Chapter 13, Part II
Of Truths And Tribulations
Rielle
Before another word is said there is something that I must tell. I am going shopping!
Alert the media, call the papers and scream it from the mountain tops that Gabrielle Javier is going shopping! That's right, for the first time in nearly seven years I am going to spend the afternoon with people my own age, doing average things, enjoying myself! Just think about it, for a moment, if you will. At least, take the time to consider this from my point of view.
I am going out into a public setting, one where I will not be forced to dance sensuously before an audience of grabby, jeering men. No one will consider me any different from any other teenager amidst the throng of people Kitty has told me flock to these "malls". Alright, so they would laugh at my use of quotes, but as horrible as it is, I have never been to a "mall". Even Kurt laughed at me. Kurt, the one who spent the better part of his life playing the role of a fuzzy, blue acrobat in a circus. Kurt has even been to a mall, with his image inducer of course. But I am getting off topic. I am so excited, elated even, that I am to spend a wonderful afternoon browsing through boutiques with these people who would be my friends, getting help as I choose a gown for next week. I don't think they truly understand what this means to me. How can I explain to them what it means for a girl who has been living in poverty and cold for the past six years to suddenly be able to live normally as others do. Well, as normally as the average mutant does live, which I have discovered, can in fact be very wonderful. I love all these people dearly, and each one for a different reason. I had forgotten that it was possible to have friends who asked for nothing in return for their friendship. No one must ever take such a gift for granted, that someone would be good enough to help you from the kindness of their hearts, and not in hope of getting something in return. Elated!
Kitty is so sweet to me. Her face seems to be frozen in that cheery smile she wears, but it no false smile like I have seen so many others wear. She is so loyal, and dedicated. The only time I have seen her serious and straight-faced is during training sessions and weepy movies. But even then, it does not take long for that hundred watt smile to make its appearance. She was the first one to welcome me here, next to Xavier of course, but he had not rushed to my room the first night to offer me a teddy bear in case I got lonely. Sweet Kitty Kat.
Just as friendly although less maintenance is Jubilee. She and Kitty are so close,
sometimes I get a little jealous. I hope one day to be able to trust someone like they trust each other. But of course, in order to trust I need to be trusted. They are not naive, I think that all my new family members realize that Rielle is not my real name. Only they are too kind to press me.
Ororo, Jean, Scott, Logan, and Hank, darling Hank. The one who makes sure that I get the comics when he reads the paper every morning. The one who has invited me down to his lab and allowed me to play around with the equipment. Call me juvenile, but it still makes me laugh to see the chemicals change colour and fizz when he combines them. He is also the one who looks out for me most, especially when Logan is feeling irksome.
But dear Logan, I cannot really complain. How can I complain about a macho, tough,
nearly neanderthalish wolf-man who cooks us all breakfast every day? An ungrudgingly may I add. And they way he looks after each of us in his own way, I can't explain it. He always teases Kitty about her girlishness but helps her a little more than the others with her training. He talks politics with Scott and the professor, jokes with Kurt and Jubilee, and is so sensitive to Rogue. To see them so together, it almost makes me miss my own father, until I realize that I never truly had him to begin with. And Rogue? Well, I am not blind. I can understand why she hates me so, and if she doesn't she should. I only hope she realizes what has happened between Remy and I and maybe she can get past it all and...
Remy... Oh God, Remy... Him I trusted most of all, and it was he that hurt me most. I suppose it served to remind me of my own philosophy. When one stands alone one can fall without bringing down another. Sometimes I just wish that I could stop thinking, you know? Just shut everything off and roll on every wave and every emotion that I feel. I wish I knew how to stop being this scared little girl trapped inside a high-voltage shell. I had hoped, just for a second, that Remy would be the one to let me out.
But instead I sealed myself off even more, cutting him out and away from me utterly. I don't know why I got mad at him for avoiding me. I'd been doing the same thing to him after all. It's just, when I saw them together, fitting together and just looking so perfect together... Maybe I've been fooling myself all along, thinking that perhaps one day I could take her place. And now? Now I don't want to take her place. I don't want to come and fill the gap Rogue left in Remy's heart. I don't want to be the one that makes him forget her. I want to be loved for me. That hasn't happened to me as of yet.
It must be this wind. This brisk north wind that's gotten into my blood. I wish that I had opted to put my hair up this morning, it's blowing all over as I stand outside by the entrance. I cross my arms on my chest, shivering a little within my red coat. At least when my hair is loose like this it keeps my ears warm. And I never did look good in hats. I dare to pull my wrist free from my sleeve to glance at my watch. The hands are telling me that it's already 2:30, and that Kitty is fifteen minutes late. The others are already piled within the cars. Rogue's driving the school's black S.U.V, and Bobby, Jubilee, Sam, even Jean and Ororo have tagged along for the trip. I volunteered to wait here for Kitty. She was supposedly just fetching a jacket, but knowing her, she probably had to hunt one that matched her eye shadow. Don't get me wrong, I love her to bits, but when it comes to punctuality, infants have more tact. So when the doors finally opened a great wave of relief washed over me. Finally, I could get out of this damn wind!
"Well Kitty, it's about time", I said dramatically, turning to smile at my friend. "Couldn't find a jacket to match your make-up?"
"Actually chère, Remy wanted one ta match his shoes."
A deep blush crawled into my cheeks as I looked up at him. Why couldn't I ever look before I spoke? It would save me so much pain. Well, as embarrassed as I was, I was determined to keep face.
" Well Remy", I said casually, "I never pictured you to care so much about accessories"
He shrugged his shoulders, feigning indifference. "What can I say p'tite? Remy got ta look good for all de femmes around here."
I nodded, trying to look humoured. But his words stung me more than I wanted him to know. I didn't want other girls looking at him, and I didn't want him trying to impress them. I wanted him to take me into his strong arms and shake some sense into me. I wanted him to yell and make me see how much he needed me. Instead? He patted my head and walked over to where the others sat in the car. Rogue didn't even bother to hide her gleeful expression. You know, it's sad. We two are so alike, and have so much in common. We could really be great friends, except for the whole, you know, hating each other thing. Minor detail.
Kitty chose this awkward moment to make her appearance. She skipped through the doors, stylishly dressed in blue jeans and a violet turtle neck, she had coordinated her make-up to her clothes. I would have laughed if I hadn't felt like crying. And Kitty, bless her heart, didn't notice the heaviness that hung in the air, or my pained expression. Maybe that's why I love being her friend. She's one of those rare people who don't notice the bad until someone makes them see it. Well, for once, I wasn't going to be that person.
"Come on Rielle!", she said enthusiastically as she pulled me by my arm toward the car.
I smiled and let her lead me.
Remy
If I have to listen to another moment of girly gossip I will throw myself out in front of traffic. No, I'm quite serious. I mean, I've put up with hunger, violence, fear, war even, but nothing compares to the shrill torture of excited teenaged girls. I had never realized all the drama that seemed to accompany a school dance. When I pointed out how much they were over- reacting, all those of the female sex gave me that look. That, "Sigh, what does a man know, look. I mean, I can accept it from Kitty, Jubs or even Jean, but even Ororo and Rielle shot me such looks. At least I had Sam and, well, even though we are not each other's favourite person, Bobby did raise up the level of testosterone in the car. At least he's good for something.
"So Sam", Kitty asked for the tenth time that afternoon. "Are you gonna be a man and ask Rahne to go to the ball with you?"
I felt bad for Sam, watching him squirm in his seat under the scrutinizing gaze of such evil female eyes. Well, almost. At least this way, the attention wouldn't be on me. I have absolutely no intention of talking of matters of the heart with a giggly girl like Kitty. Don't get me wrong, she's like a little sister to me, but that's just it. A sister, a kid. And when I think of it, she's not even that much younger than Rielle. But Rielle has this air, this depth to her eyes that make her wiser beyond her years. Rielle...
" I dunno Kit", Sam answered her, clearly uncomfortable. " Do you think I should?"
Kitty sighed at the horrible blindness that was Sam. But of course, her air seemed to say,
it wasn't his fault. He's a guy after all.
"You know she, like, totally likes you Sam", she persisted. "I don't know why you don't just, like, get it over with."
"Ah, like, totally hate to break up this juicy gossip moment", Rogue's sarcastic voice cut in, "But we're there sugahs."
I think I could have cried in relief. It didn't take Kitty and Jubilee long to take care of the situation. They were the first out the car, Kitty even went so far as to crawl over Jean's lap to propel herself out of the doors. The rest of us got out of the car in a rather uninteresting fashion, that is to say there was no more leaping and bounding over seats and laps to get out first. I glanced over at Sam, who looked as though he were seriously regretting her decision to join us. I chuckled to myself a little and shook my head. Since I was seated closet to the door, I got out first and held open the door. Sam got out and stood off to the side a little. Ororo, who was seated in the passenger seat, got out at the same time as Rogue. I watched her as she made her way over to Bobby and Sam, and for a moment I almost followed. I mean, part of me wanted to. Part of me wanted to talk to her like I'd been able to before, but things were different now, and I had screwed them up. So I stood by stupidly, a little ways away from the others, until Jean walked up to me.
She smiled at me nicely as she patted my arm, her eyes warm but full of pity. Great. Did everyone here feel sorry for me? I didn't need their pity and I certainly hadn't asked for it. I glanced over at Rielle, who was being dragged along by Jubilee and Kitty. She looked back for a moment, and caught me staring. I coughed a little and looked away quickly. But as I heard Jubilee and Kitty grab Rogue and pull all the girls away, I dared to look once more. I peeked up at Rielle, who felt my gaze and turned her face slightly to stick out her tongue. For the first time that morning, I actually laughed. We re-grouped. Jean and Ororo went off to shop on their own, and I was left with Sam and the Ice prick. Wonderful. But Sam is much smarter than he often lets on. He caught the look Bobby and I were sending each other, and you could power a neighbourhood with the tension between us. I didn't want to fight with him, but I didn't see how I could spend an afternoon with him without that happening.
"Alright then", Sam's stern voice caught in. "There will be no funny business, okay guys? I don't want to have to pull you off each other in the middle of the food court."
"What the hell Sam", Bobby grumbled, glaring at me. " Don't get all parental. I won't bother him if the Swamp Rat don't bother me."
"Swamp Rat, hmm?", I baited. I loved watching how angry he got, I couldn't help it! "Know who else calls Remy dat boy?"
"Remy, cut it out", Sam warned me. "And shut up Bobby. I don't care if you two don't even acknowledge each other. But it you start a brawl, I'll cannonball both your asses, got it?"
If a look could kill, I think Bobby would have murdered me months ago.
Jubilee
Is it possible for two people to have a totally intimate moment and not even realize it? Can it be that they don't notice the energy around them when it's very nearly suffocating the rest of us? Well, I don't know what I saw, but I will have to talk to Rielle about it later. But I'm getting ahead of myself again. Okay, so this is how it all went down. When we got to the mall, Kitty and I had already plotted out the best stores for gowns and mapped out the quickest routes between shops. So, naturally, when we arrived at the mall, we were excited. After getting out gracefully, (I saw Remy laughing at us. He just doesn't get it, Kitty and I were all set to begin this, shall we say, expedition. The only problem was that Rogue and Rielle were both there, and I may not be the brightest Crayola in the box, but it doesn't take an Einstein to see that they don't like each other. It may even be more than that. I've never seen Rogue so cold to anyone before, at least not someone on our side.
But, seeing as how we are genius at this game we call shopping, Kitty and I had already solved the problem of the two R's. Kitty would keep Rogue busy while I would take care of Rielle. Less fighting if they don't see each other, right? So, with the two of them separated, Kitty and I led the way into the mall. Alright, the Westchester mall does have one hell of a nice setup. And since Kitty and I are pros at what we do, we had chosen the best and biggest mall available. I'll admit that sometimes, I even get goose bumps when I walk into this place. Skylights, fake plants everywhere, and the faint smell of cosmetics in the air... Ah, it still makes me a little giddy each time we come here. But I guess I hadn't given much thought to how it would appear to someone who had never seen it before. As soon as we passed through the revolving doors, I felt Rielle tense up next to me. It was almost comical to hear her breath in sharply like she did. I turned to look at her, and a smile broke out on my face when I noticed her wondered expression.
"Never seen a mall before Rielle?", I asked her jokingly.
"No", she said honestly, still entrapped by the sights around her. "My mother always had our clothes custom made."
"What?", I asked her in disbelief. "Damn girl, your folks must have been loaded!"
Rielle's attention suddenly snapped back, and she looked at me for a moment, panic quickly filling her eyes. But to my surprise, as quickly as the panic filled them, they were replaced by rage. Anger that did not appear to be directed at me, but at herself. She looked as though she had said something criminal, something she should never have admitted. She looked furious with herself.
"It's ok Rielle", I told her reassuringly. Rogue and Kitty were a little ways ahead, and they hadn't heard this little confession. "If it's that important to you, I won' tell anyone."
"It's nothing, really", laughed Rielle, unconvincingly. "I just don't like telling people about it, they get weird, you know?"
"Sure", I assured her. "No problem, really."
She smiled, and we forgot all about it. Well, I pretended to anyway. I tucked my black hair behind my ear as I led her on towards a formal clothing boutique. Not that we aren't all weird in some way, but this girl. Well, she sure was interesting. I only wish she could trust me enough to let me in.
Kitty and Rogue were already inside when we finally reached the store. We were all so excited, I think even Rogue was feeling a little giddy, although she would die before admitting it.
She was browsing through the evening gown section, fingering an elegant dress made of black silk. Strapless and floor-length, there was a delicate green beading pattern across the chest in the shape of vines. The vine pattern seemed to be growing from the hem of the dress as well. It was beautiful, maybe a little too gothic for my taste, but it would look amazing on Rogue.
Rogue took the dress off the rack and another deep violet one with skinny straps and a slit up to the knee. She passed by Kitty, who was already holding a half-dozen gowns in her arms. I smiled reassuringly to Rielle, and left to go to Kitty's aid. My best-friend smiled thankfully at me as I took some of the dresses from her. Kitty managed to balance out the remainder before motioning that I follow her. I walked with her to the change rooms where Rogue was already trying on outfits. I put Kitty's dresses into her stall, and left her to it. Now that Kitty was set up,
I had to find something for myself.
I walked back unto the main show room floor and looked around for Rielle. I saw her a little ways off, wandering aimlessly through the aisles, now and again fingering a gown before moving on. I felt like I should go over there, see if she needed me, but I restrained myself. I couldn't be holding her hand at every moment, making sure there was nothing wrong. Besides, we were shopping. What kind of trouble could she possibly get into?
After careful deliberation, I picked up a delicate yellow gown. Strapless, light colour,
chiffon material and floor length... Well, it did have some definite possibilities. I shot another quick look at Rielle before heading over to the change rooms.
It was perfect. The dress I mean, if you were starting to get confused. I loved the way it fell, hugging my every curve perfectly. And I mean perfectly! I was also pretty proud of myself. I mean, usually it takes me hours to decide on a dress or an outfit. Some people might call me shallow, but I call it self-pride. Some have it, some don't. I'm not here to judge. Well, Kitty loved it too, which made me happy. I knew then that it wasn't just a fluke. Kitty has impeccable taste. If she thought it was good, then I'd believe her. Well, she saw it and squealed. I saw her and squealed. I think it's safe to say it was a total girly fest, but you know what? Sometimes that's not really a bad thing. Kitty looked gorgeous, as usual. She had chosen a two piece ensemble. A full pink skirt made of some kind of silk swirled around her legs, and her top consisted of a halter top in a lighter shade of pink. Kitty had no problem showing off her toned tummy, but I'm a little more self-conscious. So of course, we hugged, you know. Did the whole jumping up and down thing. Pretty predictable behaviour for the two of us, I'm afraid to say.
"So, what do you guys think?"
I spun around, Kitty arm still locked with my own. We stood for a moment, shocked,
before either of us could think of anything to say. Rielle was standing a little awkwardly before her open stall. I looked at Kitty who could only stare back. In the past few months that she'd been with us, I'd made up an image of Rielle in my mind. Shy, kind of tomboyish girl who is the last person you'd expect to play Cinderella and get dressed for the ball. I had never even thought that she could look like she did now.
Her gown was long, there was even a little bit of a train at the back. It was silver, and such a silver that it appeared to be shimmering in the light. It looked like it was made of some kind of floaty material, it almost seemed like she was wearing a cloud. It was cut to rest just below her collar bone. Flimsy straps lay gently below her shoulders, and the bodice seemed to be embroidered with a million tiny silver crystals that sparkled as she moved. The shade of the dress accented her slightly tanned skin, giving her a more golden glow.
Her hair was loose, as it usually was, but now instead of being tucked behind her ears, she had let it fall casually, framing her face in delicate waves. If I hadn't been so shocked I would have been totally jealous. Okay, maybe I was. What? I can admit it.
"Jubs? Kitty", Rielle asked us uncertainly. She sounded nervous, but she looked the part. Her stance was so regal and her posture so graceful... She looked like she'd been wearing dresses like this her entire life.
"Rielle, oh my God". I think Kitty worded it about right.
"So you like it", she asked us, sounding relieved.
"It's perfect!", I gushed, finding my voice. "It's looks really great on you".
Rielle smiled one of those tentative smiles, the ones that look as though they hurt her to show. She patted her hair, and looked down. She sighed for a moment, the light dazzling through the beads on her dress as she moved.
"But how can I pay for it?", she asked us, sounding almost embarrassed. "I mean, I don't have any money, well, barely any. Just what I make from helping Ororo with her plants."
"Don't even worry about it Rielle", Kitty said promptly. "I've, like, got it covered."
Rielle's cheeks blushed viciously. "No", she stammered, "I couldn't let you do that."
"You're not letting me", Kitty told her matter-of-factly. "I'm insisting".
Rielle stood for a moment before rushing forward to pull the two of us to her. I stood surprised for a moment. Rielle never let on what she was feeling, wether she was happy or sad, frightening or angry. And this, this completely honest and true embrace, what could we do but hug her back?
"Thank-you", she whispered to us, brushing her hand across her eyes. It was simple and cliché, but she had said everything that needed to be said.
"Were here for you", I assured her. "We've always been here."
"I know that now", she admitted. "It's just that every time..."
Her words trailed off suddenly, and she stared off into space. She held her breath for a moment, and her eyes widened a little, almost in fright. Kitty and I turned to look behind us, and found something even I had not expected.
Kitty
What the hell! I used to know everything that happened around here, everything! Then how come I was totally surprised to see Remy and Rielle looking at each other across the store as if they never seen one another before? I don't know what's going on. All I know is that I wasn't the only witness to this little display of , emotion? Shock? Both? Even Jubilee looked dumbfounded.
Rielle was standing there in front of us, breath caught in her throat, hands shaking and her eyes misting. I mean, sure we'd just had a tender moment, but come on! A little exaggerated? And why was she panicking? It was just the boys.
And then I saw Remy, standing there just as stupidly, looking at her as he needed her to breath. I swear, I've never seen the Cajun so worked up about something. And that's including after all his stupid fights with Rogue. So why did he look like he wanted to tear across the floor and grab Rielle? Rielle, who looked as though she were about to fall. Did they have any idea how they looked? It seemed Remy was about to rush over and tear her dress off.
And of course, Rogue chose this moment to leave her dressing room.
What the hell is going on here!