A Series Of Unfortunate Events

Thank all.. Well most of you for your great reviews!

Abbitha-shut up

Ronweaslykiller-yes if only we had more time (sigh)

Cheesy little hobbitses-thanks...I guess

Nenagh24-thanks a lot, a fan of Ronweaslykiller I see, very good

Animeomega- funny, and yes they are

EmmyRaye16-okkkkk....

Lady Emily-thanks

Ih8gibbson1234-I won't, and I want to read yours (story)

Whew, now that that's off my shoulders we can get started, well almost. Before I do start I just want to recommend to you a absolutely hysterical parody about Harry Potter done by a friend of mine who's penname is Ronweaslykiller, remember that. Now I can get started on chapter two.

The Bad Beginning Uncut©

2

It was Violet who suggested that Mr. Poe take the three Baudelaire orphans to see the damage that was done to the house. Mr. Poe thought it a bad idea but Klaus, using his superpower brain convinced Mr. Poe to go to the remains of the mansion.

When they arrived they could see that it was being invested by a police officer.

"What the fuck are you doing at our burned down house," Violet said. As she was saying this she put her RIGHT hand in her pocket.

"Excuse me, but I could arrest you for using those very bad words," said the cop, puffing out his chest. This I am sorry to say, was one of those people in the world who think they are better then everyone else like Senator Kerry, or President Bush. "It says so in the Big Book of Law™."

Klaus being the bookworm in the family said something sorta like this: "There's no such philological tension of testimonial inference such as an astronomical, physical and interminable pliancy like that."

Now you and I know that that sentence makes no sense whatsoever, however, the policeman didn't know that all that came out of his mouth was drool, and all that came out of his nose was green slime (boogers, bogus, green bubbles, green juice, green gook, nose boogies, SNOT, for Pete's sake).

You may recall me telling you that Violet put her RIGHT hand in her pocket. She now pulled out a foldable knife, and began to unfold it. The police officer looked at the knife to stupid to know what it was.

The knife was something Violet had made herself and was proud of it. It was extremely sharp so it could cut someone with ease. As you have probably guessed she was going to threaten the cop with it, and if you didn't guess that then your just downright stupid.

"Get off our property you bitch. What the fuck are you doing here anyway" she said.

"I was investigating the fire," he mumbled, all trace of self pride vanished to the four winds. "I was sent by the police headquarters I swear."

Violet was having fun interrogating the police but you forgot Mr. Poe was there, so he , of course, had to ruin her fun.

Mr. Poe had snuck up behind Violet had now snatched the knife out of her hands.

"I refuse to let you play with dangerous weapons."

Now because this is the uncut story some things in this story will be different from the real one. For example because Klaus is a crazy bookworm he will always be talking in complicated sentences. Because Sunny is on crack she will have enhanced speaking powers so will be able to speak regular. Sunny and Violet will be the ones who will explain what Klaus is saying from this point on. Also because Sunny is on crack her teeth are incredibly sharp.

"Listen buster," Sunny said in a high squeaking voice. "If you don't leave right now I will kill you with my teeth." But he was already gone.

Violet looked at Sunny proudly. "Great job you showed him your feminine bitch powers, you go girl!"

They looked around at the remains of the house. Klaus was upset that the books burned away. Violet was sad to see that the guillotine she had built had burned, and she also saw half of sofa with the acid stain on it that her mom like to sit in.

She remembered that day perfectly. She had been testing a newfound acid that she had made herself. She suction-cupped herself to the ceiling by putting used plungers on her hands and feet. Then she tried to pour her highly dangerous acid on her moms head while she was reading the novel A Woman's Life. Unfortunately at that very second Sunny started to cry for more crack so her mom got up to give her more. The invention ate up half the one-person sofa. When her mom came back she didn't even look to see if the one-person sofa was still there and sat right on the floor where she burned her ass on the remain acid. She then fell through the floor (the sofa was on the second floor) and landed on her husband who was cooking in the kitchen. Violet had earned herself a punishment of course and that was that she couldn't threaten anyone with her inventions for a month (as you can see the punishment wasn't very good so Violet keep doing it after the punishment was up).

Sunny looked at the remains of the house and saw the skull that her parents had given her to chew on was burnt to a crisp and even though it brought back painful memories she still looked at her grandpa's skull fondly.

Finally they left to go to Mr. Poe's shack. They arrived by taxi thirty minutes later in front of Mr. Poe's dilapidated (if you could even call it this) house. They went inside and got to meet Mr. Poe's children, I mean animals.

"Yo, yo, yo, what's up home dad. You took tha ugly shiz-net home?" His first son said greeting his dad and the Baudelaires.

"Hi Albert," Mr. Poe said monotone. "Do you know where bugger is?"

"Bugger?" Sunny asked.

"Because he is such a pain in the ass we call him 'bugger'." Mr. Poe explained.

"Oh"

Later after they had dinner and the Baudelaires had been given clothing that itches Mr. Poe announced that the Baudelaires would be going to live with Count Olaf.

"Good,' Violet said, 'these bitches of your (kids) are really pissing me and my siblings off."

The next morning Mr. Poe woke them up to get them ready to leave. As he shook the Baudelaires awake he asked each of the Baudelaires the same question.

"Have you seen Albert and Bugger"

Each of the them gave the same answer, no.

He shrugged. "Oh well I'll look for them later.

As Mr. Poe took them onto the front lawn to the car Violet, Klaus, and Sunny all looked at the mound of raw dirt and the three shovels that lay next to them and smiled, knowing that they would never see Albert or 'Bugger' ever, again.

Please read and review. Once again I must recommend The POA (Prisoner of Azkaban) by ronweaslykiller.