A/N – And so we come to an end, after just eight chapters, but if you check the word count, you'll see it wound up being a fairly long story. Once again, I want to say a billion thank-yous to all my readers, and everyone who took the time to write a review. For those of you who have requested reviews of your own stories, I haven't forgotten – I will, eventually, get around to it! I'm also going to try and update my FF profile. Now, where did we leave Drew and Tuck? Oh, that's right – fifteen seconds away from white-hot anti-matter death, in a busted-up space fighter that was on fire! Now THAT'S a cliffhanger! HA! All right, lights, camera, ACTION!

The Anywhere Cannon

A "My Life as a Teenage Robot" Fanfic

Chapter Eight – Keeping Secrets

Splashes of hungry flame rimmed the tunnel entrance that rushed headlong to swallow them whole. Tuck shrieked and dug his hands into the cockpit seat, with a grip that could have snapped a steel girder in half. "DREW! Outer space is THAT way! We're not gonna FIT! AAAAAAHHH!" He tried in vain to shut his eyes, but abject terror had paralyzed every muscle in his quaking little body. "I'm gonna die! In a spaceship crash! I always knew it was gonna be a spaceship crash …"

The burning Hornet blasted into the tunnel like a railroad car loaded with fireworks. The wings sheared off like tissue paper, filling the thick smoky air with the skin-crawling screech of ripping metal. Its gyros failed, and the dying fighter belly-flopped onto the tunnel floor with a neck-snapping jolt. Barely under control, the fuselage ricocheted off the rocky walls like a rocket-powered bobsled, throwing a choking trail of fire and dust and metal shreds. The boys winced from the unpleasant thuds of Cluster roach-drones being crushed flat underneath them. The twin black-and-yellow rudders broke off. A hard bump ripped the nose cone away. The cockpit screamed with warning sirens as the spacecraft deteriorated into an unguided missile; Drew gulped hard, hoping that his 'missile' could outrun the Underground's.

The end of the tunnel raced towards them. Drew stood up in the seat, grabbed Tuck by the arms, and got ready to jump. "Last stop! Everybody off!"

The battered fuselage hurtled into the main chamber as a howling fireball. The boys leapt clear just before the cockpit disintegrated, and rolled to safety as the Hornet's fiery remains rocketed onward … and slammed broadside into the monstrous barrel of the Anywhere Cannon itself. Drone workers flew through the air like tennis balls as a mammoth explosion ripped out of the cannon's side, filling the chamber with a fountain of orange fire and coal-black smoke.

By now, Tuck was fairly sure that Drew had gone stark raving nuts. When he tossed him over his shoulder and actually ran towards the burning death ray, he was completely sure.

And then they jumped into the barrel of the Cannon.

Tuck's all-too-brief life flashed before his eyes as Drew took a few steps into the smooth, humming gun barrel. An ominous glow flickered in the darkness, growing stronger and closer. Tuck whimpered, and slapped his hands over his eyes. "AAAAAAHHH! Doomsday cannon! I always knew it was gonna be a Doomsday cannon …"

Then he spun around, and floating in front of the cannon mouth was … a giant vortex, shimmering with psychedelic swirls of riotous, maddening color. The enormous hyperspace portal that served as the aiming tool for the Anywhere Cannon.

"Cross your fingers, kiddo," Drew shouted, charging into a sprint.

He wrapped his silvery arms around Tuck, ran the last few paces to the lip of the cannon's mouth, and vaulted into the air like an Olympic long jumper. Only then did he dare glance down at the countdown timer in the corner of his computerized vision. He saw nothing but zeroes. A cold terror formed in his syrupy innards as he sailed towards the vortex, and the kaleidoscopic rainbow of colors dissolved into a featureless, searing white.

A new star blazed to life amongst the asteroids.

The sensors onboard the CSS Free Will went berserk. One moment, the brown rocky asteroid was barely visible against the inky backdrop of space. The next, it radiated out of the bridge's viewscreens with the blinding brilliance of a miniature supernova. Greaser deployed a pair of sunglasses over his eyes and reduced the screen's magnification by an order of three. The eerily silent anti-matter explosion was as spectacular as it was terrifying. The Underground robots stared in awe, watching a sphere of scalding light balloon outward from the detonation. Sensors confirmed the obvious: the Anywhere Cannon and its secret base had been completely annihilated, reduced to an expanding cloud of free-floating subatomic particles. The threat of Smytus' ultimate weapon was no more. Earth had been saved, the galaxy had been saved, and the lives of the Underground robots themselves had been saved! Shouts of triumph and relief rose up from the bridge, and a couple of robots cracked open a can of victory oil …

And while her comrades cheered, Allison stared anxiously at the empty platform at the back of the bridge, convinced that a hyperspace portal was going to open up – now. Annnnnny second now. Any second now, a flash of light would … okay, now. … Now. … Now.

But there was no flash of light.

She staggered to the bridge's wraparound windows, and stared out at the remnants of the massive vortex, watching it sputter away into nothingness. The brightness of the distant light cast ghostly shadows on her face, highlighting the shocked expression in her eyes.

"No," she croaked, fighting to keep her weak voice from cracking. The celebration waned as the robots suddenly noticed their leader's melancholy, and realized the price of their victory …

"Whooooaaa!" An unexpected alarm nearly knocked Greaser out of his chair. The tension built again, as the youthful robot fiddled with his sensor readings. "Like, this totally doesn't make any sense, dudes! There's a little green dot-thingy on the radar scope. Getting really close. Came outta nowhere! I think the vortex kind of horked something up before it faded out!"

"Booby trap!" Polaris shouted. "Its a plasma mine! Or a nuke! Or …"

Everyone jumped when the loud CLANG rang through the hull.

Strangely, they could hear something like the scratching of claws on the outside of the ship. Feet skittered overhead, made their way down the wall – and seconds later, everyone was stunned to hear the sound of knocking. Shave-and-a-haircut, two-bits. Coming from the airlock hatch.

Unsure of what to expect, two rifle-carrying robots rushed to the airlock and keyed in the sequence to open the door. With a hiss of pressurized air, the hatch swung inward, and onto the bridge stumbled … a scorched, silver-green sphere, wobbling on four double-jointed legs like a newborn giraffe. A long, flexing tubule stretched up, morphing and stretching into a punch-drunk face …

"Permission … to come aboard … Cap'n," Drew babbled - before collapsing into an exhausted heap.

A joyous crowd of robots rushed to welcome their shape-shifting saboteur back to safety, but it was Allison who made it to Drew's side first. "Drew! Drew, are you all right?" she shouted, wiping blackened soot off his face. She leaned down and grabbed him by the shoulders. "Darn it … say something, Drew!"

Tired eyes creaked open. "I want a raise."

She broke into a huge smile, and waved a mock fist under his chin. "You rotten … You just about scared the fuel pump out of me, you …"

Then to everyone's surprise, there came the sound of yet more knocking. But it was coming … from inside Drew. Or more precisely, from his grotesquely swollen midsection. He slowly propped himself up on his elbows, and patted his round belly. "All right, all right … hold your horses."

"Whoa," gasped Greaser, "I didn't even know he was expecting."

With a rippling schwerrrp, his nanobot body cracked open like a silver egg … and out tumbled an over-stimulated, black-haired little boy, gasping to fill his lungs with sweet, sweet oxygen. "I'm alive? I'M ALIVE! Great Caesar's Ghost, I'M ALIVE! WOO HOOO!" Confused robots stared in slack-jawed bewilderment, not quite sure what to make of Tuck as he fell to the floor and started to run around in circles of hysterical glee. "I'm alive I'm alive I'm alive I'm alive …"

"What … what in Cog's name is that?" sneered Polaris. "Does it bite?"

Tuck sprang to his feet in alarm. "Wha … not MORE Cluster robots? Awww, c'mon! Geez, what's a guy gotta do to get a break in this galaxy?" He spun around in a panic, then … raised a puzzled finger to his chin. "Wait a second – you guys don't look like Cluster robots. Usually, they've got that whole 'killer insect' thing going. In fact, haven't I seen you somewhere before? Wait a minute – yeah!" He pointed an excited finger at Allison. "You're Sugar Droid!"

She blushed a horrified shade of deep purple, as Drew slapped his forehead in agony. "Everyone, say hello to Tuck. No need to worry, he's … umm, he's … ehhh, I was gonna say 'harmless', but on second thought, that's not the word to use …"

Captain Polaris scowled with annoyance. "Who is this? An outsider? What were you thinking, you silver mush-brain? Bringing an outsider along with you on a covert mission? Don't tell me he knows about the Cluster Underground!"

Tuck's eyes lit up like traffic lights. "Wow, there's a Cluster Underground?"

Allison gave the big robot a smack on the shoulder. "Well, he knows now, genius!" Polaris cringed, and shrank away.

"Wait a minute … Cluster Underground? Covert mission?" An infectious smile grew on Tuck's excited little face as his brain put two and two together. He pointed a knowing finger at Drew, grinning like the cat that swallowed the canary. "Omigosh … that's why you were sneaking around on that asteroid! And that's why you snuck up to the roof to make that phone call – and why you kept trying to ditch on your Mom and me! You were on a secret mission – for the Cluster Underground! Oh, wow! You're like a secret agent or something! Fighting the Cluster! Ooooh, I bet this wasn't your first time either, right? This explains why you're never at Mezmer's on Turtle Racing Night!"

Allison and Greaser stared at Tuck, dumbstruck by the little fellow's rapid-fire prattle. Drew just rolled his eyes. "Tuck, slow down and breathe, or your head'll explode."

"Wait a minute – that means I was on a secret mission, too! I was on a real life secret mission doing battle against Smytus and his band of blood-thirsty Cluster robots! Oh, wow, you guys should have seen it! There were lasers blasting to the left of us! Pchew, pchew, pchew! And lasers blasting to the right of us! Kzzzow, kzzzow, kzzzow!" Tuck flung his arms in wild manic gestures, growing more animated with every passing second. "… then I blew a hole in the roof! And we blew up a space fighter … no, we blew up … wait … I lost count of how many space fighters we blew up! And there were huge fires and giant explosions and big chunks of rock falling on us and we smashed into that big gi-normous cannon … and I gooped dumb ol' Smytus right between the eyes! Twice! Me! Tucker Carbunkle, King of the Bot Busters … Oh wow … I just helped save the universe!"

Allison raised a bemused eyebrow towards Drew, who just huffed in response. "That's a rather generous interpretation of the word helped," he groaned, plucking a burnt piece of hair from his head.

"I can't believe it! I was on a real life secret mission to battle the Cluster!" Tuck rubbed his little hands together with barely contained excitement. "Ohhhh, wait till I tell Brad about this! He thinks he's such hot stuff – wait till he finds out that his little brother just saved his butt! And the butts of every single person on the planet Earth! Wow, that's a lot of butts."

"Uh-oh," gulped Drew. "Tuck, I don't think telling Brad is such a good idea …"

"Are you kidding? Of course it is! Haaaa, let's see what Mister Frogzilla-Killa has to say when everyone finds out his little brother defeated Smytus!" Tuck's face shone like a theater spotlight as he imagined the adoring reception awaiting him back home. "I'm going to be in the newspapers! I'm going to be on TV! Yessss! Finally! No more 'wait until you're older, short stuff!'. No more 'oh, that's just Brad's little brother!' I'm finally going to be somebody important! Once everybody finds out what happened here today, I'm gonna be …"

"TUCK! Nobody is going to find out!"

"Wha … huh?" Confusion washed the daydreams out of his eyes. "But …"

Drew folded his arms, and gave him a stern look. "You said it yourself – secret mission. See, they're called 'secret missions' for a reason, Tuck. They're not called 'widely publicized missions'. Understand? We can never tell anyone."

It was as if all the air had rushed out of his little lungs at once. "B-b-but … but I was finally gonna be famous, Drew. I was gonna be famous, just like Jenny! Look … look, if we tell everyone that we whomped on the Cluster, then you'll be famous, too!"

"There's more important things in the universe than being famous," Drew sighed, shaking his head. He knelt down to look into Tuck's saddened face, and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Tuck, you and I, and Jenny and Brad … we go to school every day, have fun in the park, do pretty much anything we want … and we never have to worry about being hauled off to jail because of something we said. Or having our minds reprogrammed, because we don't think the right way. We never have to worry that the secret police will burst through the door at dinnertime, and take our families away. That's more important than being famous."

Allison knelt down too, and raised a slender hand to lift Tuck's drooping chin. "That's what the Underground fights for, Tuck. Not fame – freedom. We fight so all robots can live as free as you do, back on Earth. We spread the truth about Vexus, we fight against her tyranny, and do what we can to stop her armies from taking over the galaxy. And even though the robots in the Underground are very brave, there are so few of us, and so many, many roach-drones. We could never hope to overthrow Vexus by sheer force. That's why Drew … helps out, now and then, in special ways. It's very dangerous, and it's very important to keep it secret, at least as much as we possibly can." She smiled warmly, and looked right into his downcast eyes. "For us, keeping secrets is a matter of life and death. Isn't that more important that being famous?"

A pouting lip jutted out. "… I guess," he grunted, shoving his hands into his pockets. "You never even told Jenny about any of this?"

Drew winced. "I wanted to at first, but … when we thought about it, we decided that it was too risky. Jenny fights the Cluster all the time. And the Cluster is always trying to capture her."

"Remember when Smytus actually did capture her?" asked Allison. Tuck nodded, remembering it well; it had happened right in front of him. "If we'd told Jenny everything about the Underground, Smytus would have learned all of our secrets when he assimilated her mind. The location of our secret headquarters, all our codes, all our members' names – the Underground would have been totally wiped out. And I'd probably be rusting in the palace dungeon by now. Or something worse."

Tuck kicked his feet, effectively guilted into compliance. "Aw, maaaaan. The coolest thing that ever happens to me, and I can't tell anyone." He looked up at Drew, sulking. "And here all this time, I thought you were just a big robot dork in a giant Wonder Weenie hat."

Drew chuckled. "Look, Jenny's a super-hero. That's what she does best. She was made to fly through the air, save helpless people, bench-press suspension bridges, beat up giant monsters, blast aliens out of the sky … she was made to be famous. I'm not. Look at me – I'm made to sneak around in the shadows, blend in to the background … I'm made to be invisible. That's what I do best, Tuck." He shrugged his shoulders. "And invisible is kind of the opposite of famous."

He folded his little arms with a melodramatic huff. "You know, this really bites. I get shot at and blown up to help save the world, and I don't even get anything to show for it?"

"Well, that depends," grinned the shape-shifter, rubbing his chin in thought. "Whether or not you're willing to accept a consolation prize from a big robot dork like me."

The big glass doors flung open, and Tuck bolted inside, sprinting like a greyhound out of a starting gate. "Made it with three minutes to spare! YES! WOO HOO! Oh boy, this is gonna be so awesome!"

Drew and Allison followed a safe distance behind him, barely avoiding a sugar-fueled stampede of screaming kids in party hats. Electronic whoops and whistles blared at deafening volume; strobe lights flashed nonstop in half a dozen colors; spitballs, basketballs, tennis balls and gumballs flew past their heads from every direction. It looked as if someone had crossed an indoor carnival with a junior biker convention, with a result that teetered on the brink of outright anarchy. Allison tiptoed across a stained carpet, carefully weaving through a minefield of cheese pizza droppings. "Are you sure," she asked, shouting to be heard over a loud buzzer, "that this isn't a military training camp?"

"Nah, I don't think Skyway Patrol could handle these brats," he groaned, as they walked under a colorful banner which read Welcome to the Goopiest Place on Earth!

It had only taken a minute for Captain Polaris' crew to restore the hyperspace engines, and he'd been very eager to get as far away from the Gearshift Nebula as he possibly could. And since Cluster Prime was probably on the lookout for a rogue star cruiser right now, and since Drew was temporarily sans teleporter, Earth seemed as good a destination as any for the CSS Free Will to rest for a bit. One hyperspace-jump later, the Free Will – under full stealth countermeasures – had slipped into orbit high above the western United States. And then it had beamed a trio of passengers down to the outskirts of the idyllic little city of Tremorton, materializing them just outside of a large entertainment complex – known by the locals as The Goop Zone.

Allison gingerly tapped the side of a giant robot squirrel, and decided not to even try to make sense of why it was there. "Sooooo … you're not worried that he'll blab to everyone?" she asked Drew.

"He can be a little hellion sometimes, but he's a pretty decent kid. He did promise that he wouldn't blab." Drew groaned heavily, and his shoulders seemed to sink down to waist level. "After I promised he could use me as a shape-shifting Goop Rifle."

She fought back a giggle. "Yet another noble sacrifice for the cause of robot freedom! Snxxx. Cluster poets will write about this someday."

"Gee, that makes it all worthwhile," he grumbled.

Tuck heard none of the robot teens' banter; he was too busy weaving a path through a forest of legs, searching for the tournament registration table. He was still riding a huge adrenaline rush, not even sure if his feet were touching the floor. After all, he was a seven-year-old boy, who'd just battled an army of evil Cluster drones, and just taken a ride in a rebel space cruiser, and was about to compete in a super-cool tournament – did it get any better than this? Well, yes it did, if you could work in ninjas somehow. But it had still been a pretty awesome adventure! Okay, it stunk that he could never tell anybody about it. That didn't mean he couldn't still be famous! It would just have to be for something else – like, winning the tournament, which was what he'd been planning to do in the first place! And now he could use his newly-acquired robot fighting experience! Laughing uncontrollably, Tuck rolled into a somersault, already fighting robots in his imagination. "Oh, there's a kid who lives a life of danger … to all his dorky friends, he stays a stranger … Hoo, ha, hiii-yaaah! Secret A-gent Tuck, Secret A-gent Tuck …"

If Tuck had been paying attention instead of providing his own theme music, he would have avoided the tall leg he crashed into with a loud clang.

"Oww!" he yelped, rubbing his nose. Then it dawned on him that legs don't usually go clang.

He slowly looked up … and the ear-to-ear grin on his face evaporated.

A six-and-a-half foot robot girl glared down at him with a cool, hard expression.

Jenny could be very intimidating when she wanted to be.

She loomed over the little fellow like a redwood tree, with her arms folded across her chest, cutting him off from the entry door to the new Bot Buster expansion. Something ominous in her robotic eyes made Tuck feel instantly uncomfortable. And there were still a few streaks of greasy popcorn butter staining her aqua-blue pigtails. "I thought I might find you here," she said harshly.

"Heh-heh … heh-heh … Jenny!" stammered Tuck, trying badly to sound innocent. "Uhh … gee, what are you doing here at the Goop Zone?"

"Oh, I just thought we might have a little talk," she scowled. "About how I've been banned from the movie theater for a month."

Then to Tuck's distress, another tall figure stepped forward to confront him – his big brother! Brad looked like a mess, his rumpled clothing covered in salad greens and crème brulée. "And I thought we might have a little talk about how I'm washing dishes at Le Bistro Swankée Foo Foo for the next six weeks to pay for damages!"

And suddenly Sheldon was standing there too – with a black eye, a torn blue science officer tunic, and one ripped rubber ear dangling from the side of his head! "And I thought we could talk about the riot you started at the Star Dreck Convention! I got hit in the back of the head with a rubber phaser! Those things hurt, y'know!"

The blood drained from Tuck's cheeks. "Wait! Guys! Y-you don't understand!"

"I understand that you've been making yourself a major pest all day," sneered Jenny.

"I'm gonna give you such a spinning wedgie," snarled Brad, "it'll make your voice too high to be heard by anybody but dogs!"

"Yikes!" squealed Tuck, clutching his pants defensively. The three teenagers had him totally surrounded. They were seriously ticked off, and there was no hope of escape. "G-g-guys, p-please, before you do anything to me … I just wanna say one thing!"

Jenny, Brad and Sheldon closed in around him. Jenny huffed, jutting her nose into the air. "Tuck, there's nothing you can say that will make me …"

"I'm sorry," he squeaked, clasping his hands in a plea for mercy. "Really sorry."

The teenagers were caught by surprise by the sincerity in his quivering eyes. Even Brad, who could smell a little brother con job a mile away, felt those little black eyes tugging at his heartstrings. Tuck dropped his head in shame, and glanced up at Jenny again. "I'm sorry for causing so much trouble, everyone. I just wanted to win the Goop Zone tournament and be famous … famous just like you guys. Gee whiz, Jenny, you're practically on the front page of the paper every day. And Brad, everyone talks about how you defeated that giant mutant frog. And heck, even Sheldon is famous for hanging out with the Silver Shell all the time! I guess … I guess I was kinda jealous of you guys. I'm sorry."

Jenny gulped hard, and felt her anger start to slip away. She glanced over at Brad, who was tugging uneasily at his shirt collar. And Sheldon was wiping a tear away from his cheek. "BAW-AWW, the poor little guy! He just wanted some attention! Baww-haww-hawww! Let me give him a hug!"

She shuffled awkwardly, then with a heavy sigh, reached down and tussled Tuck's thick black hair. "Apology accepted, squirt," she smiled. "I … I guess it wouldn't hurt me to spend a little time with one of my friends."

Tuck beamed with joy. "Sweet! You guys can hang out and watch me and Drew do a little Bot Busting!" He gestured over his shoulder, and the threesome just now noticed the other two teenage robots, jogging across the Goop Zone lobby to catch up.

"Huh? Drew? Oh right, I almost forgot!" Brad gave his silver-green friend a casual wave. "So, how'd the afternoon go? Hope the little guy wasn't too much trouble."

By some Herculean effort, Drew held back what he really wanted to say. "T-T-Tuck? Naaah, no trouble at all. Hardly knew he was there. Heh, heh-heh. Heh."

Jenny did a double-take, even more surprised by who she saw standing next to Drew. "Allison? Wow, what are you doing here? I mean, not that I'm not happy to see you, it's just that I thought …"

"Hmm? Wha … oh, right! Uhh …" – Allison nervously rubbed her left arm-housing – "… things were kind of slow on Cluster Prime, and I got a chance to come to Earth for a little visit. Just a spur-of-the-moment thing. Real sudden. Ummm, you know how it is."

"Yeah, she just dropped by like that," added Tuck, with a snap of his fingers. He sent a little smile Allison's way; she smiled back, giving him a wink in response.

"Well, I'll tell you what, shrimp boat," said Brad, theatrically straightening out the cuffs of his wrinkled shirt. "Because you're my little brother – and just to show there's no hard feelings – I'll hang around for this stupid tournament, to give you a little moral support, okay? I mean, after all the fuss you've been making about this Bot Buster thing, I figure I might as well see what it's like for myself. So – where is this fancy new game room supposed to be?"

"Right behind you!" Tuck answered, as he bounced past Brad over to the large green door. A glowing yellow logo shone overhead, framed by a pair of art-deco robots, snarling menacingly. "Are you brave enough to blast the robot invaders to smithereens, grunt?" asked a life-sized cut-out of a tough Space Marine. "You bet I am!" grinned Tuck, as he bounced up and down like a Jack Russell terrier. Finally, after all the headaches, after all the swindling, after all the blackmail, and after a little side trip halfway across the galaxy – it was time to get down to some serious robot-Goopin' goodness!

Tuck reached up, pushed the handle – but it didn't move. The door wouldn't budge.

He pushed the handle a few more times, then spotted a pimple-faced teenager with a uniform and a pushbroom. "Hey, you! Come over here! I think something's wrong with this door."

The teenager wiped his hands. "There's nothing wrong with it. It's locked."

"Huh? Locked?"

"Yeah, the construction guys are doing some last-minute painting in there," he croaked, emptying his dustpan in a garbage bin.

Despair gripped at Tuck's little heart. "Wha … but … how can they be working in there now? What about the big Bot Buster tournament? It starts in less than a minute!"

The floor sweeper rolled his eyes. "Do you have a copy of the official entry form?"

Tuck reached into his pocket, and yanked out a crumpled piece of paper. "What kind of question is that, Skippy? Of course I do! I've only been looking forward to this all week! Look, right here at the top of the form! It clearly says, 'Come one, come all to the Ultimate Goop Zone Shoot-Out! Celebrate the Grand Opening of the new Bot Buster Arena, at the Goop Zone, on Saturday the …"

Suddenly Tuck's throat flashed dry, and his eyes shrunk to the size of dust mites.

"Oh," he squeaked.

The teenagers exchanged confused glances. Tuck began to sweat, then started to chuckle nervously.

"Heh … heh-heh … it's not this Saturday. It's next Saturday. Heh-heh."

Sheldon balled his hands into tight fists. A vein on Brad's neck started to throb. Jenny grit her teeth, and her eyelid servo began to twitch randomly.

Tuck took a cautious step away from the door. "H-h-how about that? I got the … got the dates mixed up. Silly me! Wow. P-p-pretty funny, huh, guys?"

Without saying a word, Jenny's arm ratcheted out and grabbed two fully armed Goop rifles from a nearby counter. She handed one to Sheldon, and gave the other to Brad. As the boys pumped up the pressure on their rifles, Jenny's right arm underwent a mechanical transformation, turning into a six-barrel Gatling Gun with a huge reservoir of Goop mounted on top.

Tuck's knees began to shake. "Guys? C'mon, someday we'll look back on this and laugh …"

Jenny double-pumped her converted arm, and glanced at the boys. "Get 'im."

"WAAAAAIIIIIGGGGHHHH!"

Poor Tuck bolted like a panicked jackrabbit, scrambling across the lobby for all he was worth, with three irate gun-toting teenagers hot on his trail. Huge globs of Goop pelted him from head to toe in a near-continuous stream, almost as if he was being assaulted with a fire hose. He dove under a table for cover, only to watch Jenny touch down with her pigtail-jets, and easily lift the table away. He tried to make a break for the washrooms, but Brad got there ahead of him, and opened fire with another gooey barrage of snotlike goo. He sprinted for the front doors, but Sheldon had cut him off – and now had four Goop rifles bolted together to form a Goop super-weapon. Other kids hollered with excitement and got into the action, starting up their own Goop fights – and suddenly Tuck found himself in the middle of massive crossfire, trapped in a veritable tornado of Goop. The little fellow looked like a drowned rat, and he was desperately searching for someplace to hide. Everyone in the building seemed to be shooting at him.

Except for Drew. He was content to stand off to the side, and enjoy a the show. "Gotta love karma," he chuckled softly. Then he noticed Allison giving him a nasty look. "What?" he protested.

"I sort of feel sorry for the little guy," she said, leaning against the front counter. "Like he said, he helped save the galaxy … and he's not getting much of a reward, is he?"

Drew folded his arms with a playful huff, and leaned next to her. "Sure, you're worried about Tuck. Y'know, I kinda sorta helped save the galaxy too." His puppy-dog eyes glanced at her through his silvery bangs, with a big pouting lip sticking out. "An' I never got any reward."

"Oh, so you want a reward now, too?" she asked, fluttering her eyes coquettishly. "Hmmph, so much for altruism. Well … what kind of reward did you have in mind?"

He stroked a strip of silky lavender hair-foil between his fingers, and leaned closer to her face. "I think you'll find my demands to be very reasonable, ma'am."

She traced a teasing metallic finger along his silvery chin. "Oh, I see. Well, I suppose I can arrange something to show my …" – she dragged her finger along his lips – "… appreciation …"

"I think this'll do," Drew smiled, closing his eyes. Finally. He'd been going nuts all day to get a few moments alone with Ally. He cradled her cheek, and leaned in to kiss her smooth, beautiful …

"Look out!" shouted a voice from somewhere in the background.

Allison twisted her head around, yelped in shock, and ducked. But Drew still had his eyes closed, expecting to feel the cool electric touch of Ally's lips against his …

And instead, he got blasted in the face with a wayward glob of slick, splattering green Goop.

Allison bounced back to her feet, gasping in shock at the waterfall of green mucus dribbling down Drew's face. The android boy didn't budge a single millimeter. After what seemed like forever, two small circles of white appeared in the mass of Goop, two eyes blinking with cold, unflinching disgust.

She didn't even try to hold it in. She sputtered. Then she giggled. Then the Cluster robot girl broke out into howls of belly laughter, doubling over on the counter with tears streaming down her face. She laughed until she thought her voice processor was going to short out. She laughed until she felt gears slipping out of alignment on her drive shaft. She made a valiant effort to bring herself back under control, took another look at the slime dripping from Drew's hair – and rocked back on her feet, laughing even harder than she had the first time.

Drew finally reached up and wiped his face clean. A tiny smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth.

"Think that's funny, do ya?"

"Ah-ha … ah-ha … ah-ha …" – Allison gasped furiously, trying to keep her OS from crashing – "… well, now that you mention it … WAAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA …"

Drew reached over the counter, and picked up another Goop rifle.

"Ah-hee-heeeeee … ah-hee-heeeeee … ah … what are you …"

He started to pump the handle on the Goop rifle. A wicked grin spread across his face.

Allison gasped in horror. "Oh, no you don't. Put it down. You put that down right now."

Instead of answering, he kept pumping up the pressure on the Goop tank.

She took a few clumsy steps backwards. "I'm warning you. Don't you dare! I mean it! Look, I … ah-ha! I'm your superior officer, remember? You can't shoot me. Put the gun back now, Drew. Put it back! Now! I'm ordering you to!"

He raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me? You're … ordering me?" He pumped the handle faster.

"Okay, I'm making a strong suggestion," she stammered, crawling frantically over a table. "Drew, don't do it! Don't you dare! Don't you … aiiiiiiieee!"

And squealing like a schoolgirl with spiders in her hair, Allison broke into a mad dash, vaulting over chairs and tables with a grinning silver maniac five steps behind her. She buried her face in her hands, shrieking as she felt messy globs of Goop splatter into her long, lavender hair. Then, realizing that she was never going to outrun Drew, she grabbed a Goop rifle of her own from another counter – reasoning that sometimes the best defense was a good offense. With a few quick pumps of her rifle, she jumped on top of a table, and unleashed a withering volley of slime that painted Drew green from his neck to his knees. They ran from table to table for cover, laughing hysterically, pelting each other with nonstop barrages of sticky, slimy Goop. Finally, they ran out of ammo – so they jumped into the open, wiped the thick Goop off of their bodies, and hurled it at each other like green snowballs, laughing harder than they'd ever laughed before in their young lives.

But with so much slime flying around, the floor grew slippery – and Allison's feet started to fly out from under her. Drew rushed forward to catch her, but he slipped in a green puddle – and suddenly the robot teens found themselves tangled up together, sliding towards the Goop Zone ball pit, out of control. With a spectacular somersault, Drew and Allison plunged into the large tank of colored plastic balls, and sank to the bottom, completely disappearing from view. All that remained was the muffled sound of their raucous laughter. A few moments later, it settled down into chuckles and giggles. A few more moments later, the tank grew silent – save for the occasional sound of smacking metal lips.

Then the surface of the pit erupted into a fountain of plastic spheres, and out jumped Tuck, coated in a layer of wet green slime. The slime may have been disgusting, but it was nothing compared to the hideous things he'd just witnessed in his hiding spot.

"BLEEEAHHH," he groaned, clutching his tummy. "Robot cooties!"

THE END