Don't own FMA!

Warning! You might experience some minor gross scenes, but hold on tight! You just might enjoy the ride.

Held

By The Gomp

The day was starting out like a great summer day. Now, I was never a big fan of hot weather, but in Germany the sun was never too harsh. Earlier I had received word from Oberth that he was finally willing to meet with me; I think almost two years of harassing had finally gotten to him. Oh what a great day it was.

Oberth was going to be spending a few days in London and had suggested that we met up there. We were planning to meet in three weeks; my own world was suddenly feeling more in my reach.

I walked to the front door of my house. I reached for the keys in my pocket and was prepared to unlock the door, but upon closer observation I realized the door was already unlocked.

"I didn't think he was going to be home so early."

I walked into the house and listened for any noise, there was none. I took another approach to seeing where my father was hiding. "Hey gooney! Where you at?"

Again I listened, but I didn't hear anything, suspicion began to take over. I opened one of the drawers in the hallway and pulled out a small revolver. I looked at it for a second then decided to put it back, guns just weren't my style.

I than realized I had no other defense mechanism unless I planned to swing my right arm around like a mad man. I gave up and shoved the gun in my pocket, I felt pathetic to have to turn to such a product.

I walked as quietly as I could to the lounge area, nope, no one there. A sound caught my attention, it was very soft, but I knew I heard it and I knew where exactly it came from. I walked to the hallway that led to my father's office and was greeted with another sound.

This time it was louder, bingo.

I pulled out the gun from my pocket and crept my way to my father's office door, I opened the door as quietly as possible, but the hinges decided to squeak in retaliation. Mother Fuc-

"Geezer?"

My fathers face was scrunched up and his expression gave the impression that the end of the world was coming. He was sitting at his desk with papers held tightly in his hand; he looked at me with shock on his face. "Your home?"

I looked at him strangely since that was supposed to be my question. I made my way into the office, shutting the door behind me. "Is something wrong? You don't look to good."

My father rubbed his free hand over his forehead and then used it to hide is face.

"What's wrong?"

I grabbed the papers out of my fathers other hand and looked at them, I read over them once, twice, then a third time. "I uhh, don't get it."

The papers were just chemical formulas. I raised an eyebrow at him. He just kept his face in his hands, his voice came out husky. "The papers are just for class… I think I'm going out tonight."

"Oh, well that's fine. But, do you mind explaining to me what's going on?"

My father looked up at me for a second then hid behind his hands again; it reminded me of the game peek-a-boo. On another note, I never really realized how big my father's hands were before. I looked at my left hand for a second, I was feeling small again.

His voice surprised me. "They found out."

I was confused, yup, ultimately lost in what he was saying. There were too many 'they' and to many 'found out'.

"Would you mind elaborating?"

"The Thule Society, someone told them that I can do alchemy."

That was rather odd since really he couldn't do Alchemy, well, in this world at least.

"Who the hell said that?"

His big shoulders shrugged. "That's just it, I don't know. The Thule Society is unhappy that I have been hiding this type of 'magical powers' from them. Whoever told them has them convinced that I can do it. Edward, this isn't good."

I thought for a second. "Just tell them whoever said it is a lair. We can't perform alchemy here so it doesn't matter. It's not like they are going to kill you over this." My father's expression was to confusing to decrypt.

"That's not the point, someone knows."

He was right, someone knew. But who? "Well let's think logically for a second. You are a Chemistry Professor so automatically you have some knowledge on the subject. Second, we have both talked to other people about alchemy; it's possible because your so knowledge on the subject someone might have presumed that you can actually do it. I don't know about you, but some people in this world seem kind of nutty to me."

My father shook his head. "Whoever this is, they know too much. They brought up my decomposing body. Convincing the Society with accusations like these would be a hard thing to do, that means either they have sufficient amount of proof or an officer position. But, my main concern isn't that the Thule Society knows, I am more worried about the fact that someone out there knows."

"Maybe someone saw you getting changed and freaked out, your body isn't the most pleasant sight. Seriously, I think your worrying yourself to much." I patted my father on the head. "Maybe you should consider getting out of this club of yours."

My father shook his head. For some reason he reminded me of a lost puppy, how disturbing.

"It's not that type of 'club'; I can't just stand up and leave."

That worried me. Slowly, as time passed, I was learning more and more about this 'society' of his. "I see, why did you even join it in the first place?"

He didn't answer as he stood up.

"Where the hell areyou going?"

"I'm making dinner."

I could only stare at him perplexed.

It was a week later after that confrontation. Life seemed to be moving relatively normal, but there was one little thing that stood out of place. It was a Thursday night and my father was still home.

I sat in the chair across the room and watched him consume himself in a book. He had gone to the Thule Society's meeting on Tuesday but he was missing that nights. Since he had joined that association I had never once witnessed him miss a meeting without a sufficient reason. Reading a book just didn't seem to be sufficient enough.

I tried to return my attention to my book, but I found it too hard to concentrate with him being there. I slammed my book shut hoping to get his attention, nope, no response. I cleared my throat before I spoke.

"Why are you here?"

"This is my house so I can be here if I want. Besides, isn't it nice to spend quality time together?"

I was tempted to throw my book at him. "I wouldn't exactly call this 'quality time'."

My father closed his book and looked at me. "No? Would you like to talk? Or we could play a round of chess if you would like…"

I took off my reading glasses and placed them on the table beside me. "Stop messing around old man. Be serious, why are you here?"

My father placed his own book down. He looked at me thoughtfully then just shrugged. "The meeting was canceled."

Now if you ever wanted to see pure utter shock on my face, this was the time. The Thule Society did not have the reputation to cancel meetings, it was simply astounding. I might not know much about them, but I knew they were very punctual. "Did they say why?"

He shook his head. I leaned back in my chair as I looked my father up and down. "You didn't do anything stupid last time, right?"

"Do you think of me as that irresponsible? Hold your father in higher regards. No, I simply explained the situation and they seemed to believe what I said." I was tempted to ask how he explained himself, but decided not to.

"Who told them?"

"They refused to say, but they assured me that they were going to take care of the situation."

These were the times I really wished I knew more about the Thule Society. My father had warned me many times to not get involved with them so I just never bothered, but now I wish I had.

"Why did you join?" When I asked that last time he walked out on me, I was curious how he would respond this time.

My father looked at me for a moment then he ran his fingers through his hair and down his ponytail, I found it as a rather feminine motion.

"I thought I told you I didn't want to discuss the Thule Society with you."

I shook my head. "That's not what I was asking. Why did you join?"

My father leaned in his seat while considering my question. His lips pursed together. "If I tell you, will you drop the subject after that?"

I nodded while I sat forward with anticipation. "Well?"

"I joined it for you."

The man was doing well tonight in surprising me. "Me! What the hell do I have to do with anything?"

My father shushed me; he shushed me like a child. "I want answers!" He shushed me again and shook his head. The stubborn old goat. "Just tell me why!"

"You're not dropping the subject Edward."

I groaned at him as I laid back in my chair. He could be so frustrating.

Ok, before I continue with my little story I just want to say one thing… There are days when life just blows. Heck, the word 'blow' doesn't even do justice. While keeping that in mind, continue!

There was a moment of silence that spread across the room, but it was shockingly broken by a faintly familiar voice. A familiar voice that didn't belong to my father nor I. It answered the question that my father was refusing to reply to.

"The Thule Society believes in magic, Hohenhiem figured it was the closest thing he could find to alchemy. He probably wanted to send you home Fullmetal shrimp."

My body suddenly felt totally hallow, if someone was to have tapped me I wouldn't have doubted that I would have broken.

The voice was the voice that haunted me in my dreams late at night, the type of dreams

I hated having. Oh god, this couldn't be real. This was a joke, a simple joke that we would laugh at. There was no way he was there. I never even heard the door open, never heard someone come in.

The person behind me laughed which just confirmed their existence.

I watched my father stand to look at the intruder. I didn't want to turn around, that would be admitting that specific person was really there. The intruder spoke again.

"So it is you, Hohenheim. Finally I've found you. I didn't expect to find the Fullmetal, but that just means my stay is going to be more exhilarating."

My father looked at me, I couldn't read his expression. My mind wasn't responding to well.

"Fullmetal, aren't you going to greet your brother? Oh Hohenheim, take responsibility for your children, make Edward greet me."

It was then I heard even more voices in the room, they were whispering stuff too quiet to decrypt. I couldn't help it, I turned. I faced the truth, and trust me, I didn't like the truth.

Standing before my father and I was the man who once killed me. The man my father once helped produced. The homunculus my father had created. Envy. It wasn't 'Envy' the Sin I had gotten to know so well, but Envy in the form of my fathers son, the son that would be my half brother. Behind Envy stood two other men who were holding guns.

One of the men spoke out. "Professor Hohenheim, this is your son if I'm correct?" Envy turned around and looked at the man curiously.

"You guys are still here? I almost forgot about you. Well I must thank you for helping me find my father."

Envy shot a smirk towards my father. "See Hohenheim, when I found out that you were part of the Thule Society I just had to confirm it was really you. Their reaction to how similar we looked gave it away. The Thule Society seemed quite upset that you never told them about your past, keeping secrets from people is not a good thing! I'm here to collect you for their punishment, but see, what they don't know is I'm planning to give you my punishment right here."

Envy turned his wicked smile back to the two random men. "I believe there is no need for you guys anymore." I knew what was about to happen, but I was in too much shock to even move.

In one swift motion Envy broke one of the men's necks, it gave a sickening snap. The other man stared at his dead comrade in shock. He then looked at Envy. "Don't…don't come near me!"

He shot his gun; he shot Envy point blank in the middle of his forehead. Envy only laughed as he grabbed the man's gun and threw it under the table that was next to me. He proceeded to break that man's neck too.

Envy turned to my father and me with a smile. He licked blood away from his lips as it streamed freely down his face. My mouth tried to form words, but I couldn't convince my vocal cords to function.

The bullet wound on Envy's forehead wasn't disappearing, the sight was just disgusting.

My father spoke in a factual tone. "Your body can't regenerate." He said it more as a statement than a question.

Envy smirked. "Your right, I won't regenerate, but that doesn't mean I'm going to die."

My father's deep voice rang out in the room. "That is why you're in that form too, isn't it? In this world you don't have the power to transform and regenerate, but you're still not human so you won't die."

Envy opened his arms and shrugged. "You figured out my little secret, oh Hohenhiem, what should I do with you now?"

Envy began to advance.

It's amazing how I had fought Envy plenty of times when he could still regenerate, yet this time I was scared shitless.

For some reason I was getting the feeling that this situation was slightly my fault. I saw Envy pass through the gate; but for some reason I never even dreamed he had actually made it through. I found no need to ever tell my father about it, partially because I didn't want to talk to my father about him having another son. If I would had been smart I would had made sure Envy hadn't made it through. Yet, there he was now, standing in front of us ready to finally take his revenge. It sucks when you don't play it smart.

That day so far had been a really shocking day. Really, it had.

I pushed myself out of the chair as Envy began to advance towards my father, my voice sounded shaky to my own ears. "Don- don't go near him."

Envy stopped and looked at me; he placed his hands on his hips as he analyzed me up and down. I was tempted to shut my eyes, it felt like I was standing naked and he was able to see every ugly scare that graced my body.

"My, my, Fullmetal, you have grown, I never thought I would see the day. So does the now taller scarier Ed plan to take me on? Usually by now you would be on top of me."

A growl grew in the depths of my throat. I took one step in his direction, but was stopped by my fathers booming voice.

"Edward stop!"

I looked at my father with surprise. He kept his eyes steadily on Envy. "Why are you here?"

Envy laughed at my father. "Pops', is it a problem for me to visit? Can't you take seeing the face of the child you abandoned?"

I felt like I was an intruder who was listening in on a personal conversation. This seemed between a father and son, I felt like the third wheel.

Dante had told me what happened between my father and Envy. I couldn't say if my father was right or wrong in what he did. I mean, in a sense I did the same thing too. I abandoned the thing I had created which was once my mother. But, then again, I was 11 years old and didn't even know something like that could have survived. Argh, who knew!

My father looked at Envy without even a blink, for a second I thought this was going to turn into a staring contest, but Envy finally looked away in irritation. "Can't answer your own son? You truly are a pathetic creature, no wonder why mom never held you in high regards."

This conversation was sounding too weird to my ears. Dante, Dad, Envy? That just sounded like one messed up family.

My father swallowed loud enough for everyone to hear. "Will you please just leave?"

This man had to be kidding me! Envy leave? I could just imagine it now: Envy apologizing for the rude intrusion, bidding us a good day and a farewell. It just wasn't going to happen.

Envy swayed his hips and took a few steps closer to me and my father. "Hohenheim, I can't do that. Now how would I like to kill you two? Hmm, let's see, I have been after father for many years now so maybe I should just kill him first. But, it would be rather pleasurable…" Envy eyed me. "…to see…" He advanced in my direction. "…you watch…" Envy pulled out a large ass knife from what seemed like no where. "…Edward DIE!"

It felt like slow motion, I was reminded of the time I first confronted Scar. I wanted to move but my feet were refusing to respond. It had been three years now since I'd been in my last battle, fighting seemed almost foreign to me now. The knife was heading straight for me. As it inched closer I could think of only one thing to do.

I lifted my right arm in the air so it would take the blow, the knife cut halfway through my cheap prosthetic arm; the force caused me to fall backwards.

From the corner of my eye I could see my father running towards me. Envy pulled out the knife from my arm and began to turn towards him. I begged my voice to work; I swallowed hard and just allowed my voice to run free.

"STOP!"

My voice was met with silence.

I was just too late… I was too late and too slow. Envy smirked as the knife embedded itself into my fathers abdominal. My instincts final began to kick in.

With one swift kick with my good leg, Envy fell onto his back. I jumped on top of him and began punching him. He only laughed manically at me.

"Edward, you sure take pleasure in beating up your older brother!"

I kept smacking him over and over with my left hand. "Shut up, JUST SHUT UP! You are not my fucking brother!"

Envy smirked. "Denial, your just upset cause Pops' is about to die."

I stopped my beating and turned to look at my father. He was against the wall while holding the butt of the knife, the knife was still inside him and blood was beginning to soak through his clothing. He seemed like he was still alive. I had to finish Envy quick or there would be nothing I could do to save him.

Envy grabbed my attention by roughly grabbing my right arm.

"You're weak without this fake arm of yours." In one quick motion he tore my metal arm in half; right where the knife had cut through. I looked at the metal stump that was left; I could only smirk at Envy's stupid choice. With one quick motion I cut his throat open with the sharp tip of metal he had created.

Envy's eyes widened as he grabbed his throat.

I pushed my self off him and looked down, Envy tried to speak but no words would form.

He wasn't dead yet, it was going to take much more to kill him, it would take more time than I had at the moment. So I broke both of Envy's legs, it assured me that he wouldn't be able to do something stupid without me noticing.

Envy just stared at me with pure irritation.

Oh god did he look so disgusting! I swallowed some puke that threatened to come up. Just think about it, he had a hole in his head, a cut throat, and two legs placed in odd angels. It was just horrifying; he defiantly made it up to the top three scary ass things I'd seen in my life time.

I stumbled my way towards my father. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry-" Those three words kept running out of my mouth. I didn't know how serious my father's condition was. I forced him to move his hands away from the knife which was still jammed into his stomach; I looked at the stab wound carefully. I sighed in relief upon closer examination, Envy had missed vital organs. But, the blood loss was going to kill him if I didn't get him to a doctor quick.

Now, you might ask why I magically knew so much about human anatomy. Well, you gotta know that type of stuff if you ever plan to do a human transmutation.

I smiled reassuringly at my father. "I got to get you to the hospital."

My father stubbornly shook his head. "No one can see my decomposing body, you can't take me."

You would think being in a situation like the one we were in the man wouldn't think of dumb stuff like that. "I'll make up a disease, I refuse to los-"

The sound of the gun seemed distant in my own ears. I looked down at my right side to see blood beginning to pour out, the bullet had gone straight through. It's funny, it didn't really hurt.

I turned to look behind me. Envy was sitting up with a smoking revolver, the same gun he had thrown earlier, the same gun that had been thrown under the table that I had been right beside. What a miscalculation.

I fell to my knees while grabbing my side, shock was starting to take over my body. I had never been shot before. I took a moment to look at the wound. It seemed Envy was going on a bad streak, he missed vital organs again.

It took me a second to register my surroundings. Once the wheels in my brain began to work again I came to the realization that something bad was about to happen.

I saw my father running towards Envy with a knife in hand, blood was pouring freely from him which told me he had jerked the knife out of his stomach… I didn't even hear him get up let alone do that.

I began to stand, but fell from my wobbly knees. Oh god, I knew what was going to happen. I began to crawl towards them in a sad attempt to do something…anything.

The gun rung off three more times, my heart missed a beat every time. Flashes of ancient memories danced through my mind, memories of the time before my father left and my mother died, memories of when Alphonse and I were just little children with our innocence still intact, memories I thought I had buried deep inside me.

My mind suddenly blinked. When I opened my eyes I found my father lying motionless on top of Envy, I waited for one of them to move, but neither did.

My heart felt constricted, all I could think was this couldn't be happening… It's not possible for the world to hate me that much.

God, you can't hate me that badly, can you?

I crawled my way towards my father. My voice seemed like a whisper. "Dad…" Nothing. "Dad." Still nothing.

My stomach twisted in angles that were long forgotten, it twisted the same way when I lost my mother. I felt something slightly familiar run down my cheek; I licked at the salty substance. I didn't want to cry, I couldn't be crying.

I made my way to the two motionless men; I looked at them from the side and waited for one to look back. It was then that I realized Envy's head was completely severed from his body, what made it worse was his mouth was still moving while his eyes blinked. Oh my fucking god, he was still alive!

I finally puked.

After dumping out what was in my stomach, I turned back to the horror scene. I wasn't sure what to do. I did the only thing I could think of, I grabbed my fathers shoulder and pulled him off Envy's body. There was no way I could leave anyone on something like that, it was just wrong in so many ways.

I sat motionless for a second with my father's heavy weight laying halfway on me. Looking at his face I couldn't tell if he was dead or alive, I was too scared to check. More tears began to escape.

…if my father was dead, then that meant I truly was alone.

My voice was strained and slightly beyond a whisper. "I don't want to be alone; you can't leave me alone here." It was the truth; I was scared to death of being alone. I didn't want to imagine a life with no one in this dark cold world.

"…You won't be alone..."

My father's eyes were still shut as he spoke, he was still alive! A laugh of joy began to build up inside me, but it quickly disappeared when I looked down at my father's body.

His cloths were the color of a divine red, there was just too much blood. I wasn't ignorant enough not to know that he was going to die. "No."

My father's eyes slide open slightly, they were glazed over. It just confirmed that there was no hope. This was going to be the last few moments I was going to have with my father. I began to cry more strongly, I was surprising myself by how hard I was crying. This wasn't the Edward Elric I knew so well; I was feeling foreign in my own body. The child part of me was finally surfacing after years of suppression.

I didn't care, this was my father. And I was about to lose him for good this time.

"You can't leave me here alone, I won't let you."

My father's lips formed a faint smile.

"Dad, please don't die on me. Daddy, just don't go. I…I finally got you back after all of these years."

Where these words were coming from I had no utter clue. But they felt so honest, so relieving…. I was scaring myself.

My father pushed himself up into a sitting position. I grabbed him by the shoulder to stop him, but he pushed my hand away. "Edward, this is the first time you have called me dad."

I wiped some of the tears away. My nose also was running, but I ignored it. "Lay down, your going to make it worse."

My father shook his head. He looked over at Envy and took a deep breath. "Edward, I see the gate before me."

I didn't have to ask what he was talking about, I already knew. My body began to shake against my own accord, I felt like I was in a place even worse than hell.

My father hovered over Envy; I couldn't make out what he was doing until he pushed himself away. There were arrays drawn in blood on both of Envy's cheeks. Envy kept looking around not sure what was going on. I could feel puke warning me of its presence, but I ignored it.

I looked at the two arrays carefully, they seemed slightly familiar to me, but I couldn't put my finger on how. "What are you doing?"

My father looked at me and smiled, the moment he did so he began to cough violently. Blood began to drip from his lips. Once the coughing subsided, he spoke in a whisper.

"Giving you a gift."

He used his own blood to draw the same array on his forehead, it hit me then. This was the same array I had used on myself when I sacrificed myself for Al.

"Dad you can't! Are you crazy? Alchemy doesn't exist in this world, what do you think you're doing?"

My father shook his head. He wiped blood off the floor and drew a different type of array on my hand and then on my forehead, I had never seen an array like the one he drew on me before. "What is this?"

My dad grabbed me into a hug. At first my hand laid at my side, but for the first time since my mother died, I gave a hug back. His voice was so quiet and pain stricken that more tears found their way to my eyes.

"Edward, I have loved all of my children very much, you especially has made me very proud. I have to do this for you, please just let me. I need you to open the gate inside yourself. Since I am mentally and spiritually at the gate it will be enough for me to use alchemy, I will be able to convert myself and Envy into the power source that will be needed to take you out of here. I can send you home... please, let me do this."

My heart fell apart. "Dad, if you become energy your soul will disappear, you will become nothing."

My father pushed away from the hug so he could look at me. His face was the sickening color of a dead person; I had to force myself not to look away. "In this world when you die you become energy anyway. I want to do this for you, please allow me to do this."

It hurt, it hurt like hell. All my life people had sacrificed themselves for my own needs; this was just going to be another one. I couldn't argue with him. I never wanted to make it home in a way like this, it felt so wrong… but, I was going to do it. I was going to do it because he wanted me to; he wanted to do it for me.

My father was about to give me a priceless gift, this was going to be the last time I would ever be able to give him something in return. I wanted to give him something that was hardest to say, but it was purely the truth. Oh god was it the truth!

I took a deep breath to try and calm myself and looked him squarely in the face. "I know I wasn't the best son…" A sob forced its way out of my throat, my stomach was twisting tighter. It hurt so fucking much, but I had to finish what I wanted to say. "…I want you to know that I forgive you for everything…I always had. I know you left us not for your sake, but for our own. Dad, I love you. I loved you even after you left, but I've just been too stubborn to admit it to myself. I'm so sorry, I'm just so sorry."

I clung to him wanting to never let go, I began to cry on his shoulder like a baby. After a minute or so passed my father made me pull away. He wiped a few of my tears away with his thumb and forced me to look at him directly in the face.

The image of my father smiling was the last thing I saw before I closed my eyes and allowed the gate to take me home.

Author's note:

I love Honhenheim, he's my hero. Now the fic will be called 'Honhenheim the Hero.'

Ok, maybe not.

Questions you might have…

1. Why it is that Edwards father can send Ed through the gate?

I actually wasted a whole ten minutes of my life to figure out a logical way to send Ed home. (Trust me; the story isn't done yet folks.) In the series Dante was able to use Roses baby as a way to open the gate because a baby lacked a developed conscious. So when people die and are loosing their state of conscious, wouldn't that mean they would be able to open the gate?

I took that into strong consideration and I also took thought about Christianity too (The gates of heaven are actually the gate, In FMA terms, well, this is what I got. My theory is that when people die in this world they must see the gate and then are converted into 'energy'. So, mentally and spiritually Ed's father would be seeing the gate when he was dieing (he wouldn't have his body since well, it died on him.) Next chapter I will talk a little bit more on this subject.

Now we all know that humans from this world are converted into energy! Sooo what did Ed's father do? He used Alchemy (my theory is he used Envy for the energy source to do alchemy) to pull all of Ed (body, mind, soul) out and used himself as a catapult so he could send Ed through the gate.

Still confused? Err sorry, I tried.

2. Also, you might be wondering why is Ed so emotional? He never liked his father!

Ok kid, let's tune into reality for a second. I'm not even close to my father but if he died I would still feel some emotions. You might notice some contradicting between chapter 1 and chapter 2. The whole point is Ed convinced himself that he hated his father. But when it came down to it he actually never hated him at all. Sure there is some anger but hate is a very strong word.

Pending-Destruction- Ahh, that makes me so excited that I'm your first one! Actually, while I was re-editing this chapter I kept thinking 'I hope I leave a good impression even after what I did to Ed's father'. Thanks for the review.

CharmedReality- I am really trying my best to give Ed the dynamics of a real person. I am giving him a more 21st century personality cause well; I think the anime series leaves that impression too. Thanks for the review.