Pandora
P.S. I apologize for the bad spelling and grammar. I finished that chapter at around two in the morning, so I was a little dead. I'll try to be more attentive.
Chapter 13 pt.3
Of Truths and Tribulations
Rielle
Part of me doesn't want to go tonight. Part of me wants to take off this dress and crawl under my covers and hide in the dark until this all goes away. I just can't seem to bring myself to care anymore. I don't care about any of it, about the dance, or the dress, or those expecting me to attend. I'm too tired to do this anymore. I'm so sick of pretending to be fine, of keeping the surface still to hide the monsters drowning underneath.
But most of all, I'm sick of loving Remy. Or, perhaps a better way to phrase it is to say that loving Remy is making me sick. Sick to my heart and sick to my stomach. I truly have no idea how I'm going to get through tonight, if I'll be able to face all of them as though there were nothing wrong. How will I face him?
Oh God, can't I just sleep until the dawn?
"Rielle? Are you okay?"
Jubilee's concerned voice disturbed my melancholy daydreams. I opened my eyes slowly, looking into the mirror that hung before me, taking in my reflection, and Jubilee's next to me. Her brown eyes were soft and worried, her delicate brow furrowed as she looked at me, pitying me. She isn't stupid, I can't keep playing dumb with her, with any of them. She was there, she saw how I froze up a the mall. She saw Remy try and approach me, and she's the one who chased after me when I went to go hide in the change rooms. But even then, she hadn't said anything. She had only stroked my hair as I cried in her lap. If anyone deserved the truth now, it was she.
"I'm fine", I told her, lying through my teeth. "I'm just a little nervous."
Her eyes suddenly seemed so hurt. She knew I was lying to her, that I wasn't telling her the whole story. Her hand smoothed out my skirt a little, straightening it for me. I sighed at her simply gesture. This would be so much easier if she could stop being so damn nice to me. I looked at myself in the mirror. I could hardly recognize myself.
She and Kitty had helped me to do my hair and make-up. Jubilee had taken my thick locks and twisted them atop my head, pinning them and sticking little pieces of Baby's Breath within the knots. She had curled the pieces that fell from the delicate twists, and they fell gently around my face. Kitty had certainly done as best she could, I mean to say I didn't resemble the whore I had once been. I suppose I looked pretty, classy to the mirror. But all I could see was a disgusting coward, a weak little tramp hiding her dirtiness behind mango-smelling hair and a fancy new dress. I almost didn't want to touch the gown, for fear of soiling it with my shame.
"You don't have to lie to me Rielle", Jubilee whispered into the glass. "Just tell me, please. I'm worried about you."
I turned from the mirror to face her. "Don't worry Jubs", I tried again, smiling. "I'm just lacking sleep."
"Bull Rielle", she said with a viciousness I had never heard from her before. "When will you stop lying to those who actually care about you?"
"Jubilee...", I started.
"Are you and Remy sleeping together?", she asked me, blunt.
The question, although I suppose a logical one from her point of view, caught me off guard. I paused to look at her. Is that what they all thought? That Remy and I were having some kind of casual fling? Did they think I was that kind of girl? I suppose, in truth, they were right about one thing. I was that kind of girl, at least, I had been.
"No Jubilee, no", I told her, finally honest. "We were, I guess, together for about a minute, but we broke it off."
I was so happy that she didn't jump up and down or squeal. She just looked at me for a moment, before reaching up to give a final adjustment to my hair. Why was she still being so kind?
Jubilee truly was then, one of the beautiful people you hear about. Until this moment, I had thought my sister Amelia to be the only one left, but there was still one other angel walking the earth and soothing it's tormented demons. Jubilee was so much for me.
She looked absolutely gorgeous tonight. She had chosen a pale yellow, chiffon gown that had no straps that reached past her ankles. A pair of white, strappy sandals on her feet and some beautiful white clips in her hair, Jubilee was radiant. Her black hair had been spiked out a little at the ends, so that when it reached her shoulders it swept out. She had pulled it away from her face on one side, and she looked so sophisticated. I didn't want her to get too close, lest she dirty herself because of me.
"I think I knew", she said finally. "I guess everybody kind of suspected... But you broke it off?
Why?"
"That's not important anymore", I told her simply. "It just doesn't matter anymore."
Jubilee didn't press me. She simply took me into her arms to hug me quickly, before wiping away my tears with her fingers. She smiled at me, and led me to the door.
Remy
I don't know why I even bothered to come here. I mean, I'm basically just standing here by the punch bowl, watching everyone else laugh and have a good time. But this isn't me, not the usual me anyway. The regular Remy would be out there, cutting it up and dancing with the girls. Who knows? Maybe Jean would have let me grind with her.
But no, my stupid heart won't let me dance. All it can do is thump against my chest like it's going to break free, making my chest ache and my head hurt. I mean, even Kurt is dancing! With Ororo! Great, the elf man gets action and I get to serve drinks. Wonderful evening.
But I suppose there is nothing stopping me from getting out there and enjoying myself. Nothing that should matter anyway, I haven't done anything wrong. Who cares that Rielle burst into tears at the mere sight of me, that seeing her cry made me want to kick my own ass? When has anything like that mattered before? Well, it didn't matter then, but for some fucking reason that I can't grasp, it matters now.
She May be the face I can't forget
The trace of pleasure or regret
May be my treasure or the price I have to pay
She...
Great, another sappy love song that I have to sit here and listen to. And what's even better is that it's one of those heartbreaking ballads, you know? The ones that you listen to on your anniversary, or on Valentine's day. Yeah, one of those. And as much as I hate myself for it, I can't seem to help peering around the dancing couples, looking for long black hair, tanned skin, a light within the dark.
I didn't have to wait long.
May be the song that summer sings
May be the chill that autumn brings May be a hundred different things
Within the measure of a day
Of course she would have to make an entrance. I can see her now, walking into the room with Jubilee at her side, looking around nervously like she didn't want to be there either. Is she looking for me? To I want her to?
She
May be the beauty or the beast
May be the famine or the feast
May turn each day into a heaven or a hell
I'm walking before I can stop myself, or realize just where my feet are leading me. I can't think of anything, I can't concentrate on anything. All that my eyes can see is the dazzling light reflecting from her dress. All that my body knows it that it wants to be next to hers. Who am I to fight with instinct?
She may be the mirror of my dreams
The smile reflected in a stream
She may not be what she may seem
Inside her shell
If she's surprised to see me walking up to her, she doesn't let it show. I hesitate for a moment, should I really go to her? She'll only push me away again, she'll only start to cry again. I just don't think I could handle her crying again because of me. All I can think of then is that bastard that tainted her, and how I'd like one day to seriously kick his french ass.
Suddenly, she's moving away from Jubilee. I stop completely. If she's going to run away from me, I'm not about to chase her through the room, begging and crying after her, trying to get he to listen that Rogue didn't mean anything and that I had just kissed her, well I didn't know why I kissed her but she had to believe me that.
Damn, for someone who had nothing to say I couldn't stop thinking of words. But I needn't have worried. She did move, away from the wall and away from her chaperone. Right up to me, gently placing her hand within my own.
She
Who always seems so happy in a crowd
Whose eyes can be so private and so proud
No one's allowed to see them when they cry
Suddenly, were dancing. I think we are, I know we are! Those are my hands on her hips, holding her close to me! Those are her fingers playing with my hair as she rests her hands behind my head! This is her, this girl that is swaying slowly in time to the music with me. Her eyes are open, looking straight into mine, and they don't flinch when I pull her even closer, burying her into my chest. All she does is hold me tighter.
She
May be the love that cannot hope to last
May come to me from shadows of the past
That I'll remember till the day I die
The others are watching us, I can hear them whispering. Even Xavier seems displeased. I can hear him picking at my mind, trying to talk to me. But it's all closed off to them, to all of them. All of me is directed towards her, all my attention on her shining hair and on her trembling form within my arms. Suddenly, Rogue, Bobby, Storm, Jean, Scott, Logan, even Xavier, they all seem so trivial and so far away.
She
May be the reason I survive
The why and wherefore I'm alive
The one I'll care for through the rough in ready years
I don't even have to ask her, she already knows.
Me I'll take her laughter and her tears
And make them all my souvenirs
For where she goes I've got to be
The meaning of my life is ...
I hold her by the hand, and we take our time leaving the dance floor and heading towards the exit. No one tries to stop us, I don't think they really know what's going on. And for once, I completely and truly do not care. I have her with me, finally, and I don't even know how it happened. But who am I to question Fate? Maybe she had realized how tired we both were, how we needed to rest now. I think we deserved this, to find each other again. And now that I had her,
I wasn't planning on letting her go. Not now, not ever.
I don't think I've ever been this happy.
She
She, oh she...
Author's note: Ha ha, yeah! Everybody's happy and Remy and Rielle have finally decided to forget the others. For now, anyway. I know that this chapter was incredibly short, but I didn't want tp have to share their reunion with anything else. The next chapter is already underway, but I might publish it a little faster if I receive some more nice reviews!
Pandora
P.S. The song is "She", by Elvis Costello