Chapter 13 Part I

Of Truths and Tribulations

flashback

"Rielle, stop talking like this! Don't you know that it was never like dat chérie?", he told her,
trying not to yell. "Don't you know that Remy, that he's starting to..."

"I'm going to leave before you say something you'll regret", Rielle said softly, reaching up slowly to touch Remy's chest. Why was she talking like this? She didn't mean it, Remy knew she didn't. If she did, her voice wouldn't tremble so with unshed tears! He put his hand over hers, brining it to his lips and gently kissing her knuckles.

"I have to go now Remy", Rielle whispered so softly Remy could barely hear. "I can't do this anymore. I won't let you lose your home because of me."

"I won't, Rielle! Is this why you're doin' dis chère?", Remy called out to her as she tore herself from him and rushed to the door.

Remy
It's already been three months. Three months since Ororo and the others showed up on my doorstep, asking for my help and begging me to return to Washington. Alright, maybe they didn't beg, but this is my narrative after all. I'll describe things as I so wish. Although, maybe my thoughts won't be as clear or as, rational, as they are usually. I'm just so, so angry and confused. And Rielle, she... she.

Damn it! Look at me, tripping over my words and my thoughts because some girl batted her eyes at me. I don't get like this. I'm not the one that gets left, not the one that gets hurt. At least, it never used to be this way. I respect women, I do. I would never strike at one in anger, I've never considered them inferior. Maybe I've been a bit of a player but, that's all in the past now! I didn't even mean to kiss Rogue. It just, happened.

Alright, so that's kind of a bad excuse. I know, I know, I've already heard it all in my head. I didn't have to kiss her, I could have stopped it, I should have gone after Rielle, but to be perfectly honest, even if I were to go back in time, I don't think I would have changed anything. As shallow as that sounds, it's the truth.

I've never been a liar, and I'm not going to start now. Does anyone honestly think that I didn't enjoy kissing Rogue? That I hadn't thought about it since the moment I stepped into the Institute's main hall? Well, I have. I'm not afraid to admit it. I loved her then, and I know that part of me always will. It's just that, I don't know, Rielle had appeared out of no where. All of a sudden, she mattered. A lot. It's just that Rogue did too. God, when did I develop such a conscience?

It's snowing outside. Huge, white flakes are falling down from the sky, catching and dancing in the wind. I like watching it, it helps to distract me from myself. We had snow in New Orleans when I was young, but nothing like the thick blanket that covers the Washington soil. I would have killed for such a miracle in my youth. Going outside to roll and play in the snow like some of the students were doing. I smiled a little as I watched some of the older students throw snowballs at each other. They were not all that younger than me, not really. After all, I am only twenty-two, and Rielle always likes to tell me how I'm only a overgrown boy. She says that I remind her of some of the players in her troupe, that I'm childish and mature at the same time. A good thing, she assures me. Rielle says...

My attention snaps back, my eyes suddenly focussing on the window sill and not the falling snow. Rielle may have said those things, but she has also said goodbye. Do I really blame her? After all, she did she me in a most tender embrace with a woman I once loved, that I still love in my way. Would I not have been just as hurt and angry if I had found her kissing someone else? But to cut me out completely, I have never felt so numb in my life. Even leaving Rogue came with emotion. Anger, betrayal, I was definitely able to feel. But now, I could only sit here, watching the snow fall and enviously looking on at the carefree teenagers outside. Maybe I have grown, and if I have, it is certainly Rielle and her wild eyes that are responsible.

The merry twinkle of laughter is heard from across the room, and the sound of it reaches even my unconscious ears. I turn my gaze from the kids outside, and focus them instead on Jean, Hank, Ororo and Jamie, who are decorating a enormous Douglas Fur for Christmas. Ororo is painstakingly distributing the tinsel equally on the green branches, while Jean is using her power of telekinesis to string popcorn. She pauses from her work, she had felt my attention on her, and she offers me a small smile. I return it half-heartedly, and sighing, Jean returns to her work.

Jamie is one of the younger mutants here. At twelve years old, he is a little small for his age and rather shy. In fact, I don't find it surprising to see him inside with the teachers, especially Hank. The two seemed to have hit it off famously, the boy is even now duplicating himself to help Hank with the tree ornaments. I could get up and walk over, offer to help, but I won't. I may be a member of the team, but I don't think that I'm quite a member of the family. I wonder where Rielle is right now?

"Remy?"

Ororo's clear voice once again brings me back from my reverie. The white-haired woman is standing a little way from me, her hands placed on her hips and a warm smile illuminating her face. Alright, maybe I can see myself in Ororo's family at least. Here is the one person who truly has stood by me through it all. She is no immature teenager who can't make up her mind, or a jealous and paranoid child in constant need of my reassurance. She is just Ororo, and with her, I am simply Remy.

"Will you help us hang the star on the top?", she asks me hopefully, the silver star extended in her hand.

I shake my head. "Nah, I don't think so Stormy. Dis really isn't Remy's place. Better let someone else do it".

She shakes her head at me dramatically, and raises an eyebrow at Jean. The red-head looks at me for a moment before rolling her eyes and getting back to the popcorn. Only Hank and Jamie seem not to notice anything. The two of them are laughing as Jamie and one of his doubles are playing keep-away from Hank, who is trying in vain to get a hold of the red gingerbread man the boys are throwing about.

"Remy, you must try to get into the spirit of things", Ororo says, chastising me. I see the look in her eye. I've changed for her as well. Even she no longer recognizes the old me, the care-free me.

"You seem ta be takin' good care o' dat chère", I reply innocently. "But Remy don't remember you bein' into dis whole Noël thing? Isn't dere some other celebration you'd rather be, well, celebrating?"

Storm smiles at me, conceding defeat. She nods her graceful head. "You're right Remy, there are some celebrations that are important to my people that I have already participated in. But I like getting involved with the students' Christmas here, and I think you would too."

"No thanks Stormy", I answer casually, stretching my arms and getting to my feet. "I think I'll go hit de indoor pool instead."

She was still shaking her head at me when I turned to go. Maybe she was a little disappointed in me, disappointed in the fact that I wasn't getting as involved as they thought I should be. But I had come here and done what I had said I would do. At least, I had tried. It was Rielle who had not upheld her end of the bargain. Rielle who had called the whole thing off. Rielle who...

God, I really needed something else to think about. I shot one last smile at Ororo as I made my way to the large entrance to the east. I wrung my fingers through my hair, making it stand on end and look even more messy than it did normally. I sighed, closing my eyes. I could go to the pool, swim a few laps, and keep my mind busy on working out. If I left her no room within my head, maybe, just maybe, I could keep my thoughts of Rielle silent for a little while.

Maybe. Maybe I should learn to watch where I walk. It was only because I heard her breathe in sharply that I knew that someone stood before me. My eyes opened slowly, perhaps my subconscious already well aware of who stood before me, and just not wanting to deal with it. Not yet, anyway.

"You should really keep an eye on where you're going Remy", she scolded me gently, a sad smile painted on her face. "You never know who you might bump into, or what they could do."

I needed no explanation but she raised her hands anyway, holding them up and away from her as if she too were staring at them intently. She certainly seemed a little more confident. Before, she had kept her hands pinned firmly at her sides, risking no chance of hurting anything or anyone accidentally. But now her arms swung freely, and although it still hurt too much to admit it, I was proud to see that I had helped her accomplish even so little. But then again, perhaps I had done nothing at all. She had been working with Ororo after all, and she was most certainly the better teacher. It could very well be that my time with Rielle had produced nothing, nothing but forbidden feelings and hurting hearts. Perhaps it was best now that Rielle had a tutor that could keep herself more distant than I had succeeded to do. So why was my hand aching now? Why was I dying to touch those hands, to see if they were as soft as I remembered? Hormones. The desire and nothing more.

"So things are goin' well wit Stormy den?", I asked her casually, hoping she couldn't hear my heart beating.

Rielle smiled so suddenly that it lit up the flicker of light deep within those eyes of hers. Even if it did disappear almost as quickly as it had appeared, I was glad to see it. I had not seen it since that horrible day in my room, when, hidden within my closet, she had witnessed a rather intimate moment between Rogue and myself. Just recalling the pain reflecting back at me... Part of me was angry. Yes, angry! I had never said we were exclusive, or even together in anyway. Sure, maybe I should have told her my feelings from the get-go, but I thought she understood that I needed to figure things out before I could start something as committing as a new relationship. God, that's why I thought I she could understand me so well! And I had thought that she, coming out of a bad relationship would want nothing more of them. Maybe I was wrong.
Shit. I knew I was wrong, but my stubborn nature wouldn't let me admit that out loud just yet. There would be plenty of time to make-up later, for once I wasn't planning on running out. She would still be there when I was ready to talk, wouldn't she? She had no where to go either, but perhaps it was naive of me to think she couldn't get away. I knew better than anyone how easy running away had become for her.

" And I was beginning to think you didn't care", Rielle chided me, at least she hadn't lost her sense of humour. However, her words almost made me blush sheepishly. She was right, I had been avoiding her too, I guess. I mean, if I truly wanted to, I could have talked to her. Asked her she was and how things were progressing with her powers. But I hadn't, and know I had to eat my own silence.

"Dat's was never true Rielle, and you know it", I replied softly. "Remy 'll always care."

She looked away from me then, turning her eyes instead to look at the huge tree that the others were trimming. Maybe she had come here to help? Maybe I should stay too. I followed her gaze, and met Storm's eyes. The Witch looked at the two of them, her expression puzzled. It could be that Rogue still had not made good on her threat to expose him and Rielle. Well, it wasn't like there was anything left to expose. What I didn't know was that not only had Storm caught on to the little dilemma, but she was not alone. Although Jean could not penetrate my mental fortress, it was next to impossible to miss the feelings of loneliness and despair that were radiating from Rielle like homing beacons. The red head paused from her own task as she and Ororo watched the two of us standing in the light of the entrance.

"I know Remy", Rielle whispered, still not looking at me. "At least, sometimes I think you do, but then you go and do something like... when you... when she kissed you... I just..."

"I didn't mean anything Rielle", I said suddenly, grabbing her cold hands within my own. I knew the others were most likely watching but I missed Jean's arched eyebrows and the hand that suddenly fluttered to Storm's chest, above her heart. Jean looked on through wide eyes, and shot a look a t Storm, who felt her own heart would break from the pain emanating from the pair of us.

"Listen Remy, lying to yourself and me won't make this go away", she told me, taking her hand away gently. "Let's just keep some distance for now, okay?"

That hurt, but mostly it made me angry. Why did she have to care so much about what the others thought? She couldn't honestly believe that I still loved Rogue that way, could she? This had to be about the professor's absolute prohibition of our being together. It had to be. It figures that Rielle would have to be so considerate of the feelings of others that she would sacrifice her own happiness. Who would have thought that a girl responsible for her sister's death could be such a push-over?

I can't believe I just thought that. If I wasn't going to the pool I'd go dunk my head in the lake. Maybe I am an asshole. Hell, I don't know why I'm so surprised. I've been this way a while, haven't I? But I had changed, even for just a moment, Rielle had changed that. The black shroud had been lifted from my heart and I no longer felt that suffocating desire to hurt others as I was hurting. But that was all over now, and even if I would never dream of admitting it to her, I was mostly to blame. Shit. I hate self-examination!

So what could I say? What could I do but brush her off as if I didn't care? As if there was nothing keeping me there but her standing in my way. God I needed to hold her.

"Fine wit Remy chère", I said casually, looking around, trying to look bored. "He don't like it when de femmes get too possessive."

"Well, okay then", Rielle said a little roughly. I don't think she had been expecting such rudeness from me. "Sorry to bother you."

She brushed by me brusquely as she made her way past me into the living room. I didn't turn to watch her go. I knew she'd go off to help Storm and Jean and that they would press her for details, well, Jean might. Storm would listen quietly and feign indifference and Rielle would smile that shy smile she gave to those that she still didn't quite trust. However, she wouldn't say anything. She would shake off their concern and turn the attention away from her. She had done that to me quite a bit and it had bothered me. It was as if there was still something she was holding back, like she hadn't been able to trust me completely. I guess her instincts were right.

I didn't look back as I left the room. I kept my gaze ahead, casual and cool. I ran my hand through my hair again, mussing it even more than I already had. I tried not to imagine running my fingers through Rielle's raven locks.
Yup. A cold swim was going to do me good.

Gabrielle
So I've learned something today. Well, a few things actually. The first thing is that every Christmas there is, right here at Xavier's Institute for Gifted Children, a costume ball. Not a costume party by any means, but a ball! I mean, I'd gone to parties as a girl where the ladies wore evening gowns and the men wore their tails, but I'd been young. Young enough to wear my hair in ringlets and get away with wearing green patent shoes with my purple dress. I'm older now, and this would be my first formal affair since before my twelfth birthday. I would wear a dress just like my mother and sister's, and a mask. I would dance, (well, probably not but it was fun to imagine), and I would have a wonderful time. I wouldn't waste one moment thinking dreary thoughts about a certain Cajun prick who was too busy sticking his tongue down his ex's throat to tell me anything about this great party. That brings me to my second point. I've learned that I really do have anger issues. I mean, I know I hold grudges and I know that I can get really pissed really fast, but God! I have only felt this way a few times in my life, when Amelia died and when Zephyr dumped me, but to waste such pain on a vain ignoramus who probably couldn't tell the difference between a Boticelli and a DaVinci and who probably had never even heard of Jane Austen and who.
Crap. If anything, I'm the stupid one for caring so much that he doesn't. Care, that is. Not being able to feel or care anything anymore might just be what I need. No, I might be hurting, but my feelings and my passion make me who I am. I make mistakes and I make bad choices, but if I can borrow from Anthony Burgess, perhaps it is better to make the bad choice of my own free will then have the right one imposed. Wait, why am I talking about this? Party!
I had been spending a quiet hour in the living room with Jean and Storm when some of the kids who had been playing outside burst into the hall downstairs. They made such a ruckus as they came in that the tree was trembling a little in its stand, and I feared for their well being if they knocked over the tree that all of us, especially Storm, had been decorating so meticulously. I was holding unto an angel ornament when Kitty ran into the room, her cheeks wonderfully flushed and red from the cold. There were still snowflakes collected on her eyes lashes and her nose was rosy and bright. She looked so care-free, so happy. So like the teenager she was supposed to be. I would have given my right arm to be like her at that moment.

"Oh my God Rielle!", she squealed, pouncing over and grabbing my shoulder. I winced a little, smiling though. Maybe being a little different from Miss Pride wasn't a bad thing all the time.

"Hi Kitty", I answered, gently shrugging out of her hands. "What's up?"

"So you've heard about the dance right?", she asked me, her eyes twinkling in delight.

"I have heard a thing or two, yes", I replied carefully. Things might get painful. I was right.

"Oooh!", she shrieked, hugging me and pulling me close. "You're going right? 'Cause it would be so cool if we all went! I mean, Bobby, Jubs, Rogue will be there. So will Jean and Storm and all the other teachers. And maybe you could get Remy to come!"

I nearly choked on my own breath.
"Huh?", I stammered, earning more strange looks from Jean and Storm, who gazed at each other knowingly. "How would I get him to come?"

Kitty shrugged her slender shoulders. "I dunno, just like, figured 'cuz you two are friends and all. Just ask him, okay?"

I could only nod as Kitty squealed again and bounded away, pulling me by the hand,
saying something about going to the mall to shop for dresses. Suddenly, things involving the party seemed a whole lot more complicated.

Rogue
I had to be quiet. I had no business being in the prof's study when he wasn't there, but I had to figure something out. There was something I had to take care of. I quickly glanced through his shelves and bookcases, my eyes darting over the books and maps until I found what I was looking for.

"There ya are", I whispered, taking it down and laying it flat on the desk. "Now, where did Scoot say he was?"

My finger danced over the map, looking and tracing over lines that had already been drawn and erased, searching, seeking...

"There it is", I whispered again to the silent room. My blood was pounding in my ears and my hands shook with nervousness. I tried to keep calm. No reason to get upset now, I hadn't done anything yet. I simply had the information that I had come for.
I put the map back carefully and arranged everything as it had been. I only hoped no one would notice anyone had been in here. I couldn't afford to let anyone in on my plan, not yet at least. So I left as stealthily as I had come in, my mind swimming with the idea of contacting Magneto. He owed me, and there was something I needed him to take care of.

Author's note: Hello! I'm back! Okay, I know that this chapter was not worth the enormous wait I put you through, but I haven't been home in about a week. Anyway, this was just one of those annoying fillers that you don't like reading, I don't like writing but we have to get through. Things, though, will most definitely be picking up very soon. There's some twists laying in store:
at the party, post-party, Rielle, Remy, Rogue, Charles, Ororo, Jean, and (duh duh DUHHH), Magneto?