PART SIX:

"So what happens now?"

I sighed as I remembered. I hate that I forgot, that I lied to him. How can I tell him that I remember now? How can I tell him I'm not angry? How can I undo this? The Oracles said that the spell couldn't be reversed. Couldn't or wouldn't? There is a difference. What if I can reverse the spell? Would I do it…willingly?

"Buffy, what are you doing here all by yourself?" asked Angel coming into the garden. I liked the garden, I remember planting those rose bushes but I also remember fighting Angelus. "Buffy?"

"Sorry, memories." I explained looking around the garden again.

"Which ones?" Angel sat next to me on the retaining wall.

"Both. I get confused sometimes. Especially with things that happened in both worlds, but just happened a little differently." I looked at Angel, his expression blank. "I'm sorry for bringing it up."

"I was the one who brought it up."

"Oh, yeah." I said so softly that he mightn't have heard it. "What do you want to do today?"

"I don't know. What do you want to do?" He lightly brushed a strand of hair behind my ear. I stiffened at his touch, he noticed. "I'm-"

"Sorry. This is still a little weird for me. I'm so very sorry. I love you with all I am. But it's-"

"Hard. I know. I get it. How long do you think it'll take for you to get used to it?"

"How can you-?" I began, horrified at his insensitivity.

"Because, Giles wants you back on regular patrol as soon as supernaturally possible."

"Oh."

"Hey, I know you need time to adjust. I'm not here to rush you, I'm a source of endless support."

"And love." I finished.

"And love."

"You have no idea what you mean to me."

He smiled at that. "I don't think I ever will."

I shook my head, smiling somewhat bitterly at the circumstances surrounding us. "No matter what happens, I will always love you."

"Nothing is going to happen, Buffy."

I laughed. "Something always happens, Angel." I pushed myself off the low wall and began to pace. "I mean, stuff happened in this world and a lot more happened in the other world."

"Tell me about it."

I faltered, "what?"

"I know you didn't tell us everything the other day at Giles'. You can tell me."

I sighed, feeling bad for making him feel bad. "I know. I want to. But, there some things I want to keep to myself for a while."

Angel nodded, his face filled with pain. I felt bad, of course I did. But there is little I could have done.

How do you return to an old life after knowing things could have been different? I thought as I patrolled Weatherly Park later that night. Angel and I avoided each other for much of the day. I didn't return to school, but I will be going back tomorrow. I'm not sure if I'm happy about that. I don't have a thought about it actually; I'm just so confused and messed up inside. Hardly anything makes sense; memories and feelings are all swirling around my head. I'm scared that I won't be Buffy anymore.

The hardest part of the day is when I'm by myself, I'm given time to think about what has happened in the past few days. I worry about the other world, what my friends and mother are doing. And Riley…I wanted to love him. I wanted to love someone to take the pain away, I didn't – don't – care who it was, I just wanted the loneliness to fade away. Riley Finn did that; better than I wanted him to. I began to forget how Angel made me feel, the flutter of my heart when he walked into the room, the way his kisses made me melt…I began to lose him and a part of me didn't even care.

Now I'm here, but not now, I have been all the time. But not at the same time. I'm getting so confused. I'm scared of opening my mouth in case I say something that happened in the other world and it might make this bad, like how Oz cheated on Willow with a fellow werewolf. Or how Xander and Willow cheated on Oz and Cordelia. What if I let something really important slip out of my mouth? What if it's got something to do with Angel? What if I lose him? I can't lose him; I might as well be dead.

"Say 'hello, school.'"

"Hello, school." I said full of fake cheerfulness, Willow noticed.

"Not happy about being back?"

"Who in their right mind would be happy to go back to college?" asked Cordelia. It was my first day since it happened and I was strangely glad I was back. It's so normal; it's a routine that I can easily fall back into. You go to class, you pretend that you're paying attention while your best friend copies down notes that you will later copy, when the class is over you go home or hang around. Which Willow might do. I know neither her nor Cordelia have any more classes today, maybe I can convince them to do something girly.

"I can't believe I do psychology here too. It's definitely not the same in the other world. We're being taught by a crazy woman and Cor, you aren't even there."

"Where am I?"

"LA." I answered as we walked into the lecture room.

"Am I an actress?" Cordelia's hazel eyes lit up like a Christmas tree.

"No, I don't think so. You work for Angel. He runs a detective agency."

"Oh," she deflated dramatically. Willow fought to keep herself from laughing, she didn't succeed. "Willow, shut up." Cordy huffed all the way to our usual seats near the front. I was glad Cordelia hadn't left LA. I remember how we convinced her not to go to LA, but to stay in Sunnydale. With her grades she managed to get a scholarship. Who knew Cordelia Chase was so smart?

I sat next to Cordy and Will sat next to me. We waited in relative silence for the professor to arrive, Professor Whyte was okay, not as world-renowned as Maggie Walsh was – no, wait, is – but he sure wasn't a crazy government psycho lady. Whyte was in his fifties and was getting grey hair, he actually complained about it during lectures. He complained about a lot of things during the lectures. Willow once used him as a case study for an assignment. He was honoured. Strange guy, but normal strange.

"Where is he?" hissed Cordelia. I was also worried; he was like Giles with tardiness. "It's been ten minutes, if he doesn't get here by the time I'm finished talking-"

The door handle twisted, most of the class heard it and instantly turned to watch who ever was going to come through the door. It wasn't Professor Whyte. It was Riley Finn.

"What the hell?" I cried out louder than I would have liked. Cordelia and Willow jumped.

"What's wrong with you?" Cordelia once again hissed.

Willow, however caught on a bit quicker. "Is he from the o-other world?" she whispered close to my ear.

I didn't respond. Riley hadn't heard my outburst, only Will, Cordy and a few surrounding students heard. I was eternally grateful for that. Riley proceeded to introduce himself to the class, explaining that Professor Whyte was ill and that he would taking the class today and only for today until Maggie Walsh arrived. Oh, crap.

I frantically stuffed my things in my shoulder bag, muttering curses along the way. I slung the bag over my shoulder, "I-I gotta go."

"He is from the-"

"Yes."

"Are we in danger?" asked Cordelia, glancing at her own bag, wondering if she should pack her things too.

I faltered at that, "would I leave you here if you were?"

"No, I guess not." She admitted. "What is it?"

"Something possibly bad. But he won't hurt you."

"Okay, you go wherever you're going to go." Willow said letting me walk past her and into the aisle. "Just tell us what's going on later."

"I'll tell everyone." I smiled and gave them both a small wave goodbye. "Don't worry." I proceeded to walk quickly down the stairs.

"Where are you going?" Riley asked as I reached the bottom of the stairs. "The class has just started."

"I know, but I have to go. It's really important. Sorry, bye." I said at lightning speeds.

"Don't let it happen again."

"It won't."

Riley nodded. He looked exactly the same. Minus the drug withdrawals with the shaking and sweating. His sweet and sincere smile, his blue eyes…I felt sorry for him. I don't really know why. I rushed for the door and yanked it open.

"Come back for the things you'll miss." Riley called after me as I ran out the door. I didn't respond, I didn't slow down until I could see the mansion rising up on the hill.

"Angel!" I yelled as I entered our home. "Angel!" I put my bag in the lounge. "Angel, are you here?" Nothing. "Damn it," I muttered under my breath. But I was Buffy and I wasn't going to give up that easily. Angel works at the gallery with my mother, he's second in command and the job and her friendship mean a lot to him. But he takes every Friday off, so he should be at home.

I yelled out his name again as I ascended the stone stairwell. "Are you here? I really need to talk to you! Angel?" ten minutes later when I had completely searched the house and grounds and found no trace of Angel I decided to go and see Giles. I locked up the house and cursed the fact that I never bothered to learn to drive in either world, so I began running again. Thank God I wasn't wearing a skirt.

I knocked hard on the large front door of Giles and Jenny's house. A voice yelled: "I'll get it!", footsteps, then: "who is it?"

"It's me, Buffy."

The door opened. Jennifer Giles stood there smiling at me. Without a moments hesitation I hugged her as hard as I could. "You're alive. Oh, god. I'm so sorry."

"B-Buff-" She started to struggle in my arms. I let go.

"Sorry. Sometimes I forget that I could hug people to death." I said apologizing.

"It's okay. It's good to see you again." She stepped out of the way; I walked past her and into the foyer. I placed my bag next a round table in front of the staircase. Their house was beautiful. But due to Jenny's more modern influence it didn't resemble a museum. "Is something wrong?"

I nodded, "very wrong. But not end of the world wrong, not yet anyways."

Jenny took that in. "Giles and Angel are in the study. They told me everything. How are you holding up?"

I was genuinely touched by her concern. "Thanks for asking. I'm okay. That's the truth. I have Angel, you have Giles and everyone else is happy. It'll get better once…"

"You've gotten used to it."

"Exactly." But without the getting used to it part. I will learn to deal; I will learn to forget the other world, to shove it to the back of my mind. This is where I belong, this is my home now and I have to focus my attention here. "Can I go talk to them, or are they deep in conversation?"

"Not sure. How about we find out?"

I smiled, taking in the happy and serene nature of Jenny. I never got to see this side of her in the other world, what with her being dead. I never got to see her happy. "Lead on."

Jenny and I walked to the study, Jenny opened the door and pushed it open, the voices inside stopped immediately. "What is it?"

"Hello," I gave a small wave. Angel's face brightened momentarily before confusion overshadowed. I knew where he was coming from: why was I here? I should still be at college. "I-I have to tell you stuff. Important stuff."

"Possible end of the world stuff." Added Jenny. I cringed, yeah…end of the world. The others weren't too pleased with my reaction. Angel patted the space next to him; I smiled and sat down beside him.

"My psyche professor didn't show up today. But someone from the other world did in his place."

"Someone followed you?" asked Jenny.

"No, each world would have almost doubles of everyone…" I fell silent, expect those that died because of Angelus and various other big bads. I didn't add that last part, best to keep away from that subject. "His name is Riley Finn. He's a Teacher's Assistant and works for the government. He's a commando, military and is a group leader for this organization called the Initiative. What they do is capture and experiment on demons."

"Excuse me?" Asked Jenny.

"I bed your pardon?" That was Giles.

"They what?" And that was Angel.

I nodded, "They captured Spike, put this chip in his head and now he can't hurt any human. Only demons, if he tries to hurt a human or actually does the chip will give him major neurological pain." They all looked mildly surprised, "that's it! Spike is now hanging around all the time hoping to get money off us so he can buy blood. I don't know why I haven't killed him yet and that's the reaction I get?"

"No, I mean," Angel looked at Giles. Then turned his attention back to me. "'Neurological pain?'"

"That's what you're surprised about? That I know I big word? I do attend college, you know. And having heard Giles explain it dozens of times it tends to stick." I folded my arms across my chest. "You guys are unbelievable."

"Honey, I'm sorry. I'm not saying you're not smart, because you are-"

"It's okay." I smiled reassuringly at my boyfriend. I took a deep breath. "So what are we going to do about Riley and his government pals?"

"I don't know. This is rather unexpected." Giles admitted, taking off his glasses and cleaning them. "What course of action did you take in the other world?"

"First, I thought, this is kinda cool. I could have help with the demon slaying department. I got security clearance to their underground base, passes and everything. That was cool. But then they tried to kill me. Not so good."

"Were you okay?"

I was touched at Angel's concern; it was obvious I was perfectly fine. "Yeah, just a trap with some demons. Sure showed them not to mess with me. I think. When I got sent here we were actually hiding from them."

"Oh, dear." This was not what Giles wanted to hear. Jenny put her hand of his shoulder; Giles placed his own hand on top of hers. The small exchange nearly brought a tear to my eye. It wasn't fair that the other world Giles had been unable to experience something like this.

"It's not – we were…" I started saying, how do I explain that the real reason we were still in hiding was that Riley was going through his drug withdrawals? That I was just trying to protect my boyfriend? "There's more. When Riley found out that his boss tried to have me killed, he deserted. Which was a bad thing since the place had everyone on drugs and now that Riley can't get his fix, he was going through massive withdrawals when I left. Probably still is."

"Well, at least we knew he's a good guy. Might come in handy." Angel said. I felt sick all the way to the heart. I know I didn't betray this Angel, or the other one for that matter, bit it still feels like I did.

"Yeah, he is a good guy. But things could be different since the Initiative hasn't had the chance to try and kill me yet. By the time Riley comes 'round, it may be too late."

"Too late for what?" asked Jenny.

"We don't know, but they are definitely up to something bad. They're not the good guys and are in way over their heads." My thoughts filled of Riley going through his withdrawals without me with him. I may not love him, but I do care about him and he doesn't deserve to go through this alone. "Giles, what should we do?"

"I'm not sure. Let's have the Gang here tonight, we can come up with a plan of action then."

"Okay," I nodded and pushed myself up off the lounge, Angel followed suit. "We'll come back later then. I'll do some thinking too. Angel can help."

"I'm sure he will." Smirked Jenny.

"See you later," I smiled as I reached instinctively for Angel's hand. As our hands linked we walked out of the study, Angel said his goodbyes over his shoulder, careful not to break stride. "Why were you here?" I asked once we were outside.

"I wanted to talk to Giles."

"About what?"

"About the situation. I don't want to burden you-"

"But that's what couples do, they burden each other."

"It's such a great system." Angel and I walked to his car; he opened the passenger side door for me. I slid in and waited for him to get into the driver's seat.

"What could you say to Giles but couldn't say to me?"

"Wouldn't, not couldn't." he turned the ignition. I felt stung, why would he think he couldn't talk to me?

"Is this because I'm two Buffys?" I asked, letting the hurt show in my voice. "You don't think you can tell me everything?"

"I know I can. I feel that I can."

"Then why don't you?"

Angel sighed, turned off the engine and shifted his body to face me. "I love you. I don't want worry you with my thoughts, they're not bad thoughts, I just wanted Giles' opinion. A guy's opinion."

"You still should have talked to me."

"You have to give me the chance first." He half-smiled. "How do you know that I wouldn't have told you when you got back from class?"

"Fine, fine. I don't know. But I want you to know, to understand and believe that you can tell me anything."

"I know, and I believe. Don't worry, Buffy."

"You know I do."

"Yeah, I know."

We starred at each other for a moment before Angel restarted the car, as we began to drive away from Giles and Jenny's home, I sank into the chair and looked at the scenery as it passed by. I couldn't bring myself to look at Angel, not when I was keeping a huge secret from him. Now I will have to tell him about Riley. As we drove home tears poured down my face. What if I lose him?

TBC...

Here's the next part, hope you like it. Remember I always reply if given some way of contacting you. Love, Maddy