The Reason I Won't Be Coming
a/n: I do not own Gundam Wing nor its' characters. Blondie's Pizza is an actual pizza chain with an outlet on Powell Street in SF, and another on Telegraph Ave. in Berkeley. Their name belongs to them. "mac dot com" is the actual email domain for dot mac members and that particular domain belongs to Apple Computers, Inc. The Ripley's Believe it or Not Museum is real and belongs to them. The Blue and Yellow Fleet name belongs to them and not me. Starbucks belongs to that company. There is a mini donut place on Pier 39 and it is yummy. And, of course, Alcatraz is owned by the State of California. Wow, lots of disclaimers there.
Chapter One – Regrets
"Ten dollars says Duo replies first," Quatre smiled at his partner wryly as he poured himself a cup of coffee.
"That is a bet I am not willing to take," Trowa muttered while stirring a spoonful of sugar into his own mug.
"We have to get them both here," Quatre said vehemently. Trowa smiled slightly, amused by the tone of voice.
"Well, we need to nullify the reasons they give us for not coming," Trowa contemplated, "The easiest thing to do would be just to tell them the other is not coming"
"Lie?" Quatre asked, thinking on the concept.
"Duo is the one who never lies, remember?" Trowa reminded his lover.
"But that seems so duplicitous," Quatre worried, chewing his lower lip.
"Stop that," Trowa chided. Quatre shrugged nonchalantly and sipped his coffee. They sat in silence for a while, and then the computer beeped a silent plea.
"You've got mail," Trowa joked. Quatre went to the computer and clicked on the new message.
Subject: Regrets
Hey, Quatre. I'm sorry, but I do not think I will be able to come to your party. I can't lie, I really would like to, but I know you have invited Heero and I just cannot stand seeing him right now. I hope you understand. Say hi to Trowa for me.
Duo
"Told you, Duo would be first," Quatre told Trowa, who was currently buttering a piece of toast.
"Excuse?" Trowa was curious, even though he knew the answer.
"He doesn't lie. He doesn't want to see Heero," Quatre explained, and then the computer bleeped again.
Subject: RSVP for Xmas party
I can't come. I'm sorry. Maybe some other time. Say hi to Trowa.
H
"Short and succinct," Quatre commented.
"No excuse?" Trowa asked as he chewed thoughtfully.
"Nope. Looks like we have to lie to Duo and guilt Heero into it," Quatre sighed.
Subject: He's not coming
You do not have to worry, he is not coming. Said he had another commitment. Please come? We have not seen you in weeks! Say you'll come.
Quatre
"One lie down, one guilt to go," Quatre joked.
Subject: Come on!
Please please please come? I know that you are busy and everything, but we have not seen you in weeks, and we really want to spend at least part of the holidays with you. Besides, people keep sending regrets left and right, even Duo. Pretty soon no one will be coming. I hope you change your mind. Trowa says hi.
Quatre
"We will see what they say," Quatre sighed.
&&&
"Well, that changes things," Duo Maxwell said to himself as he read Quatre's response. If Heero was not going to be there then he was all for spending some time with Quatre and Trowa. Heero was the only thing keeping him away. Quatre was right, it had been a while since he had seen them.
He quickly typed a response that let to two know that he would be attending after all, and then he sat back.
He knew now that it had all been a misunderstanding, but the image of Relena kissing Heero at the club still made him sick. A year they had been together, and then they had lost it all with one kiss.
There he was, in the middle of the dance floor, kissing her. Relena. Blond, leggy, gorgeous, and all girl. She had been flirting shamelessly with him for weeks, and Duo did not think that Heero even had leanings that way. But there he was, her lips mashed to his.
He was out the door before he could even think, the image burned in his mind. He did not cry, he just clenched his fists at his sides. It had happened again, and this time with his best friend. Guys had screwed him over before, cheating and lying. He never lied. He ran and hid, but he never lied. Why does this keep happening to him? Why did he trust these men when they kept fucking him over?
"Duo!" Heero's voice called out from behind him desperately. Duo kept walking, even when he heard the voice. He did not want to stop. He did not want to talk. He just wanted to be as far away from here as possible right now.
"Duo!" Heero ran fast. And caught up to him beneath the sign for Blondie's Pizza.
"What the fuck do you want?" Duo yelled as he turned around.
"It is not what you think, she-"
"You kissed her! That girl has been throwing herself at you for weeks, and you finally gave in! What? Decided being gay was not good enough for you? Decided you wanted to check out the grass on the other side? Well, I hope the grass is as green as you think it is, because I am out of here!" Duo whipped his braid around as he stormed away. He heard Heero following him.
"Don't you even want to hear my side of the story?"
"No, not really. Actions speak louder than words Heero," Duo said as he walked away.
Sure, he found out through Quatre that Relena had come up to Heero and kissed him spontaneously. Sure, Heero had not been kissing her back, he was just stuck there, mostly in shock. But by the time Duo found out, it was like there was the broken bridge that he could not repair. And then, the days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months, and he could not even think to repair that bridge. He loved Heero. That day had been a bad day, and they had been having a small fight off and on for a few weeks. It all just built up without a vent, and then gave way to passionate anger when he saw the love of his life kissing Relena. She was just some club girl, a wealthy socialite who lived in Sausalito. Her dad had been some kind of diplomat or something, Duo could never remember. But she had been chasing Heero for ages, even when he had made it clear to her that he was gay.
Heero had been his best friend since high school. They had met when they were forced to share a locker in the overcrowded California school. Typical. They shared a locker, and then shared a friendship. They both dated girls off and on, though never got serious about any of them. They both applied to the same colleges and decided on the same one, and then they shared a dorm while in college.
It was while they were in college that they both found out that there was a reason why they never got serious with any girls. They were both gay. What a coincidence.
Heero graduated with a bachelor's degree in Computer Sciences with a minor in Engineering. He graduated Summa Cum Laude, and was inundated with offers to work for some of the best software and hardware developers in San Francisco, and even beyond. He loved the city though, and decided to go to work for a software developer inside the Transamerica Building.
Duo barely graduated at all. His degree was in Mechanics, with a minor in Religious Studies. Religion interested him, ever since he had been raised in an orphanage. And he was really good with machines. He went to work for a company that built robotics. It was not the best paying job, but it was fun, and a worthwhile pursuit.
They had met Quatre and Trowa while in college. They both worked at the coffee shop inside the student union. Long study sessions led to conversations, which led to hanging out, which led to a solid friendship. One day Duo dared the implacable Trowa to kiss Quatre. Trowa never was one to back down, and he kissed Quatre on the mouth in front of everyone in the student union. Hoots and catcalls sounded all around. But when they stopped kissing it was evident that it was not the last kiss they would share. Six months later they moved in together. They never knew that Quatre was rich as sin due to his father's inheritance though, and were surprised when the two moved into a townhouse on posh Telegraph Hill.
Heero and Duo lived together as roommates in a small apartment near Union Square. There was a Chinese buffet downstairs, and a Starbucks next door. It was okay, though not the most attractive place ever. Quatre and Trowa insisted that they could live with them, but neither one of them wanted to get in the way of the young lovers. So, they politely refused.
Duo had never looked at Heero as anything but a friend until one summer day.
They both had the day off, and they decided to go see what the tourists were doing down at the piers. They ate the mini donuts on pier 39, and watched the sea lions on the floating docks. They went inside the Ripley's Believe it or Not Museum and laughed at the cheesiness of it. Then they bought tickets to go out to Alcatraz on the Blue and Yellow Fleet.
It was windy that day, even more than usual here on the bay. They climbed to the top deck of the ship, and they stood next to the railing. The boat swayed back and forth as it cruised the bay, heading towards the rock. Seagulls flew above them, and a stray dolphin leapt above the water every now and again.
They were mostly silent, and Duo was happy with that, until Heero suddenly let out a happy laugh that Duo had never heard before. Heero turned to him and smiled a rare smile that all of a sudden stopped Duo's heart. In that moment in time, Duo memorized the way the wind ruffled Heero's already ruffled brown hair, how the wind made his deep blue eyes sparkle, how the spray had dusted his cheeks with small dots of mist, and how his lips were red from cold. Duo spent that endless moment wondering when his best friend had become such a beautiful creature.
"We should do this more often," Heero said suddenly. It was an unguarded moment, a truthful moment, and Duo all of a sudden wanted nothing more than to kiss that red mouth and wrap his arms around his new discovery. And so he did.
Duo moved in closer, and he saw Heero's breath hitch. He only hesitated a second before going all in. He pressed his lips to Heero's for only a small second. Then he moved away to check Heero's reaction. Heero gave him a small smile, just a lift on one corner of his mouth. Duo took that as permission to continue, and he kissed Heero again. This time it was longer, slower, and he wrapped his arms around Heero's neck. Their lips melded together for hours, it seemed, before they finally broke apart, slightly breathless.
"Duo?" Heero asked, uncertain.
"What am I doing?" Duo asked him.
"You kissed me," Heero sounded like it was a wonder.
"I had to. Right then, you just looked so beautiful, so perfect," Duo stopped talking, unable to explain further.
"Do it again," Heero told him.
"What?" Duo was a little amazed.
"Kiss me again," Heero said simply, as if it were a simple request!
Duo was more nervous this time, as he moved closer to Heero. He licked his lips when his mouth felt suddenly dry. He put his hands on Heero's slim shoulders and moved his face closer. And then his mouth settled onto Heero's. Heero's lips were soft, and moist but not sloppy. He kissed Heero in earnest, moving so that their bodies were molded together. It was like a puzzle, he just fit in that spot. His hands moved upwards until they were tangled in Heero's tousled hair. And then, that's when Heero's small pink tongue darted out to taste Duo's lips. Duo almost groaned, and he opened his mouth. What was going on? Heero was his best friend! They had known each other since acne still graced their faces and pizza seemed like the world's most perfect food! Why did he feel like this was where he belonged, like he could kiss Heero forever and never care? As Heero's tongue caressed his own, Duo felt like he was drowning, and all of a sudden drowning sounded like a good idea. The best idea ever in fact.
They spent endless moments kissing each other on the top deck of that tourist boat, and then they finally broke apart. Duo rested his head on Heero's shoulder as Heero held him close.
"What happened?" Duo asked.
"I think we just realized something we never realized before," Heero stated enigmatically.
"What?" Duo wanted to know what Heero thought.
"Maybe the man for us was standing in front of us all this time, and we never realized it," Heero always got to the point.
For a year they were madly in love. For a year they slept together, ate together, and lived a life together. And then Duo threw it all away when he refused to even listen to what his best friend had to say.
"Stupid Duo," the braided man said as he stared out into nothing.
Quatre and Trowa had been overjoyed when Heero and Duo got together. There were double dates, clubbing nights, dinner in, so on and so forth. That was why it hurt so bad when it was over.
Heero had moved out of the apartment while Duo was at work the day after the kiss with Relena, and it looked as if he had never been there. All the photos of them together were gone, and everything they had ever bought together was either gone or cleaned and put away. Heero was efficient, and he worked quickly. Duo had cried for hours when he came home, feeling empty and alone. He never cried, but seeing every bit of evidence of his life with Heero gone filled him with a sadness he had never known.
Quatre finally got a hold of Duo after about two weeks of not answering his phone calls or emails. Duo answered the phone when it rang this time.
"Hello?"
"Duo! Thank goodness you are okay!" Quatre greeted him.
"I have not been feeling so well," Duo gave the limp excuse. Quatre scoffed, and Duo cursed his almost empathic abilities.
"You didn't even listen to him," Quatre said quietly.
"What's there to listen to? He kissed Relena. That whore," Duo spit out venomously.
"No he didn't Duo," Quatre said softly.
"I saw it with my own two eyes," Duo was adamant.
"What you saw was Heero being kissed by Relena. He was not an active participant. She walked up to him and kissed him. She was quite drunk that night. He let her fall to the dance floor when he saw you storm way. Duo, he has been MIA ever since that night. He never even left any contact information with us. I think his heart broke," Quatre sounded almost wounded, and Duo suddenly felt like the biggest cad on the planet.
"She kissed him?" Duo asked, not believing.
"She kissed him," Quatre confirmed.
"What have I done?" Duo asked, knowing he sounded very melodramatic but not even caring.
"Find him. Apologize," Quatre suggested.
"I think I am the last person in the world he would want to see," Duo sighed.
"I think you are wrong," Quatre sounded upset.
"We will see," Duo and Quatre said their goodbyes, and then they hung up the phone. Duo never even tried to look for Heero. He was filled with guilt, and shame, and doubt. Every time he reached for the phone or opened a new message he hesitated and then stopped. And then time just went marching on without the issue ever being resolved.
But Duo had never stopped loving Heero. It was just that, after all this time, the bridge seemed too broken to ever repair.