Don't own FMA, but I probably should.

Held

By The Gomp

The flames of the candle danced around in front of me, the room had a soft glow giving it the feel of surreal.

I looked into the blissful darkness of the coffee that sat in front of me. Oh yes, coffee... it had become one of my favorite beverages. Wouldn't it be great if coffee had the answers to life? You know, like if you took a sip of coffee and it would share the secrets that you yearned most for. Hey! One could dream, couldn't they?

"Auto-mail you say..."

It was late at night, well more like early the next morning, and I was sitting in the kitchen with Granny Pinako. Hmm, nothing like sitting with Granny while pumping yourself full of caffeine. Everyone had long since gone to bed after the day's excitement, but for some reason I wasn't ready to sleep. My body begged for some slumber, but my brain firmly told me not yet.

"I can pay you. Well, that is if Al hasn't wasted all my money yet." That boy would die if he had gone on a spending spree.

Granny shook her head causing some of her wrinkles to flap slightly. I was entranced by how wrinkly she had gotten. Oh, the joys of getting old. "Al hasn't wasted any of the money; it's been placed in the bank."

I sighed with relief. The military was generous in the amount they used to pay me so there was a lot of money at stake. And also considering that Al still was receiving compensation for my 'death', that also meant more dough. All in all, Al and I were set to live comfortably for the rest of our lives. With that much money I could also help Winry and Granny out too.

Going back to the topic of discussion, Granny eyed me warily. "I hope you understand doing the surgery once was risky, but doing it twice is beyond dangerous. Nerve endings are very sensitive, I have to stimulate the endings to connect the auto-mail sensors and doing that is a very risky procedure. If I ruin the nerves than it is possible to fully handicap you. Since I already stimulated them once it's very likely I'll literally fry them this time. You will also have to go through the recovery process all over again. And that's just the procedure, you know auto-mail is very hard on the body's structure. Your muscles and bones aren't meant to carry so much weight for long periods of time."

My hand gripped the coffee mug tightly. Auto-mail was my choice and I already knew the risks. I hated it when the old woman would give me speeches. "That's all dandy, but I want auto-mail back. I know the risks and I'm willing to take the chances. Cheap prosthetics have never really enticed me; I want stuff I can move freely with."

Granny looked at me with dismay which gave me a pinch of guilt. That's the problem using your once legal guardian as your auto-mail surgeon; you begin to actually care about their opinions.

She took a big puff of her pipe. The smoke reminded me of the industrial smoke of Germany, it stank. "Its going to take three years to recover, or in your case one." That's it, think highly of me women. Fill this ego of mine!

I shook my head while taking a big sip of coffee. The coffee had a hazelnut taste to it. Add two spoonfuls of sugar and a tad, and I mean only a tad, of milk and I can only describe it with one word... yummy.

"I bet you I can recover in six months."

Granny leaned back while eyeing me carefully. I gave her a stern stare, daring her to challenge me. I was only 11 when it took me one year to recover. I was older and more durable so there was no way I planned to allow a year to pass this time. I had better things to do than to lie around all day and wallow in my pain.

She smirked. "This will be interesting to see."

I smiled, I had gained a victory.

There was a moment of silence as she smoked her pipe and I tried to seduce my coffee. Than the old hag spoke. "So, how long do you plan to stay this time?"

I looked at her in shock. I was tempted to jump over the table and whack her in the head.

"I have no reason to leave. I believe I told you earlier, this time I'm here to stay. Al has gained his body back so our mission is complete."

Granny took another big puff of her pipe, her nose flared as smoked seeped out. "You gave up on your own limbs?"

I nodded. Deep down I would love to have my real flesh and bone, but come on folks, there is a time when you must seek out reality. "Trust me; I'm here to stay for good. Finally Al and I can live in peace."

Granny lifted an eyebrow at me. "You boys have always amazed me. You two never know when to give up on each other. Did you know Al has been illegally doing alchemy to try and find a way to bring you home? Now that your home maybe your right, maybe you two can live in peace."

I looked at the old geezer slightly surprised by her comment. "Al has been doing a? I suppose that explains why Izumi is here." Izumi... she had given me one hell of a speech earlier that day (a few smack round's are pre-included). It was amazing how she denounces us as her dispels, but still feels she has the right to over power us. She was one hell of a woman, that was for sure.

Granny nodded at my question. "Even at a young age and after losing all of his memories, Al was determined to bring you home."

I sighed when she remarked about his age. Al and I had a six year gap year gap between us now. Him losing the past few years made perfect sense. With no physical body, how could he grow and maintain memories? Even though it all made common sense, that didn't mean I had to like it. Just another thing to add to my pisser-off list.

Granny gave me an easy going smile. You know, one that beams at you. "I hope you know we are happy to have you back."

Ahhh no! Have you ever had a phrase repeated to you like a million times that it slowly was driving you mildly crazy? Well, this was becoming one of them. I bit back an annoyed groan. "Yea, yea, I think you guys made that pretty clear. Today I've just been swooned and cooed at."

Granny's face suddenly turned serious, almost like someone flicked a switch. She began to tap her fingers against the table. "And you haven't told any of us where you have been in the last three years."

I looked at Granny like a child would after being caught, than went back to staring at my coffee. I gave the suitcase that was next to me a slight kick with my foot. I wasn't exactly sure how to respond to that.

The women gazed at me with too much age and wisdom. "You have never been much of a talker when it comes to your personal life. I suppose I shouldn't be surprise that you will refuse to tell me."

"A lot has happened."

"A lot can happen in three years."

I ran my hand through my hair. I knew that sooner or later I was going to have to talk. Granny was probably the best person to start out with.

"Granny…"

The women smiled gently while giving me her full attention.

The click of the door interrupted my much needed sleep. I was tempted to throw a pillow at the intruder, but that meant I would have to pick it up afterwards. Besides, the pillow was much too precious to sacrifice.

I blinked a few times to try and focus my eyes. My voice came out heavy from sleep deprivation. "Get out."

"Do you plan to sleep all day?"

I groaned at the familiar voice. "Yes, do you have a problem with that?"

Winry was standing over me with her arms folded. She gave me a playful smile which caused me to glare; she was getting too much humor out of my suffering. "Well, considering Al has been waiting all morning for you to get your butt up, I suppose I do have a problem with it. You missed waving Izumi off." She pulled the toasty warm blankets away from my body ignoring my protests.

"It's still early!"

"Early?" Winry picked up the clock that was behind the bed and shoved it in my face. I looked at the clock in surprise; it was in the middle of the day.

I shrugged my shoulders and smiled sheepishly. "Granny and I were up all night." Which was true, I didn't get to bed till about six that morning.

Winry handed me the prosthetic that was next to the bed ignoring my excuses. Man did I hate cheap prosthetics, they always made my stump feel so freakin' sore by the end of the day. I sat up and connected the cheap plastic to my body.

Winry sighed while she opened the curtains to the room; I had to squint as the sun light blinded my vision. "You're cruel, very cruel."

She only laughed at my remark. She picked up the articles of clothing that were scattered around the room, once she had them all together she tossed the bundle at me. "Get some clothing on yourself."

"Yes mother." The hassles of living with women, they always thought they could tell you what to do! I muttered some curse words under my breath as I began to dress. It took me a few seconds to notice that Winry was watching my every movement intently. After I got my pants on I started getting disturbed by her watchful eyes.

"Winry?" She blinked a few times as if she was in a daze. It just made me more confused. "You ok?" She shook her head as if trying to clear it. Sometimes Winry could be one strange cookie.

She straightened out her clothing in a poor attempt to compose herself. "Sorry... it's just..."

"What, you finally plan to ask me to marry you? Well it's about time... but sadly my answer is no. I found someone much better. Her name is Granny Pinako and she is one major babe." I learned in Germany that if you ever wanted to lighten a conversation, make a dumb joke.

Winry shot me a dirty look but had an upwards twist to her lips. She sat down on the bed next to me. "Edward, you have a lame sense of humor."

"I know, I try."

"Really though, it's just hard to believe that your back."

I pulled on the white dress shirt not even bothering to button it. It revealed my o-so-sexy chest. Right. "Well, I'm back. You better start believing it."

Her eyes still held a distant type of look to them. I could only look at her with a child's curiosity.

"Ed..." She scooted closer to me, too close for comfort. I leaned back slightly to add some space between us.

My voice came out slightly choked. "Yea?"

We stared at each other for a long moment, neither of us blinking. Then the unexpected happened.

Winry grabbed both my cheeks and started to stretch and pull at my face. I narrowed my eyes at her. Man, she really was weird. "Do you mind?"

Winry gave a soft giggle as she allowed my cheeks free from her grasp. "Naa, I don't. Hurry up. Like I said before, Al has been waiting for you."

Al... I looked out the window that was by my bed. It was a bright sunny day and the wind gave a lift to the atmosphere. The type of day that make's you want to frolic in the fields.

"Where's Al at?"

Winry shrugged her shoulders causing some of her hair to fall back. She looked so much older than the last time I saw her, it was so strange. "I'm not sure. Last time I saw him he was helping Granny in the kitchen. Speaking of Granny, she informed me you wanted auto-mail again." Her last sentence had a dark tone to it. Almost like it was a sin for me to want auto-mail. Great, last thing I needed was another 'talk'.

I stood from the bed while stretching out my arm. "Well I'll go find Al. I'm sure there is a lot for us to talk about."

Winry stood and grabbed my shoulder causing me to look back at her. She frowned at me. "Ed, it's your choice with auto-mail. I'm sure Granny has already given you an earful. The only reason I brought it up was sometime today I got to measure you."

I gave her a soft smile. Whahaha, I wasn't gonna get a speech this time. Freedom! "Ok."

I grabbed my boots that were by the bedroom door and brushed off the mud that was plastered to the soles.

"Well, that's why I didn't go through with it." I threw another stone into the river. This one didn't like me; it just sank right to the bottom.

"I just don't get why they would try and force you to do that." Al chucked the rock that was in his hands. He got two skips, little turd.

I shrugged my shoulders helplessly. How do you explain homunculus to a kid? I hadn't even gotten to the part about our mother, now that one was going to be a bitch to explain. "They aren't able to use alchemy. But one named Wrath, which comes along later in the story, will be able to." That's right, think of it as a story. Not the tale of your lives.

My brother flopped back into the grass. He gave a loud groan of frustration. "How many homunculi were there all together?"

"Seven."

"I don't get why they didn't like us."

"Well it depends which one you're talking about. Not all of them hated us. Actually, only three held personal grudges. The rest just wanted to use us so they could become human."

My brother glared at me. His glare almost matched mine on a bad day. I didn't take offense to his look though; I knew it was from frustration and confusion, not from hate.

"Look Al, this is going to take awhile. We did a lot together and I'll admit that I suck at talking about this stuff." I threw another stone in the river. Oh yea, three skips. Who's the man.

"You're right, Winry and everyone else explained stuff a lot better."

I stuck my tongue out at my brother for defense. Heck, I was a scientist, not a storyteller of folklore. I laid down next to my brother. The clouds in the sky had an orange and pinkish tint to them from the setting sun. Nature was music to our ears.

"How did you get home?"

"How many times must I tell you? Another day."

My brother sighed as he began to twirl some grass between his fingers. It was so amazing just to look at him. He wasn't the armored man I once created, he was a real boy. His hair was brown with blonde highlights and his eyes were a lovely brown that held a subtle gray tint to them. When I was a kid I actually used to get jealous of my brothers looks. He looked more like our mother than I did. I even resented it more growing up, after our father left. I hated it because I ended up becoming almost the splitting image of our father. But now I didn't mind it anymore. In away I was actually proud to look like our pops.

"Ed?"

My brother tapped me. I had totally blocked out anything he might had previously said. "Oh sorry, what?"

My brother sat up while looking at the river. "I asked, do you mind talking to me about the past?"

"Huh?" I pushed myself into a sitting position. "Of course I don't mind, why would I?"

Al tossed another stone into the water; he made no attempt to skip it this time. "I don't know. I-I don't want you to be forced into this. I mean, it's not your fault that I can't remember." I knew it wasn't my fault. It was all part of the law of conservation, even though the law of conservation could go to hell sometimes.

"Really, I don't mind. If anything, I think it's good. You know, maybe it's like therapeutic for me to talk about it. And for you, you really need to hear this stuff."

My brother gazed at me. One of his hands suddenly reached out and touched my shirt, but then his hand fell to the ground.

I eyed him carefully. "Is something bothering you?" I moved closer to my brother and grabbed his fallen hand. His hand was so small compared to mine. Al's eyes also fell to our clasped hands and it was obvious he started thinking the same thing too.

His voice was quiet. "I'm happy your back."

I forced a smile on my face even though I desperately wanted to roll my eyes. "Yea, I am too. Just remember I came back to be with you. Don't think I'm bothered by having to tell you all this stuff. Well, that is if you really want to hear all these stories."

My brother looked up at me, lifting his eyebrows. "Of course I do."

I smiled at him. Man was he a cute looking kid.

"Once I get out of surgery we will be able to spend all the time in the world just talking and being together. Also, if you want you can even show me some of your alchemy skills." My brother's face twisted with surprise. Yup, I knew his little secret, tee heh.

"Granny." See, I wasn't that mean, I explained myself.

"I see." A smile spread across my brother's face. "So, can you tell me what happened after you refused to make the Philosopher Stone?"

A week passed since the reunion with my brother and today was another bright sunny day for the Rizenpool community. To bad I wasn't able to enjoy it.

"Oh god, it hurts!"

Winry placed a cold washcloth on my forehead. She fluffed my pillow to try and make me more comfortable. Sure, I loved lying in bed, but not when I felt like utter-crap in it. My body felt like a million people were cutting, tearing, and chewing the flesh off my bones. The pain was becoming almost unbearable.

"Suck it up. You took this better your first time around."

I really wanted to glare at Winry, but it hurt to even move my head. I had over a dozen tubes connected to the areas where my arm and leg should have been. Different types of fluids were being pumped in and out of my body to cause the nerves to stimulate. This was always one of the most painful parts of the auto-mail process.

My words came out in a moan. "Oh, just shut up."

Winry sighed while she sat in the chair next to the bed. I turned my head carefully so I could look at her. She had her arms folded as she silently watched me.

"Do you like watching me suffer?" I shot her a playful smile. Even though I was joking, somehow I wouldn't had been surprised if she really did.

Winry tapped a delicate finger against her chin. "Well, hmm. Do I like to watch you suffer? …possibly." Her smile was just as playful. I guess I would just be left with wonderment.

Another wave of pain suddenly hit my body. I gripped the sheets of the bed trying to calm myself. It hurt so much. I had to suppress a scream as I felt tears squeeze their way out of my eyes. Trust me; this wasn't my definition of fun on a Saturday afternoon.

Winry forced my fingers to release the sheets. Her hand slipped into mine. I gave her hand the death grip until the pain began to slowly reside. I forced my breathing to return to normal. Oh man did this totally suck!

I released her hand slightly embarrassed. "Sorry." Hell, I couldn't lie. I knew I had one hell of a grip.

Winry brushed some hair away from her face while shaking her head. "No, its ok. You need to relax or you're going to make things worse." I didn't even want to know how things could get any worse.

Winry picked up the glass of cold water that was sitting on the bed stand. She placed it against my lips silently telling me to drink. I complied. The water felt good running down my throat, it helped cool my body as I felt it run through my system.

"Do you want me to get Al?"

"No." My voice was hoarse. The last thing my brother needed to see was me like this. I was feeling bad enough that Winry had to watch.

A sheen of sweat covered my body causing me to feel very uncomfortable. I grabbed the blankets that were covering my lower body and pushed them away. I felt so hot. But the sad thing was the instant I pushed them away, I began to feel cold. I couldn't win, could I?

Winry grabbed the wet washcloth that was on my forehead and dumped it into the bucket of cold water that was next to the bed. My eyes were beginning to become blurry. "Winry please, just shot me. I'm not joking." I really wasn't.

Winry placed the now cold cloth on my head again. The cloth felt nice against my hot skin. God, I felt sticky and warm all over.

"Ed, you gotta calm down. I'm being serious." Her fingers smoothed out some of the hair that was sticking to my face. She grabbed the blankets that were at the end of the bed and pulled them back up.

I watched Winry curiously as she took care of me. She was being nice... too nice. Could it be that she matured? Oh my, what a strange revelation that might be.

To bad I still hadn't grown up.

Some more pain shot through my body. This time, I did scream.

My brother sat at the end of the bed waiting for me to continue.

This had been the same ritual for the past month. Every morning my brother always came to visit me in my room and I would tell him a story. He then would leave for school. Once he got back he would come to visit me again for about an hour. Then he would do house chores and school work. And after all of that was done, we would finally spend the rest of the evening together.

And what did I do in the times between his visits? I sat in my bed bored as hell.

"So, you thought she was pretty?"

I blushed slightly at my brother's comment. I was never one to speak of my hormonal side. "Well, I suppose. She wasn't ugly that's for sure."

My brother picked at a string that stuck out of the quilt that was covering my body. "I think she's pretty."

I rolled my eyes at him. He thought every girl was pretty. "Great. Well if Rose ever comes for a visit I'll make sure to tell her that."

Al pouted at me. "Your mean."

I shrugged my shoulders helplessly. "You shouldn't have said anything."

He stuck his tongue out at me. Aha, he was so fun to torture.

"So Dante used Rose's baby to open the gate? Rose once mentioned that to me, but I didn't understand it at the time. Her memory of the situation seemed kind of blotched."

"Ehh, she wasn't really with it. I think Dante had done something to her."

My brother chewed on his bottom lip while trying to collect his thoughts. I didn't tell my story's in chronological order so sometimes he had a hard time piecing everything together. Hey, don't blame me, I was doing my best.

"I see..." My brother looked at the clock behind the bed. He sighed as he stood up while grabbing his books off the chair. I always hated this part.

"Do you have to go? Cant you just skip out?"

My brother eyed me. Yup, I admit it. I was being an irresponsible adult.

"I have to go to school. Granny says so. If I skipped out I'll just get in trouble." My brother picked up the book that was on the bed stand and handed it to me. "I'll be back in a few hours." I took the book from my brother's hand and sighed. Stupid school. What the hell was the point? I never finished it and look where it got me!

Ok, please don't look.

"Fine, fine, I guess I'll waste my life in this lonely room. No, you go. You have fun with 'school' and your 'new friends'. It's fine. Just leave me all alone."

My brother groaned at me while handing me my reading glasses. "I am going to go! I don't want a guilt trip so just shut it." Wow, my brother was beginning to get an attitude. Someone at that school must be influencing him. Damn whoever that brat was.

My brother left the room in haste. I could only give a sad sigh at the closed door. Since Winry and Granny were busy with the Auto-mail business I was always left alone till lunch time. I pushed the reading glasses up my nose while I flipped through the alchemy book Izumi had sent through the mail as a present. To find alchemy texts these days was a rather rare thing considering all the laws. So I was grateful for the generous gift.

It was a pain in the ass to flip through the book with only one hand. I still had to wait another month and a half till they could connect my new auto-mail. Oh, I was getting antsy just thinking about it!

A knock on the door surprised me. I looked up from my book as the door creaked open. Granny waltzed in while smoking her pipe. "Edward, how are you doing today?"

I smiled at the small woman as she crawled into the chair next to the bed. "I'm doing good. Still pretty sore, but good."

Granny nodded while she examined the wires that dangled from my right shoulder. "It's looking pretty good. You seem to be healing quickly." Well, that was always a good sign.

I eyed Granny suspiciously. She never visited unless she had a reason or if it was time to feed me. I still had three hours till lunch so she wasn't there for food. I waited patiently for her to get on with the point. The old woman just puffed on her pipe while she looked out the window.

I tried not to sound rude. "Granny, why the hell you here?" I said I tried.

Granny smirked when she turned to face me. "Always straight to the point. Well, I just wanted to know how things are going with you and your brother."

I pushed the book off my lap and took off my reading glasses so I could look at her better. "I think things are going pretty well. They aren't perfect, but we are working out the kinks." Really, things were going a lot better than I originally thought they would. The age difference was still hard for the both of us, but we were adapting. Al and I didn't have the word 'quit' in our vocabulary.

"Have you told him yet?" She didn't need to elaborate. I already knew what she was talking about.

"No." Al had always wanted to know our father. After he lost his memories no one had the heart to tell him that he actually met our dad once, he just couldn't remember it. So here I was left to explain our father's death to a boy who desperately wanted to know him. It seemed like they wanted to leave all the dirty work to me.

I turned away from Granny's intense gaze. She disapproved of my hiding the truth from Al, but I was becoming as guilty as everyone else. I didn't have the heart to tell him. I had no clue what to say and even if I did know what to say I wasn't sure I would actually be able to say it.

I mumbled. "I'll get around to it."

Amazingly enough Granny had good ears. She picked up what I said. "You better. He needs to know the truth."

I slammed my left hand against the bed out of frustration. I didn't want to get angry with Granny, but I didn't like it when people told me the obvious. "I know, I know, I'll do it. Ok? Just let me get better." My words came out a little harsher than I meant them to. Granny seemed unfazed.

She took another puff of her smoke. "Good. He deserves to know the truth."

She was right. The old fogy was always right.

…one and a half months later.

I looked at the auto-mail arm and leg memorized. They were much lighter than the previous ones I had owned. The steal seemed much more durable and it was very shiny. Purdy.

"What do you think?" Winry beamed at her workmanship.

I rolled my eyes. "Ok, I'm impressed."

Winry laughed as she twirled with the auto-mail in her hands. "I knew you would be. I've worked on these really hard." Her eyes narrowed. "You better not wreck them." Ack, girls!

"How the heck am I going to wreck them? I'm not in the military anymore, calm down."

Winry nodded as she practically drooled over the arm and leg she created. I sat back in fear.

Granny examined my leg stump. Her hands ran over the steal rims that were the connecter pallets. She looked at the various wires that hung out. "Well, everything seems ready to go." She picked up a metal cylinder and began to connect various wires to it. The cylinder was going to be the port that would connect the actual auto-mail. Every time she pulled a wire and connected it, it caused a strange sensation to run through my body. It felt like someone was tickling me while at the same time trying to pull my hair out. Weird eh?

Winry began to do the same thing with my arm. I bit on my lip not sure if I should laugh or cry. Sometimes during these times I wished they would just drug me.

It took them a few minutes till they finally had everything connected. I could feel the weight of the new metal. It felt strange, but at the same time it felt like it belonged, like I was feeling more whole.

"Ed, remember to relax all your muscles when we connect you, your body's going to convulse. It's been a long time since we connected auto-mail to your nerves so you're going to react harshly to it." The very first time Granny had connected my auto-mail I had nearly bitten off my tongue from the shock. It was bad enough missing an arm and leg; I didn't need a miss tongue to go along with it.

Once the auto-mail was connected I still was going to get really sick for a few days or so and I wasn't going to be able to move anything for a few more months. Why, you may ask, is this going to happen? Well, the nerves have to re-adjust to the foreign objects and it was going to take the nerves a long time to do that. This sucked.

Granny and Winry placed the auto-mail near their ports. They began to connect even more wires that dangled freely from my limbs. The anticipation was beginning to get to me.

Winry's movements suddenly stopped which caused me to look at her. Her fingers ran along the metal rim that was connected to my shoulder. I lifted an eyebrow at her.

"Is something wrong?"

"You have a lot of scars on your body." You know, that's a comment I wait all day just to hear. Right.

"Thanks."

"Sorry, I didn't mean it offensive, I just never really noticed how many you had before."

My left hand subconsciously ran over the scare on my right side. "It's ok." I was walking scare tissue; it was the truth, so I couldn't really get mad. But I did have the defense that the scars were during fights that the opponent provoked. Well, most were anyways.

Winry continued on with her work. Both women finished at the same time. The only thing left to do was to connect the nerves. The part that I feared most. I warn you, if you ever want auto-mail be ready for some major pain, a lot of hassles, and possible regret. It's not as great as some make it out to be.

Winry and Granny looked at each other. I could only bite my lip in anticipation.

"One, two, three."

My head slammed against the back of the seat as my body jerked. My vision blacked in and out. My teeth were clenched so tight it surprised me that none of them broke.

I could barely hear Winry's and Granny's voices as they tried to calm me. All that I could hear was the loud thump of my heart in my ears. It was almost deafening. It took me awhile to realize I was screaming. My body didn't want to agree with the metal limbs, pain tore through me as if in protest.

It didn't take long for the world to go black.

The gun rang off three more times. My heart missed a beat every time. Flashes of ancient memories danced through my mind. Memories of the time before my father left and my mother died. Memories of when Alphonse and I were just little children with our innocence still intact. Memories I thought I had buried deep inside me.

My mind blinked. When I opened my eyes I found my father lying motionless on top of Envy. I waited for one of them to move.

My father's body was suddenly thrown carelessly to the side. My eyes widen in shock as I watched Envy stand up. He was covered in blood. There was so much, it covered him head to toe. Envy licked at the trickles of blood near his mouth.

He merely smirked at me as he lifted the gun and aimed it at me.

My eyes snapped open. My heart was beating so loudly I was surprised the room didn't shake. The world felt small, too small for comfort. The air had a suffocating feeling to it making it hard to breath. And my body, oh god, my body hurt all over. It was so hot and sweaty. I could feel the tears running freely down my face as I desperately searched for a container or something. The room was so dark I couldn't see anything in front of me.

A voice broke the silence which made me jump.

"Edward?"

My voice came out strained. "I-I...need…."

A bucket was handed to me as I dumped out everything in my stomach. The tears wouldn't stop squeezing their way out of my eyes as images of my father danced around my head.

I felt a hand pull my hair away from my face. I tried to move away from the touch. I didn't want anyone to see me like this. No one.

The bed sunk as the extra person sat on the bed. "Settle down."

I shook my head as I puked again. I couldn't stop. It felt like my body was tearing apart. My body felt like one massive ache.

Winry ran her hands down my bare back in a comforting manner. Her touch felt freezing against my hot skin. I took a few deep breaths to try and relax my body, but it didn't help much. I began to dry heave.

"Edward, you have a fever. Please, just calm down." She whispered the words into my ear. I wanted her to get away from me. I didn't want anyone near me. My father's death kept playing against my eye lids.

My voice sounded pathetic in my own ears. "Get out."

I could feel Winry shake her head. I was tempted to push her away, but it hurt too much to move.

"Granny told me to keep an eye on you. You passed out after we connected the auto-mail. Now just calm down and let me take care of you." I didn't need anyone to take care of me. I had always took care of myself.

A sob tore its way from my throat. I didn't care if I had a fever. I refused to let anyone see me cry. I could feel Winry's hand run its way through my hair. The physical contact felt like a sin.

"Don't touch me, just get out!"

Winry sighed as she moved off the bed while picking up the bucket. The room was so dark I could only make out the outline of her form. In vain I tried to wipe the tears away from my eyes. They wouldn't stop coming.

Winry opened the door as she carried the bucket into the hall. I heard the bathroom door open so I could only presume she was dumping out my mess. It took her a few minutes till she reemerged. The door gave a soft click as she closed it.

Her feet padded softly against the carpet. Her voice was quiet as she spoke. "Who's Envy?"

My eyes widened in surprise. I took a sharp in-take of breath and then allowed it to leave slowly. This time I spoke with more control in my voice. "Didn't I tell you to get out?"

Winry sat in the chair that was by the bed. She leaned forward as she looked at me curiously. "You talk in your sleep. This isn't the first time I've heard you say his name."

I shut my eyes willing the world to just disappear. It hurt to breath. I didn't want to answer the question.

"Just leave me alone." Again the tears fell. My brain didn't seem like it was working right at all, it felt like gelatin that was melting in the hot atmosphere of the room.

She continued on, ignoring my pleas. "I asked Al if he knew who Envy was; but he couldn't give me a direct answer. All he said was you mentioned him as one of the seven sins. But when I asked Granny..."

I laid myself carefully on the bed trying to take in everything Winry was saying to me. After a short while my brain finally processed the information. "I see."

The tears seemed to slow down as my body relaxed. I could feel the sticky residue on my face from the salty substance. Winry's expression was gentle as she lifted a glass cup to my lips. I eyed her for a moment before I began to drink the cold water. She took the glass away when I was done.

"Where does it hurt?"

The question was so stupid I wanted to laugh. 'Where didn't it hurt!'I wanted to yell at her. It obviously hurt everywhere. But instead I just shrugged my shoulders and turned my head so I wasn't looking at her. The room was almost suffocating to be in. "It's hot."

An uncomfortable silence fell over the room. After a few minutes of hearing nothing I finally turned my head. Winry was staring at me with an expression I couldn't read. Her voice was a whisper. "Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"That it was hot?"

Winry shot me a dirty look. Yup, I always tried to crack jokes at the wrong times. "You never tell me anything."

I wanted to say something to comfort her, but I couldn't really find the right words. She was only stating the truth, I never told her anything. But at the same time she always found shitty times to want to talk seriously.

"Winry I..." I tried to form more words, but I couldn't find any other words to say. For some reason it was just so hard to speak.

Winry picked up a washcloth and dumped the remaining of the cold water from the glass onto it. She sat down next to me on the bed again. She placed the cold cloth on my forehead.

"You have always been silent with me for years." She gave me a soft smile. "It's fine. I understand why you never tell me anything. But I am your friend. I just want you to know that if you ever do want to talk, I am here to listen."

I tried to interrupt her speech, but she silenced me with a finger to my lips. "Ed, I know you suffer. But the longer you hold stuff in the more its going to hurt you. If you can't talk to me about stuff, than talk to someone. I hate waking up to your cries at night."

Well, that was all news to me. I blushed, slightly embarrassed. If she heard me in my sleep than that meant probably everyone else had too at some point.

Winry ran her fingers down my cheek. Her physical contact was all done in a friendly manner yet it felt so weird to me. I wanted to flinch at her touch, but I forced myself to remain calm.

"Thanks."

"For what?"

"For everything."

Authors notes:

First, I want to make everyone aware I have decided to start a live journal to house some of snippets that are sadly left out or rewritten. If you are interested in reading these than keep tune to my user profile and once I get stuff set up I'll add a link there. Thanks so much to Soulomenspride for your email!

Sorry for the delayed update. This chapter took forever to get right. I literally fully rewrote this chapter four times. Originally my plan was that this chapter was supposed to be short stories of what life was like when Ed first came back to Rizenpool. Ed getting auto-mail was supposed to take place in chapter 6th, but obviously it didn't work out that way. I found it got kind a boring with Ed just talking to his brother and everyone else.

With the first few sections of this chapter I hope I gave the effect that Ed's life is coming together slowly but surely, because that's what I was aiming for. I apologize though that we suddenly go from Ed's first day home to like two months and three weeks later by the end of the chapter. BUT! This is going to make the plot line move faster and smoother. I am very happy with chapter so if you aren't..

Well..

Anyways..

Questions you might have.

1. You might be wondering why everyone is so negative about Ed getting auto-mail back, especially because Winry suffers from an auto-mail obsession. Well my reason for negative comes from the series and manga. Both make it pretty clear that auto-mail surgery is very painful and auto-mail itself can cause problems to the body. There is a line Granny says before Ed going to surgery in the manga which has sorta haunted me. 'You will be coughing up blood'. Now, when you cough up blood that is NEVER a good sign (if u do I suggest you go to the hospital right away). So with that notion I felt the surgery is extremely dangerous and no matter how much Winry loves her auto-mail, she still cares for Ed's safety. I know, it's so cute.

2. Ed said this: "What, you finally plan to ask me to marry you? Well it's about time.. But my answer is no. I found someone much better. Her name is Granny Pinako and she is one major babe." I learned in Germany that if you ever wanted to lighten a conversation, make a dumb joke. Winry shot me a dirty look but had an upwards twist to her lips. She sat down on the bed next to me. "Edward, you have some of the lamest jokes."

In my opinion this is extremely un-Ed like. Then why did I write it? Well my point is to show Ed has gotten a little older and isn't so serious about life anymore. I love lame jokes.. so sue me.

3. Ed puts milk in his coffee!

Haha, someone finally found my flaw! Yes, I wrote thatEd put milk in his coffee and it actually was a flaw on my part because I forgot about Ed's milk... problem. BUT! I do have a form of self defence. In the manga (and I also think the anime series actually)Ed points out that he still eats alot of products that has milk in it, he just refuses todrink milk straight. I know in the manga Ed complains about how stew (and I also think he mentions soup) tastes so good but its like a sin because it has milk in it. So, I will not remove the milk comment, but I wont deny my mistake.

Zidetprincess1- You almost cried? Wow.. I would never think my words would have that much of a impact. Thanks! Yes, I love the brotherly love between Ed and Al. And Armstongs pink sparkles.. 'Eats one'.. so tasty.

MusicalRileyChan- AHHH! Dont die OO 'Revives you'. Wow, that was a close one. Well I'm glad you enjoying the fic. I defiantly enjoy you as a reader.

Sorceress-fox- Don't give up hope! Even though some of my chapters might take awhile, they will be posted. If for some reason I couldn't continue the fic (yea right, but you never know) than I would defiantly announce it. Side stories.. Well like I said previously I will be starting a live journal for all the sections that were cut or rewritten. So if your still interested in reading the story about Riza and Roy, I will be posting that as one of my stories (once I get the journal up). Thanks!

SamuraiSirius- That's so flattering! I hope I left a good impression for fma fanfics if I was the first you read. Thanks for the compliment.

Alpha no Kaze- You have no clue how sweet your comment was. I want to please readers the best I can so I try to write the best I can. Your comments are always ones that make me smile (well everyone's comments make me smile) but yours have an extra pun to it. Thank you!

Soulomenspride - Your response made my day XD

Gozilla- an update like you wished.

Thank you so much to everyone else that has commented. I really love reading comments (heck, even negative ones). So if you have one I would love to hear it!