Chapter 5

I looked over and saw Frankie. He's run far ahead of me kicking up sand as he runs. He's over by the pier now searching for the best stones to throw. I picked up my speed to catch up to him. With a pleased smile he looked over to me holding up a stone. It is about one-third the size of the boy's hand. It looked smooth and gray and the sun made the white sparkles on it glimmer as Frankie rolled it across his hand. I gave Frankie a thumbs-up. He turns to the water, twists his wrist, and tosses the stone. The pitch caused it to skim over the waves for several feet. Now, that was a champion skimmer. My heart is filled with joy. I felt pride that only a father could feel. Frankie grinned, jumping up and down excitedly. He ran to me and embraced me. There is no uncertainty now. I threw my arms around him and hugged him back. He stepped back and I tousled his hair, smiling proudly at him. "Well done, Frankie."

Frankie smiled up at me but then his face became serious. There was a curious look in his eyes and I'm not sure of what I see there. Suddenly, I am looking down into brown eyes but they are not Frankie's. I am mesmerized by them.

I closed my eyes and opened them again and saw that Lizzie's eyes had cast a spell.

She smiled at me and suddenly we are back at the auditorium dancing. The song played and Lizzie nestled her head into my chest. I could smell her sweet perfume.

Her eyes met mine, she tilted her head, and I leaned down to kiss her. I hoped that the song wouldn't end because I didn't want this feeling to go away.

I pulled back and looked deeply into her eyes almost losing myself again. I noticed we were at the front door. I'm starting to feel like it's very late and I should leave even though that's not what I want. I looked at her hoping for some clue to what she was thinking. I felt more emotions in me than I am comfortable with. These are feelings that I thought were buried deep inside me.

Lizzie was silent and her eyes turned downward. I took this as my cue to leave. I put my hand up to her hair next to her ear and gently stroked her soft cheek with my fingers. To my surprise, she grasped my hand and squeezed it against her face, closing her eyes.

She opened them then as if coming out of a spell. Next, with my hand still in hers she lowered them so they were between us. Her mesmerizing eyes looked up at me and she murmured, "Thank you."

I am puzzled by this. This was not a favor I was doing for her, no, not anymore. I didn't know what else to say, so I nodded and began to pull away. I started to walk away when she grabbed my arm.

"I don't want you to leave. We don't want you to leave. Please stay." She looked pleadingly at me. These were the words I prayed to hear. I turned and faced her. Suddenly from behind, I heard a loud bear-like sound. Unsure of what it was, I turned around, saw nothing but immediately recognized the unmistakable sound.

Snoring. The loud bear-like sound came from Marie's bedroom.

I rolled over on Marie's couch. A dream about Lizzie and Frankie, again. Hard as it was for me to put them out of my mind, I tried. No past, no present, no future. We had agreed, hadn't we? Had things changed as Lizzie said? This line of thinking was sure to drive any man out of his mind. As hard as it would be for Lizzie to begin trusting again, I realized I would have to let my walls down. I'd had these walls for years and felt safe behind them. The truth was I was afraid to fall for someone again. And worse now a mother and her boy. I can't help wonder how old my son would be now. With a sigh I shook my head and tried to think of something else…anything else. How I wished I could just make this ache in my heart go away.

Restlessly I stood up from the couch and went to the kitchen to fetch myself a drink. After surveying the contents of my sister's refrigerator I grabbed a beer, sat at the table, and lit up a cigarette.

"Is that you sitting in the dark all by yerself? I heard some noises and here ya are." Marie rubbed her eyes.

"Aye, sorry Marie. Couldn't sleep."

"Aye, sorry little brother, Allie can be quite the bear when he sleeps," Marie laughed.

"Tis okay, Marie," I sighed and took a sip.

"Thinking about Lizzie again, were ya?"

"Was thinking about them both."

"I see. Why don't ya just go see them, then?" Marie asked hopefully. I realized that she wanted to encourage me.

"Ya know ah can't do that, Marie," I told my sister, taking another drink and finished off my cigarette.

Marie shook her head in disagreement. She looked quizzically at me.

"I can't let myself be vulnerable again. I don't even know how she feels about me. Can't just show up at her door," I explained. I shook my head.

My sister smiled as I looked at her suspiciously. Her mind was busy probably planning my future. I could practically hear the wheels turning in her head. She got up all of a sudden, bade me goodnight, and headed back to her room, giggling as she shut her door.

Marie. There was no way to know for sure what she was up to...but I did have my suspicions.