Chapter 9: Confessions II
Jude stormed out of her father's house, sobbing. Stuart Harrison was right behind her, trying to do something, anything, that would keep him from losing his baby girl.
"Jude, sweetie-"
He was cut off as his youngest daughter whirled around on him, almost causing a collision. "You just don't get it, do you? You broke this family. You broke us. You broke mom and you broke Sadie. You broke me. We're all broken. Broken, like that vase I knocked over when I was six. We can't be repaired. And it's all your fault."
Stuart just looked at his beautiful daughter, all words escaping him.
In a much softer voice, Jude said her final piece. "It was all you. My daddy broke me, the one guy in the world who was supposed to keep me safe and protect me from everything. I've been broken so many fucking times...the only guy who hasn't completely shattered me yet is Jamie, and I'm sure that will happen in due time with the way things go in my life. No one can pick up the fucking pieces anymore, there's too many and they're too small. And now all I am is broken and worthless. That's it."
Before Stuart could say anything, Jude turned and sprinted across his lawn, trying to run away from everything. The neighborhood was still relatively new to her and she didn't know where anything was, so she just ran and ran, not caring where, just away. Blinded by tears and her emotions, Jude didn't see anything, not her father, not Kwest's abandoned car, not the road, not the trees, and not the blue Viper next to the curb.
But Kwest and Tommy saw Jude, and Stuart, and Kwest's car. They had arrived at Stuart's home in time to see Jude burst from the front door and yell at her father. Tommy and Kwest stared and Jude as she darted away, aghast at what she had just said to her father. Tommy knew Stuart had really hurt the Harrison girls when he cheated with Yvette, but damn, it must have affected Jude more than anyone thought.
Tommy switched his gaze from Jude's retreating form to Stuart. There was only one world that could describe Stuart's mien: defeated. His shoulders sag and his body appeared lifeless. But the worst part of everything was his eyes. Even though Tommy was quite a ways away from him, the agony was unmistakable in Stuart's face. Tommy had never seen anything like it and sure as hell wished that he'd never have to experience it.
By this time Jude had escaped from view and Kwest jumped out of the Viper and rushed towards his own baby. Running up to it, Kwest lovingly ran his hands over his Mustang as he noted the absence of any damaging marks. Thanking his lucky stars for his car's safety and Jude's, Kwest hopped in the driver's seat and closed to door to find the keys still in the ignition. He backed out of the driveway and pulled up alongside Tommy's Viper. They both rolled their windows down.
"What do you think we should do, Tommy? Jude's definitely an emotional roller coaster and she's in no state to be wandering around an unfamiliar neighborhood. We gotta find her."
"I know, man, I know. She couldn't have gotten far, she's only been gone for a few minutes and she's on foot. I'm not really acquainted with this neighborhood either so let's split up and just keep an eye out for her while we drive around. There's not much else we can do."
"All right. But what do you want me to do if I find her?" Kwest asked.
Tommy thought for a second. "Just call me on my cell and tell me where you are. I'll get there as quick as I can. If I find her first then I'll call you. Sound good?"
"Yeah."
Without another word Tommy peeled off down the street in the direction that he thought Jude was running in.
Tommy quietly stepped behind a tree and whipped out his cell phone. "Hey, Kwest, it's me. I found her." Pause. "Yeah, she's fine, or at least I think she is. Just do me a favor and go tell her dad that she's ok. He looked pretty worried when we left. I'll call you later and tell you how it goes." Another pause. "Thanks, man. Bye."
Tommy stuffed his phone back into his pocket and cautiously stepped out from behind the tree. Before moving towards Jude, he just stood and watched her for a moment.
It didn't surprise him where he ended up finding her. There really wasn't anywhere else for her to go in this neighborhood; it was all houses, except for a small park. Now the park may have been small compared to some of the other ones in Toronto, but it still took Tommy a good twenty minutes of searching to finally find his punk princess.
Jude was sitting on the ground next to a small pound. Her knees were drawn up to her chest and one arm was wrapped securely around them while the other guided her finger around in the cool, murky water. Her hand had no direction, no pattern; it was just an absent movement while her mind and emotions were in overdrive. Jude's chin was resting on her knees while her eyes were aimed at the water and trees, yet they registered nothing. She was lost in her thoughts and never noticed the figure approaching her from behind.
"Hey."
Even though Tommy's gentle voice surprised her, Jude didn't react. She simply continued the random motion of her hand in the water and remained silent.
"What happened, girl? What was that?"
Jude continued the movement of her hand but her mouth stayed immobile.
"Jude?"
She slowly lifted her head from its resting place and sighed. By now Tommy had come up and sat down off to the side and a little ways behind her. Jude stared across the water for several seconds before turning her head slightly and looking at Tommy over her shoulder.
"Are you sure you want to know, Tommy?"
He focused and locked his own eyes on hers before nodding, "Yeah, I do, but only if you want to tell me. It's up to you."
Jude turned her head away and said in a mocking tone, "You don't know already?" Tommy didn't say anything so she continued. "Ladies and gentlemen, mark your calendars, because today Little Tommy Q doesn't have the answer."
She returned her gaze to the all too familiar one of her producer, her best friend, her...don't say it. Jude Harrison, don't you dare say it, dammit. Tommy is nothing more than your friend and never will be anything else. Why the hell am I thinking about Tommy right now? He should be the last thing on my mind. Maybe because he's sitting right next to you and staring into your eyes like he can see through you, all the way down to your soul. Yeah, that's probably it.
Tommy didn't say anything to that, either. He just looked at her, trying to untie the obviously twisted and tormented mind of the girl sitting next to him. Come on, Jude, put down your wall for just a little while and talk to me. Please. Not being able to help you is killing me, too.
"Temporary insanity, Tommy, that's what. Temporary...fucking...insanity." It seemed like Tommy was going to speak, but Jude continued, cutting off whatever he might have been about to say. "But you know, lately I've been thinking that maybe, just maybe, it's not so temporary."
In truth Tommy was speechless, but it'd been so long since he'd spoken and he knew he had to say something now. "You don't mean that, Jude. You are definitely not insane, although you are a little crazy at times, more often than not." Tommy watched Jude, hoping for some kind of reaction. She merely blinked. "Ok, excuse my pathetic attempt for a joke. But that's not the point." Tommy took a deep breath. "Jude, you're not insane or crazy, simply emotional and hormonal and on the roller coaster of your life with no bathroom breaks. I can't believe how far you've made it already. You're not even seventeen yet and you've been forced to deal with so much in your life, and it doesn't help having it broadcasted to millions of other people. You are by far one of the strongest people I have ever met, quite possible the strongest. This...this is nothing. Wait, correction. It is something, something important, but you've dealt with worse and I know you'll get through this. It won't be easy, nothing ever has been for you, but you'll get through it ok. There might be some bumps and bruises and scratches, but those will heal. No matter what life throws at you, you take it head on, and you make it through in one piece." There was a pause. "You're unbelievable, girl. Unbelievable."
What could she say to that? No one had ever believed in her as much as Tommy did, and it was nice to hear it. Sometimes people didn't realize how crucial support and encouragement were to a person, especially from people close to them. They always say the nicest things...
Not realizing what they were doing, Jude and Tommy shifted closer together, facing each other. As if pulled by a magnet, their lips drew closer to each other, just waiting to ignite the sparks. It was like Jude was flint and Tommy was steel, a fire just waiting to happen.
A lock of Jude's hair fell across her face as she was leaning towards Tommy. The sudden flash of blonde hair color made Jude snap back to reality and things that could never be.
"Sadie..." Jude barely whispered but just loud enough so that Tommy could hear it before she pulled away and turned her head back to the lake, trying to compose her thoughts and feelings. Not again...Why does he always do this to me, why?
At the mention of his girlfriend's name, Tommy began to blink rapidly, like he was trying to remember who she was. It finally clicked and Tommy quickly retreated away from Jude. Dammit, Quincy, that was way too close. You can't keep doing this, it's not fair to Jude or Sadie. He let out a sigh. Why does someone always have to get hurt?
Knowing that Jude wasn't going to be the one to initiate conversation this time, Tommy did what he could to salvage the situation. "So, um, you wanna talk about your dad?"
"No."
"Oh, ok then. You want me to take you home?"
"No."
"Do you just want to sit here then?"
"No."
Getting frustrated, Tommy clenched his teeth tried to relax as he asked another question. "Well, could you at least give me more than one syllable answer?"
"No."
It took all the will power Tommy had not to reach over and strangle Jude right then, as much as he wanted to.
Still in a soft voice, Jude finally gave him a useful answer. "Can you take me to the studio? Please?"
Visibly relaxing, Tommy agreed. "Sure."
He stood up first and then offered his hand to help Jude up. After a slight hesitation, Jude placed her delicate hand in his and stood as he helped support her until she regained her balance.
The pair walked out of the park to the parking lot, where the illustrious blue Viper was waiting. Neither of them said a word to the other during the entire ride to G Major. What was there to say? Or more like, what could they say?
Arriving at the familiar building, Tommy killed the ignition. A silent moment passed.
"Thanks," Jude said softly.
"Anytime," replied Tommy.
With a nod, Jude unbuckled and exited the car with Tommy not far behind.
Realizing that Jude wouldn't be working, Tommy left her in the lounge and headed to Studio A to work. Meanwhile, Jude grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator in the kitchenette and returned to the lounge. She stretched out on the couch and stared at the ceiling, attempting to sort through her muddled and confused thoughts.
It'd been about an hour since Jude and Tommy had returned to G Major and Tommy was busy working on mixing some tracks for another one of his artists. He knew he couldn't do anything with Jude's music, not now, so he did his best to try and get her and everything that had just happened out of his mind.
A soft knock on the door caused him to turn around.
"Hey."
"Hey. How are you Jude, honestly?"
She sighed. "Better. I'm not sure if I'm ok yet, but I'm getting there. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know I'm about to take off."
"Do you need a ride?"
"Nah, I was just gonna call Jamie."
"Are you sure? 'Cause I really don't mind. I should be done here pretty soon, anyway."
"Yeah, it's fine. You've done enough today already. Plus, I just really feel like seeing Jamie right now."
A little hurt, but hiding it well, Tommy said. "Ok, then. I guess I'll see you later."
"Yeah." Jude paused. "I know I said it earlier, but thanks, really." She gave him a small, quick smile then turned at left.
Pulling her phone from her pocket, Jude dialed some numbers and put the phone to her ear. After a few minutes, she flipped it closed and resumed a seat on the couch while she waited.