When Nothing Goes Right

Vastulja Sata Menton

Chapter Six: Realizations

Wufei had been taken out of the room, but I still clung to Heero with all of my life. Pain shot through my body, but I did not let go. I knew that it was bad without even looking. Even trying to protect myself as I had, I was still badly hit. It's amazing how much damage that can be done in such a little amount of time. After sometime, I slowly pulled away from Heero's body and looked up at him. I saw so much n his eyes then that I had never seen before. Pain, fear, anguish, and dare I say…love? I wasn't sure what to make of it. He brought a hand up, and flinched back, waiting to be hit. He touched my face lightly, to my surprise, and I found even more pain and anguish in those deep blue eyes. He caressed my cheek and brushed bangs out of my eyes. He spoke then, keeping his hand resting on my jaw.

"Are you okay?" I closed my eyes. Was I okay? Even I didn't know. I knew I was in pain, emotionally and physically. But could I say that? Did that mean that I wasn't okay? I wasn't sure. I shook my head no, just to be on the safe side. He picked me up. Slowly so not to hurt me, and gently sat me on the bed. My breath hitched as my back touched the bed. Yeah, that was where most of the kicks had hit me. It was probably no more than bruising, which I had become accustom to. The pain was there, but it was only a light throbbing. I opened my eyes and let out a sigh. Heero sat on the bed, looking down at me. I tried to smile, but failed miserably. He stroked my arm gently and I could tell that he was searching for words. "Duo, how did all of this happen?"

I turned away, not wanting to see that pain in his eyes. I honestly didn't know how it had all happened. But I knew that I had let it happen. I knew that I had hurt not only me, but I had hurt my friends as well.

When had I become so weak? I used to be a Gundam pilot damnit. Now I was nothing but an empty shell of what I once was many years before. I saw it now though. I had let Wufei into my heart and trusted him. Eventually, everything just got worse. And I stood there and let it, because I loved him and didn't think that the out bursts of anger would last. But they did, and I was in denial. Even now I still was. I hated myself for it; for everything that I had let happen. What the hell had gotten into me? I truly wish that I knew. I turned back to Heero and gave a half hearted smile. "Ya know Heero, I wish I knew." He sighed, but it was not one of relief. My eyes met his, and everything that I had done unconsciously to my friends hit me hard. How could I have let it all happen?

I didn't even want to think about it, but the thoughts just would not leave my mind. No longer did it matter when I had let it happen. Why I had let it happen was what mattered. But I wasn't sure. I had thought that I had loved Wufei, but now I realized that my love was blind. It was not the type of love for a relationship. And it had been one sided. I wasn't sure as to what Wufei felt, but quite frankly I didn't even want to see him. All of this was all my fault too. I hadn't done anything about it; I had let Wufei talk control.

All this pain, it wasn't what I wanted. But it would not go away no matter how hard I tried to push it back. I knew that Heero was hurting, and so were Quatre and Trowa. We all were. Well, probably not Wufei but he was a cold hearted bastard. I saw that now. I had let hell into my life and pushed heaven away. I had ignored and tortured the people who really cared about me.

Would they forgive me though? Even after I had shut them off? I couldn't blame them if they didn't though. I probably deserved it. After everything that I had let happen. I hoped that they would forgive me though. I needed them now more than ever.

End Chapter Six

AN: There it is. It was shorter, but I made it a little longer and put some more thought and emotion into it. Hope you like it. Next chapter will be in Heero's POV:)