She's Been Feeling Down, a teen titans fanfic

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. And I'm feeling sick.

I wrote this a while back but I wanted to wait until TBHS was finished to put it up. For some reason I'm really proud of it. And I don't know why I wrote it in present tense, but it works.

Starfire has been feeling down lately. At first she didn't know why she felt this way, why she felt like all the sadness she had ever felt was coming back to rest on her shoulders. When she realized it she refused to believe it. She doesn't want to admit what is making her feel so depressed, because admitting it would be like admitting there was no hope in the situation. She doesn't want to admit that she is feeling depressed because of Robin, the boy wonder.

"I fail to see what is so wonderful about him," she says to herself as she sits with her arms crossed on her desk and her head tucked in her arms. But the thing is, she does see. She sees all too well what makes Robin wonderful. She sees what everyone else does, but at a magnification of one hundred. She sees his strength, his charm, his good looks, his determination, his wit, his intelligence. How could she not see, when he is living just three doors down from her? She sees how his abilities make him the best crime fighter the city has ever seen, and she sees how his abilities make her heart flutter, but she fails to see why he cannot see how she feels about him.

Robin has been feeling down lately. He has known this feeling was coming for a while, felt it creeping up on him little by little. And he knows why he feels this way. He knows what he should do. She thinks he's oblivious to her feelings. Sometimes his friends think he's oblivious to her feelings. But he is not oblivious, not even for one second. He feels for her everything she feels for him, and even though she has never told him, he can see it in her eyes every time they lock on his. If she could see his eyes she would see they hold the same feeling. If she could see his eyes.

The Tower has been down lately. With Starfire feeling depressed, Robin has started feeling depressed, which gets Cyborg down, which makes Beast Boy blue, and when everyone around her is feeling gloomy, how can Raven, who is an empath, not feel gloomy?

Cyborg tries to talk to Starfire about it. He tells her the same thing he's told her a thousand times before: Robin loves her, he just needs to find the right time to tell her. But Starfire is tired of hearing this time and again. She wants to say, "If that is how Robin feels, why can he not tell me?" And she wants to point out that he has had plenty of "right times" to tell her. Cyborg doesn't want to talk to Starfire about it anymore. It depresses him, because he knows she's right.

Raven sheds her emotionless shell and tries to talk to Robin about it. But even though she is willing to show emotion doesn't mean he is willing to. He tells her he needs to work, train, rake leaves, anything so he doesn't have to talk to her about it.

Even Beast Boy has offered to help, but since Cyborg and Raven have already tried talking to Starfire and Robin that doesn't leave a lot for the changeling to do.

Starfire tells herself after every battle that this will be the day. Today she can feel it in her soul, she knows today he really is going to tell her. It's not like last time or the time before that when she wasn't completely sure. This time she's positive. Her heart skips a beat when he calls out to her.

"Star," he says.

She turns happily to him, ready to tell him she feels the same way.

"Great job today, Star." He says, and walks past her, not even meeting her eyes. Starfire wipes a tear away as she follows the team back home.

Robin tells himself after every battle that this will be the day. Today he can feel it in his soul, he knows today he really is going to tell her. It's not like last time or the time before that when he wasn't completely sure. This time he's positive. He starts to sweat as he calls out to her.

"Star," He calls, almost choking on his own words.

She turns to him expectantly, and it kills him to know he is about to extinguish the light from her eyes.

"Great job today, Star." He says, and walks past her, not able to catch her eye for fear he will see tears falling.

It is the last day of winter and still Robin has not said anything to her. In fact, he has been speaking to her less and less, which is hard, seeing as there are always fewer villains during the winter months and they have been spending most of their time pent up inside. Every morning of winter Starfire would wake up and tell herself today was the day. And every night she would sigh herself to sleep. But now it is the end of winter, and she has started trying to convince herself he will never love her the way she loves him. She tells herself it is better to kill her hope herself rather than watch him trample it anew every day.

Time passes and by April Starfire has started feeling a little like her old self again. She begins flying more often and taking Silkie for walks. She asks Cyborg to teach her how to cook and meditates with Raven after playing video games with Beast Boy. At the end of the day she goes to bed content, until finally one day she falls asleep with a smile on her face. Maybe, just maybe, she can get through life without him.

Time passes and by April Starfire has started feeling a little like her old self again. And though Robin knows it is selfish, and stupid, and he should be happy for her, he starts to panic. He beats himself up day after day, telling himself that she's over him and he's missed his chance with her. She rarely speaks to him anymore, but he realizes it is probably his fault as he has been avoiding her for months. He starts looking forward to battles, as they are the only time he knows he can spend with her. At the end of the day he goes to bed scared beyond belief that he has lost her, until finally after hours of tossing and turning he falls asleep with a frown on his face. No, he tells himself, there is no way to get through life without her.

June comes and with it warm sunlight and colorful flowers. But Robin feels anything by sunny and colorful. As the rest of the team hangs out outside Robin sits in his room, studying not a villain or past battle mistakes, but his own personal flaws. He tells himself he should have said something to her long ago. He says to himself he was stupid for being scared when she so obviously felt the same way. And finally, he tells himself what he hates to think, let alone speak aloud. He tells himself he needs help.

Cyborg had been angry at Robin for a while, a few months back. He was angry that he wouldn't tell Starfire how he felt, wouldn't listen to anyone talk to him about it, and angry that he had been avoiding Star. But now that Star is happy, why shouldn't Cyborg be? He was mad at Robin because he was hurting Starfire, but if she's not hurting anyone then he shouldn't be either.

"Cyborg," Robin says, walking up to him as the cybernetic man works on his car. "I need to talk to you about Starfire." Both boys are surprised at how confident Robin sounds, and after glancing up at him, Cyborg returns his attention to his car.

"It's over, Robin. She's past you now."

"No," Robin whispers, barely audible. He's not sure if Cyborg says what he does next because he heard him or because he already had planned to say it.

"She was waiting for you a long time, man. It took a lot of strength to move on. But she has, and you have to, too. Otherwise you'll just reopen old wounds." Cyborg wipes his hands on a rag and continues working.

"But… But I want to tell her I love her. I need to tell her I love her."

"Just like she needed you to tell her that a long time ago. But that's all it is. A long time ago."

Robin stands there dumfounded, unwilling to believe what he is hearing. He had expected Cyborg to be frustrated with him, but hadn't expected him to tell him it was too late.

"What if it's not too late?"

"Robin." Cyborg finishes his work and stands up straight, now towering a good couple feet above Robin. "You really hurt her. She's happy now. Why not let it go?"

"I can't just let it go. I love her."

"Robin, she loved you more than you know. And she got over it. And even though she's stronger than you, I'm sure you will, too." Cyborg picks up his tool kit and walks past Robin, who is staring blankly into space.

Starfire has been feeling content lately. At least, she had been. Now she is becoming worried again. Lately Robin has been talking to her again, like in the old days. She wants to be happy that he is talking to her, because she does miss his friendship. But she doesn't, as Cyborg would say, want to reopen old wounds. She struggles between staying friendly but distant to her team leader.

Robin has been feeling frantic lately. After his talk with Cyborg, he tries to convince himself he should let things go. But he does miss her friendship, so he begins talking to her again. Just normal things, like mentioning how warm it's been lately or how her fighting techniques have improved. But he can't let things go. He really can't.

Starfire is sitting on the couch in the living room, flipping through a book Raven has lent her on meditating. Since she started feeling anxiety again, Star has been having trouble keeping calm, and Raven has promised to help her out. She flips through the book, reading all about breathing and finding your center, when she hears the distinct footsteps of Robin entering the room. Her heart picks up speed and she clutches the book tighter, her eyes dancing over the pages but not reading any of the words, which have suddenly become very small and fuzzy.

Robin is looking for Cyborg. He checks in the garage and his room before he remembers his friend is out shopping. Shrugging, Robin redirects his course towards the living room. Maybe Beast Boy will play a video game with him.

When he opens the door the first thing he notices is Starfire, sitting on the couch, intently reading a book on meditating or something. He swallows and his palms start to sweat as he walks towards her. He stops a few feet away from her, suddenly thinking maybe it's not such a good idea to talk to her. But then he remembers how things turned out the last time he told himself he shouldn't tell her something. So he walks over to her and sits on the couch opposite her.

Starfire bites her lip as his footsteps approach her. When the footsteps stop she feels like her heart is stopping, too. But then she tells herself there is no reason to feel that way. "You don't love him," She tells herself. "That was a long time ago." Then the footsteps start up again and before she knows it Robin is sitting just across from her. And she knows it wasn't that long ago that she loved him.

He feels strangely confident as he sits down and searches her face for her eyes. When she finally looks up at him he is surprised to see how nervous she is. He guesses she's been putting on a better act than anyone knew.

She can feel his eyes on her face, and feels her eyes lifting to look at him. She doesn't want to look into his eyes; she wants to be strong, and isn't sure she will be able to hold herself together if they are looking at each other. But she can't help it. In the half of a second it takes for her to look up at him she feels all her old feelings rushing back. Six months trying to get over him all for nothing.

Robin smiles at her, and reaches out to take the book she was reading out of her hands and lays it on the table. Without anything to hold onto her fingers twist nervously, until finally she grasps her hands together to keep them still. Seeing how obviously anxious she is, Robin feels guilt well up in his chest. He is the reason she feels this way. He wishes he could go back in time to tell her how he feels. But he has wished that a lot of times. He is tired of wishing. He is tired of being miserable because he is the cause of her misery.

Forcing a smile onto her lips, Star turns and looks out the window, both wanting to hear and fearing to hear what Robin is going to say. She doesn't know what she'll do if he doesn't say what she wants to hear, but is equally unsure of what she will do if he does tell her. How can she forgive him for ignoring her all these months?

"It has been so pleasant lately. I wish it were this way all year," she says, nodding towards the window at the sunlight streaming into the room. She has decided to speak before he gets a chance to, unsure of what that will accomplish.

"Yeah," Robin responds absentmindedly. But she can tell he doesn't have any opinion on the subject, if not from his tone of voice than from the fact that he is looking not out the window but at her.

"Perhaps I will take a walk later today," she continues, knowing full well that either way this conversation turns out guarantees she will not be taking a walk.

When he does not respond she feels her heart sink lower and lower until finally she feels like she might trip over it if she turns around. "Oh! I forgot!" She says suddenly, shooting a glance at the clock. "I promised to meet someone downtown at three! I have to go." Robin glances at the clock as she turns to go. The time is one thirty. It takes just ten minutes to get downtown, and that's if she's walking instead of flying.

"Starfire, wait." He has stood up, suddenly scared that he may loose his chance.

When she hears him call out to her she sits back down on the couch and drops her face in her hands, letting the tears spill out between her fingers and down her cheeks. Never before has she cried over this. It is only now, now that all the frustration and desire and confusion have come back to her, that she cries.

When she starts to cry he is taken aback. "Starfire, don't cry." He sits down next to her and is about to wrap his arms around her when she takes her hands down from her face and looks him in the eye. When she speaks she is surprised at her clarity and courage.

"Robin, I am tired of waiting. I am tired of all of this. I love you, Robin."

He is slightly shocked that it is now, when he is finally ready to tell her he loves her, that she chooses to tell him the very same thing. He doesn't know if that makes what he has to say easier or harder. "I…" He doesn't want to say 'I love you, too.' He knows that isn't what she's been waiting to hear all this time. She doesn't want his feelings to come out just because they agree with hers. She wants his love for her to be completely on its own. It is the easiest thing and the hardest thing he's ever had to say.

"Starfire, I love you." It is the easiest because he's known it so long, because when you know something that well it's easy to let others know. It's the hardest because he doesn't know how she will respond. She says she loves him, but what if Cyborg is right? What if it will just reopen old wounds?

But Cyborg is quickly proven wrong.

He puts his arms around her and she rests her head on his shoulder as her tears quiet down. "I love you," he repeats. He can feel her smile. He can feel himself smile, too.

Starfire has been feeling happy lately. At first she didn't know why she felt this way, why she felt like all the happiness she had ever felt was coming to lift her off the ground. When she realized it she was not shocked in the slightest. It was just that although she had known she would be happy, she hadn't realized she would be this happy. She is proud to admit that she is feeling this way because of Robin, the boy wonder.

Robin has been feeling happy lately as well. He had hoped this feeling was coming for a while, and finally felt it rush at him all at once. And he knows why he feels this way. He just can't believe he restrained himself from feeling this way sooner. When his eyes lock on hers, he can see in hers that she is happier than ever before. If she could see his eyes she would see they hold the same feeling. If she could see his eyes. Some things never change.

The Tower has been feeling happy lately. With Starfire in high spirits, Robin is more than content, which puts Cyborg in a good mood, which makes Beast boy happy, and when everyone around her is feeling cheerful, how can Raven, who is an empath, not feel slightly cheery?

It took three years. Some things take longer, and many others take shorter. Some people said that as long as it happened sooner or later no one was worse for the wear. And in a way they were right. Everyone is happy now; things are back to normal. It took three years for things to get back to normal, for everyone to be happy again. But everyone is happier now than they were three years ago. Everyone is happier now than they ever were before.

Maybe it's true what they say.

The longer you wait the better it gets.

Well guys, I likethis a lot, and it's surprisingly happy for my writing style. I'm working on a few more chap fics but I don't expect them to be up for a while. Please review- they'll make my stomach ache go away! Thanks!