Chapter 2

I'm pacing. I'm actually pacing. Nonetheless, the cry was good for me.

"I wonder why she did it," Kat pondered out loud. "Wasn't she the one who was chasing him for so long?"

"You and I both know she only wanted him, because I wanted him." I spit venomously.

"Do you still want him, Jude?"

I stop pacing. "Why would you even ask that, Kat?"

Kat sighs and looks right into my eyes. I wish she wouldn't. I don't like to be looked at when I'm in a mood like this. "Just answer the question, Jude."

"How could I want someone who has done all that he has done to me?" I'm crying again. "He's put me through so much. I can't go back to that. I'm with Jamie now."

Kat looked away and down at the bed she was sitting on. "You're right. You're with Jamie."

"Yeah, I'm right."

"So, you shouldn't care about Tommy and Sadie's problems, right?"

I was taken aback by this, but I said, "right."

"Right."

"Right, then."

Oh my God. I think we've inadvertently made a decision of some sort. This is most troublesome. There is only one thing to do: I have to go see Jamie.

"Jamie," I say, finding him playing basketball in my driveway.

"I was waiting for you to come home," he said, throwing down the ball and walking over to me to give me a kiss. Stupidly, I turn away so that his lips land smack on my cheek.

He cocks his head to the side and asks, "is there something wrong, Judester?"

"No, nothing," I lie. I've decided he doesn't need to know about me crying over the whole Sadie and Tommy thing. It would only worry him and I don't want to do that. He's a good friend.

"Good," he smiles. "So, how's about I buy you dinner? Your mom and Sadie aren't exactly home and I know how much you hate cooking."

"Now, there's the best invitation I've gotten all day." I wasn't lying.

I lock my arm with his and he escorts me to his car. We drive to the burger joint where I order myself a bacon double cheeseburger, fries, and a strawberry milkshake. Yummy. I can eat more than Jamie. It's a fact. He thinks it's cute.

After stuffing my face, I suggest that we go to the record store and make fun of techno albums. It was fun, but not like old times. Something about it just didn't feel like the old days anymore and I kind of got the feeling that he didn't entirely feel the same way. He was grinning like an idiot.

"Oh my God, you're Jude Harrison!" a seven year old screams, running up to me. She drags a man behind her and says, "dad, look, it's Jude Harrison!"

"You're right, Angie," says her father in disbelief. To me he says, "can she get your autograph?"

"Sure," I beam at them as he hands me a pen and my CD that he just grabbed off the shelf. I sign it, hand them back, and tell Angie to, "rock on."

She smiles and so do I. I made her day. It's humbling, really. I know that's hard to believe, but it's just something you'd have to experience to understand.

Angie and her dad walk away and Jamie looks at me and says, "well, in the old days, people weren't hounding you for autographs in here, but you know what? I could get used to it."

I laugh. Maybe my laugh sounded a little bit nervous, I don't know.

Jamie's expression changes slightly, to a less easy one, though he still maintains the facade of having fun."So, how did the recording session go with Tommy anyway? Did you two duke it out or what? And if so, can I be there for the next smack down? I need an excuse to where my foam finger thing."

I turn away, forgetting how much body language can say when words don't speak. Even though my back is turned to him, I know Jamie is frowning, because the atmosphere in the room has gone very dark.

"What did he say to you?" he asks.

"Nothing."

"Jude."

"Just stuff about him and Sadie. They broke up," my back is still turned to him. For reasons I can't explain, I couldn't look at him. I've become highly fascinated by a Doors album.

Pause.

"Does that make you happy?"

I turn around sharply. "Why would that make me happy?"

"I don't know, you tell me."

"It doesn't make me happy."

"Does it make you sad?"

"No."

"So you admit it!" he says. He seems to think he's on to something or another.

"Admit what?"

"That them breaking up doesn't make you sad."

"Jamie."

"I'm going home, Jude." He shakes his head, unamused. "If you want a ride, you can come with."

"I'll walk." I reply, shocked by his sudden change in mood.

He turns to leave, but before he walks out the door and he says, "when you get us sorted out, give me a call." On his face there's a smile, but it's a hurt sort of smile—not a happy one in the least."

And there I stand like an idiot, watching him go.

I hung back in the record store a little while, just wandering around. I wasn't really thinking. If I had been thinking, I wouldn't have let Jamie leave all mad like that. I need to tell him I'm sorry, but that can wait until the morning. With that resolve, I go home.

There, I find Sadie, lying on the couch, crying, watching an old sad movie. She wipes her eyes quickly when she notices I'm in the room and she says almost as quickly. "Mom's not here."

"Why did you break up with Tommy?" I say the words before I can stop my self. Stupid, stupid Jude.

Sadie's mouth opens and closes and opens again. "How did you—

"He told me."

Sadie eyes narrowed as she tried to wrap her head around what she'd just been told. She looked pissed and confused. "That wasn't his place."

"I think it kind of was, Sadie."

She stood up, her white silk night robe fell to the ground and if she wasn't so evil, she might look like an elfin princess. That is a major fault of Sadie's. She can be an angel, but she always chooses to be a demon.

"Well, now that you're back together, I realize the Tommy and Jude club has reformed, but still, he can't just tell you our personal business whenever he chooses."

"No, Sadie. You're right. It wasn't his place. It was your place. You're my sister. You're the one who's supposed to tell me. You're the one who's supposed to care about me. You're the one who's not supposed to freaking steal him in the first place!"

"I can't steal someone from you who isn't your's to begin with!"

That was when my hand came into contact with her face, smacking it so hard that my hand actually stung. Hurt like hell, but I didn't care though. She knows exactly how to push my buttons and she knows exactly how to hurt me and that's what makes her so cruel. She knows all the wrong things to do and she does them, because she's jealous and evil.

Her hand smacks my left cheek as hard as I smacked her right and she's trembling, enraged. Her face is blood red, but I'm sure mine is a hell of a lot redder. "Mom and Dad make good money, Sadie. I'm sure they can buy you a life."

"Just like you to always have some little almost witty remark," Sadie spat. "Now, get the hell away from me before I make you regret coming home tonight."

Pushing her hard down onto the ground, that's when I decide to go up to my room and play my guitar as loud as I could. Sadie is turning nineteen years old in just three weeks and is supposedly so much more mature than me, and yet, somehow, she manages to stoop to my level any time we fight.

After playing for a long, long time, I notice I've received a text message from Sadie. It reads: I dnt no y u care about Tommy so mch. Btw turn down the damn amp!

I throw my phone down. Fortunately, I happen to own the most indestructible phone on the market. Me, being me, I need an indestructible phone.

Sadie has a lot of balls to even send me a text. She knows I feel like scratching her eyes out. She's brave, I'll give her that.

When Mom comes home from her date at midnight, she marches into my room and lectures me about not hitting Sadie. She didn't know that Sadie had hit me, until I enlightened her, but she didn't care that much, because Judge Mom decided that I was in the wrong. More like Prejudiced Mom...

I'm writing a song about this. It merits a song. Sadie deserves it.

The next day, I take the song I am oh so proud of to the studio. Tommy has to see it. I don't know if he'll get it or what it's about, but I hope it leaves some sort of impression on him, however vague it may be.

In the hall, I am waylaid by Darius.

"Have you got another song written?" he asks.

"In fact, I have," I smile. "And, you know, I think you might like it."

"I hope so," a smile forms on his lips. He's pleased about the song. His expression is still light as he says, "Shay's coming back from his summer tour this Monday."

"Oh," I say. I don't want to hear about Shay. I'm really not in the mood to hear about Shay.

"Just thought I'd mention it," he smiles. "I'll let you be on your way."

He walks off and leaves me to stare blankly after him. I sense an ulterior motive. Lord knows Darius is full of them.

So, I'm heading into the studio, successfully shrugging off Darius, when what do my ears hear? From the open door, I hear voices. Tommy's voice is prominent, but I can also hear a vaguely familiar female one. I lean my guitar case up against the hallway and I crouch down, pressing my ear more closely to the crack in the door so that I may hear better.

"I haven't seen you in almost a year, Tommy," she says softly.

"I know."

"I've missed you."

He doesn't directly reply to her statement. "It has been a long time."

"You act as though you don't even want to see me."

"Of course, I want to see you." Now, he sounds hurt.

"Then, why are you acting so strange? We used to be so close."

"Things have changed," he says.

"And that's why I want to give us another try."

"What?"

"Just think about it, Tommy. You know I still care for you, I always have. Remember that."

I can hear footsteps nearing, so I stand up and pick up my case, and move backwards, pretending like I was just now coming down the hallway.

I see Darius's little sister coming out of the door and in the doorway, Tommy stands. "Goodbye, Portia."

"Bye," she gives him a small, polite smile, and smiling at me in the same manner, she says, "hi, Jude," as she passes me by, heading down the hall, presumably to Darius's office.

"Hi," I say, taken aback.

I'd only met her once before. She was Tommy's ex-wife. She got me on Darius's magazine cover and then, I never would've imagined that I would feel such negative feelings towards her as I do now.

"So, uh, Jude. What's up?" he says, inviting me to step into the studio.

Putting on my business face, I say, "I've written a new song."

"Really?" he asks.

"Let's just say I find Sadie inspiring at times."

Tommy's brow furrowed. He was worried by that statement, as he should be. He, most likely, could tell Sadie and I had a fight by now.

"So, um, that was Darius's sister coming out of here, right?" I say, unzipping my guitar case. I didn't make eye contact with him, because I didn't want him to see that I knew full and well who the girl was.

"Yes."

"How long had it been since you'd seen her?"

"Since you saw her last."

"I wonder why she made an appearance all of the sudden," I muse. I'm trying to coax it out of him. I don't want to let him know I was listening in on their conversation.

"I guess she came in to see Darius and thought she'd say hi."

"Perfect timing," I mumbled. Yes, I wanted him to hear me. To see how he'd take it.

He looked at me, shook his head, and turned around, heading to the sound booth. He stopped just short of the door and said, "Shay is coming back."

"I've been told," I acknowledge.

He stared at me for a moment, and then went inside.

Something isn't right. Somebody is hiding something, but, of course, I pretend I'm none the wiser to this concept. I just play right a long, because I'm smarter than Tommy gives me credit for. I know there's more intelligent ways to get down to the bottom of things.

At this point, I can't help but feeling I came home to more drama than I left while going on tour. My life is amusing, to say the least.