or fume blanc. He picked up a bottle of Cabernet and then went to the next aisle for scotch. Ted liked scotch and he wanted to get a bottle of his favorite brand as a Christmas present. He wrapped his hand around the neck of the bottle and picked it up. "Just these," Jack said without explanation. He carried the bottles to the counter and Jim rang them up. They exchanged pleasantries for a moment before Jack said goodbye and headed for the library.
Jack knew from past experience that a Christmas spent alone could be an extremely long day. He wanted to be ready for it so he stocked up on all of his favorite authors. Six books plus a bottle of good Cabernet and he was ready to face the day.
Jack left the library and continued along the street toward the coffee shop. He looked in the window and saw that the place was largely deserted. It was too late for lunch and too early for dinner. A couple of high school kids out of school for the holiday sat in a booth eating ice cream sundaes. Jack took note of the dreamy look in their eyes and remembered his own teenage years sitting in the local pizza shop with Teri, the same dreamy expressions on their faces. Be careful, kids, he thought looking at the couple. After one of those pizzas he and Teri ended up in the back seat of his father's car and before he knew it, he was in the delivery room being presented with a newborn daughter just after his own twentieth birthday.
Jack didn't feel like going back to the ranch yet, so he went into the coffee shop. Phyllis made a coconut cream pie to die for and Jack was in the mood for coffee and a piece of pie, so he headed into the diner.
"Hi, Jeff. Merry Christmas!" Phyllis called as Jack entered.
"Merry Christmas, Phyllis," Jack answered.
"What can I get for you?" Phyllis asked as she set a coffee cup down in front of him and began to pour.
"The coconut cream pie looks good. I'll take a piece of that."
Phyllis cut a generous slice of pie and set it in front of Jack. "So I hear there are big doings out at Ted's place. Hear the whole family is coming home for Christmas."
"Yeah, his sons and their families are coming in tomorrow."
"That'll be nice. Families should be together at Christmas. Do you and Molly have special plans?"
Jack mentally rolled his eyes. He hated it that his personal life was of interest to anyone. He also hated knowing that no matter how he answered this question his answer would be all over town within fifteen minutes of his leaving the diner. "I'm planning on catching up on my reading," he said indicating the stack of books on the counter next to him. "I would imagine that Molly plans to spend a lot of time with her family."
Phyllis frowned. "I thought you two would spend the holiday together."
"You thought wrong," Jack said casually but inside he was seething. Don't you think I want to spend Christmas with Molly? his mind screamed. I want to wake up next to her Christmas morning and know that I'll wake up that way every day for the rest of my life. I love her. Can't you see that it's killing me?
Phyllis refilled Jack's coffee. She didn't know what to make of this development. Jack and Molly had been in the coffee shop a couple of times over the summer and fall and although they didn't do any of those "couple" kind of things like hold hands, Phyllis was certain that there was more than just friendship between them. After years in the coffee shop watching hundreds of couples come and go, she prided herself on being able to spot a couple in love from across the restaurant and she had pegged Jeff and Molly as most definitely in love.
Jack ate the pie and drank the coffee while making nothing more than awkward small talk with Phyllis and some of the girls behind the counter. He left as soon as he was finished eating not wanting to talk any longer and he headed back out into the cold December afternoon. Everyone on the street was happy and Jack did his best to match their enthusiasm and return their greetings. He turned the corner to head back to his truck and stopped for a moment to shift the load of books that he was balancing somewhat precariously on his right arm. The stack adjusted, he was about to continue the trip to his truck when he glanced into the window of the shop in front of him. It was a jewelry store and the window was filled with beautiful gold and silver and precious stones all glittering in the sunshine. A necklace in the corner caught his eye. It was a white gold chain with a horseshoe shaped charm studded with tiny diamonds. Jack instantly thought of Molly; it was perfect for her. He could see the horseshoe lying just below the base of her throat. Without allowing himself to think too much about it, he turned and went into the store.
"Hi, Fred," he said to the elderly shop owner.
"Hi, Jeff. Merry Christmas. I saw you looking in the window. Did something catch your eye?"
"Yeah, I'd like to see the necklace in the corner with the horseshoe on it."
Fred handed him the necklace and Jack held it up to inspect it. "That's a well made piece of jewelry," Fred told him in his best salesman mode. "I told my wife yesterday that I was surprised that no one had bought that yet. See how the diamonds are set; that gives you maximum light refraction. That's why it has such a sparkle to it." Jack said nothing as he examined the necklace. Fred was right in one respect; it sparkled beautifully.
Millicent, Fred's wife, came out from the back of the store. She was a tiny woman who always looked like a good stiff wind would blow her away. "Oh, the horseshoe necklace!" she said. "That's one of my favorites. Fred and I were talking about it yesterday. With all of the girls who ride horses in this town, I thought it would get snatched up in a second."
"Well, a lot of them have looked at it," Fred added, "but I guess that they're waiting for their husbands or boyfriends to buy it for them for Christmas."
Jack was basically ignoring their sales pitch. He knew that he wanted to buy the necklace for Molly but was trying to decide if such a gift was appropriate. What was he going to say when he gave it to her? How could he explain that he loved her and hated himself for what he had done to her and that the necklace was a kind of "I'm sorry" gift but that he still didn't want to restart their relationship? It sounded ridiculous even to him; he couldn't image how stupid it would sound to her. Maybe he would send it to her anonymously. As the ideas swirled in his head he realized that Fred and Millicent were watching him.
"I'll take it," he said blushing slightly. He was not at all sure how he was going to give it to Molly or if, in fact, he would ever work up the nerve to give it to her but he would buy it nonetheless.
Millicent took the necklace from him. "Let me put that in a box and wrap it," she said smiling.
Jack had barely left the store with his purchase when Millicent was on the phone to Phyllis at the coffee shop. "Phyllis? It's Millie. You'll never guess who was just in the shop," Millicent continued without giving Phyllis time to guess. "It was that good looking man that works for Ted Anderson."
"You mean Jeff McCarthy?"
"That's right. He bought that horseshoe necklace that has been in the corner of the window. You know the one. The white gold one studded with diamonds," Millicent told her loving the fact that for once she had one-uped Phyllis in the gossip department.
"Oh, really? Did he say who it was for?" Phyllis asked.
"He didn't say but from what I've heard he's sweet on Ted's daughter. I've seen them walking down the street together."
"Well, he just had a cup of coffee here and I asked him if he was spending Christmas with Molly and he acted as if he didn't know what I was talking about. He almost seemed insulted that I would have suggested it."
"I don't know what to say, Phyllis, unless there's another girl that he's interested in that we don't know about. That isn't the kind of necklace that you buy for just any girl. She would have to have an interest in horses and Molly certainly does fit the bill."
"So do half of the girls in town, Millie," Phyllis countered. She hated being scooped on a good piece of gossip like this.
"Well, I haven't heard that he's dating anyone else," Millie retorted.
"I'm not sure that he's dating Molly. Have you ever seen them holding hands? When they walk down the street together there's a whole body width between them. That's hardly the way a couple acts."
"You can say what you want, Phyllis, but I've seen them look at each other. In fact, it was that day in the coffee shop last summer. Remember? I came in for a ham salad sandwich and they were in there getting some iced tea. Believe me, I've sold enough engagement rings to know what a couple in love looks like and those two were in love."
"You've got a point," Phyllis admitted. "They always seem so happy when they're together. And they make such a handsome couple. I can't help but look at them and think of what pretty blond haired babies they could make. Tell you what, Millie, I'll call Alice Schaefer. Her daughter Andrea works with Molly. I'll bet she'll know the story."
"That's a good idea," Millie said. "Let me know what you find out."
While the town gossips were burning up the phone lines, Jack was on his way back to the ranch. He carried his purchases and his library books up to his apartment and set them on the kitchen counter. He took the wrapped package containing the necklace and sat down on the sofa and stared at it like something was going to jump out of it. He bought the necklace totally on impulse and now he wondered if it was such a good idea. Downstairs in the barn Jack could hear one or two of the horses whinny. He really needed to go down and tend to them, so he set the present aside and decided that he would think about it later.
December 23 dawned sunny and clear and by noon the ranch was a beehive of activity. Ted, Jr. and his wife, Sandra, arrived with their three children. Troy was 15, Erin was 12 and Owen was 7. An hour or so later, Andy and Carolyn arrived with Nicholas, who was 9, and Jane, who at 5, was the youngest Anderson grandchild. Ted was in his glory repeatedly hugging his grandchildren and introducing everyone to Jack.
The children all wanted to play in the barn and see the horses. Despite living far from the ranch, the older children had been taught to ride. Jack saddled up two of the gentler horses for Troy and Erin. Nicholas, Owen and Jane rode in the sleigh which Jack had harnessed to two lumbering draught horses. It was picture-perfect and Jack's morose mood melted in the noonday sun. He hadn't spent any time with children in ages and he had forgotten how much fun it was. Ted, Jr. and Andy joined them in a field where they built a snow fort and had a big snowball fight that lasted until the winter sun had drifted below the horizon.
Molly stood with her sisters-in-law watching the spectacle through the kitchen window. She stared at Jack watching him interact with the children. He's a natural with kids, she thought. He'd be a wonderful father. Her heart ached. She wanted to be with him and to have his children and watch him play in the snow with them.
Carolyn seemed to read her mind. "Jeff's great with the kids," she said watching him pick up little Janie and carry her out of a barrage of snow balls that were coming their way in retaliation of a salvo Jack had launched. Janie clung to him and the two laughed as he ran bogged down in the knee deep snow. "Does he have any of his own?"
"Not that I know of," Molly answered. "I don't know a lot about him. He doesn't talk about his life before he came here. It's like he was just dropped off here one day and his life started at that moment."
"He seems very nice," Sandra added. "Ted certainly likes him."
"He's been a godsend for Daddy," Molly agreed. "I don't know how he would have continued running the place without him."
"How do you feel about him?" Carolyn asked sensing that there was more that Molly wasn't saying.
Molly smiled. Her sisters-in-law had, in some ways, been like mothers to her. They were both almost 15 years older than she and had come into the motherless girl's life just before she reached puberty and really needed a mother to talk to. Sandra and Carolyn had both reached out to her and provided her much needed maternal support. Carolyn was particularly adept at knowing when Molly needed that support even now.
"I care about him and I thought he cared about me," she said deciding that Carolyn and Sandra didn't need to know the details. "He feels that we shouldn't be involved since he works for Daddy. I'm not sure how I feel about him." Molly could feel tears sting her eyes.
"You don't know how you feel about him? I think you know exactly how you feel about him. I think you love him," Sandra said softly.
"Maybe I do," Molly admitted, "but it's a moot point. He doesn't love me so I need to stop acting like a lovesick schoolgirl and get on with my life." She walked away so that her sisters-in-law wouldn't see the tears in her eyes. The two of them exchanged a quick glance. They didn't need to see the tears to know that they were there.
The next day was Christmas Eve and the children were up early planning their day. The list of activities included more snowball fights and sleigh rides and to top it all off they would go out and pick out the perfect Christmas tree. Jack finished all of his necessary work around noon and, as promised, took the kids out to pick out a tree. They searched Ted's property for about an hour before they decided on a nice eight foot spruce. Jack cut the tree down and the group hauled it back to the house on a sled. A half hour later the tree stood ready to decorate in Ted's large living room.
With Jack's role in the Christmas tree process finished, he headed out of the house through the kitchen to take care of some chores that he had not quite had time for earlier in the day. As he walked into the kitchen, Molly stepped out of the pantry.
"Hey," he said softly surprised by her sudden presence. "I'm on my way out. I just got the tree in the stand and it's ready to decorate." He didn't know why he felt a need to explain.
"Thanks for your help," Molly said haltingly. "My brothers are all thumbs when it comes to things like putting up a Christmas tree. I saw the tree. It's a pretty one."
"Janie picked it out. First she wanted a twenty foot one that was over by the west gate, but I talked her out of that one," Jack smiled sheepishly. He felt like a teenager and hated the feeling, the awkwardness of the moment.
"Look, if you don't have plans for dinner tomorrow, Dad would really love it if you came over."
Jack looked at the floor for a moment and then back at Molly. "How would you feel?"
"It doesn't matter how I feel. My brothers and I decided that this Christmas is for Dad. His accident last winter really scared us. We don't have any control over how many more Christmases we might have with him. We want this one to be special for him. He wants you to be here, which means that I want you to be here, too."
"That's sweet of you, Molly. I'd really like to come for dinner."
"Good, then that's settled. We're eating around 5 o'clock. We'll see you then," Molly said.
Jack stared at Molly for a long moment before nodding his farewell and leaving. He plodded slowly through the snow back to the barn with his insides tangled in a knot. His head was telling him one thing, and his heart was telling him another. He found himself inexplicably drawn to this family, to the kids, to Ted, but mostly to Molly. The thought of another lonely Christmas without Kim or anyone else that he loved was unbearable. Being a part of a family, if only at the family's distant edge, gave him something to look forward to and the thought of being near Molly warmed his heart.