Me: Hihihihihihihi! 'Tis my first ficcie!
Abbie: You don't say.
Eevee: Eh, this is Meg we're talking about.
Abbie: Point.
Me: …
Abbie: Psst... Meg. That's your cue for the summary.
Me: Wha - ? Really? Ohhh. Right. Anyhoo, this little ficcie is gonna be HUGE (I'm jumping in at the deep end). It mostly focuses around the Metal Heads, because they don't get enough love. And this time round, the Metal Heads are the good guys! Well, some of them. It's sort of a Metal Head civil war.
Eevee: Quit rambling and get on with it.
Me: But rambling's fun!
Torn: -From off screen- GET ON WITH IT!
Me: -Sigh- Anyhoo, Jak gets drunk with the rest of the blokes and ends up 300 miles from Haven in the middle of the Wastelands. What will happen? And what the hell do Metal Heads have to do with all this?
Abbie: -Quiet applause-
Me: DISCLAIMER TIME! I do not own Jak and Daxter, because if I did then the whole Ashelin business at the end of J3 would never have happened!
Written To: Moonlight Shadow – Special D
Jak's commentary
"Speech"
"YELLING!"
'Thoughts'
((Me popping into the story to explain something or other.))
Song lyrics
It all started when the gang invited me out for a drink. It had been six years since I had somehow landed up in Haven. It had been a very bumpy ride. Dark eco, ottsels, more dark eco, exile, light eco, parents, cyborgs, love, poison, races, lunatics with obsessions with C4… You name it, we had it. For two years my life had been adventure-free and I was enjoying it. However, my life had constantly been in the public eye. I had devoted myself to being the hero the people of Haven wanted, not the hero I wanted to be. But, as you probably know, alcohol is the answer to (And cause of) all life's little problems.
"Heeeyy, Jakkie-boy!"
"Wha – ? Oh lords, not now, Jinx…"
"Well, if you're gonna be like that then I might as well not tell you."
"Tell me what?"
"We're heading down to the Ottsel for a piss-up. But, you probably ain't comin'."
"And why the hell not?"
"'Cause yer in one o' yer moods."
"You could've just said you were going to pissed!"
"Does that mean ya wanna come?"
"Yes."
"WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP?" Oh boy. Ashe was mad. She wasn't best pleased with all the yelling going on outside her room.
"Yeah, you could have invited us along!" Keira was also moderately miffed. She was feeling a tad snubbed.
"Hey, women shouldn't get pissed." Jinx sighed, only to be countered by three voices yelling in unison;
"CHAUVINISTIC PIG!" Eeyup, the girls were not happy. The trio marched out of the room, each of them wearing a very angry look upon their faces (Although Tess less so, for it is bloody hard to give someone the look of ultimate disdain when you are two feet tall, fuzzy and downright adorable in all definitions of the word). Ashelin kneed Jinx in the balls, pinned him against the wall and slapped him silly until he screamed for mercy.
A tattooed face peered around the wall. "What in the name of the Precursors is going on here?" Ashe dropped Jinx, who promptly scuttled off to find an ice pack or three.
"Jinx was being a chauvinist again…"
"Is that it?"
"Well, he said women shouldn't get pissed…" Yup, even Ashelin didn't want to get on her husband's bad side. Torn had a nasty temper (Although not nearly as nasty as Jak's could be), and although he didn't particularly like Jinx, he probably wouldn't have appreciated the yelling and screaming his red-headed wife had caused.
"Well, wherever the hell he is now, I'm gonna be having words with him. He's wired the door up with plastic explosives again..." With that, Torn skulked off to find Jinx, muttering curses under his breath. The dialogue that followed was so colourful that I'll probably be banned the moment this s put up if I type it here, so I'll leave that bit to your imagination. In short, there was lots of swearing, and a very annoyed Jinx (Because he was lumped with the job of defusing the explosives).
After a fair bit of conflict, the group arrived at Daxter's pad, the Naughty Ottsel. Sig was the first to order a drink, followed by Jinx and Jak. Daxter simply waited for them to get wasted before starting his booze (He wanted to be able to remember all the stupid stuff they did so he could use it as blackmail material). However, two hours later, the whole lot of them were completely and utterly rat-arsed (Including Daxter). The only mildly sober people were the three women, and even they were slightly tipsy.
Suddenly, Jinx's voice rang out through the bar; "I have a cunning plan!"
"Dish wun better not be like yer LASHT cunnin' plan…" Jak was by far the most drunk of the group, having had far less experience with alcohol than the others. Yup, Jak was a lightweight, and it was a miracle he was still conscious.
"Yer, ish better awright!"
"GERRONWIVIT!" Sig yelled, whacking his fist down on the table (And spilling his drink while doing so).
"Roight. Well… I shay.. we go… EKSHPLOWINK!" That last word translates roughly into 'Exploring' for those who don't speak Drunk.
"'Shplorin'? We do 'at evry day!" Torn piped up, downing the rest of his pint.
"Das not the point. We can do shupid stuff!"
"YAAAYYY!" The whole congregation (Barring the women) exclaimed at once as they stumbled towards the door.
"HOLD IT!" The group halted abruptly as Ashelin yelled. "Where the hell do you think you're going? You're unarmed, you're not in the right gear, you don't have food or water, and you're blind drunk!" There was a long, uncomfortable silence until Daxter yelled; "But it'll be fun!"
"YEAH!" With that, the whole group charged off, piling into the hovercar. Jak took the wheel and sped off immediately, with Daxter riding on the bumper. The vehicle headed right towards the wastelands, probably the most inhospitable place you could think of in the mob's reach.
Outside the bar, the three women stared up at the sky in the direction the blokes had headed off in.
"Well," Keira sighed, "Looks like we'll be taking Shanks' Mare."
The group nodded solemnly and began the slow walk back to the Freedom League HQ, where they could be able to pick up the drunkard's tracks. At least they had radar…
Me: So there you have it. The first chappie of my little fic. It's not great, but the quality will get better in the next chapter. It's crap because I really don't like this little scene.
Abbie: What's wrong with drunkards?
Me: It's hard to write with them. Ah well, at least they'll be hung over in the next chapter. Now THAT'S fun.
Torn: -From off screen- You know, I have my gun right here…
Me: Erm… -Runs off gibbering madly, followed by Abbie-
Eevee: Well, as those two seem a bit preoccupied, please R & R. Or I'll sic Torn on you.
Abbie: -From off screen- Bad Eevee!
NOTE: 'Shanks' Mare' is Brit for 'walking'.