AN: For those of you who don't know why my ship is called the Leggy, it's derived from Legolas. I think Legolas is a funny name, but it's Tolkein's, so … I think you can make the connection, because you're all so very smart…

I thought I told you people not to flame me.

If anyone reading this story has been reviewed by Lady Baelish and was offended, please tell me. I really don't like her.

WARNING: IF YOU LOVE THE MUNCHKINS, DON'T READ THIS CHAPTER.

Chappy 3

My Ship

"You got it sprayed for bugs, right?" I asked Irwin nervously as we walked up the gangplank. "And you got the rats removed? Because if I find one rat in there, so help me God…"

"I told you twenty-one times now," Irwin answered. "It's cleaner then a five-star hotel."

"It better be," I growled. I have a thing about bugs, and spiders especially. If they stay away from me, they won't die…unless someone else kills them.

"Where's the stuff you got us?" Kristin demanded. "Trisha said there would be gifts for me and Paige."

"Yeah! Where's Orlando Bloom?" Paige asked. "Even Dominic Monaghan will do!"

"It's in the hold," Irwin said.

"Tank you!" Kristin said (yes, I know it says tank). They ran to the hold. Then we heard screaming.

"WHERE'S ORLANDO?" Paige screamed. "OH! HERE'S A LIFE SIZE PICTURE OF HIM! IT'S OKAY!"

"WHERE'S MINE?" Kristin shouted.

"Oh yeah, it's tied to the back of the boat." Irwin replied. Kristin leaned over the edge, when the cabin boy ran up and pushed her in!

"Help!" she screeched. "Help! HELP ME!"

"Kristin," I yelled back exasperatedly, "you know how to swim! You've been bragging all summer that you can swim like a fish!" She didn't listen. Sometimes that girl is just beyond reason.

Then, all of a sudden, a dolphin jumped up out of the water! It grabbed Kristin by the seat of her pants, and dropped her on board. We didn't realize that she was strangling the boy, because we were too occupied by the other spectacle that was taking place.

The dolphin was standing on its tail fin, in a way very much like the dolphins that attacked Springfield in the Simpsons, if you've ever seen that episode. So, needless to say, we were all very freaked out.

"OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!" Paige was screaming, sitting in a corner of the deck, hugging her Orlando Bloom. As she kept repeating it, I had to poke her, saying "Number three! Number three!" because we've gone to a Catholic school almost all our lives (Paige graduated from there and is now in the High School, because she is a year older then me and couldn't be bothered to be held back) and every time one of us said oh my God, we were told to poke that person and say number three. So now you can do that to anyone who says that, and tell them Trisher Nicole told you to do it, unless, of course, I know you personally, then you get to take the fall for it.

"SHUT UP!" Irwin yelled at us. "Now, uh, Little Dolphin, do you have a name?"

"Yes," it said in a very squeaky voice. "My name is Jiff."

"What?" I asked incredulously. Normally dolphins got names like Skippy or Flip. So you can probably guess at how strange that name sounded for a dolphin.

"Yeah," Jiff said. "Well, my parents used live in Sea World, their names were Skippy and Peanut Butter, so they decided to name me Jiff, another brand of peanut butter. The workers at Sea World didn't get a chance to name me, because some Green peace people came and freed us all, even though we were perfectly happy there. We got free food three times daily! No we have to hunt for every scrap of food. It sucks. Anyway, those few weeks that I spent at Sea World were enough that I could learn human, and now I am fluent. I support your cause. I've been near Willy Wonka's factory, and I think that those Oompa Loompas deserve to be set free. They do not even know it is slavery."

"So what do you want to tell us, Jiff?" I asked him just like I would a human.

"The Munchkins want to stop you. They were the ones who banished the Oompa Loompas to Loompa Land. They are the reason for all of their suffering. I don't like them, personally. They've been getting a little too rowdy with the drink, if you catch my meaning."

"So you're saying," Paige replied disbelievingly, "That the Munchkins got drunk and banished the Oompa Loompas to eat nasty green caterpillars on a horrible island, all because Dorothy murdered those witches? I find that hard to believe."

"Ah, but they are waiting for you once you exit the safety of coastal waters. Then they will spring their trap. Glenda is leading them, and you know her. She's a weirdo, and would sink you're boat in a heart beat."

"So what do you suppose that we do about it?" Irwin asked peevishly. That was a Vocabulary word. So was retard. Doesn't that show you what Catholic schools are like these days?

"Well," Jiff said, "there is another reason that I can speak you're language. There was a witch who was with Green peace, and she gave me the gift of tongues, so that I could communicate with every species on Earth. She was a Brit, so I only know English human. She was also for the freeing of Oompa Loompas. She can appear whenever I want her to, and disappear just as fast. She said that if I ever got word of the Munchkins acting, to tell a member of the Society."

"Wait," I said, thoroughly confused, "am I missing something?"

"Well," Jiff said stiffly. "If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you."

"Hey," Troy complained, suddenly speaking up. I didn't even know he was on the ship. "I want to know what the Society is!"

"Yeah!" I yelled.

" Me too!" Paige said, finally setting her Orlando down.

"You didn't let me finish!" Jiff sobbed defensively. I guess he didn't live being yelled at. "I'll just call Her." There was a crack, and a bushy haired twenty-five year old stepped onto the deck.

"What do you want to know?"

AN: Paige, I'm sorry if you don't like how Orlando Bloom obsessed you are, but this is satire.

And for the rest of you...REVIEW! Reviews are the fuel for these chapters. I notice and read each one of your reviews, and I acknowledge them.Thank you for reviewing.

Except Lady Baelish. Hasn't she evet watched Bambi? "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

Now, if there's something that I can change, okay. Don't just say it sucks.