Chapter Four: Though you'd not said much, you said it all…

Chapter Note: This chapter's title is from the song "If You Asked" by Long-View, one of my favorite bands. They're seriously an amazing band and I'm not being biased either. If any of you have read my other on-going story "Further" you would know that that story was inspired by Long-View's song "Further." So yeah.

The room was completely silent. Usually it had angry punk rockers screaming at the top of their lungs or an emo song or two harmonizing for her inspiration. But not today; silence was the only music playing. Every now and then though, she would be able to hear a drip of a raindrop falling from a ledge above her window, which was the only interruption of the unusual silence of the room.

Peyton had finished her drawing late into the night and just stared blankly at it since then. She was conflicted, confused, and totally on edge. Even though she felt as if the drawing would've helped her make an ethical, rational choice it didn't. The drawing just inflicted more problems than her thoughts did before she drew it. So Peyton bore onto it as if she was looking for the hidden clue that would cause her to finally have an answer for herself.

Out of agitation, Peyton threw the drawing on the floor and just leaned back against the back of her chair limply. At that moment she finally heard the echoing of Keane's "She Has No Time" being played. A painful lump formed in her already sore throat when she heard it. Peyton knew that Lucas was agonizing, probably more so than she was even.

"I'm a self-centered bitch," she murmured to herself softly as if it were her conscious speaking instead.

She turned her face to the computer screen and in the corner of her eye she saw her favorite picture. It was of Lucas and herself after Lucas's first game of college ball. He was extremely sweaty and happy since he played brilliantly and won over the crowd in the first minute he stepped out on the court. She was laughing up at him since he was acting very goofily and macho, like he always did when he was playing around. That picture was priceless in her eyes and so was the memory.

At the thought of memories, Peyton let out a half-hearted huff. She had good ones, bad ones, sad ones, and happy ones. But really, she was tired of reliving the past—she did it since her mother died. Peyton lived in the past so much that she blamed herself and was sharp towards other just because she didn't want to get hurt again. You can't get burned if you never cared about something in the first place, right?

For the first time in nine hours, she got up out of her computer chair and threw herself down on her plump bed. She was exhausted no doubt, but for the first time in a long time, she wanted to be that way. Peyton always tried to just be rested and content with her 'sad' life that now she just wanted to be worn out by it.

She closed her eyes trying to be pleased with this state of exhaustion, but right when she felt as if it would be deeply embedded in her mind, her cell phone rang violently.

Grabbing her heart subconsciously for a moment, she then lunged over at her nightstand and picked up her cell. She saw 'Hales' written across the screen and Peyton immediately felt uneasiness in her stomach which wasn't because of her sickness.

She finally flipped her phone open and said a little too belligerently, "Hello?"

"Whoa! Lucas first and now you, but at least I was able to withstand a few words from him before being cut-off." Haley said as if Peyton was deliberately trying to make her feel unwanted.

Peyton let out a breath of exasperation and laid back down on her down fully. "I'm sorry, Hales. But you're just calling at the wrong time. I was in the middle of thinking and everything, and well, you know the rest."

"Yeah, yeah; I can honestly say I do," her friend responded sarcastically. "So what's eating you both?"

Peyton knew it was coming and everything, but she wasn't up for any conversation involving Lucas just yet. She had been thinking of him the entire night and she wasn't up for talking about him to someone who wouldn't understand where she was coming from. Haley always had things together even when she didn't. It was just a sort of control mechanism Haley was blessed with and that Peyton knew she would never be able to have ever.

"Nothing," Peyton responded plainly praying that Haley wouldn't pursue the topic and further.

At that point, Peyton began to cough rather fiercely. Her congested sinuses hadn't been cleared yet and seemed far worse than when the cold hit her.

"You alright, Peyt?" Haley asked laughing slightly. Peyton didn't understand how she could be getting comic relief from her illness.

Peyton paused a minute trying to catch her breath before answering. "Yeah, I'm alright friend."

This caused Haley to laugh more hysterically. "I'm sorry, but it's just that I've never heard or known of you to be sick before. So I just guess that it humors me in a weird way."

"Or in a psychotic way!" Peyton said bitterly covering her tired eyes with her ink covered hand.

"Okay, okay, I'll stop," Haley announced while trying to calm herself down. She cleared her throat, "So, what's really wrong. Don't try to patronize me with you 'nothing' B.S."

Peyton knew that she wouldn't be able to deter her friend away from the subject; Haley knew how to be stubborn and persistent just as much as she could be.

"Jeez, Haley—I just don't know how I'll be able to describe this to you. I can't even understand or make any of it myself!" She said incredulously as if she was shocked and exasperated at the very thought of it.

Haley didn't respond quickly, she was collecting her thoughts undoubtedly. "Well," she began gently, "I won't know what you're going through unless you tell me.

Peyton huffed loudly and rolled over onto her stomach and looked out her one window blankly. "Fine," she answered in a defeated manner and started to recant the story to her friend. "Well, you know how Luke and I can share the same bed without any problems, right? Well, when I woke up this morning, I don't know why I felt this way, but I wanted to know how Lucas's hand felt holding mine!"

"So did you?" Haley asked with obvious interest in her voice, but Peyton could tell that she was doing her best to keep it from being over-zealous.

Smiling to herself slightly, "Yeah, but only for like a second because he started to wake up and then I just went crazy and pretended to be asleep." The thought embarrassed her and made her laugh—she wasn't too goofy when it came to boys and PDA much, but this case was laced in it.

Haley began to laugh at the thought, "Is that all you are ignoring each other for because if it is, that's pretty ridiculous!"

"No," Peyton said with complete seriousness. "Actually, something happened after that."

Again Peyton paused trying to make sure her composure wouldn't be lost when she was retelling the story to Haley.

"Seeing as Lucas and I are super mischievous and sarcastic, we were messing around with each other. Well, all was going perfectly normal until he tackled me." Peyton couldn't believe how untainted or biased her tone was; it was as if she was just reading a book and couldn't relate to it. But that all changed when she came upon the scariest part. "I landed on the ground and he landed on top of me. We just stared at each other as if we were enduring an unchecked emotional area." Peyton could see his majestic blue eyes in her mind as clearly as they were at that moment. So much passion was encased in them; it was truly a beautiful sight to see. "And then he started to lean down to kiss me and then I sneezed and ran away," she finished quietly as if she couldn't believe what had happened in the end.

Haley gasped loudly and then started to yell at Peyton, "I can't believe you ran away from a perfectly good situation!"

"What do you mean?" Peyton asked trying to pull some information of Haley that she may had not known.

"C'mon, Peyt! Add two and two together! You can't tell me that you haven't seen the way Lucas looks at you or they way he treats is how he would treat me." Haley spewed quickly, trying to knock some sense into Peyton.

Peyton pushed herself off of her bed and started to pace swiftly throughout her room, but didn't say anything in response.

"He hasn't gotten over you, even though he thinks he has, he hasn't. I'm guessing he finally realized that yesterday or at least today." Haley continued on informing Peyton.

At hearing this, Peyton froze. All of her bottled up feelings finally made sense. She had kept Lucas on an unobtainable pedestal that no one could reach, not even Jake. Yet, she always shoved her feelings from him each time she felt strongly for him.

"Damn it!" Peyton whispered ferociously as she began to pace again.

"Whoa! What's wrong?" Haley asked finally shutting up from her own rant.

Starting to bite her nails out of nervousness and stupidity, Peyton said, "I don't know why I'm so afraid of him—of us! I've always kept my feelings for Lucas since junior year, but I just buried them to keep from a tumultuous friendship with Brooke. Then, slowly, I just started to call them as being just best friend feelings—like I'm supposed feel an odd tension with a guy as my best friend." She sank herself back into her computer chair, "Ugh! I'm such an idiot! Why do I always screw up the best things in my life?"

For moment, nothing was said, not a word was spoken, but then Haley just started to crack up hysterically. "Oh my gosh! I can't believe how oblivious you two have been." Haley continued to laugh with a crazed behavior that a mental patient would show if they had a whacko idea. "What in the hell were you two thinking all this time?"

Peyton started to get pissed off now. "Oh ha-ha, Haley! C'mon, when I moved in I already had a boyfriend since coming up in the spring on senior year and he had his basketball team. Then he lost Keith and he wasn't the content, broody Scott any longer. I guess I finally felt a connection with him that no one was able to have with me. I don't know! I guess we just thought we became best friends or whatever." Peyton put her head in her free hand and grated her teeth together. "Hales, what should I do?"

"Don't ask me! I don't want the blame to be put on me if it blows up in your face," Haley said all in one breath defensively.

"Please! You know I wouldn't be that belligerent towards you." Peyton cried back; she needed as much advice as she could get and Haley was the advice-giver.

Haley huff loudly, "Oh alright, but I swear Peyton if you even start getting pesky with me I'll hang up so fast you wouldn't know what hit you." She paused as if gathering her thoughts with sincerity. "I would go to him, break the ice first—he's playing 'She Has No Time' by Keane for crying out loud, Peyton! So he's wishing you would do the tough part; you should too since you abandoned him without an explanation."

That wasn't what Peyton wanted to hear, but she held her tongue from becoming mutinous. "I don't know, Haley. I wouldn't know what to say or what to do—I'd just be a babbling idiot."

"At least you'll be a babbling idiot rather than a heartbreaker!" Haley replied exasperatedly.

After a few seconds passed without a word, Peyton finally sucked up the courage to agree with her friend. "Okay."

Peyton could here Haley clapping excitedly on the other end of the phone. This slightly pissed Peyton off a little more but she didn't voice her irritation to her ignorant friend.

"Well, I guess I'll go over and—well—you know," Peyton said glumly; she was never much of the compromising and make-up type. People usually came to her to tie loose ends because she didn't have the guts to confront them.

"Good luck!" Haley said in her usual cheery way as if she thought it would make Peyton more enthusiastic about the situation.

As she opened her bedroom door quietly, "Yeah bye," she said blandly and hung up. Oddly enough, Peyton didn't hear the sad melody of Keane playing any longer so her curiosity was struck. She walked hesitantly over to her best friend's door and stood there for a moment trying to listen if she could make out any noises, but nothing came from within.

"Luke?" Peyton asked as she opened the door only to find that Lucas wasn't in his room. Highly intrigued on where he was, Peyton decided to check if he was out in the kitchen sitting in his favorite little nook where he read most of the time. So when she reached the kitchen, no Lucas was to be found. Instead she saw a single notebook paper on the counter.

Peyt-girl,

I'm at practice for Friday's game. I just had to get out and clear my head even if I can'tbreathe all that well. I'm sorry about yesterday; I don't know what came over me—I'm such a jackass, like usual, right? I hope you'll forgive me and I promise I'll make it up to you even if you hate all of the movies I rent.

Love,

Jackass, a.k.a. Lucas

Peyton read over the small note quickly with much consternation.

"For crying out loud!" Peyton said vehemently to herself, "I'm the jackass!" And once she said this, Peyton grabbed her keys and dashed out the door without caring how she looked, no matter how sickly or grungy. All that was on her mind was reconciling with Lucas and showing him that she was the stupid one in this situation, that she was the jackass because she had run from him. Now he probably had finally accepted that they were to only be 'just friends' and this was all because she was too much of a coward to talk to him.

Peyton hopped in her classic Mercury and sped dangerously fast down the street towards the basketball stadium.

Author's Notes: Okie doke! Well, this chapter took me forever to be pleased with it. I had to rewrite the ending about two to three times to get it to this one, which I like much more than the other ones. I thought Peyton should finally have to see that the nickname she dubbed Lucas should really be her nickname. I know that she could herself a 'bitch' earlier in the chapter, but she mainly did that out of guilt rather than out of passionate fervor, like how she started to call herself a jackass. Hopefully I didn't just confuse on that! LoL! Hmm, what else? Oh yes! I'm sorry that it's taken me about a month or so to just update but, to tell you the truth, my life's hectic. School, studying endlessly for AcaDec, and then updating three stories at the same time and writing a one-shot here and there is pretty hard to balance. But that shouldn't be any excuse, right? Well, I just hope you all forgive me for my lateness.

Thanks so much just for reading and sticking by me! You all rock and I hope to hear from y'all sometime.