The Reason I Won't Be Coming
a/n: I do not own Gundam Wing nor any of its' characters. Some heavy yaoi lime crossing slightly into lemon in this chapter. Coit Tower is a real place in SF. A picture of it can be found at http(colon)(slashslash)www(dot)pencoyd(dot)com(slash)clock(slash)images(slash)2003(slash)07(slash)06(slash)CoitTower(dot)jpg. It resides at the top of Telegraph Hill, at the end of Lombard Street. You can see almost all of SF from there. In the evenings it becomes a beacon in the fog. So pretty. Yeah, so, I am a romantic. Also, a more graphic version of this chapter will be available on mediaminer(dot)org and AFF(dot)net under the same name.
Chapter Two – Resignation
Heero Yuy stared at the plea on his computer screen. Quatre was clearly determined to get him to come to the party. And, truth be told, the only reason he was not going to go was because he was sure Duo would be there. But now that he was assured Duo was not going to be there, the idea of seeing Quatre and Trowa sounded rather good.
Subject: Change of heart
I will come.
Heero
He stared at the screen for a moment and then hit send. He could almost hear Quatre's happy response, and the cheer in his voice as he told Trowa the good news. They were the only family he had. He wasn't raised in an orphanage like Duo, but the man who had raised him had died when Heero was just a teen. He survived well enough on his own, he thought.
Duo used to be family. Duo used to be his next of kin and the closest thing to a brother Heero had ever had. One day at Fisherman's Wharf and another night at a club had changed Heero's life. That day at Fisherman's Wharf he had gained a love, and that night at the club he had lost it all. Now Quatre and Trowa were all he had left, along with the occasional Wufei sighting.
It occurred to Heero that they could be seen as two lovers on a date, instead of two friends spending the day together. Duo's cheeks always got so pink from the cold. Standing on the top deck of that ship, Heero not only wished that they could always be like this, but he also wished they could do this more often. He turned and told this to Duo, feeling better than he had in days.
Duo had this look in his violet eyes, a look that had not been there two minutes ago. A spark, a gleam, a glint. Whatever it was, it was foreign to Heero. All of a sudden the world fell away, everything but Duo ceased to exist. Those violet eyes and pink cheeks moved closer, and closer, until Duo's soft lips settled on his in the briefest, yet sweetest kiss imaginable.
When Duo backed away, looking shocked and not quite himself, Heero saw a blush spread across his face, even eclipsing the pink the cold had caused on his cheeks. Water droplets clung to his eyeslashes, his lips were parted slightly, and Heero knew that everything had changed.
"Kiss me again," Heero had instructed, wanting to get this just right. Duo did as he commanded, and kissed Heero again. It was long, soft, needy, desperate. It was erotic, sensual, and beautiful. It was not something he was prepared for, this onslaught of emotion and sensory immersion. It felt like falling, falling fast and falling hard. Kissing the person he loved more than any other on the top deck of that silly ship was a perfect moment, one of those rare moments when everything shifts and the whole world changes. A moment that defines everything that happens after it. That one kiss became a reason for living, a single flame burning in the dark of night. He found himself admitting something he must have always known: Duo was his everything. The beginning and the end.
"He still is your everything, Heero. Do not try to fool yourself by thinking any differently," he said to himself.
It was true, he had never stopped loving Duo, not even for a second. Duo was stubborn though. All he needed to do was apologize for not even listening to Heero's side of the story. Heero had known when Duo told him he did not want to hear his side of the story that it was over. Duo would not admit to anything, and that meant to end of it all. He spent that first night at Quatre and Trowa's, and then worked quickly the next day to erase every trace of him from Duo's life, just like he would have wanted. Duo liked clean break, I had seen it many times when he went out with someone and then they broke up. Duo liked no reminders. No looking back. Heero gave him that last gift, and then he disappeared. He took a leave of absence from working, citing family emergency, and then left San Francisco for a month.
Heero lived in a small, rented cabin in the middle of the woods above the Napa Valley, next to Lake Berryessa. He grew to love the cabin so much that he made the owner an offer he could not refuse. Heero still owned that cabin. He used it to store and hide every little thing that reminded him of Duo. Photos, small pieces of furniture, knick-knacks, and gadgets all have a place there. He did not want to ever get rid of the stuff, but he could not have it staring him in the eye every day in San Francisco.
He bought an apartment near the Embarcadero. It was a small studio apartment, but it worked. The floors were made of bamboo planks, and the walls were painted a soft cream. The furniture was black and cream, with deep green accents. The bathroom was slightly different, with hexagonal white tile on the floor, and the walls with black and white subway tiles. It all fit him, with his asian-american heritage and simplistic tastes. It was neat, orderly, and efficient. Quatre told him one day that Duo had left what had been their home and moved into a rented studio apartment over by Golden Gate Park.
Quatre had been incensed when Heero had finally contacted him after that month in the woods. 'Worried sick' is what he called it. Even though Heero had not asked, Quatre told Heero that he had told Duo the truth.
"You told him?" Heero asked, his voice sounding cold.
"I did," Quatre confirmed, trying to keep his voice calm and even.
"And?" Heero asked, beginning to get frustrated.
"He told us that he was probably the last person in the world you would want to talk to at that time," Quatre sighed.
"He was right. I didn't want to talk to him. Not then anyways," Heero confessed, "He is stubborn, and needed time to cool down. But he has not even tried to get ahold of me since I have been back. I know you told him I was back"
"Maybe both of you are waiting for a sign, some kind of divine intervention?" Quatre sounded amused.
"I did not do anything wrong, and I am not going to apologize. I love him, but I will wait until he is ready to say he is sorry," Heero said evenly.
It had been six months since the breakup, and Heero was still waiting. At some point during that six months he decided that even casually seeing Duo would hurt more than he was prepared to deal with, and it may bring to the surface all the words and emotions he had been trying so long to bury and ignore.
There was still no one else for Heero. There never would be. If he died a bachelor, well that was fine. He had only ever loved on person in his entire life, and he knew that he would never love anyone else.
For Heero, the love was immediate and somehow stronger than any other feeling in his whole life. He did not tell Duo though. He knew Duo had been screwed over by several men who told him they loved him and then they left. Heero was not about the screw Duo over like that, and so he had waited, biding his time.
They had been dating for about two months when it occurred to Heero that he and Duo had never done anything more than heavy petting. Every time they were together Heero burned with arousal, which usually resulted in relieving himself in the shower or in his bed after Duo had gone to bed in his own room.
One night they sat in front of the television, trying to polish off the two bottles of Cabernet that Heero had purchased to go with the steak they had for dinner that night. The room was illuminated by the television and the soft glow of the pillar candles that were burning on the coffee table in front of them. It was all soft, made even more hazy by the lovely red wine. It was almost dream-like.
Duo rolled his head around, trying to work out some tension.
"Come here Duo," Heero said softly. Duo moved over on the soft carpet, settling himself on the floor between Heero's flannel covered legs. Duo wore black silk pajama bottoms himself, and a white cotton t-shirt. Heero wore the same shirt, but his clung a little more snug to his muscular chest.
"Take your shirt off," Heero told him. Duo did as he was told, lifting the cotton shirt over his head, letting his braid swing free over his toned back. Duo took another gulp of Cabernet from the wine glass and leaned back into his boyfriend.
Heero began to slowly knead Duo's shoulder muscles. Duo let out an audible moan that made goosebumps appear on Heero's golden skin, even though he was no where near cold. Heero continued to work those muscles, and then moved down Duo's back, using fingers, thumbs, and palms to work loose every muscle and, hopefully, inhibition Duo had.
When Heero moved his hands up to Duo's neck and used his thumbs to start working out the tension there, Heero was rewarded with a startled gasp of pleasure and a strangled moan.
"God, Heero! I love you!" Duo rasped, and then he froze. Heero's hands froze, and then he lowered his dry mouth to Duo's pale and soft ear.
"I love you too," Heero whispered. Duo leaned his head back into his boyfriend's crotch and smiled a hundred watt smile. Heero smirked and got up off the couch. Duo looked crestfallen until Heero held out his hand. Duo then looked confused.
"Well, if you do not want to come to bed with me…" Heero let the sentence trail off.
It took a second for it to soak in, but then Duo was blowing the candles out and turning off the television. His face was an enigma as he took Heero's hand and let him lead him into his bedroom, and his queen sized bed.
Heero raised the hem of his shirt and lifted it over his head, tousling further his already tousled brown hair. Then he moved towards Duo, almost looking predatory. He reached out and hooked his thumbs under Duo's waistband. Then he lowered Duo's pajama bottoms over a taut ass and gorgeous legs. Duo stepped out of them, and his erection was stiff and waving in the air.
"Can you lay down on my bed, on your stomach?" Heero asked. Duo nodded and collapsed on the bed. Heero stripped down to nothing as well. He reached into a cabinet and found the bottle of warming massage oil that had been a gag gift from Quatre not too long ago. He silently praised the gift.
He studied Duo lying on his bed. He was so beautiful, with those long, clean lines. He was lying on his stomach, his legs slightly spread. His arms were also loosely splayed across the bed. His head was turned to the side, and those lovely eyes were closed.
"Why are your eyes closed?" Heero asked, curious.
"Just comfortable. This whole bed smells like you," Duo sighed, sounding content.
"I should hope so," Heero muttered, and then he climbed onto the bed. Duo gasped as Heero straddled his ass. Heero squeezed some oil onto his hands, knowing his erection was laying on top of Duo's ass. He rubbed the oil onto his hands and renewed the massage, kneading the muscles once again.
Duo's lips parted, and a slight pant escaped. Then more as Heero continued to work those muscles in the back and neck.
Heero slowly undid the tie that held Duo's braid together. Slowly but surely, he began the erotic task of unraveling that heavy braid. Soon Duo's hair sat, wild and wavy, on top of his skin, and Heero's fingers were combing through it. Then Heero took himself off of Duo and moved down to the foot of the bed. He slowly took each of Duo's slender feet into his hands and rubbed them with the warn oil. Duo's feet proved to be very ticklish, resulting in much twitching and the occasional giggle. Heero moved up, kneading Duo's calves, and then his thighs. Duo's breathing became rather ragged when Heero moved up the thighs slowly, and then Heero placed his hands on Duo's ass. Two golden hands on pale skin. Heero began to knead that flesh, impressed by the muscle, and aware that his fingers brushed against Duo's pink sphincter every once and a while.
"Heero!" Duo finally gasped, flipping himself over onto his back. His face was flushed, his lips swollen from biting them, and his hair wild and untamed. He reached up and pulled Heero's body towards his own. Heero lay down on top of Duo, bracing himself with his hands on either side of Duo's head. Heero could feel Duo's erection rub against his own, making his blood boil and his eyes cross. He wanted to taste Duo, taste his skin, his cock, his essence. He wanted to bury himself in Duo, feel Duo all around him. Duo pulled Heero's head down to him by his hair, and their lips met fiercely, passionately. Their tongues danced together. Minutes later, Heero let Duo's mouth go, and he trailed wet kisses down Duo's throat and down his chest. He latched onto one pink nipple, swirling it around with his tongue and nipping at it with his teeth. His other hand teased and flicked the other nipple, then he switched.
"Oh god, Heero!" Duo gasped hoarsely as he wrapped his fingers in Heero's unruly brown locks.
Heero trailed kisses down Duo's flat and toned stomach until his mouth hit that telltale patch of trim dark hair. He inhaled Duo's musky scent, and then his mouth sought out his treasure. He found Duo's member with his mouth, and for hours they gave each other their all. For hours they moaned and writhed and discovered every little thing about each other's bodies. Heero had never known he could feel this good, not until Duo. When they were exhausted, and the sheets were stained and wet, Heero wearily made his way to turn on the shower. They shared that precious intimacy, washing each other's hair and bodies. Then, they walked hand in hand into Duo's bedroom, and his double bed.
They snuggled under the covers, languidly trailing fingers over clean and warm skin. Duo turned from his spooned position so he could look his lover in the eye.
"When did you fall in love with me?" Duo asked earnestly.
"When you kissed me on the boat," Heero confessed.
"Ship," Duo corrected.
"I realized in that moment that you had always been my everything, even if I did not know it," Heero said softly.
"How come you never told me?" Duo asked.
"I didn't want to be like the others, telling you they loved you and then they left you. I guess I wanted to wait, so you would know I was sincere," Heero explained. Duo smiled a sleepy smile.
"I love you Heero," Duo whispered in the dark.
"What about you?" Heero asked. But Duo's even breathing told him that his love was now asleep.
He never again asked Duo just when it was that he had fallen in love.
Heero opened a drawer on his desk that only had one resident. A small, velvet box from a local jeweler. He lifted the box out of the drawer and opened it for the first time in six months. In it sat a braided platinum band, sprinkled with dark amethyst chips. Duo's engagement ring. Heero had been carrying it the night of their one year anniversary. He had been planning to sneak Duo up to the fog shrouded Coit Tower after they were done clubbing for the night. Under the light of the tower, with the bay in front of them, he was going to ask Duo to be his husband. They could not legally get married, but they could be civilly united in their own minds, in front of their unusual little family. That was all they could have at that time, and Heero was okay with that. He just knew he wanted Duo to spend eternity with him. Sweet, smart, stubborn, beautiful Duo. The best friend he ever had, the brother he never had, and the lover he had always wanted.
Heero knew it would never happen, but he kept the ring just the same. In his will, the ring went to Duo, along with everything else he ever had. Duo was still his everything. And, after all, the stones in the ring match Duo's violet eyes. The eyes he saw awake or asleep. The eyes he loved. The eyes he thought he would never see again.