A/N: January 3rd, 4:10 PM, Central Standard Time. I got home from school not too long ago, and I simply have to write this chapter. It's been brewing in my head for aaaages...and trust me, this will be VERY difficult for me to write.

.-.-.

This chapter rated PG-13 for language and drug reference.

Figuring Out My Life – Chapter Three

What is it with my life! Just when I think it's all getting better and I've got everything figured out, something comes along and screws it up. It's this cycle that seems to contain my life! I can't break this chain of events. It's always going to end up like this. First, a moment of understanding, of truth and connection. Then this. Then isolation, depression. Then another moment of connection with the world and my family...and then this. It's always going to be something, whether it be Roger yelling at me, or...God, no, why Mimi? Why did it have to be Mimi, tonight!

I stop running, unable to run any further. It is only now that I seem to awaken from my blind trance and feel as if I'm a part of my body. I'm not looking down on myself, with only my demented and twisted mind to keep me company. I'm here. The world around me, it's all here. On the cold streets of New York at 10:00 at night. But where am I? I look around for a street sign, and I see that I made it to 14th street. So I'm at least in either East or West Village. I walk around for a moment, looking for a sign to tell me which avenue I made it to. Avenue C.

No sooner has this location processed in my mind do I hear voices somewhere down the street. They're soft, and I can't understand what they're saying. Furiously trying to wipe my tear-stained face off with my scarf, I venture forward, curious despite myself. Every fiber of my being tells me I could get mugged doing this, but a part of me thinks that wouldn't be so bad. Maybe I'd go unconscious for a minute. I might even get amnesia and forget tonight has even happened...I round the corner into an alleyway, peeking down the shadowy lane for the source of the low voices...

I hear scuffling, and I back away, immediately thinking that they must be robbers or gang members of sorts. I hear footsteps, uneven and staggered, coming towards me, and my numbed brain considers turning around and running. But before I can move another inch, I see a beam of moonlight slant across the face of one of the two figures I can now see.

"False alarm, Gruff," says the woman, and I can see that distinguishing smirk I connect with that woman so easily. "It's our filmmaker friend."

The second figure comes into view, the man I recognize quite easily now. They're the two junkies I encountered just this afternoon, only hours ago. And from the looks of them, they were getting ready for another night of highs. The man now has the distorted smirk on his face, and it makes me shiver (even though I'm shaking already). "Hey, filmmaker. You look like you've seen a ghost."

My eyes go wide for a moment as the impact of what he just said hits me. Next thing I know, I'm on the ground, on my knees, shaking, staring at the cement, holding back my tears. The woman kneels down next to me. "Hey, kid, calm down."

I try to process what she's saying, try to make heads or tails of it, but my foggy brain can't. All I can think is how Mimi is...dead. She's dead, and she left Roger. She left Roger...she left me... "I hate my life." My voice is shaking, but I am still holding back my tears.

A pause. "Then let's try a different life for a while."

I look up at the woman, feeling like a child who is lost and has nobody to turn to. "Wh-what do you mean?"

"I mean that you need to grow some wings, kid." She has that amazing smirk on her face, and I realize something: in a way, she's happy... "Life's getting you down, and gravity's just pulling you down...so you gotta fly." Her eyes connect with mine, and I see a fire in those eyes I haven't seen before, of excitement... "Come on, Mark. Just for tonight."

I find myself standing, shaking still. "OK."

"That's the ticket," Rube says, patting me on the back, leading me into the alley. "All of us have shitty lives. We'll show you how to fly away from that life you hate. Like a flock of birds, Mark. We're gonna fly together..."

Rube eases me into sitting down against the wall, deep in the shadows of the alleyway. Her promises fill my ears, promises nobody else has ever given me. My family has abandoned me...and she is promising me so much. Is it really that wonderful? All I want is to escape...is this the only way out? I feel Gruff roll up the sleeve of my long-sleeved shirt and tie a cloth around my upper arm, just below my elbow, and I find that I'm not shaking as hard. In fact, Rube's warm arms, rubbing my back and tracing shapes around my spine, are almost soothing and even relaxing. I close my eyes, giving in to the whole grand elusion of the entire thing, and with a sharp prick somewhere on my forearm, I'm gone.

I love every minute of it. We take turns shooting up with the needle, as if like blood brothers. We're a flock of birds, and we'll fly together, bonded by our wings. I feel my soul leaving my body, leaving the world of pain that I have been trapped in, and for one almost magical night, I'm free.

.-.-.

I find myself lying on the cold cement. My eyes flicker open slowly, and I see just a flicker of sunlight seeping into the alley. I slowly sit up, and all at once I find myself trapped in this world. I look around, almost panicking. I can't stay in this world. Not for so long. I need to leave again...I fumble around blindly (my glasses seem to have disappeared) for the needle on my hands and knees, hoping there is just a small amount left. I find the needle, but cannot tell if there is even anything left. I hold it very close to my face, and the slightly less blurred image tells me we used everything last night. I drop the needle to the ground, and hear the sharp shattering of glass.

Suddenly, a figure I had not been able to see before stirs, and I move away from it with slurred movements. I see the blurred figure come right up to me. There is a pause. "Fuck! You broke our needle!" The man's voice is slurred, but it's angry...it scares my foggy brain.

"I...I..." I can't seem to be able to come up with any good excuse.

I hear what sounds like a growl, and I see another figure come up, possibly a woman, but then again, my brain can't piece much of anything together. "What! The kid broke our needle!"

"Dammit..." From what I can tell, Gruff is desperately trying to pick up the pieces of the needle, as if able to salvage them. I crawl backwards, up against the wall, as if afraid he's going to attack me. After a pause, I hear more shattering glass: he has thrown the pieces to the ground. "Dammit!" Suddenly, I'm flat against the wall as two very strong hands pin me against the wall, pulling me up. I struggle, but somehow all of my strength has abandoned me. "You little...you broke our needle..."

"I-I didn't mean to..." I sound like a little kid again, trying to apologize for spilling grape juice on the prized living room rug. I'm pinned against the wall, unable to resist him, inches above the ground.

Suddenly, I feel one of his hands let go of my shoulder, and moments later I feel his hand grasping my throat. I gag, struggling to find air, but I can't breathe... "You motherfucker...you're gonna pay..."

"HEY! YOU!" I hear a loud, deep voice from somewhere, but I can't tell who it is, my brain trying to figure out why I can't breathe...the already blurry image in front of me is getting even blurrier, and I clench my eyes shut, suddenly afraid...I don't want to die...

All at once, I'm on the ground, on all fours, gasping for breath. All the noises around me are muted, and the sounds of two men fighting are dulled. I cough multiple times, trying to re-learn how to breathe. I inhale very sharply, my lungs suddenly filled with oxygen. The world around me sounds clearer, but I still can't even see anything. I feel somebody fall beside me, and I suddenly feel a strong arm lift me up, grunting for me to 'come on'. I oblige, staggering as quickly as I can, literally dragged out of the alleyway by the stranger...

After a while of staggering along, dizzy and confused, whoever is dragging me along stops, commanding me to sit. I oblige, literally collapsing, sitting against the brick wall of a building. I can just barely see the outline of somebody hovering in front of me. "You probably want these."

I feel cold metal on my face, and suddenly the image in front of me grows clear. I see a man in front of me, looking at me with concerned eyes. I sigh, long and loud. "Collins."

"In the flesh. Mark, you look horrible. Why the hell were you even back there? You were asking for trouble hanging out down here." He raises a hand, brushing off some dirt from my shoulder. "You're lucky I took the long way to the loft."

My stomach lurches, and all of a sudden last night comes back to me. "Collins...Mimi..."

"Shh." He places a finger on my mouth, silencing me from continuing. "I know. Come on. We need to get you to the loft. You look like you could use a warm bath."

He lifts me up under the armpits, and I can't find myself able to resist him. I feel almost sick at the thought of having to face Roger...I don't want to have to go through it, or see the look of pain in his eyes. Collins leads me along, offering me a shoulder to lean on. I realize suddenly that I'm very grateful I'm wearing a long-sleeved shirt; he can't see the tell-tale signs of last night. If he finds out, he'll hate me. He'll probably leave me. Just like I knew my entire family was going to leave me someday.

.-.-.

A/N: January 3rd, 10:30 PM, Central Standard Time. So, I was going to combine this chapter and the next one into one, but for one thing, together it was almost 3k words, and for another, I wanted to separate this actual incident from what happens next. PLEASE give me opinions on how I did. All I have to write on this is what I've heard and read, so it probably isn't realistic. Does anybody have any comments on it? Are all the after effects pretty accurate? (Eh, that's where I'm shakiest.) PLEASE tell me how I did. This was very difficult for me to write, believe me. How did I do? PLEASE, PLEASE review.