Only about a day later than my usual update day, eh? Well, this chapter came up whuite a bit shorter than I expected, but... I'm having trouble gettin ginto my 'writing zone.' Let me complain about that briefly, or just skip to reading below the line and you're set. See, as much as I enjoy writing, it takes time. Not like it just consumes it, I mean time flies easily when I begin writing. It's like a warp, I start at noon, and then it's dinner before I know it. I don't even feel like I get much done, but here's 3 pages worth /
Beast Boy sat on his lower bunk, facing the wall. He had taped to it a piece of paper he'd picked up from the hallway. The hand writing was neat and uniform, fitting between the lines perfectly, never overlapping. It was Robin's handwriting.
He very rarely used the lower bunk and it often baffled the other Titans as to why it even existed. Beast Boy had his reasons when he requested as much when moving into the Tower. Never having had many friends and much less family before his crime fighting days, it was his way of inviting it in. He'd always have a place for a buddy to sleep over. Like a queen size bed offers itself more to a love life than would a twin size bed. But he hadn't gotten to that stage in his life, he was still quite young. Twin beds were still quite adequate.
He had the blanket from the top bunk pulled down like a curtain, hiding him from the world. His knees were pulled up to his chest and he sighed deeply into them. He'd hit his commander, who he'd idolized prior to the team's formation. The girl he thought he had a chance with he now knew he didn't. Tears welled up in his eyes as he sat unblinking, staring at the list he had found, knowing what it meant. He felt so alone.
He should have been more upfront about the way he felt. He should have learned from Tara that tomorrow was never a guarantee. And those stupid jokes he always told. But at least he could still face her, how could he face Robin? He shouldn't have been so childish, why was he always so immature, so stupid?
Beast Boy wasn't sure of how much time had elapsed since crawling into this dark shelter, but he was sure he didn't care. His appetite was gone, and he was no longer in any mood for fun and games. Every word on that piece of paper was etched in his mind, but still he remained fixed on it.
There was a knock on his door, timid, soft. Just two taps.
"I'm not here," Beast Boy called out, robotically.
"I'm sorry, but I am not so gullible, any longer. And I fully intend to intrude upon your solitude." There then was the sound of his door opening and closing. Soft footsteps came closer and then a sliver of light illuminated the wall. He squinted a bit, but his eyes still did not close. Starfire joined him on the small bed, slouching a bit to keep from hitting her head.
"That list… it was written by… friend… Robin?" Beast Boy gave the slightest nod of ascension. The Tamaran princess laid her head against the wall and curled her legs up beside her. "Beast Boy, it is wrong for us to be so negative, is it not?" Her eyes dared not try to stare into his. She waited for his reply, but there was none. "On my planet, I could challenge Raven to the death or banishment. It is my right as royalty. Earth does not have such customs."
Silence persisted for some time. Then Beast Boy finally croaked, "It wouldn't have mattered."
Starfire looked at him, and she looked at the paper on his wall. "You are right. Robin still would feel nothing for me." She reached over and pulled his hand away from his shins. She pressed her lips gently into his palm. She folded his fingers over and replaced the fist against his legs. His eyes caught hers as she exited his bunk.
Beast Boy woke up only just realizing he had fallen asleep. His body had slumped over in a clumsy heap. Moving up from that position only because he heard another knocking on his door, he felt aches in his joints. He had no idea what time it was. The knock came again, followed soon by a voice.
"Beast Boy, I know you're in there. Please open the door." It was Raven. Very conscious of his post-nap breath, he crawled out of the bed and made his way to the door.
"I'm not sure I really want to see you right now. I don't think I want to see anybody, not for a while." One hand was still clenched shut. "So… just go…"
"No, Beast Boy. I'm your friend… please?" Knowing full well she could phase through, he appreciated her being considerate enough not to. He let out a deep sigh of resignation and opened the door. "Thanks."
Raven stepped over the threshold and he began walking back toward his hideaway. She followed him and watched as he crawled back to the far corner, behind the ladder, then she sat opposite him. He pulled a paper off his wall and crumpled it up as she settled in. Clearly, it was none of her business, so she didn't bother asking about it.
His eyes were a bit bloodshot, but his nose wasn't pink or runny, so Raven ascertained that he hadn't been crying. There was, however, a little bit of dried drool on the side of his mouth, giving away that he'd just stirred from slumber. Patiently, she waited to see if he'd be the first to speak. He wouldn't be.
"I saw Robin has a bruise on his face, about that size," she said and indicated his one clenched fist. "Now, we haven't gone into battle for quite a while, so… you wanna tell me about it?"
"Not really."
"But you realize you're going to, correct?"
Again, Beast Boy sighed. "We got in a fight… over manly things… He won."
"But you don't have any bruises." She could tell he wasn't going to be direct with her.
"Um, well, it was more complicated than that, see… The fight was over… who could take a harder hit? I wimped out?" Raven glared at him. "Ok… it was over you. I… Raven… dammit, and it just wasn't fair!"
"Beast Boy, don't make me read your mind…"
"Eep!" He squinched his eyes shut, an attempt to block out mental waves. "No, my mind is private! For serious, Raven, it isn't my place to tell you exactly why we fought, but… I have a question for you." She kept silent, allowing him to plod on. "What do you think of me? What have you ever thought of me?"
Raven raised her eyebrows ever so slightly. The inquiry was a bit unexpected, so she needed a moment to consider her response. "I really don't like to judge others…" Beast Boy bit his lower lip, waiting. "You've always been a funny guy, Beast Boy, even though I rarely share an appreciative laugh. Comedy isn't really for me. You're a tough fighter and a great friend. You probably value the close bonds you've made here more than anyone could. Lately, you haven't really been yourself, and though I don't know why you hit Robin, I'm sure that was the peak of it, and now you know. Whatever is wrong, you now see it and, maybe, you can work through it now? If not, we're here…" She wasn't sure that's what he'd meant, so let it trail off.
"I used to like you, you know." His eyes were now fixed on a piece of lint on the blanket.
"No, but I know you used to think you did. Then Tara came, and, well, that was love. You love her, Beast Boy. I envy that."
"Raven, you're capable of a lot of things you don't even know. You love, too, you just don't admit it. The way you protect us and the way you came here to do whatever, that's love. And there are people loving you, too, you just don't see it." He thought of the crumpled paper shoved into the gap between the mattress and the wall. "Like keeping your eyes closed during a sunrise. I was starting to feel—"
"No more, Beast Boy. I see where that one's going, and let me save us both the awkward moment. Never, it just won't happen. As much as you hear 'opposites attract' there still need to be some basic commonalities… You'll want to run and play while I'd prefer to sit and read and as such we'd inhibit each other, too much." Beast Boy gave her a pitiful look. "And I tend to use words you don't understand."
"I see how it is, Raven. I'm sorry I thought you'd always be there, and that I assumed I had your best interest. And could you tell Robin I'm sorry I punched him? I'm a little afraid to face him, now."
A corner of Raven's mouth turned up. "Will do." She started to get up to leave, but then leaned over and punched Beast Boy's shoulder. "That's for making me second string to a blonde."
As she started to leave the room, she turned around and telepathically moved the top bunk's comforter back into place. "Thanks, Rae, I don't think the darkness suited me very much, huh?" She shook her head and let out a noise that could have been a chuckle as she turned to leave. Maybe Beast Boy didn't even realize the double meaning.
Meanwhile, Starfire was meandering through the Tower. She had so many question on how to deal with losing a love interest, that she now seem barely perturbed by the loss. Using sensibility, she knew it would now be inappropriate to go to Robin with such questions. While talking to Beast Boy, she realized he was in no state of mind to offer reliable answers. That left only…
"Cyborg! I have a much weighted mind. Please, would you be so kind as to, um… Well?"
Cyborg had been on his way to do some maintenance on the gym equipment when Robin had come upon him and filled him in. Usually, he'd give her the slip and refer her to Robin, but that apparently had to change.
"Sure, Star, unload on me." They were near the library. "Do you wanna walk up a ways so we can sit down and chat?"
"That would be most pleasant, friend Cyborg." She followed him to a nearby room that she had not often visited. There were tall, wide shelves filled with every imaginable written work. She had memorized much of Tamaran's lore quite young and had not given much consideration to reading since she began training to become a fierce fighter, and even less once she joined the Titans. Perhaps she would understand Earth ways a bit better if she would. Her eyes wandered the tomes as Cyborg pulled a couple chairs together near a small table. She then abandoned those thoughts and joined him in sitting.
"What's on that pretty little mind of yours?" Cyborg entreated her with a warm smile.
"Well, you see… for quite some time, I had thought I was…with… Robin, or at least that I soon would be. Where did I go wrong?"
"You didn't, Star. You can't make some one feel a certain way, and you shouldn't assume how they feel in any case. So you misunderstood, big deal, right?"
"Rr—right, misunderstood… Should I ask often and blatantly how anyone feels of me? On Tamaran, such things are easier to sense. Earth boys seem more complex."
"Well, I don't know about all Earth boys, but Robin certainly is one tough nut to crack. No, you don't need to constantly check how some one feels, but maybe every now and then, maybe. If you don't know, it couldn't hurt to ask."
"How can I deal with Raven, now? Should I feel betrayed?"
"Starfire, if you feel betrayed, you should talk to Raven about it. You two are friends and I know she wouldn't intentionally hurt you. Besides, it's not her fault Robin likes her. You can't hold his feelings against her."
They continued this talk for some time, the library staying very quite and uninhabited. There was one accidental eavesdropper, however. Coming in to exchange a Salinger for a Faulkner, Raven had gotten distracted by a layer of dust on a neglected shelf. Before she realized it, she was hearing a conversation she was sure she shouldn't. But she found herself stuck and quietly sank to the floor into a corner of tall shelves right beside a certain occupied table. She became far too engrossed in the subject matter to consider phasing out.
Ooo, the sneaky sneaky. Never underestimate the sneaky sneaky. So what have I been doing this whole absence of mine? Well, um, more than I can write here, but I'll make an attempt. I've been to a bunch of hockey games, first year, never attended any other sport. Guess what? I love hockey! I know what you're thinking: Texas? Hockey? WTF? Well, apparently the Houston Aeros rock, except now Harding is out injured and they aren't saying much about it. Poor guy, he's an awesome goalie. And Erik Reitz is a total BAMF. Haha. And I went and looked at penguins in the local aquarium, because there were 2 hatched there this past fall. I WANT to go to the zoo and see the baby jaguars, but we haven't gotten around to that, yet. It's free, tomorrow, so maybe we'll brave the MLKJr Day crowd? Christmas, New Years, every other weekend with my boyfriend's dad's, job hunting, school applying, baking, cleaning, drawing, and generally being a BAMF myself. Ooo, and I went to see the Chronicles of Narnia and made lewd innuendos about beavers the whole time with my best ever boyfriend. Heehee, we're filthy.
So, other than that, I'm up for any opinion on this story, now. I'm getting a little mental block-- too much time away made me lose some of my direction-- so if you have any suggestions, SHOOT. I'll bet you all are full of great ideas and even if you're not, maybe some bad ideas could inspire me, too :)