My Plea/ evilteddybear/ a WHR fanfic/ Ch.4…
Robin glared at her shoes as she put them on the next morning, absorbed in thought as she was. Last night her heart had felt empty and dead because of her sorrow. She had felt that her soul was dead, but if that was the case; this morning anger had risen to take its place. This surprised her, for she wasn't one to anger easily, but when she was angry, the result was catastrophic.
Her troubled and vengeful thoughts rested on her comrades. Did none of them really care about her? If so did they simply only see what they wanted to see as opposed to the broken person she really was? Or were they cowardly enough to shrink back in the face of such suffering? Whatever the case they were weaker than she.
In her anger she was convinced that they were only nice and only friends when it was convenient for them. At any true test they would drop her like a sack of potatoes. This had been proven by yesterday's events. Her substitute family had proven dysfunctional. They were not strong enough to support her when she was in distress.
She was angry, yes, but though her opinions were affected by her emotions, her mind was as astute as ever. As her train of thought went on along she came to a few conclusions, the first of which was that she had erred in placing her trust in these people. Not only could she never be normal, free, or show weakness, she also could never trust. Another wall needed to be erected around what was left of her heart even though, in a figurative sense, each mental barrier blocked out the worlds warmth and turned her into a colder, harder person.
The second conclusion was that if they had turned from her when she had showed weakness, then they could as easily turn from her if and when she showed signs of becoming a witch. She could not count on them to protect her from false allegations, or to remain by her side. They would condemn her at the first foul move, at the first opportunity. She must be extra careful.
By the time she had worked all of this out in her mind she had arrived at the STNJ and was headed toward the elevator. Today she wore her usual black pilgrim's attire and her unusual pigtails. After all, she felt no need to change herself for these people.
As the elevator began to rise, Robin fiercely smothered her anger, outrage, and bitterness. She shoved them to the back of her consciousness, so that while they still existed, her emotions would not affect her actions or be detected. At least she hoped her anger wouldn't be detected. Hate was another one of those things that could make others suspect that she was becoming a witch. Therefore she could show no emotions either.
She was the first one to work that day and she greeted Michael coolly. She was cold, emotionless, heartless, fearless, strong, and alone. The only way a craft-user could afford to be if they wanted to survive. She was perfect, and she was miserable.
Robin breathed in and out deeply, slightly closing her eyes as she started to make that day's coffee. It wasn't really a bad day. The early morning sun poured in from the windows, turning the sky a light gray. Nothing was different. Bad things had happened to her before and they were likely to happen again. She just needed to cool down, and not yell at anyone.
Once she had regained her composure, Robin turned around with her cup of coffee and leaned against the nearby wall, covertly examining her co-workers one by one as they came in;
Michael was already there so she took his measure first. She believed that he had a good character, and he seemed to be affectionate towards her. She could probably count him as a friend. He showed a rare resiliency of spirit by surviving his imprisonment, but he was out of touch with reality. As was the wont of most computer geeks, he lacked practical life skills, choosing instead to pursue things in virtual reality that would have otherwise been beyond his reach. He was a loyal friend, and would probably do what he could to help her, but he lacked a fighting spirit. He was a follower, not a leader, and he would not question authority. If worse came to worse, he would not stand up to whoever was in charge of the situation. His affection for her could be used to her advantage, or could prove to be a weakness. He might help her if she asked, but if he believed that whatever course of action was taken would be better for her in the end, he could ignore her real wants and needs entirely. He was far too easily manipulated.
Next in was Sakkaki, looking half asleep and yawning as he sat down at his desk. He didn't notice her where she stood. She had made sure she was standing in the shadows, her posture demure and her expression neutral, making no other movement besides lifting the coffee cup to or from her lips and sipping delicately. It was a useful skill to know how to blend into your surroundings. Sakkaki acted young and irresponsible, but Robin doubted that that was all there was to the man. He was intelligent and had some skill; otherwise he wouldn't have been hired in the first place. No, it was more likely that his childish and carefree demeanor was a defense mechanism developed over the years to shield him from the real world. He could ignore responsibility and serious situations by acting younger than he really was, deluding himself into believing what he wanted to believe. His best quality was that he threw everything he was into doing his best, but that could hardly be of use to her now. If anything unfortunate happened to her, he would probably react rashly out of fear, or he would just pretend nothing had happened in order to avoid the effect it would have on his psyche.
After him came Karasuma. She was strong, composed, even compassionate, but she was a strict rule follower. She always went by the book. Her sense of duty and loyalty to her work and beliefs would prevent her from being of much help to Robin if the STN turned against her. She would mourn the loss, but she would make no move to help Robin against her superiors.
Amon followed soon after. Robin had never been able to read Amon. He followed his own set of rules, but she was hardly sure of what these rules were. He was powerful, and an apt leader. If he deigned to help her, then he would be an asset as an ally, but if he lead the others against her it would be far more difficult to avoid being captured. Much of what might happen in the future depended on his opinion of her. Sadly, she perceived his opinion of her to be very low. At best she was an annoying naïve new hunter that required far too much time and effort to teach, at worst she was a threat to be watched closely less she turn into a witch. Yes, she would have to start observing Amon even more closely than she had been previously, though she had hardly been lax in her observation of him before.
Last, as usual, Doujima decided to make an appearance. By this time most of the other hunters had begun to work, and she was on her second cup of coffee. Doujima appeared to be an airhead who had no commitment to the STN-J and who had gotten her job because of her connections with relatives in the administration. Then again she sometimes showed signs that negated that persona. It may be just a façade to hide her real intentions. If that was the case Robin had no idea what to expect from Doujima, but she was fairly sure that Doujima's air-headed behavior would continue for as long as the blonde found it useful. If Robin was accused of witchcraft she may or may not show her true colors. Either way she couldn't count on Doujima. She would have to just hope for the best, Doujima's support, and prepare for the worst, Doujima as an enemy.
By the time she had finished her assessments the morning routine was almost finished. Sakkaki had bothered everyone besides Amon at least once and was settling down at his work station to complain. Doujima had been yelled at by the boss for being late and useless and had sat down to read her magazine as she pretended to work. Micheal was typing away and bobbing his head to whatever music his headphones were blaring. Karasuma had begun to work on a massive stack of paperwork, and Amon…where was Amon?
Robin set down her empty coffee cup and turned to head to her seat when who should she come face-to-face with but Amon? He was leaning against the wall in a manner akin to her previous position and had been observing her from the corner of his eye. Then he turned he turned to face her fully, coming up from his leaning position to tower over her at his full height with his face covered in shadow. The effect was quite intimidating and Robin had to force herself not to take a reflexive step back.
They stood there in facing each other and staring, each trying to figure out the other, for some time. Suddenly Amon decided to speak up, saying "If you are done with your observations I suggest you sit down and get to work," before sweeping off with a swish of his black coat.
Robin took in a deep breath and made sure to assume her usual demure posture before heading to her desk to attempt to finish the day in a normal fashion.
Soon enough Micheal informed them that the witch who caused the recent deaths had been sighted. Robin stood up quickly and grabbed her coat before following Amon to his car. Before they got in Amon turned to her and said sternly, "Do not allow whatever it is that has been causing your weird behavior recently to interfere with this mission. Weakness cannot be tolerated."
At his statement a familiar rage began to boil in Robin's blood. Again, and again, and again he provoked her. His every action caused her ire to grow, pushing as it tried to overpower her control. He purposefully provoked her, but he would not win. She would prove her control was perfect. Just another characteristic she had to hone to perfection in order to survive.
Robin was distracted enough by her thoughts and her emotions that she didn't have the presence of mind to actually retaliate to Amon's verbal assault. The next thing she knew the car had been parked behind a stretch of trees. The other hunter's vehicles soon pulled up, not too far from their location. They were positioned in a field that had a road that was barely used enough to warrant the city paving it. There was an airport not to far away that caused the air to be constantly filled with the distant sounds of airplanes taking off and landing.
There was evidence that the witch used this road daily, and always near the same time. Apparently it was the road he used to get home.
As they were getting ready Amon approached her one more time. He stared at her directly with one of his trademark penetrating gazes before making one last comment. "We can't afford any more mistakes. You haven't proved to be a competent member of this team, so I only have one thing to say to you. Don't screw this up."
As the last word left his mouth Robin's demure façade cracked and then fell to pieces. One hand came up to clasp the amulet that hung on a string around her neck. It provided her strength and might help her to not completely lose herself in rage, but that was hardly enough to keep her anger from spilling out.
Robin's face was calm, set in stone, and her eyes flashed with fire akin to when she was using her craft as she said, "Don't patronize me Amon. I'm completely competent and have done everything expected of me. You're constant need to belittle me is obviously just a way to project your fears onto someone else. You're not afraid of me screwing this up, you aren't preparing for my mistakes, and you aren't angered by my weakness. You are deluding yourself Amon. YOU are weak. The insecurities you have and the thought of you failing completely throws you off balance. The only way you can keep yourself straight is to pin your problems on someone else. You haven't been hostile, cold, and rude to me since I got here because I'm a burden to you or because you would rather work alone. You just react to me that way because you are afraid. You think that if you keep me intimidate me enough I will have enough self doubt that I won't take any action against you. You are afraid of the incompetent little immature craft user that you treat like dirt. You're afraid of my power, you're afraid of my strength, and you're afraid of what SOLOMON might have sent me here to do. You're strong icy persona is just that, a façade, an alternate persona, a fake mask. You don't fool me though you may have succeeded in fooling yourself. I've called you're bluff. Now what are you going to do? You aren't going to do anything are you? You don't have the power. So my advice would be to suck it up and step back. I am your equal and you will start treating me as such. You no longer hold any power over me; I won't tolerate YOUR juvenile behavior anymore."
Little by little as she continued to talk Robin read Amon's emotion's through his eyes. His condescending attitude and confidence slowly faded until his eyes were filled with only one emotion; self-doubt.
Robin felt quite a bit better after her tirade, though she knew she shouldn't have said anything. Some of her emotions had leaked out as she talked about them and she no longer felt like she was going to explode. As she took a few seconds to calm herself and regulate her breathing she felt an overwhelming sense of freedom. She hadn't even realized how much Amon's constant condescension had weighed down her spirit. It felt
wonderful to be out of his shadow.
AN: Hey, did you miss me? I'm SO sorry about how long this took to get out. I'm also a bit disappointed in my own writing style, I hope you like it at least. I'm so happy about all of the reviews you gave me. It makes me feel like I'm not just writing a stupid thing that's really just a way to neglect my responsibilities and talk to myself. I also need to make a few apologies, I'm sorry for offending a few people with my comment about no updates without reviews, for my writing blunders, for my lack of action and dialogue, for not making individual replies to my reviews, and for going against the rules by asking questions about pairings.
I LUV U GUYS SO MUCH!
I would also like to say; hey, who out there would like to help me? I'm sure I've said a few things like this before, but it's still true so I'm still going to say it. Writing this story for me is like feeling around in the dark. Unlike most stories I didn't write a plot line then fill in with the character's emotions and dialogue. I'm writing this with emotions as the base and that sure does make writing the plot harder. If there is anyone out there who enjoys helping authors instead of going to all the trouble of writing, or anyone with ideas, or who is sympathetic to my plight, or who would like to co-author or beta or something please e-mail me! I would really like some help guiding myself around in the dark. The romance department is the one I'm having the worst problems with right now. Help!
(standard disclaimers apply) All my love- evilteddybear