Pretend
Disclaimer: I dont own Harry Potter, the honor is all J.K.Rowlings
A/N: Helllooooo everyone! In a good mood today! This is my first story that i made an effort to write in first person. Hugs to everyone who reads, extra hugs to people who review. Xoxoxoxoxox
One-Shot
I don't care anymore.
That's what I've told myself over in my head for the past few years. I shouldn't be made to care. I don't want to care anymore. I'll be dammed if my Gryffindor courage fails me now! I will keep my head high and I will not care. I will not cry, or sob at night. I will not break the silence that surrounds me.
The problem is I do care.
I can't stop caring! Why is it so hard? He shouldn't have the power to do this to me! He shouldn't be able to torment me when he isn't even here! That's the problem, he isn't here. I'm not sure if he ever will be back. Please, I never have been a religious person but right now I pray to what ever god is out there.
Make me not care anymore.
Please make me not care. Stop the imaginative nightmares of his death in my head. Stop the constant worrying. Stop the dread in my stomach; stop the tears in my eyes. Oh please, I pray to you now, don't let me love him any longer. It hurts too much.
I don't know what I would do if one day I should wake and find a Ministry official at my door, handing me an envelope and box of his belongings. I might go insane myself. How would I cope? How would I survive?
What would I tell Danica?
Sweet, sweet Danica, she hasn't met her father yet. Already is a lot like him though, charming girl she is, I'm sure she will be in Slytherin like her father.
Damn her father!
Damn Voldemort!
Why can't he be a normal dad and work at the ministry in a safe position? Why can't he be here to see the little quirks his daughter is showing already? Why does he have to act all brave and manly? Why must he be a spy?
If he gets back I'll kill him.
Yes…if he gets back.
Hermione Granger sat in the nursery of the house she was currently staying in; Ginny had been so kind as to let her stay when there was no where left. Of course, it was not the time for Hermione to be alone with a baby. Oh how the world had changed.
Ginny Potter sat in her rocking chair with her baby clutched tightly to her breast, she was humming a song while lovingly cradling her little baby boy. Hermione smiled at the sight of them both before returning her gaze to her own baby in its cot beside her.
Slowly she bent down and picked the little girl out of her cot; Danica smiled happily, and moved over to sit next to Ginny out on the open verandah. Sighing heavily she let Danica grab her finger with her tiny little hand and squeeze tightly.
She told herself she wouldn't cry.
Huffing lightly she turned to see Ginny staring at her sadly. Bloody Ginny, she knew her awfully to well.
"You miss him" Opening glaring at Ginny Hermione sniffed again.
"Of course I miss him"
"Then why do you pretend you don't?" Hermione turned to look at her feet and then into the eyes of the little baby in her arms. Sitting silently staring at those beautiful grey eyes, the eyes of her fathers, Hermione turned to look at Ginny.
"It hurts to much Gin" Hermione thought Ginny would understand, out of all the people in the world Ginny was meant to understand! She had a husband away at war, she lived with the uncertainty and pain that he might never return to her. But she didn't, she scoffed loudly and pulled Will (who had untamable hair like his father) over her shoulder so she could burp him.
"Hermione your being selfish"
"What? Gin-"
"No don't Gin me! He wouldn't want you to forget him! He would want you to wait for him! He loves you you know, and being that insufferable ferret he is he couldn't stand the thought of you being with anyone else, jealous bastard" Ginny smiled at Hermione and she stared back her lip between her teeth, frowning softly.
"Then why didn't he tell me he was leaving? Why? The bastard could have told me so I was prepared!" Ginny smiled sadly at Hermione again and turned her attention to her small son waiting for him to burp.
"He could have told you, but Hermione face it, you would never have let him go if you knew" Hermione opened her mouth to retort, to defend herself, but quickly closed her mouth and scowled angrily at the knowing look on Ginny's face. Standing up quickly and drawing Danica closer to her chest Hermione walked to the door.
"Hurry up then, the guest won't wait to long for the birthday babies to arrive" Fixing the bow in her daughters brown hair she closed the door behind her and walked down the hall. Children's music blared loudly and Hermione smiled as she saw Danica's eyes widen as she took in everything around her.
Setting her down on a bright green mat on the floor next to Ron and Luna's little son Hermione made her way over to the guest at the door grabbing the various presents. A few minutes later Ginny finally came down to relieve Hermione of her gift carrying activities, instead she organized games for the kids and guzzled down drink after drink of champagne.
Hours went by and Hermione finally flopped down in a chair outside next to Luna who was staring dreamily at a broken swing in the backyard. Hermione smiled at her thoughtfully and waited a few moments before speaking.
"Enjoying the view?"
"The Jigaboos migrate to these parts around this time of year" Luna turned and stared dreamily at Hermione, she managed a small grin back.
"Sounds interesting, are they the latest creature to habit the Quibbler?" Luna nodded her head and took a sip of her red wine. Lip stick was left on the rim of the glass and Hermione scowled lightly.
She was going to have to wash that later.
"Yes everyone seems to be more interested in dangerous creatures lately, by time as well, I don't know what people would do now if they are not informed of the nasty things in the world, it's my job to help educate them..." Hermione smiled again as Luna talked on and on about different creatures and their means of attack. She actually gasped when Luna described a particular beast who is a cross between a Basilisk and a Dragon but the size of a fly, it crawls into your ear and from there attacks the brain. She shuddered and took a sip of her own drink.
She was glad it was all complete rubbish.
Of course Luna had taken over her fathers position as the owner of the Quibbler, Hermione even admitted sales were going up thanks to Luna's influence. Ron was extremely proud of his wife and boasted every time he got, causing Hermione to know an awful lot about everything the Quibbler does and doesn't do. It was driving her mad.
Sighing Hermione tuned out and gazed at the scenery surrounding the burrow, it really was spectacular. There were hills off to the left that reached for the heavens and almost touched them to. Forests ran wild and trees grew everywhere surrounding the house and hiding it away from prying muggle eyes. Glaring up at the over cast sky Hermione noticed a dot in the distance. Squinting she leaned forward and strained her eyes to see closer. She gasped and tightly grabbed Luna's arm cutting off her talk about Nillotables.
"Get Ginny" She whispered standing up and walking towards the great dot in the distance.
"Hermione-"
"GET GINNY!" She screamed tears flying down her faces as she smiled giddily. Luna looked up at Hermione's pointed finger and let her face split into a grin.
She ran back to the house with her blonde hair flying madly behind her.
Harry Potter was many things to a lot of people. To the many admirers around the wizarding world he was a hero, a legend. To the muggle's that past him on the street he was a handsome man with an odd shaped scar. To the teachers that taught him he was an intelligent and gifted boy (Except Snape, we all know his opinion of Harry) to the friends that stood by his side he was a kind and loving friend and father.
But to Ginny Potter he was the world.
Ginny saw Luna's blonde hair flying about long before anyone else, after all those years at Hogwarts watching that girl run away from a different alleged quibbler creature every weekend she was use to it. Shaking her head at the mother of three she turned away and tapped her brother on his shoulder motioning towards his ecstatic wife.
His eyes opened in shock as he looked past her towards the old swing.
The colour left his face and Ginny turned again to stare out the window, nothing had changed had it? Luna was still madly running towards them, Hermione was standing by the swing looking up. Ginny scoffed.
Luna was running because of the broken swing? She had told Hermione she was going to get it fixed as soon as she found the money! She would keep the children away from it until then! Merlin that woman was impatient and sending Luna to do her dirty work to! Secretly thinking a few nasty thoughts about the brunette Ginny turned her attention away from her paling brother and to the children on the green mat before her.
"Will what has mummy said about hitting? Will….no! Mummy will get mad!" Ginny picked the disobedient child up away from crying Danica and left Hermione's baby to the care of Mrs. Weasley. After lecturing the baby in her arms Ginny turned around and grabbed champagne off a table and took a sip closing her eyes gently.
The music pounded against her head horribly and she couldn't wait for everyone to leave-she was sick of entertaining. She couldn't wait to crash in her room after getting Will to sleep, if she ever could. Annoyingly cute child. Smiling while taking another sip of her drink Ginny leaned against the counter and readjusted her grip on her baby boy.
He looked so much like his father.
Sighing deeply Ginny remembered the sweet days where Harry was around, he left only 3 weeks after Will was born. She remembered everything, the times they spent with Ron and Luna and their three horrid children. The times they sat in silence staring at each other each thinking about death and the order. The times when they were with Hermione.
Yes poor, poor Hermione.
She didn't feel like being sympathetic to Hermione at the moment, sure her husband went to war leaving an unknown, unborn baby behind with a broken lover, but she had her husband go off as well! Harry left Will and her at the burrow! Harry wouldn't see his little baby grow! He might never see his boy again! Harry had to save the whole wizarding world Hermione's husband was only a spy, he didn't have to be the one to actually kill Voldemort did he now?
Ginny cringed and felt ashamed of herself, she shouldn't be angry at Hermione when it was all Voldemort's fault. Holding back tears Ginny remembered Harry's face when he told her he had to leave, right then she could have killed him. She wanted to kill the bastard, but at the same time wanted to never let go of his shirt. Ginny seriously considered performing a joining spell to fasten Harry to her hip. Of course that was completely insane, but she was a desperate woman at the time.
Ginny was brought roughly back to earth when Will decided to empty his stomach on her new shirt.
Cursing Ginny moved quickly to the kitchen and saw out the window Luna and Ron meet up outside and gaze towards the broken swing. So now Ron was concerned about it to? Well they can fix it then! She thought angrily grabbing a wet cloth and setting Will down on the counter mopping him up. Cleaning him hurriedly Ginny pulled a new light green shirt from under a pile of baby clothes and swapped them. Having her baby changed and clean Ginny brushed the front of herself with the cloth before she caught sight of Danica holding a champagne glass.
Who gave that girl alcohol?
Fuming Ginny snatched up the glass and left a crying Danica on the floor before grabbing Will and storming outside to where Ron and Luna were. Cursing herself for leaving her wand on the bench (she felt like hexing them good) Ginny picked up the pace and bared her teeth. Ron turned just as she reached him.
"If you are so concerned about that bloody swing you fix it yourself Ronald! I am sick-" She was cutoff in mid sentence as Ron pointed towards the swing where Hermione stood next to a tall messy haired man.
Ginny dropped the glass of champagne.
It couldn't be. The war couldn't be over now could it? After all those years of waiting it was over? After all the terror and death the world was safe once more? No more Voldemort? No more Death Eaters?
Before she new what she was doing she was running full pelt towards the huge oak tree a screaming and highly harassed baby Will tightly in her arms. It seemed miles away and when she finally got there she was out of breath, Will was not he demonstrated that by screaming ten times louder. But as Ginny stared up into his green eyes once more she couldn't think of anything to say.
"Will decided he didn't like the food so he gave it back to me" She said lamely as Harry glanced down to her vomit covered shirt. He grinned madly and pulled her into him roughly regardless of the vomit Will produced. She hung on tightly and felt her knees grow week, soon she was sobbing into his arms and she couldn't keep her grip on Will any longer. Harry took the baby from her with one arm and kept his other tightly around her waist keeping her as close to him as possible.
Hermione watched happily as Harry touched down and hugged Ginny. Will finally met his dad again after those years without a mention of him! Harry's broom and invisibility clock lay forgotten at the foot of the tree and Hermione gathered them up quickly and left the Potters to reunite in peace.
The war was over.
Voldemort was dead.
Where was he then?
Where was he? He was meant to come back! Harry conquered Voldemort, the Death Eaters were gone, and she was here waiting! Hermione hurried back towards the burrow and chucked Harry's things down ignoring the questions people threw at her, she quickly picked up Danica and hurried out of the house again.
So he had forgotten her? He had left her? He didn't want her anymore? Well she didn't want him then! Hermione wiped tears away from her face and walked towards the small creek around the corner out of sight from the burrow. Pulling Danica closer to her Hermione walked faster wanting to outrun the misery and depression ready to crush her if she stopped. Reaching the creek Hermione sat down on a rotten bench and placed Danica in her lap.
Danica shouldn't be made to see her mother cry.
Closing her eyes tightly Hermione tried to control her irregular breaths. Danica stared up at her searchingly and Hermione refused to catch the little baby's eyes. How could he leave her heart broken after everything they went through? Her breath shortened. How could he not come back to her? Tears melted down her cheeks.
Hermione didn't want to cry, merlin she tried to hold it in, for Danica's sake but she couldn't. She snapped. Her eyes flew open wide and Hermione let her sobs shack her body. She let the wind claw at her exposed skin and pulled Danica closer in her robes. She screamed and fumbled as she tried to do the buttons up on Danica's jacket.
She still cared.
She cared so much she wanted to feel numb.
What if he was dead?
The shuddering stopped the crying ceased and Hermione slowly opened her brown eyes. Dead? Her lover, the father of her child dead? No never. She could never think that. He could never be dead, it wasn't possible. It was easier to think he was alive and didn't want her then him being cold, lifeless, dead in the ground.
Danica started crying loudly and Hermione pulled her up to her chest and wrapped her grey clock around her tighter. Rocking back and forward Hermione felt her insides break.
He must really be dead.
She stared down at the sleeping baby in her arms and cried. She cried silently and let tears wet the warm jacket Danica was wrapped in. Getting up she walked unsteadily as she took Danica back to the house, she couldn't take care of her at the moment, she couldn't do anything. Pushing the sleeping baby into the arms of an astonished Mrs. Weasley Hermione turned and once again walked out into the cold air.
It started to rain.
Soaked to the bone Hermione ran. She ran as fast as she could and cried freely letting the salty taste of tears mix with the rain inside her mouth. Her throat burned as she tried to scream, nothing could come out. She grabbed at her throat and stopped running sitting down on the side of a broken fence way out of sight of the burrow.
And then she finally let herself care.
She remembered everything. She remembered his soft touch, the sweet caresses, the warmth of his body. She remembered his dry laugh, his sarcastic humor, his hungry eyes devouring her every move. She loved him.
Sitting on her knees Hermione pounded her fists into the ground and raked at the dirt, mud gathering under her nails. She cried and let her curly hair stick to her face, she let herself shiver as the cold washed over her body. She let the rain flood everything around her, making it impossible to see.
She sat and broke down because she cared. The bastard had left her the night before she found out she was pregnant and went off without saying goodbye to become a spy for the goddamn order! He left her to worry and fret and didn't bother to tell her he was a spy! He left McGonagall to tell her the heart wrenching news. The years she waited here pretending to not care, moving on with life, acting happy for Danica,wearing a smile for the good of the world.
It had all been for nothing.
He was dead, she knew it. He hadn't come back. Hermione closed her eyes and sucked in a few shaky breaths when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Thinking Ginny had interrupted her misery she snapped out harshly.
"Go back to your happy family Ginerva and leave me to wallow in my own self pity; I don't need your sympathy"
"I hardly think my hair is red" Hermione froze. That was not Ginny's voice. It wasn't Harry's either, or Ron's. Slowly she stood up and turned around coming face to face with the grey eyes that had followed her every dream.
Draco Malfoy wasn't dead.
Hermione's face split into a grin and then into a frown and then into a sneer. She slapped him hard across the face before throwing her arms around his neck and hugging him tightly.
"You bastard" She said miserably as he pulled her closer not caring that she was short of breath.
"I know" Hermione let herself grin and she let out a low laugh, Draco managed a chuckle.
"I need you, you know" Hermione let her smile widen as she heard him speak those words.
"I would hope so" Draco pulled back and looked down at her; she suddenly felt very self conscious of the baby weight she hadn't managed to work off yet.
"You look-"
"I had a baby" Hermione blurted out trying to make him understand the excess weight. His face went expressionless.
"A baby?"
"Your baby" Hermione closed her eyes as she felt his hand loosen its grip on her waist.
"I'm a father?" He asked his face still expressionless. Hermione looked up into his eyes and nodded steadily.
"Yes"
Draco Malfoy was many things. He was the spy that gathered vital information for the order. He was the slimy Slytherin git that teased people at school. He was the man that endured hours of Crucio's from the Dark Lord because he didn't give up information on Harry. He was the lover of Hermione Granger.
And now he was a father.
He pulled her to him tightly and buried his head in her neck. Hermione felt his hands travel under her jacket and to her stomach lovingly rubbing it with his thumb. Hermione looked up into the sky and smiled. She was happy, she had Draco, she had Danica, Voldemort was gone.
She didn't have to pretend anymore.
A/N: I finally managed to get over my cruel streak and give them a happy ending!