And after he finally let her clasp hold of him she'd walked away, stormed out, because he'd lied to her about Cris. All so that she could come back into his life and remind him how much he loved her only to show him why he shouldn't. She'd taken his son away from him; that should be enough to kill anything he felt for her. Kept him away from this little boy who he should know so well but had no idea how to relate to. This little boy who made everything seem so simple…
Jonas tugged on his arm and led him towards her. The waiter she was talking to seemed to recognize Jonas and smiled which caused Natalie to turn to see who he was looking at. Seeing the two of them together her jaw dropped. She looked back and forth between them in stunned confusion as she walked out from behind the bar.
When neither of the adults spoke Jonas interceded and said, "Dad came here to apologize for making you cry last night."
Natalie covered her mouth in surprise hearing him call John "Dad" so easily. She cast a nervous look at John and then turning back to her son said, "Honey, your dad doesn't have anything to apologize for. If anyone needs to apologize it's me."
"Okay," Jonas said looking up at her expectantly.
She gave John a desperate look; he could see she was fighting back tears. "I am so sorry…" she whispered.
Jonas turned to his father. "Okay, she apologized. Now you have to tell her that the apology is accepted."
Natalie jumped in before John could say anything. "Jonas," she said, "it's more complicated than that."
He folded his arms and his mouth formed into a slight pout, "Can I use that excuse next time?"
"Jonas," she sighed, a slight warning tone creeping into her voice, "not now."
"What?" he demanded.
Natalie looked around the room before her eyes fell on someone at the pool table. "Matthew!" she called, "Can you come over here for a minute?"
The young man Michael had pointed out John's first night in town walked over. It was still hard to believe that Matthew Buchanan was that grown up. "Matthew," Natalie said, "could Jonas hang out with you for a few minutes? John and I need to talk about something in my office."
"Sure," Matthew said giving her a questioning look but not asking her to elaborate. He turned to John and a look of recognition crossed his face, "Oh hey John!"
"Hey Matthew," John nodded before following Natalie back to her office.
"I am so sorry," she repeated as they stepped into her office, "I'll find a way to explain to him. I… I'm glad you're getting to spend some time together though."
He nodded. "He's a pretty amazing kid. Has a way of looking at things that just… well it really makes some things clear."
She shut the door and covered her face with one hand, "I'm such a coward. I should have told you the minute you got here. I mean obviously I should have told you years ago-"
"Yes you should have," he said in a voice that was almost a whisper.
She continued before he could say anything more. "But as soon as I saw you on Tuesday night I should have brought you back here and I should have told you. But I just wasn't ready for the way it would feel seeing you. I guess I just didn't realize how much I still… and I just let myself get so caught up in being with you even though I knew it was only for a little while, even though I knew it had to end. And you just kept saying all those things about how nothing I said would change the way you felt about me and I knew you were wrong that you-"
He finally held up a hand to stop her. "Let me ask you a question," he said, "when you found out what I'd done. That I lied to you about Cristian. Did that change the way you felt about me?"
She blinked back tears and shook her head. "No matter how much I wanted it to."
He thought for a moment. "You know when I first asked you about Jonas's father you said something. You said that it was a toxic relationship, doomed from the start. Is that what you really think about us?"
She leaned back against her desk and sniffed a little as she folded her arms across her chest. "I don't know. Sometimes it seemed like the only thing we were ever good at was hurting each other."
"But there was more to it than that, right?" he asked staring off into space, thinking back. "There were good times, weren't there?"
"Better than good," she agreed softly. "They were too short. But those were some of the best times… this week was…" She bit her lip as she trailed off.
"It was pretty intense," he said, letting himself smile ever so slightly, "Good intense. You also said we were both rebounding. Do you really think I only got involved with you because I was rebounding from Evangeline?"
She looked up at him blankly for a moment. "Evangeline?" she said with a slight laugh, "I haven't thought about her in years. Wow. No, not Evangeline. I mean, I know I got in her face a lot, but she was never half the competition Caitlyn was."
"Caitlyn?" he asked in surprise, "Caitlyn was dead before I ever met you."
"That was the problem," she said, "If she was alive, like Evangeline, she would have been a lot easier to deal with. Maybe that's why I fought with Evangeline so much, because I could fight with her. I couldn't compete with a ghost. And her ghost was between us. Just like Cristian's. Until…"
She didn't say it. She didn't have to. If Cristian's ghost had been a problem for them finding out that Cristian wasn't a ghost had been the final straw.
John took a deep breath. "You know Michael said something to me today. And, if you see him, please don't tell him that I listened to anything he said. But he actually made a very good point about something."
"What's that?" she asked taking a tissue off her desk and discretely dabbing her eyes.
"We can't take another nine years to figure this thing with you and me out," he said.
"If you mean about Jonas-" she began.
"I don't. I mean I know we have details to work out there too and certainly this affects him, but I'm talking about me and you right now. I'm talking about the fact that as mad as I am at what you did it doesn't mean I can stop caring about you. It doesn't mean I can stop loving you."
"John-" she tried to interject but he wouldn't let her. If he stopped now he might not be able to finish.
"And I'm not going to pretend I can just forget what you did. But I have to forgive you because otherwise it's just going to put Jonas in the middle of us. And if I'm honest with myself, all of those reasons you gave for doing it, they had some merit. And I don't know what kind of father I would have been nine years ago. I don't really know what kind I'll be now but I know what kind I want to be. I want to be a father who shows his son how important it is to go after what you want. What you love. And who you love. And if I'm completely honest with myself, that's you. And I know it's not going to be easy to work out all the details, but all I know is how much better my life has felt this past week having you in it than all those years without you."
He saw her eyes begin to water again and her face start to crumble and put a hand on each of her upper arms. "Okay, please don't cry," he said quickly, "if you cry again I think our son's gonna kick my ass."
"I don't know what to say," she stammered her voice cracking. "I-"
"Hey," he said brushing the hair out of her eyes, "come here." And he wrapped his arms around her. It was strange how much relief he felt at the gesture, as if the last twenty-four hours of not letting himself do that were some kind of burden which had now been lifted. He looked down and lifted her face to his. That beautiful tearstained face that had haunted his dreams for nine years. Slowly he lowered his lips to hers and kissed her.
That kiss seemed to be all the assurance she needed, all the confirmation of his forgiveness, because she kissed him back furiously, tangling her fingers in his hair. Drinking him in as deeply as she could. After a long moment they separated and looked into each others' eyes.
"Any chance you could take the night off?" he asked, "Spend a little time with your son and his father?"
"I think so," she said wiping her eyes, "just let me talk to the staff real quick."
When she emerged from the back, only a hint of redness lingering around her eyes, she found John and Jonas lurking by the pool table. John cast her a smile and then looked down at Jonas and said, "You know I taught your mom everything she knows about pool."
Natalie scoffed. "That's quite an exaggeration."
John winked at his son and shook his head. Jonas wrinkled his nose up at him. "Mom's really good. The guys that come in here to play won't play with her 'cause they're too scared."
"With good reason," John smiled back. "So Jonas… I know I haven't gotten to spend much time with you this trip, and I have to leave tomorrow morning, but hopefully I can come back again soon, or you can come see me."
"Over your Christmas break," Natalie suggested, "we could go visit your dad in Louisiana."
Jonas considered this for a moment. "That could be cool."
"I'm glad you think so," John said, "and I'd like to spend the rest of tonight with you and your mom. We can do whatever you want."
The little boy thought for a moment and smiled slyly up at them. "Well first, I'd like to see if you can really beat Mom at pool."
"He can't," Natalie said with a playful smile as she reached for a cue.
He smiled back at her. "Watch me." Maybe they'd never be a normal family, but for one that was just beginning to come together this felt surprisingly natural. And it was completely "them." And maybe it was crazy, but they'd probably always been. And for that night it didn't matter how they would make it work, it just seemed completely certain that they would.
To be continued.