CHAPTER NINE (TWO DAYS LATER, SATURDAY)
Today, we brought Marin home from the hospital. We left the hospital as a family of four. It was such a joyous occasion; I felt a bit guilty that I was happy, rather than being focused on missing Lizzie. I'm not betraying her, am I? I dressed Marin in a purple onezee with a hat and booties to match. She looked so cute! Matt bought the outfit. He's picked out some amazing clothes for his sister. Well, he is one amazing kid. The nurse wheeled Marin and I out of the hospital. There was no way I was going to let Sam wheel me; I didn't want to bump into any walls. I love the man dearly, but he can not navigate a wheelchair. Instead, he carried the gifts. Matt snapped pictures.
When we pulled into the driveway, I felt as if our family was once again complete. We were once again a family of four, with a son and a daughter. Mom had left the day before, but before she left, she stuck an "It's a Girl!" sign in the yard and decorated the door with pink crepe paper. It was so sweet of her! I took Marin out of the carseat and cradled her in my arms. "Welcome home, Marin," I told her. Sam held the front door for me, and Matt took more pictures. I carried her throughout the house, introducing her to her new home. I didn't want to let her go. I was afraid that if I did, I would wake up, and Marin wouldn't be here.
It was so healing for me when I took Marin to the nursery, Lizzie's old room. This is the way it's supposed to be. My daughter is to grow up in this room. I sat in the rocker, just as I had done with Lizzie, and rocked my daughter. I told her all about her family, including her sister, Lizzie, and shared my hopes and dreams for her. I want Marin to grow up to be a happy and peaceful young woman. I prayed that the demons which haunted Lizzie would not haunt Marin. Sam stood in the doorway, watching us for a long time. I think he was taking all of this in. He eventually walked over and knelt down beside us. He kissed Marin on the top of her head, and then he gave me a passionate kiss on the lips. "I love you, Jo," he began, "thank you for making me the happiest man in the world." "I love you, too." "Marin's so beautiful." "She is, isn't she?" "But not as beautiful as her mother." He really knows how to make me blush. We both notice the picture of Lizzie on the dresser. I speak first, "Remember when we brought Lizzie home for the first time?" "Yeah. I couldn't believe we could make something so amazing." "We did. She was amazing. I miss her. I wish Marin could know her." "Me, too. But, maybe Lizzie is up in heaven watching over her sister. I don't know." I smile at that thought, "I don't know if I believe in guardian angels, but I hope Marin will find her own connection with Lizzie." We placed our daughter in the bassinet that Lizzie and Matt used. I can't help but feel joy and delight in this little girl of mine. She's so precious. I want to show her what's right in the world and protect her from what's wrong in it.