Hooray! I finally updated.And if you see anything that I should change, that's constructive criticism. Just saying that it sucks is a flame. Jimmy Bob's afraid of fire; he'll make me put it out.

Disclaimer: I don't own Oompa Loompas or Hobbits. If I did, I would be in Hawaii right now. It's frickin' cold in Michigan!

Chappy 4

Hybrids

"Hermione Granger?" Paige and I asked together. Out of all of us, we were the only ones who had read Harry Potter. Hey, if there are Oompa Loompas in this story, why can't Hermione be in it too? And doesn't that make sense because she was so concerned about House Elves that she might move on to something else to free?

"Who are you?" Everyone else asked at the same moment we did.

"I am a humanitarian from Green Peace," she stated matter-of-factly (old habits die hard).

"NADAR NATION!" Paige yelled.

Hermione glared. "As I was saying. I was with them when we set Jiff's family free. I felt a little bad for them because they no longer got free food, but had to hunt for it, so I granted Jiff the gifts of Tongues and Knowledges, which is why he's here. We must battle the Munchkins, and set the Oompa Loompas free!" She was obviously expecting some applause or something because of the oh-so-wonderful speech she made. We just stood there disbelievingly.

"So…" Kristin asked, "are you going to stop Glenda or what?"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Yes, you imbecilic morons! Yes! Did you get hit in the head a few too many times or something!"

"Well…," I said sheepishly, "I'm not the most graceful- AH!" I had just slipped on the puddle of water Kristin had made and whacked my head. "Owww. Will someone help me? Please?" I started drooling (just to make them feel bad because no one was coming to help me).

"Oh fine! Just stop that drooling, it's disgusting!" Paige said distastefully.

"I was going to stop anyway," I told her, "I was disgusting myself."

"We're hungry!" An Oompa Loompa with white skin and short dark hair shouted.

"You just ate an entire twenty pound turkey half an hour ago!" Irwin shouted. "And a whole pig an hour before that!"

"Who are you?" the surly midget growled.

"Be nice, Jimmy Bob!" Another, bigger Oompa Loompa said. He had curly blond hair, which is a bit odd for an Oompa Loompa/Hobbit hybrid.

"W-what did you do to those Oompa Loompas?" Paige said in a voice that said if-you-don't-give-me-a-good-answer-I-may-beat-you but was also a little bit scared.

"I didn't do this." I stated. She immediately relaxed. "I found them this way. Remember when we went to Middle Earth?"

"I really don't want to," she muttered in a regretful sort of voice.

"Well," I continued on brightly, "I found these two orphaned and rejected, so I took them home with me. They've been living on this ship for three months now."

"Why?" Troy asked.

"I'll tell you why!" the surly Oompa Loompa, Jimmy Bob, said. "Willy Wonka rejected us! He threw us out of his PROFANITY factory! Not that we weren't glad to go, but we had nowhere to go. So we went back to live with our ass of a father in Middle Earth, and those PRODANITY Hobbits rejected us too. Everyone hates us. That's why I hate everyone."

Jimmy Bob stamped his foot, kicked Troy in the shin, and headed back for his cabin, giving us a very rude hand gesture. Troy was rolling around on the ground crying. Jimmy Bob looked back and grinned evilly, then slammed the door to his cabin.

"Hello, I'm Timmy Bob," Timmy Bob said politely shaking each of us by the hand. "I'm Jimmy Bob's older brother. He's a bit…umm… irresponsible and rude. And, on occasion, shows mild signs of schizophrenia and paranoia, but other than that he's a good person."

As if on cue, Jimmy Bob started screaming. At first we couldn't make out what he was saying, but then it became clearer, and because I don't want to move this story up to R or M or whatever it is, I'll let you use your imagination.

"SHUT YOUR MOUTH!" Irwin screamed, running over to Jimmy Bob's door and pounding on it.

"Well, you're nice," Hermione said sarcastically. She strode over to the door and knocked. "Jimmy Bob?"

"I wouldn't do that, Hermione…" I warned her. I did.

"Jimmy Bob?" and she completely ignores me, "Are you alright?"

"Go away!" he shouted back at her. "I'm doing something!"

"What are you doing?" she persisted.

I could just see him rolling his eyes.

"Killing myself," Jimmy Bob said exasperatedly.

"OH MY GOD!" she screamed, frantically trying to get in. I guess Jimmy Bob could hear her scratching at the door.

"I'm tying the noose!" he said jovially.

"NO JIMMY BOB! IT'S NOT WORTH IT!" Hermione was starting to cry.

"I'm hanging it up!" everyone but Hermione could tell that he was joking.

Hermione grabbed random objects and threw them at the door.
"I'm putting it around my neck!"

She knocked the door handle off with a metal baseball bat that Irwin supplied to her out of his detective's coat.

"I'm gonna jump off the bed!"

She kicked the rest of the door down and found Jimmy Bob sitting on his bed, idly flipping through a magazine.

"Took you long enough," Jimmy Bob stated. "Most witches would have just unlocked the door with magic." Hermione's face turned beat red when she realized how much time and effort she had wasted.

"Well sorry!" Hermione yelled at him. "When someone tells me that they're gonna kill themselves, they usually follow through!"

"Like I would actually kill myself," Jimmy Bob threw back at her wryly.

"Well-" Hermione spluttered.

"I told you Hermione," I said. "I told you to leave him alone. Now you've just humiliated yourself."

"Ha ha your stupid!" Troy sniggered.

Hermione promptly kicked him in the shin.

"When are we leaving?" she choked out.
"Right now," Irwin said, and he spoke the truth.

There you go. Don't like it? That's too bad. This is mainly for my enjoyment. If you like, that's great, if you don't, what are you still doing here?

Thanks to all my reviewers! Except Lady Baelish; YOU SUCK!