Chapter XVI

For Gryffindor Honor

((Lily's POV))

I had been planning what to say to him all the rest of that day. My mind wandered from what I tried studying; Rose eventually decided to stop quizzing me and gave in from arguing with Pansy's suggestions that I take a break.

I was planning on talking to him, and perhaps apologizing. What did I have to apologize about? What would I say?

"Sorry, James, that I left you. I know now that we are meant to be together because of my Patronus form"? That was no good.

He was undoubtedly angry with me. He didn't meet my eyes anymore, just as I had done when we first broke it off. I wanted to be with him. I was never as happy as I was when I sat in his arms at night, both of our eyes closed; yet we didn't sleep. I wanted that again.

I waited two weeks, and then April was halfway over. I was brave most of the time; I did not fear confronting people, but this was different.

How could James change me so much? I had never trembled before, but in the beginnings of our relationship, I would feel as though someone had put a Jelly-Legs Jinx on me whenever he walked by. I had never been very easy to distract from homework, yet when he had used to come up behind me and kiss me on the cheek, I would drop my quill and turn around to kiss him back. And I had never worried about anything like this before, until then.

It was when we were patrolling at night, on April the nineteenth, that I finally said something.

"Look, James—"

"Potter," he corrected stiffly.

I shook my head. "Right. Sorry. Look, Potter, I just, well…"

"You're confused about your Patronus," he finished, not looking at me as we kept walking.

"I, well, yeah," I said lamely.

"What's there to be confused about, Evans?" James asked. "Your Patronus is similar to mine. It's not of importance."

"I thought it was," I muttered.

"Well, you aren't the Transfiguration expert, are you?" he snapped.

I turned red. "It's a Charm. Animagi specialize in Transfiguration."

"Whatever," he said lowly, shooing some fifth year Ravenclaws towards their common room.

"Look, J—Potter, why are you so angry with me?" I said, raising my voice.

He snorted. "Oh, I'm sorry that I was angry with you for being angry with me because I told the truth. And I'm sorry I was angry with you for ripping my heart out, throwing on the ground and stamping on it, and then tossing it in the lake for the grindylows to eat!"

"Your heart seems to be perfectly intact," I murmured.

"You know what I mean!" he shouted.

"Well, you should be sorry for what you did to me!" I countered.

"What did I do?" he spat. "I told you the truth about where I go with the Marauders? I've told you, and nobody else but them! I haven't even told my parents, Evans! And you think I did something wrong?"

"Yes, you did!" I said, pausing. "You…well, why did you even break the law?"

"Look," he said. "I 'broke the law' in second year, all right? I did not have my mind planted on that moment when I would tell you; I wasn't even planning on telling you then! Remus needs me, and he needs Sirius and Peter as well. Don't go reprimanding the ways I show my friends I care, all right?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but turning into our corridor was Snape and a few of his Voldemort-lickers. I had thought of the phrase "Voldemort-lickers" at that moment, and almost smacked myself for it.

"Oy, Snivellus," said James, stepping forward. "Go back to your common room, and take your friends with you. While you're at it, maybe you can take a bath. I would let you use the Prefects' bathroom, but you would track grime in and make the rest of us vomit."

"Not everyone showers four times a day like you, Potty," sniffed Lestrange, his nose in the air.

"Once is enough, thanks," he snorted back.

"Why don't you just go snog that Mudblood in the broom closet?" Snape spat, his yellowing teeth showing.

"I can dock points, you know," I piped up, stepping forward.

"I'd like to see you try," Snape said.

I raised my eyebrows. "Well, since you asked, ten points from Slytherin."

I felt a swooping sensation at that moment, and then I realized that I was hanging upside down by one ankle in midair. And I also realized that the hem of my school skirt was tickling my neck.

"Look! Gryffindor knickers!" shouted a boy. "They've got little red and gold stripes on them!" The Slytherins howled with laughter as my cheeks colored.

"Look at those legs!" said another boy. "Too bad she's a Mudblood, or I would date her."

"Put her down, please, Lestrange," sighed James coolly. "I really would hate to turn your hair green. But then, that is your favorite color. And perhaps it would wash itself a bit in the process."

"Why would I want to put her down?" the Slytherin boy replied lazily.

"Look, Lestrange, I know you're feeling left out because you don't have a girlfriend," James said, "but that's no reason to go turning the Head Girl upside down just so you can see some—"

Another boy pulled out his wand before James could finish, but the Head Boy raised his own wand and jinxed the boy so that he grew warts all over his arms.

Snape turned and threw a hex at James, but he dodged it and sent a spell flying back in Snape's direction, making the greasy boy go as stiff as a board and fall on his back. He then Stunned Lestrange so that I fell on my back as the boy dropped his wand. The rest of the Slytherins took off down the corridor, leaving the two immobile boys behind.

"Let's go," James said, walking on so that I had to help myself up.

"You didn't have to curse them, you know," I informed him once I had caught up.

He snorted. "Yeah, I actually preferred letting you dangle in the air with your knickers showing."

I turned pink. "You didn't—you weren't—?"

"I didn't stare," he answered as we rounded a corner. His long legs were going at a pace that my shorter ones had trouble keeping up with. "And I didn't curse them for you. I did it for Gryffindor honor. And because I felt like it."

"I never said you did it for me!" I protested. "You are being such a git right now!"

"Evans, stop trying to talk to me. You know that even if we get back together, you're just going to keep getting mad at me. It's never going to work."

"That's how I am, James!" I said, forgetting to use his surname. "I forgive quickly, it's just that this time…this time was different. I wasn't planning on forgiving you. I wasn't planning on making up with you. But—but my Patronus…"

We went up a flight of stairs and approached the Fat Lady down the corridor. James told her the password before turning to me and speaking again.

"Evans, you don't really like me," he said, sighing. "Give it up."

I stared at the floor, my hands intertwined. Heat rushed to my face; I could feel the redness. I also felt my eyes steadily filling up. Yet I looked at him, met his eyes for the first time since I had made the Patronus, and surveyed him for a long time before crawling in the portrait hole and rushing to my room.

A/N: I will not talk in this author's note besides replying to reviews. This is called me not talking.

Kacijo12: They were totally meant to be. And amen on the shipping.

Kuddls: I love deer. I get to see some this week because I'm going down to this river/lake/forest area with my family. Yay! And when I see all the cute and happy deer, I will think of my fic and all of my awesome reviewers. Also: I read your profile. That's one! Yeah, my eyes change colors too. They're green most of the time. Ah! Lily and I have so much in common.