Mrs. Ackerman was lying in her bed, sleeping when Meredith and Derek came in to check on her after surgery. Her husband was sitting in a chair, clutching her hand, also asleep.
Meredith tried not to want someone like that for herself, but it was hard to resist the temptation of the thought, but it was do damned hard.
"I guess we better wait to wake them up, huh?" Derek asked Meredith while walking out of the room with a small smile on his face. "Would you keep an eye on them and page me when they are awake? There are some things I want to go over with them for the radiation therapy.
He started walking away, but Meredith saw this as a chance to tell him. "Wait, Derek!"
He spun around and said, "Yeah?"
Meredith saw the look in his eyes. He was Addison's, not hers. Derek was never hers, and he would never be hers.
"Nothing. Sorry." Derek looked at her questioningly, but shrugged and walked off down the hallway. Meredith had chickened out, and she knew it, but she wanted to look at it as if she was making the right decision to keep her thoughts and feelings to herself.
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"Izzy?" Alex asked and he spun around with a small smile on her face. She had just been thinking about him.
"Yeah?"
"Um, I was wondering. I know I've been a jerk, but well I was wondering if you wanted to maybe try it out again…"
Although she knew what he was talking about and was more than ecstatic, she wasn't going to let him off that easy. "Try what out?"
Alex stalled for a moment. "You and me."
"Oh. Oohhh." Izzy really wanted to try it again, but she didn't want to seem over excited. "Yeah."
"Really?" Alex asked, his eyes lighting up.
"Yes." Izzy smiled and Alex smiled back. Today was a good day.
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"I couldn't tell him," Meredith said to Christina while looking into Mrs. Ackerman's room. They were still sleeping, but Meredith was keeping an eye on them.
"Yeah, well I was this close to telling Burke, and then his damn pager went off and I lost my nerve." Christina huffed and shook her head.
George came up next to Christina and said, "Hey guys."
"Hi," both Meredith and Christina answered while looking into Mrs. Ackerman's room.
"Well," Christina said abruptly. "I better go and check on some people." She walked away, but no before she could give George a look as if to say, "Here's your chance; it's now or never, O'Malley."
Butterflies flew in George's stomach as he inched closer to Meredith who was nursing a cup of coffee and swaying a little in her sneakers.
"Meredith, there's something I've been wanting to tell you, but I've just been a little hesitant."
"George, what's wrong with me?" Meredith asked. George shook his head, wondering where that came from.
"What do you mean?" He asked, noticing the tears in her eyes.
"Why can't I stop thinking about him? Looking at him. Wanting him. Why?"
"I don't know," George said while looking around the deserted hallway. "Maybe you just need some closure."
"Oh George," she cried while flinging herself into his arms. He was taken aback, but then wrapped his arms around her sobbing and shaking body carefully and timidly. It felt weird to be this close to Meredith, especially when she was this unhinged. He hated to see her like this, but he enjoyed having her cry on his shoulder. It made him feel as if he was doing something right when it came to Meredith.
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Christina left George and Meredith and bumped straight into Burke.
"I'm sorry," she said while looking up into his eyes.
His hands were placed on her shoulders. "No, it was my fault," he said.
There was something about him and the way that he took the blame for everything that made Christina feel loved. She actually felt like she was a girl, and he was a boy, who was protecting her. God, she hated it. Well she liked it when she was lost in the novelty of the idea, but then when she snapped back it felt like she had betrayed herself for thinking like that.
"What was it that you wanted to talk to me about earlier today, Christina?"
Oh shit. "Um, well. Burke," she took a step back. He would understand. He would. Burke loved her and he would understand. "I haven't officially moved in yet." Oh God, did she just say that aloud? Did she really go through with it?
"What do you mean?" Burke asked stepping back like he had just been bitten.
"I mean, I still have my other apartment with all of my stuff in it. I just sleep with you."
"Oh," was all that was said for a while. Then his pager went off, but Burke just ignored it. "I can't believe this."
"W-what?"
"Why did you lie to me?"
"I thought you wanted me to move in with you, but the fact is that I wasn't completely ready for you, but I didn't know what else to do. Burke I was a little bit scared of…"
"Scared of what?"
Christina stopped for a moment and looked into Burke's understanding and loving eyes. "I was scared of losing you."
"Oh Christina," Burke whispered while pulling her into his arms. She was on the verge of tears and she felt like an idiot about it.
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"Hello, Mrs. Ackerman," Derek said while walking into the room. She was awake now and looking much better. "How are you feeling?"
"Much better."
"Is the throbbing gone?"
"Yes," she answered and smiled at him gratefully.
"Okay, well here's some information about radiation therapy and after your recovery, we'll need to get you on that."
"Thank you Doctor," Mr. Ackerman said while taking the papers from Derek's hands.
"I'll make sure that Doctor Grey checks in on you regularly." Derek turned to leave, and then Mrs. Ackerman called him back softly.
"Thank you Doctor Shepard," she said quietly. He smiled and welcomed her and then left.
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Izzy and Alex walked into Amanda's room. Izzy had a smile on her face. Amanda was rolled over on one side looking out of the window and into the bleak sky.
"Amanda?" Izzy called softly.
"The police talked to Mike, and he said that he didn't do anything. But that he invited some other friends over without thinking. They are working on getting up with those people. Things will be worked out soon." Alex said while looking over at Izzy.
Amanda finally rolled over. "Are you sure?" She asked with tears in her eyes. They were threatening to crash onto her cheeks at any moment.
"Yes," both Izzy and Alex said and then smiled at Amanda, who smiled back and then gave Izzy a look.
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Derek left Mrs. Ackerman and went to find Addison to see if she was feeling any better.
"Addison?" He asked when he found her lying on one of the beds.
She groaned. She had had another episode, but this time it had just been dry heaving. Addison was really starting to worry about her health. What if she was pregnant? What would they do? Would Derek want it? Or would he go back to his mistress.
Derek came over and clutched her hand. "I think we need to get you home…you are in no shape to be here with a stomach like this."
Addison nodded and groaned again. Something was definitely wrong, and Addison was scared about what it was.
Derek scooped her up and she placed her head on his shoulder. "It's gonna be okay," he murmured into her ear. She knew he was lying, but she wasn't about to call him out on it.
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George kissed Meredith's head, while she still clung to him, asking unanswerable questions.
Burke convinced Christina that is was okay that she needed time, but to not be afraid to tell him the truth from now on.
Izzy and Alex kept Amanda company.
And Derek took Addison home and made her chicken soup.
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Telling lies is easy, living the lie can be a pain and constant reminder, but telling the truth hurts. Sometimes it can't be done, and we blame it on our situation, or that it's not the right time. When we stall it gets worse, and the lie keeps growing and embedding its deceit into our thoughts.
The only escape is to let it all out and become free, but when we can't do that, the only thing we can blame is ourselves, and that is the hardest concept to grasp.
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AN: I hope you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading and reviewing. I know the ending could have been better, but I wanted this to get out as soon as possible, so I rushed it. Next time I'll try not to procrastinate. Although there aren't any promises:)