Author's note: So I don't write smut. Not 'cause I object to it I just don't do it well (I'm not fishing for compliments, I'm just stating a fact). Unfortunately I actually felt it was necessary in this story, so it's at the end of the chapter (if you don't want to read it don't scroll past the line towards the end). I'm not going to call this my first attempt at smut, but it's the first I've ever let anyone read.

He had to take a moment to make sure she was really there; so many times his mind had played tricks on him. Once on a crowded street in Bogotá he'd seen a red pony tail in front of him and taken off after it, certain it was her. A block later he'd grabbed the shoulder of a very startled Australian backpacker. But as he blinked the woman before him didn't change—it was definitely Natalie. She was wearing the same black sweater from earlier with a slightly flared printed skirt. He wondered for a moment at her lack of jacket but reminded himself that for the northeast it really wasn't that cold.

She held out a bottle of beer which he took from her before finally recovering his voice. "You were waiting for me?"

She smiled, "I don't know how, but I knew you'd be here. I guess if you hadn't come I would have gone downstairs eventually and knocked on your door, but-"

"Turns out you don't have to," he finished for her. "Guess you still know me pretty well."

"Not that well," she said taking a sip of her own beer, "the last two times I've seen you caught me totally of guard."

"Well the first time was all Michael," he pointed out.

"Yeah," she said walking to the edge to look over, "but earlier today…I didn't expect you to come of your own volition. You used to have to be cornered to talk."

"Am I cornered now?" he asked playfully.

"No," she said turning to him, "but I'm a little more prepared than earlier."

"Prepared for what exactly?"

She took a deep breath, "We have a lot more to talk about than where we've both been living over the last nine years."

He nodded. "The things that happened before."

"Why we left," she added.

"I left because there was nothing to stay here for," he said, "and I'd messed things up so badly I knew there was no way to fix them and I didn't know any other way to start over."

"What about Michael?" she asked, "you didn't miss living near him?"

"Near him?" he asked sarcastically then softening said, "yeah… but we kept in touch."

"I know about your mom from Michael," she said softly, "I wanted to tell you how sorry I am. I almost went to the funeral, but I figured you'd have enough to deal with, you didn't need to add our drama to it."

"She really liked you," he said wistfully, "the day she died she was talking about you."

"Really?" Natalie asked. She took half a step forward and an expression he couldn't read crossed her face for a moment.

"Yeah," he said, "she told me I should find you."

"But you didn't," she pointed out.

He took a swallow of his beer and looked at her; he was surprised to hear how unhappy she seemed about that fact. "I gotta tell you it never occurred to me you'd want to see me. The last time I saw you, I got the impression you never wanted to see me again."

"Nine years ago I thought that was true," she said. "Funny, because Cristian took it the other way. I guess he thought I was leaving to see if he'd follow."

"Cristian tracked you down?" he asked.

She nodded slowly, leaning back against the ledge that outlined the roof; he could tell there were memories replaying her mind and he didn't want to intrude on them anymore than she allowed. "Couple months after I left," she said. "Stuck around for a while where I was… I guess he thought we just needed a change of scenery."

"Scenery wasn't the problem, was it?" he asked.

She shook her head, "Took him a while, but he finally got it. He's in New York now apparently. Married. Still painting. I'm happy for him." There was a hint of regret to her tone, but he suspected that wasn't for the Cristian Vega that had finally left for New York but for the Cristian Vega who had once fulfilled all of her girlhood fantasies. "But Cristian isn't really what we need to talk about either," she said casting him a sideways glance.

He walked closer to her and leaned against the ledge next to her. "I'm sorry, Natalie," he said, "I have never stopped regretting what I did-"

"You apologized enough back then," she said, "it's really not a matter of saying you're sorry."

"I don't know what else to say," he said softly.

She shook her head, "No, I didn't mean- Look John, driving cross country alone… it really gave me a lot of time. And I went over it and I analyzed it and eventually I understood why you did it."

"You did?" he asked, wondering how she could when he wasn't sure he did himself.

"I did," she said, "And I don't like it and I still think you were wrong, but I understand. You felt responsible for what happened to Cristian and you felt like you couldn't deny him that request. And after my behavior after I lost him the first time and with Paul Cramer, you had some reasonable grounds to question my emotional stability."

"Natalie I-"

"John," she said turning to face him fully, "I have something I have to say and if you interrupt me I'm probably going to lose my nerve."

He nodded to indicate that she could go on.

"Like I said earlier today being on the road gave me the time and space to work through all the hurt and the anger and work past it. And I also told you it gave me time to figure out what I wanted out of life, but I didn't tell you what it was. Besides creating a stable and happy home for Jonas there was only one thing I really wanted. And it was you, John."

He stared at her for a moment, not really able to believe what she'd just said. She stared back for a moment before closing her eyes and saying, "You can talk now."

"Natalie," he said surprised to find himself a little breathless. He reached out and lifted her chin gently with one finger so that her eyes would meet his. "I left town because there were a lot of things I needed to get away from. And I'll be honest you were one of them, but I never quite managed. I never got away from you. I kept wondering about you, dreaming about you, thinking about what it would be like to see you again. I was in the jungle and I smelled something that reminded me of your perfume and I looked around, half expecting you to be there. You were always right there in my mind. If I had even dared to hope that you could have forgiven me and I had known you were here, I swear to you I would never have stayed away so long."

She smiled up at him, her eyes watering slightly with tears; he could feel his own misting slightly. Then she circled one arm around his neck and kissed him.

She surprised him with the force of her kiss; tangling her hands in his hair, leaning all of her weight into him she pushed him back against the wall that enclosed the top of the stairway. She dragged one hand down his neck and onto his chest as she broke the kiss enough to meet his eyes with her own. That look and the way her fingers splayed on his chest, teasing his skin through his shirt, made it clear enough what she intended to happen. Taking his lack of protest as consent she began kissing down his neck as she started to slowly undo his shirt buttons.

Recovering his breath finally and catching her hands in his own he managed to murmur, "Natalie. Natalie, what are you doing?"

"What am I doing?" she repeated leaning in so that her breasts brushed up against him.

Okay, dumb question. The answer was obvious enough. "Are you sure it's a good idea?" he tried instead.

"Well I know it's what I want," she said and then pressing harder against him she added, "and it sure seems to be what you want."

He knew with her in such proximity there was no point in pretending he didn't want her. His body was sure enough of that, and pressed up against him there was no way she couldn't feel it. But his head seemed to think this might not be the time and place for it. "I don't- I don't have protection," he fumbled searching for an excuse.

She smiled, "Not a problem." She released him long enough to take a few steps to where she'd dropped her purse. Unzipping it and reaching in, she pulled out a condom, holding it like a prize. "I came prepared," she said smugly.

He blinked in surprise. "You planned this?"

She shrugged. "I'm a single mom, John. I have to plan this kind of thing or it would never happen."

He took a few steps away. He wasn't turned off, but this wasn't like the Natalie he remembered. She'd never been afraid to go after what she wanted, but he couldn't recall ever seeing her quite so direct.

"What's wrong?" she groaned.

"Nothing," he said furrowing his eyebrows, "I just… I'm not sure how I feel about being a booty call."

"Of course," she asked sounding more than a little bitter, "Because it's okay for men to do this kind of thing but not for women. Why don't I think you'd feel so conflicted if our positions were reversed?"

"It was never like that with you, Natalie," he said looking at her intensely, "you should know that."

She smiled and looked down. "I know. It's not really like that now either. You should know that."

He took a step towards her, closing the space between them. He wanted her so badly but he didn't want to hurt her again. "I just don't want either of us to wind up regretting anything that happens tonight."

"The only thing I regret," she said draping her arms around his neck, "Is the nine years of not being able to do this." She kissed him again; this kiss was gentler than the last, more tender, but just as insistent.

As her hands slid over the part of his chest she had already exposed he broke this kiss again and asked, "Are you sure you want to do this here?"

"It's our spot," she said nuzzling his neck.

"It's also kinda cold out tonight."

She looked up at him and smirked. "You've been down south way too long if this is too cold for you, John." Grinding her body against his she murmured in his ear, "If you give me a chance I bet I can warm you up."

"I have no doubt about that," he said softly in her ear, running his hands over the outline of her body, "but I also have a room downstairs where we might be a bit more comfortable."

She gave him a playful glare and held up her hands in surrender. "Okay, McBain. You win. If you need pillows and climate control we can go downstairs. Just remember you owe me."

"Let me know how to make it up to you," he said pulling her towards the stairs.

"Oh, I will," she promised.

"Anything else we can do to make you more comfortable Agent McBain?" she asked playfully tossing her purse on a chair as he shut the door behind them.

Shrugging free of his coat he turned to her with a grin. "We could lose this," he said as he reached for the hem of her sweater, pulling it quickly over her head as each of them sought desperately for the other's flesh with their lips.

"Careful with that," she murmured into his neck, "it's cashmere."

"I'll buy you a new one," he said backing her towards the wall and fumbling for the clasp of her bra and removing it as her fingers pulled at the remaining buttons on his shirt. Pinning her shoulders against the wall he stopped for a moment and looked at her. At the body he'd known so well for a short time many years ago. There were small changes here and there, but she was the same sexy Natalie. For a moment they're eyes locked; there was something dark, almost primal in her eyes. A need he suspected was reflected in his own but which surprised him for some reason coming from her.

Slowly, almost reverently, he lowered his head to one of her breasts. He felt her gasp as he let his tongue whirl around the hardened nipple, felt her breath quicken as he gently flicked it back and forth. As he gently closed his mouth around it she arched her body impatiently against his, her hands making fists in his hair. He smiled up at her as he moved over to the other breast. He could tell that his leisurely pace was driving her crazy, and he relished in his ability to provoke this impatience in her.

She found the opportunity to escape his grasp and regain control of the situation when they were both startled by something softly clattering against the carpet. Natalie laughed in the back of her throat as she dropped to the floor to recover the condom which she had still held in her hand. "We better take care of this before it gets forgotten altogether," she said sliding to her knees in front of him.

He stepped obediently out of his shoes as she unfastened his belt and then his pants. "Besides," she said, grinning mischievously up at him, "it's my turn." With one quick motion she yanked down his pants and boxers. Reaching up with one hand she stroked him slowly, gently before leaning forward to taste him with her tongue. Mimicking the slowness with which he'd teased her she finally took him into her mouth.

"Natalie," he groaned after a moment.

"Mm hm?" she said almost primly sitting back on her heels.

"I think you'd better-"

"Uh huh," she said, knowing exactly what he meant. She opened the condom and sheathed him, kissing her way up his stomach as she slowly stood up. He stepped quickly out of his pants as he reached under her skirt to slide off her panties, relieved to discover that her stockings only reached to her thighs.

Kissing him fiercely again she jumped and wrapped both legs around his waist, her skirt coiling up around her waist. Bracing her against the wall again he thrust into as her hands tangled in his hair and her tongue seemed to reach deep inside him. For a moment he held her there, savoring the sensation of her bare skin against his, her breath pouring over his face, her muscles tightening around him. Then unable to hold back any longer he thrust into her again and again until their bodies shuddered in unison against each other and they collapsed together in the floor, drunk with the pleasure of each other.

To be continued.