Dr. Robert Herman, the kind doctor who had first reaffirmed Beatrix's pregnancy, once again quietly slipped into the examination room. The tall blonde sat calmly on the paper covered exam table, clad in one of those lovely barely concealing gowns. She was watching him a little apprehensively.
They'd just done a very basic ultrasound and a few more routine tests. Dr. Herman had been very concise and professional throughout the whole thing, but he knew what this woman was waiting for and he didn't want to make her wait any longer.
He sat down on the black padded stool across from her, removing a pen from the pocket of his white jacket. He adjusted his reading glasses; peering down at the clipboard in his hands, "Well, Miss Machevelli everything still looks good, the baby is developing on schedule and all fingers and toes are accounted for." He looked up; a small smile touching his face, "And...I am happy to inform you, that your baby is going to be healthy little girl."
Beatrix was so overjoyed she almost squealed in delight, but instead she laughed. It was a stifled laugh and one could look at it as a way to cover up a burst of emotion…which it was. She had been counting down to the day she could come back and find out the gender of her baby. Secretly, like many women, she wanted a girl but the idea of being a mother to anything was exhilarating enough that she didn't care. But now that she knew, she was very, very happy.
She leaned her head back against the crinkly paper that protected the pillow under her head and cupped hands to her face. She was so happy, so fucking happy. And in that brief moment of sitting in the doctor's office in a paper gown, Beatrix realized what made her happy. Her baby girl made her really fucking happy. The mere fact that her baby girl wasn't even born yet and she was still utterly in love with her spoke volumes. She had made the right choice. Her little girl couldn't be exposed to her mother's past life and Beatrix was going to shield and protect her.
Her hands slipped down to expose a glossy eyed and very blissful blonde. She smiled at the doctor and mouthed a thank you.
Doctor Herman was about to move onto the mother's health as that was always a topic of discussion during routine pregnancy check ups, when the mother had a different topic in mind.
"Doctor Herman," she began slowly and clearly, locking eyes. "I need to ask you a favor and I trust you can respect my wishes on the premises of doctor/patient confidentiality." She tilted her chin down and blue eyes came half lidded in a real nervous gesture. "I met someone…" Beatrix went into detail about Tommy; where he worked, how sweet and nice he was, how perfect he and his friends were, everything she liked about him and how he made her happy and content.
"He's the father. Not in the he's the one that knocked me up…but…I want him to be."
Dr. Herman watched Arlene with a warm smile on his face. No matter how many times he saw it, it was always moving to see a woman so overjoyed with such news. He himself had three daughters and couldn't have been happier with that result. He replied with a heartfelt, "Your welcome," at her emotional 'thank you' and waited patiently for her to be ready for the next phase of the appointment. Thus, when she started telling him about her rather complicated 'father' situation, his eyebrows rose fractionally with mild surprise. This was not what he had expected...nonetheless, he listened to her in complete professional silence.
When she finished, he sat silent for a moment, removing his glasses and slipping them in his coat pocket, "That's a perfectly understandable situation Miss Machiavelli, and I am happy that you have met somebody like this man..." he paused, he knew exactly what she was eluding to when she said 'but I want him to be', when pertaining to the fathering of her child, "...but….am I correct in assuming you wish me to lie to this man on your behalf? Have him believe he is the father?" Dr. Herman leaned forward, "There are certain ethical issues involved here Miss Machiavelli and as a licensed medical practitioner in the state of Texas I am entitled to follow a certain ethical code."
Beatrix knew compared to how easy everything else was going, this was going to be the hardest thus far. Her slender brows furrowed in a mixture of annoyance and concern. "I don't give a damn about ethical codes, doctor," she commented in a leveled tone and 'leveled' coming from this tall blonde wasn't always signified as good. "I want Tommy to believe he is the father because the real father isn't touching my baby," she used forceful hand gestures to elaborate her point.
"You couldn't begin to understand how important it is to me…and my baby…that this man believes he is the father," she pursed her lips in a moment to collect her words. "I'll be honest with you, doc, I was…before I came here, in a lot of shit and it took a lot for me to get my ass in here two weeks ago. You couldn't possibly imagine what I had to go through. So, all being said and done, moving here, to El Paso, has been the best goddamn thing that's happened to me, along with having a little girl and meeting Tommy."
She leaned forward, hands settling on her thighs, and her pretty blonde head tilted to the side. Her expression was fierce. "My point being, if you don't help me….I'll find someone who can."
Dr. Herman's features thinned out as he listened to the tall blonde. He leaned back when she had finished. "But, you see...Miss Machiavelli, I do give a damn about ethical codes, I can easily lose my license if it comes to light that I have broken them." He let out a long breath; sticking his thumb and forefinger on either side of his nose. He had to think about this...it was a difficult issue. He wasn't intimidated by this woman...he was just too jaded for that, but he had an understanding from where she was coming from...a heartfelt feeling towards her situation, that was far more potent than fear. On the other hand he didn't want this woman seeking out somebody else's services...and besides...he'd grown to be fond of her, in a doctor/patient kind of way.
After a few moments, he dropped his hand and looked at Arlene. "Very well Miss Machiavelli. But, I will have you know that I don't professionally agree with this, and if this were to ever come to legal court...I would be forced to divulge certain information about you." Dr. Herman, despite his mousy middle aged appearance, could play his own little sneaky games. "Call it a mutual agreement of collateral." He pursed his lips, "But, I hope, for both of our sakes...that never happens."
He raised his brows, resolved, defeated and a little upset with himself. "If you agree to this...then...very well, I will...," he frowned, "...lie to this Mr. Tommy Plympton and have him believe he is indeed the father."
Beatrix dropped the threat, not that the doctor seemed all that intimidated. She 'was' sitting there in a fucking paper gown and that looked far from menacing on the tall blonde. She gave a tight nod. "Sounds like you've got yourself a deal."
Her façade softened and she leaned back, the shift in her body position made the paper beneath her crinkle. She hated that sound and began to remember why she never much liked hospitals of any sort, even though she had been to her fair share over the years. Her head tilted to the side, blonde locks falling against her shoulder, and a coy smile graced her features. "I must say Doctor Herman, you are a sly one. But, I assure you that you will never have to worry about this becoming a legal issue." That she was positive about, because anything legal would completely fuck up 'everything'. Her name was illegal; her past job was beyond illegal, and what she had done… Thus, bringing in anything legal was always a bad idea.
Now that that was sorted it was time for a change of subject. "Is there anything else we need to go over?" She questioned lightly and in a warmer temperature. She was a little anxious to leave, knowing now she had a lot of 'news' for Tommy when she came by the store for her afternoon shift.
"Well Miss Machiavelli, I certainly hope you are right," Dr. Herman replied to her former comment, in having nothing to worry about. He still wasn't too happy about this whole situation, but there was no going back at this point. He just hoped that all of this would work towards a happy situation for both mother and child.
At her change of subject, Dr. Herman glanced down at his clipboard, "Ah...not unless you have experienced some changes in health since the last time we talked." When Arlene informed him that nothing out of the norm had happened, he nodded. "Very well then, Miss Machiavelli, you are released," he gave her a small smile. "Now, I want to see you again for a routine check up in about two more weeks, so please make an appointment at the desk when you leave."
He stood, shaking her slim hand, "Again, congratulations Miss Machiavelli...I'm sure your baby girl is going to be very beautiful," he wasn't just saying that either, "And, feel free to bring...the baby's," he raised a brow,"...father in with you from now on...if both of you so wish." With one more warm smile in her direction, Dr. Herman turned and left the room, shutting the door securely behind him.
"Have a good night," Beatrix said as she handed the plastic bag to her last customer for the day. She couldn't be more thankful that the day was coming to an end. It was already nearing seven o'clock, and ever since she arrived at the store she had been working. She didn't mind working, she loved working, but after the doctor's visit earlier (which she told Tommy was an errand), she was more or less distracted. She did her work, but nowhere near as diligently as she had been. Over the past two weeks she knew everything about music, from classic bands from the sixties to heavy metal in the eighties and beyond. She knew how to stack a shelf, run a cash register, and perform inventory. She was a pro by the end of week one. She was always a quick learner.
But today her work wasn't top-notch. Her mind kept on going over how she was going to tell Tommy. For some fucked up reason Beatrix felt like she was telling Bill not Tommy, and that only made the situation worse. This wasn't bad news and unlike Bill she wasn't as concerned about Tommy's reaction. She could almost predict it.
Locking up the register, blue eyes peered up as Tommy strolled back from flipping the sign on the door from 'Open' to 'Closed'. She offered him a warm inviting smile and stepped out from behind the desk to meet him half way. She greeted him by wrapping her arms around his waist. "I need to tell you something." As usual she was never one to beat around the bush.
The past two weeks had been a little unreal for Tommy. After the rather unorthodox start with Arlene, the two of them had fallen into virtual "normal couples" bliss. They spent a great amount of time together, between working together, going out after work together and often spending the night together. Sometimes they'd go to Arlene's, sometimes his place, some of the time what you would have expected happened, other times they'd just stay up...talk and laugh. Tommy quizzed Arlene nonstop on her music knowledge. They'd play little music memory games...for instance, Tommy would call out a band name: Queen, The Sex Pistols, The Eurothymics, etc...and Arlene would have to call back the lead singer: Freddy Mercury, Johnny Rotten, Annie Lennox..etc. They shared a lot of laughs; take out dinners and sweet moments.
Arlene was an amazingly quick learner, and it was only a few days into her working and Tommy felt comfortable leaving her on her own to run errands or work in the back room. He couldn't have asked to have met a more perfect woman, and he was still a little dazed about the whole thing.
He hadn't really noticed any change in Arlene's work performance throughout the day, but he was quite happy that the day had ended. He was hungry and was itching to get out of the store. When Arlene approached him, he smiled just as warm and openly as her and wrapped his arms around her waist in response.
Tommy tilted his head; his expression turning a little more serious, but he was still smiling...expecting some small little surprise. "Sure honey...what's up?" he drawled.
"Well," she began slowly. Her arms remained locked around him, but she kept a gap between them, her head tilted down and to the side, blonde locks of hair veiling over one side of her face, and blue eyes averted. She licked her lips attentively. Beatrix loved Tommy but not like how she loved Bill. It was different. She loved him in a very caring way, because Tommy was such a caring person. She loved him because he gave her things that she always wanted. It could be seen as selfish, well, everything she was doing could be selfish but it wasn't. She was doing it for her little baby girl.
Besides, Beatrix was convinced it would all work out for the best for everyone. The more you lie to others, the more you believe your own lies.
Blue eyes looked back up at him half lidded. "I'm…" She trailed off in uncertainty and took a moment to gather her words. She knew she was nervous but there was no reason to be. She was only nervous because her mind kept on flashing to Bill. Damn him. This wasn't Bill, it was Tommy and there was nothing to worry about.
A light laugh passed her lips. It was a laugh at herself and how stupid she was being over something that was far from stupid. Her chin tilted down to her chest and her gaze stayed steady on him, her lips curved into a tight smile. "I'm pregnant."
Tommy stared at her for a good thirty seconds in complete silence. Very slowly, his jaw dropped and his arms fell away from her, as he took a few steps back. He stood like that, staring at her, his hands clasped onto his messy but hip blonde hair for a few long moments.
"Oh my god..." was the first thing he said; which was barely audible. His voice was hard to read one way or another.
Slowly, he rose a finger and pointed at himself, as if to silently ask the question 'me?', to which Arlene nodded silently back. To which another "Oh my god..." escaped his mouth; his eyes widening. He turned around slowly, hands still in his hair, obviously taking this news in.
Tommy's mind was racing. It would be quite the task to fully describe what one must be thinking in a moment like this. But, he knew it had to have happened the first night they'd met...it had to have been...they'd been safer since then...and that was over two weeks ago...
"Oh wow...Jesus...ok..." was the next set of words out of his mouth.
Ok...so that made sense. Now...that he had sorted that part out...which was really the easy thing to do...it was on to the rest. A baby...a child...a kid...his...kid….well….half his kid...and Arlene's. He'd never really thought about having a kid before...he liked kids allot, but the whole idea of parenthood was completely new to him. Arlene...the tall beautiful blonde woman he'd only known for a few weeks, yet felt like he'd known for years...she was going to be the mother of his child...and...he...he was going to be...
"I'm going to be a father!" He said out loud; suddenly turning fully around to look at Arlene, a wide grin spreading across his face. "Oh my god! I'm going to be a father!" He looked indescribably happy, "This is...wow...this is great!"
Taking a few long steps back to Arlene, he picked her up, which was fairly easy for him to do, and spun her around, "I'm going to be a father," he kissed her; his eyes shining with emotion. "Oh my god...Arlene, this is so...wow...not expected...but...," his smile grew more serious, but just as happy, "...I couldn't have asked for anything better...God….I love you Arlene, I really do...and I'm so happy...for us...for our baby." He kissed her again; finally letting her down and hugged her.
It was obvious that Tommy was suddenly very emotional over this, as he clung onto the tall blonde.
Beatrix cradled her head on his shoulder with arms wrapped secularly around him in a returning embrace. Deep down she felt awful for making Tommy believe something that wasn't true, but the happiness over his reaction to receiving such a lie out-weighed the lie itself. She knew she'd have nothing to worry about. He was ecstatic, as well he should be. She knew the feeling of complete bliss upon finding out your going to be a parent, well, after the shock settles in. The indescribable feeling of happiness was well worth it.
She idly and affectionately rubbed the side of her cheek against his shoulder. The soft material of his cotton shirt brushing against her flesh gave her a feeling of contentment. Tommy was going to be the perfect father to her little girl. She couldn't have picked a better person. Tommy's reaction only further proved to the tall blonde that maybe things were going to work out and that this was the life that she…deserved.
"Thank you," she sincerely whispered and turned her head to kiss his cheek.
Tommy didn't trust himself to speak for a few moments, and replied by returning a kiss to her cheek as well. They stayed like that for a few minutes and when Tommy finally pulled away, there was a look of sheer happiness and a bliss-like dazed expression on his face. There was no missing the sheen of moisture in his eyes as well.
He smiled, a little nervous laugh following. He wasn't sure what Arlene had thanked him for exactly...getting her pregnant or loving the fact that she was pregnant, but he guessed it was most likely the second. "Your welcome..." he managed through another bout of nervous and elated laughter. He wasn't sure why he was laughing, probably because he wanted to start crying from joy...and laughing was more the regal of the two.
He held Arlene out at arm's length, staring widely at her, "This is big Arlene...I mean...we're parents now...we've got to start thinking about responsibilities and stuff...," Tommy was somewhat stating the obvious here, but he was too happy to notice, "...and...and….we've got to buy baby stuff...and...a name...we've got to pick out names...and oh my god..." he laughed again, "...there's so much to think about...I'm glad we've got some time to prepare for this..." he was mostly rambling because he was so overwhelmed with emotion, and new thoughts...and a whole new world opening up to him.
Beatrix laughed because like Tommy it was the safer thing than any other emotional options. She canted her head up to stare warmly at the 'father' of her child. A smile curled over her lips and prominently stuck there. She placed a hand on his shoulder. "Tommy," she stated in a serious tone but the all out seriousness wasn't as strong with her blissful smile. "Slow down there."
Her hand idly began to rub at his shoulder that it was still settled upon. "We have plenty of time to think about all of that. For now let's take it one step at a time." The last thing she wanted was to overwhelm Tommy or herself. "So, which step would you like to take first?" A slender brow raised in mild curiosity.
Tommy laughed again, "Ok...ok...yeah...your right...," he took a deep breath, calming himself and licked his lips. He squeezed her hand that was resting on his shoulder, as he continued to calm down; obviously thinking. "I don't know...I mean...I guess...we should tell everybody...if you want to of course, " leave it Tommy to bring up the social aspect of it right away, "And...well...you need to find a doctor," he caught her look, "..right….ok...you've already done that...I knew that...," he laughed again, "Alright...yes, one step at a time..." he trailed off; apparently losing this train of thought somewhere along the way.
Suddenly he bent down and placed a hand on Arlene's stomach. He smiled sweetly, "It's just so...amazing to think..." The whole impact of this was still continuing to settle in. After a few moments he stood up, "I think...the first step...should just be enjoying the thought of what we've created...I think that deserves some time." He seemed resolved on this rather philosophical but sweet idea, "Then...we can take another step."
Blue eyes trailed down to Tommy who was contently and with high fascination idealizing over her stomach. A soft and almost sad glow imitated in her demeanor, but it was hidden behind her smile. Her mind was about to switch to other thoughts, but she quickly switched off and commented in an affectionately teasing tone, "Oh, yes, just think that she…he…has half your personality and looks. Then add mine…and we've got a perfect mix."
Her hand came down to settle on top of his, which was still nestled against the fabric of her shirt. She wanted to feel sad for numerous reasons, but she had her fill of sadness the other day and she couldn't keep on going back to it or she wouldn't get anywhere. Besides, Beatrix wasn't the type of person to stay 'sad' for long. She had so much to be happy about. Her smile turned wide and she let out a contented bit of laughter. "Come on daddy, how about we order in tonight and watch a movie. Just me, you, and the baby."
To say the past two weeks had been an improvement on the prior week and a half would be one big lie. To get to the point, without the already overused dramatic adjectives, it had probably been worse.
Each day was just another brutal reminder to Bill that Beatrix was indeed dead. The more time dragged on, the less he could truthfully keep telling himself that she was going to saunter into his living room at any moment, smirking and saying 'oops sorry about that baby.' He got in the habit of sitting on the couch that faced the hallway to the door and staring at the closed entrance. He swore that if she walked in now, he wouldn't be angry...he wouldn't...he'd do his best to not be angry; he'd be sweet...and as understanding as possible. But, no amount of swearing against his own temper was going to bring her back; he realized that rather quickly and eventually stopped staring at the door.
He continued the substance abuse like a man who was attempting to go through his entire stock of drugs and alcohol before the end of the month...and Bill had quite the amount of stock. He was either drunk or high the majority of the time...in-between bouts of short fitful sleep and brief irritable moments of sobriety. Nikishi stopped packing up the house after he ordered her to stop, but she stuck around...doing what she could...mainly to keep an eye on him. There were a number of times where she had to get rather nasty with him to get him eat something...and they had a couple good fights. Luckily Nikishi was a tough woman, not many would have been able to stand up to Bill in those moments.
Bill lamely tried to keep working and he sent most of the DiVA's off on continuous grueling assignments; mainly so they would be gone from his presence. He didn't leave the house, except to take a few stoned strolls around the garden or sit on the back porch nursing a bottle of alcohol. By the end of the second week, things were getting pretty bad for Bill...and he finally reached his limit one night when, attempting to reach for his stash of weed in his safe, he instead grabbed a bag of coke. He'd had the coke around mainly for his little alchemy experiments. He ended up doing a few lines of it, and realized very quickly why he hated coke, he'd always hated coke. Even back in his yakuza days when everybody did coke, he'd hated it. He hated everything about it; the way it made him feel, having to snort something up his goddamn nose. In a lucid moment of methamphetamine sped up thought, he realized this was too far. He was not a junkie, he was many things...but he was not a junkie. He threw the entire bag of coke away.
That was something of a turning point. The next morning he looked at himself in the mirror; scraggily hair, hallow eyes, nearly full beard, and he was revolted by what he saw. He saw a man who he had always pictured as his retched father. That was it, and with a scowl he snatched his straight razor out of its sink side holder.
Later that day he drove to Beatrix's apartment.
Emerging from his car looking far more himself, he climbed the few short steps to her door. On the door a nasty eviction notice glared with red ink and a rather surprised sounding note from Beatrix's landlord. Bill snatched the notice off the door and crushed it up in his hand.
Then, he repeated the window procedure he'd used to sneak into Beatrix's apartment not all that long ago...of course, that time he'd surprised her with tickets to Paris, now...there was nobody inside to surprise.
Once inside, he set the window neatly back in its place. The apartment smelled a little musty, but besides that it looked just like as if it had been left that very morning. He took a few minutes to stroll around the living room; picking up the nick nacks just like he used to always do when he was teasing her about how goddamn small the place was.
Smirking with amusement, he studied everything. Some of it was very Beatrix, other things...seemed more less like her and more like the person she'd wanted to be; normal things. She had very little pictures out.
Eventually, he wandered down the hallway into her bedroom. That was a little more difficult to take in. He didn't touch the somewhat neatly made bed. He wasn't freaky like that. He opened a few of her dresser drawers, sifting through some of her clothing; smiling when he came across a whole pile of his old t-shirts. He didn't take them back...they weren't his anymore. But, he quickly closed the drawers; her clothing still smelt too much like her, and that was just a bit too much.
He turned and his eyes landed on Beatrix's sword; the one he'd given her. It was propped up neatly in the corner. He strolled over and gently picked it up. A sword may have seemed a trivial thing to other people, but to Bill...this was the most sentimental thing of Beatrix's. This was what meant the most to him, this is what he'd come for. This apartment was not her, not really... but this sword was. He handled the sword lovingly for a moment, but didn't unsheathe it; it wasn't his place to do so.
Then, tucking the sword under his arm, he left the room. And after a few more minutes of slowly meandering around the small apartment, he left...in the same manner he'd come in. He could have easily used the door...but he just didn't want to. Making sure the window was securely back in place, he stood in front of the apartment for a bit; squinting at the cheap paneling on the side and the brass numbers on the door with numb distaste.
Finally, with the sword, Bill got back into his car; he didn't go home...not yet. He drove out to the desert. It didn't take all that long in these parts. It was hot, especially out in the unforgiving sand...but he didn't give a damn. He parked his car on the side of the highway and trudged across the dunes for awhile, Beatrix's sword in his hand.
Reaching some invisible destination, he stopped. He stood there...once again, squinting into the sunlight, hair flying about in the arid wind. And then, he bent down and set the sword on the soft tan sand. He then proceeded to cover it up with a good foot or two of the sand; the wind would bury it further. A few lizards and scorpions came scuttling out of the sand as he did this, but they quickly ran from him.
Once this task was completed, he sat down cross legged next to the small mound of sand. He didn't know why he'd had to do that somewhat silly, dramatic thing...but he just knew he had to do it. Something in him told him it was necessary if he was to crawl out of his self made hell. Maybe Beatrix wouldn't have liked this idea...but Bill loved the desert and this was his agony not hers. He'd deal with it how he wanted.
After sometime, he stood back up; sweat gleaming off his forehead and through his shirt. He didn't say anything; that was for the overly sentimental, not a killer. Looking stoic, but perhaps less tortured, he trudged back to his car and drove back home.