Masquerade & Disguise

Part Five

Catherine handed him a steaming cup of coffee as he continued to stare off into the distance. He'd thought of all the perfect words he could possibly say to Sara, the words that would make her forget about what he had done and push her straight into his arms. He sighed heavily. Even if he could somehow think of the perfect thing to say and manage to get them out without stumbling all over himself, all the perfect words would be so wrong now. He stared down at the swirling steam and wondered if he'd ever be able to get Sara to forgive him.

Catherine remained silent as Grissom entertained his thoughts. But after almost an hour of complete silence, excluding the occasional grunt and sigh he gave off, she realized that she couldn't take it anymore.

"Look Gil, I know you asked me here to help you, but I really don't know what to say." She said, breaking the silence.

He looked up at her and frowned. She'd always been able to talk him through things, to give him guidance and advice with things or people that he wasn't particularly good with….such as Sara. It was Catherine who had given him the courage to make amends with Sara, to apologize to her when she was determined to leave the lab.

"All I know is, a pot plant isn't gonna cut it this time." She said, realizing that initially she didn't think that a pot plant would even work the first time. Catherine sighed. She felt a little guilty, she had after all convinced Sara to go to the ball. But then again, she'd never imagined that Grissom would make an appearance, or that he would've done what he had. He'd gotten himself into this on his own, and as much as she wanted to help him, she couldn't give him a quick fix. With that in mind she decided that she really wasn't of any help to him there, and she needed to head home.

Grissom shut the door after her, and resumed his trail of thought. He knew what he had to do, what he had to say, and yet he had no idea how he should carry out these things. He needed to explain himself fully, let her understand…That is, if she'd even give him the chance to try. He knew that she must at least know what his motivation was behind it, why he couldn't do what he did without the costume….And why he didn't allow things to happen later on that night. He began to wonder if she was even thinking about him, if she was analyzing the situation in her mind for the millionth time that day, or if she'd erased him and everything that had happened completely from her memory. He glanced across the table and eyed his car keys. He found himself with a sudden burst of motivation, a tiny voice telling him to go to her now, to break down her door if need be, and tell her everything he'd ever wanted to say, whether she wanted to hear it or not. He grabbed his keys and headed out the door as quickly as possible, hoping that this increase in speed would ensure that this voice stayed with him and didn't go back into the dark recesses of his mind.

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Sara sat cross-legged on the couch, fully clad in her favorite pajamas with a bar of chocolate on her lap. She'd fallen into her routine, the routine she often fell into after a bad break up. She felt herself analyzing this, questioning why she was doing this now. They hadn't broken up, for that to happen they would've had to have been together, and Grissom was certainly too stubborn for that to happen. But then again, their relationship was broken. She cursed herself for ever allowing herself to hope once more, and for him giving her a reason to hope, when really he was still just as stubborn as ever. She popped another piece of chocolate into her mouth as she decided to discard thoughts of the Grissom kind, and immerse herself in the television before her.

Her concentration held for a minute or two before her thoughts came roaring back to him. She just couldn't figure him out. The attraction between them couldn't be denied, even before that night. Without seeing his face she was drawn to him, without knowing his identity she'd put her trust in him. They'd practically consolidated their relationship with that one kiss, and then later in the parking lot. What more did Grissom need? A big sign with flashing neon lights that told him to get on with it or forget about it entirely? She set the chocolate aside and switched off the television. She was past the comforting routine, now she needed that other routine. She headed into the kitchen and retrieved a bottle of tequila. It was time to forget, at least until the morning.

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Grissomstared at her door. He stood there for what seemed an eternity. He knew how he'd gotten into this mess. He knew why he lived the life he did. If he kept to himself, immersed himself completely in his work, he could avoid moving forward in life, and prevent himself from creating a past, full of memories, painful or otherwise. But there he was, standing at her door, ready to change all of that, ready to move forward, to try and create something he could look back at in future years and remember with a smile, or perhaps with tears. Either way he was sick of holding himself back, of denying his emotions, and of denying hers. He'd already started something, he'd already taken a huge step, and he knew that Sara had done so as well. They had something that was undeniable, and he swore at that moment on her door step that he'd never deny it again. He filled his lungs with oxygen, knowing that it was entirely up to him. He knocked on her door a little too frantically, and took a step back.

Sara glared at the door, content with ignoring whoever it was on the other side. She took another shot of tequila, hoping to remove another thought or memory from her mind. The knocking sounded again. She decided that she couldn't ignore it any longer. Or could she? She toyed with the idea for a moment, but her thoughts her once again interrupted by the knocking at her door.

"Alright!" She directed towards the door. She crossed her apartment as she cursed under her breath. Sara was ready to give the source of the knocking a piece of her mind.

She swung the door open as wide as it could go and drew in a breath, ready to start hurling various obscenities when the identity of the man at her door knocked all thoughts and words from her mind completely. Grissom simply stood there in silence, waiting to be invited inside. She didn't know what to do, she couldn't process anything at all. The shock quickly faded as her anger returned. He registered the change in her facial expression and knew that he was losing his chance. He stepped forward, closing the space between them as he began to gather a sentence together. Before it could leave his mouth she had decided what to do, and in an instant the door began to slam shut. He quickly put his foot in the doorway, catching the door just before it had completely closed.

"Sara, please, just wait." He said hurriedly as he slowly re-opened the door, trying to show her that he meant no harm. He gently closed the door behind him. He simply wanted to talk to her. "Please, give me a chance."

Sara turned and glared at him, focusing all of her anger and frustration on him. She shook her head.

"No. You had your chance. You had more than one." She spat at him, liking the extra edge the tequila had given her.

Grissomstayed silent this time. She was right, he couldn't argue with her. He didn't even want to argue, he just wanted to tell her. He was determined to tell her everything he had planned to, he just wasn't sure that he could say anything to convince her to let him stay, to give him another chance. After all, it'd be the last chance that he'd ever need. He wasn't going to blow this one.

"Please." Hesaid sincerely, with a little urgency.

The room fell into silence as Sara considered it. Deep down she knew that she was going to give him another chance, whether she really wanted to or not. She couldn't help it, because there was no way she could deny him of it.She just hated that he could move her so easily, that he could plead with her and make her break. It'd been so hard for her to ignore him, to keep him from speaking to her, but really it's all that she needed. She made a quick decision upon realizing that they'd fallen into a strange silence, and his eyes were upon her, waiting for her. Sara wanted to hear what he had to say, she wanted to give him another chance, but this time she promised herself that it would be the last. She wouldn't make any moves, and if he wasted his chance, she'd never try to make a move ever again. She inwardly sighed. She hoped that she wouldn't regret it all later.

"Fine." She gestured a little uneasily towards the couch and watched as he slowly took a seat. She suddenly hated him, hated how he could easily change her normally stubborn mind.

Grissom looked at the ground, searching for the right words to start with, and the best way for him to explain to her, if he could even explain it to her at all. He was at least going to try.

I know this is way over due. Bad Brittin. Didn't have much time for fics, but all that has changed now.I know this isn't much of a chapter,was gonna go in adifferent direction but decided to do it this way.As always lemme know what y'all think of this chapter and if I should continue. Reviews are love. I promise I'll update faster! Sorry again, and sorry for any typos/grammatical errors, just typed and uploaded straight away. I'd offer y'all a pot plant but somehow I don't think it'd cut it. Haha. / Britt.