Dangerous Ground

Chapter 18

I awoke cold and shivering that night. I got up and stoked the fire. It burned brightly, sending sparks to dance in the air. I rubbed my shoulders and cast a longing look at Zuko. I would have given my left arm to sleep against his familiar warmth, as I had done every night since the day I'd gotten the cold sickness.

But no. What would the firenation soldiers think if they saw us cuddling together? They might think that we had feelings for each other. They might even think that behind the closed door of our room at night we...

I shook the idea out of my head. It was a great dishonor among my people for a person to give his or her body before marriage. I would never want them to think that I would do such a thing, for I hadn't, and I wouldn't.

What am I doing? I put my hands in my head. I'm defending my honor when I don't even have feelings for this... this firebender. I turned to look at him.

Stretched out on his mat, Zuko's body was lit by the ambrosian light of the fire. His chest rose and fell slowly and deeply. Even in sleep, however, the Prince appeared on edge. His face drawn into a frown, his muscles tense, as if even in his dreams he waged some mortal battle.

Fighting. Always fighting. I narrowed my eyes at him and tried to hate him. I had no trouble doing so just a few months ago when I'd had to care for his broken ribs. But now, as I stared at his prone form, I could not manage to dredge those feelings up. If anything, I felt something else...

What's wrong with me? I covered my face with my hands and moaned.

Nothing's wrong with you. What you're feeling is natural.

I'm not feeling anything!

Are you being honest with yourself, Katara?

I moaned again. I threw another piece of kindling into the fire, causing ashes and cinders to fly into the air. I warmed my hands, enjoying the feel of the heat against my freezing fingertips. It was a nice fire, bigger and more brilliant than the fires of the other soldiers around us.

Wait... why did we even have a fire? Back in the room Zuko and I had shared, the fire would die every night. So why did this one still burn? I looked at it intensely, hoping I could find the secret in the flames, but they yielded no answers.

Warmed, I returned to my mat and pulled the blankets over my head. But between the cold and the thoughts that sloshed in my head like water in a bucket, I found rest as flighty and elusive as a sparrow. I muttered a curse when I saw the sun rise golden over the horizon.

Most of the soldiers were already up, including Zuko, but I lay on the mat, clinging desperately to the last shards of night.

A jolt of energy hit me when a hand was placed on my shoulder. "Time to get up, Katara." Zuko's lips were just above my ear, whispering me awake. Warmth spread inside my body like cream spilling onto the floor. I frowned and pushed the feeling aside as I rolled up my mat and hefted my pack to my shoulders.

"Here. Breakfast." Zuko handed a piece of fruit and bread to me from his pack. I took it and smiled at him. I saw a twitch at his lips, but he turned his head quickly and busied himself with packing his blankets.

We moved out in a matter of moments. All traces of our camp were covered with diligent care as we merged into the forest around us, melting into the woods like the last traces of night in the dawn sky.

We walked all day. It was just as monotonous as the day before, and just as wet. A thick mist hung in the air, icy and clinging. I gave up trying to amuse myself and just put one foot in front of the other.

In front of the other...

In front of the other...

In front of the other...

What I wouldn't give for Aang's cheerful jokes to lighten the somber mood. Even Sokka's whining would have been a welcome change from the grim silence in which we marched. I wondered sadly if Aang and Sokka were okay. Was Aang learning the other bending skills? Was Sokka well fed and safe? What would Gran-Gran say if she knew I'd lost him? Would she say I was a failure?

Everyone is put exactly where they should be. God sees to it. She'd comforted me with those words when I'd cried to her at night, begging for my father to come home from the war. If everyone was where they should be, then I was meant to be marching with these soldiers, though what purpose it served was beyond me. What good could I do while trapped here? What was I supposed to accomplish?

"What's wrong?" I turned to see Zuko staring intently into my face. His expression was as severe and dark as usual, but I'd gotten good at reading his eyes, and they betrayed concern.

"Nothing. I'm just thinking about Sokka and Aang." I mumbled.

"Oh. The avatar and the... water tribe boy." Zuko's brow furrowed. "Do you miss him... them, I mean." Zuko's voice was gruff.

"Of course I do! I think about them every day."

"Why?"

"Why wouldn't I? Aang is my good friend, and though Sokka can be a bit annoying at times, I do love him!"

"You shouldn't waste your love. He is not even a good warrior. I beat him without even trying."

"Agh! What is it with you? There are other reasons to love people besides just their battle strength!"

"So if you don't love him for his strength, what could you possibly love him for?"

"He's my brother! Isn't that a good enough reason to?"

"Brother?" Zuko's eyebrow lifted in surprise for a moment, and then he turned from me, a blush creeping into his face.

"Of course! Didn't you-" Oh, wait. How could he know? I'd never told him, and Sokka was about my age, and from my Nation. I started laughing.

"Did you think that... you thought..." I doubled over as the laughter chocked my words. Zuko's face reddened further with anger and embarrassment at his mistake.

"It was a reasonable conclusion! You are surely of marrying age now, aren't you? What's wrong? They can't find a man in your village who will be able to stand you long enough to marry you?" His words were meant to sting, but I knew it was only because I had been laughing at him. I'd wounded the fragile pride all males, and especially princes, were born with.

"No, as a matter of fact, your highness, all the men in my village have gone off to fight this stupid war. Anyway, I'm glad I wasn't placed in an arranged marriage. The boys in my village were always so immature and silly. What about you? I would think the Prince of the Fire Nation would have a bevy of exotic ladies to chose from." I teased.

"I did." Zuko admitted. I raised my eyebrows.

"Courtship and marriage arrangements in the Fire Nation begin when a child reaches thirteen. It's horrible." A look of distaste crossed his face, as if he'd just swallowed a bug. I giggled.

"It couldn't have been that bad. Surely there must have been many pretty women to chose from."

"There were." Zuko frowned. "But they were like Taisas flowers. Beautiful to look at but covered in poison. They would have just as soon murdered another who stood in their way as they would buy a new gown."

"Murder! Why?"

"Greed was the usual reason. Most were consumed by it, that or a lust for power. Most would have killed their own parents if it meant a chance to bed me and win the honor and prestige bearing a royal heir would produce." Here Zuko blushed a little, and I felt heat creep into my own face. He hurried on,

"They hid it behind face paint and their demure little smiles, but Iroh taught me to see it. He helped me to see their cruelty and ambition before they could trick me with their false beauty. He taught me to protect my heart." Zuko shut his mouth and narrowed his eyes. He was undoubtedly beating himself up for revealing himself to me again.

"I'm sorry. That must have been hard."

He shrugged. "I was exiled before an arrangement could be made."

"Oh." I looked at my feet.

"Don't feel sorry for me. In this instance, exile was a good thing. I wouldn't have had any say in who I was betrothed to. That is up to the Fire Lord." I looked at him in surprise. Had he just said something positive? I smiled. His lips twitched again, but he turned before anything more than that could show.

I sighed. Well, at least I was getting somewhere.

We'd marched all day, stopping only for a short time for lunch. It was cold, wet and miserable, and when we finally dropped our packs for night, I was thankful.

"No fire tonight." I heard Teikei say from the head of the troop. Several men mumbled disappointedly.

We quietly made camp. A hush had fallen over the troop, as if the danger was a muffling blanket. Zuko and I said little to each other, but little needed to be said. I fell asleep, shivering slightly on my mat.

"AGHHHHH!" A scream woke me some time that night.