CHAPTER TWELVE (ONE MONTH LATER, ONE YEAR SINCE, THURSDAY)
Today marks the anniversary of Lizzie's suicide. There, I can finally say the word, but it still hurts. Matt ran down the stairs as he usually does every morning. Sometimes I swear he has ADHD! I still expect Lizzie to come down the stairs, not far behind him, complaining about some prank he pulled. However, she's not coming down those stairs anymore. I go upstairs to my daughter's room. The memories still haunt me, of opening the door and finding her lying there in a pool of her own blood. I blink my eyes and see my daughter, Marin, lying in her crib very much alive. She looks so sweet. I walk over to her crib and see her smiling face. "Hi, sweetheart! Do you want up?" It's time for her feeding, so I pick her up and carry her to the rocker. Marin's such a cuddle bug, like her brother was when he was a baby. I look around the room and try to remember how everything was arranged last year. It's hard to picture it; I'm forgetting little details. Where was her dresser? I think it was over there, but I'm not sure. After I finish feeding Marin, I bundle her up and take Matt to school. I realized we need to spend some time together, just the two of us. I know we have, because of our own grief and preparing for Marin, neglected Matt. It wasn't intentional, but he got lost in the shuffle. He and Sam have been able to stay close, but I've been distant. Since I can't leave Marin alone for any length of time, we decided that we'll go to the movies on Saturday. Sam can keep Marin, and I can come home to feed her. Matt wants to see the new horror flick. I'm not crazy about horror movies, but at least we can spend some time together. It's worth it.
After dropping Matt off at school, Marin and I went to the cemetary. We brought more flowers to put in the vase and cleared out the old ones. I felt the need to be with my daughters. This wasn't exactly the mother-daughters outing I wanted, but... I told Lizzie about Miranda and Gordo, and about Matt's latest antics. He wound up with detention this week for a whopper of a prank. He stuffed pingpong balls in this guy, Stephen, his "arch nemesis" (as Matt puts it) locker, and greased the lock with Vaseline. Then, he put liquid Silicone on Stephen's chair and covered him with Post-it notes. I still want to know where he got Silicone? In addition, he resumed his bookie ways. That kid is clever, but full of mischief. I think the only reason why he got caught is because Melina was out sick with the flu. The pair together is unstoppable. They'll either marry some day or will have a huge blow up and never speak to one another again. I'm hoping for the former, I like her. But, he's only 13, I don't want him to grow up too fast. I always thought Lizzie and Gordo would get together and marry some day. They got especially close in Rome. "Oh Lizzie, what happened? Why did you do it?"
This afternoon, I received a phonecall from Miranda and Gordo. They called to tell me they were thinking about us today. They also sent flowers, which were lovely. They're having a girl, so they're naming her Elizabeth Miranda Gordon. They want to call her Lizzie. Sixteen's awfully young to be having a baby, but I'm happy for them. I hope everything works out well for them. I also received a call from Dr. James. She told me she was thinking about us today, and hoped that we were doing okay. I think we are. She also delivered a big piece of news. I'm pregnant. Again. Dr. James said my hormone levels were high; I might be carrying twins. Talk about deja vu, well, not the twins part. It was this time last year that I found out I was pregnant with Marin. Sam's gonna flip. I'll tell him tonight. I'm about six weeks along, so we'll be celebrating Marin's first birthday about the time I'll be giving birth to twins. We were NOT planning on any more kids after Marin.
Matt ate dinner early so I fixed a candlelight dinner (sans Gnomes) for the two of us. I think we need some more romance in our lives. Sam got home a little later than usual; he stopped by the gravesite too. He needed some alone time with Lizzie. I fixed Sam's favourite dinner and dressed the table with the good china, silverware and napkins. We talked some about the good times with Lizzie. "Remember when Lizzie competed in the Rhythmic Gymnastics Regional competition?" Sam began. "She was so good at it. I was sorry that she didn't enjoy it; I thought she would go far with it." "Or when Matt handcuffed himself to her and she wanted to go to the charity drive." "They never figured out that I had the key." "How about when Matt ended up at Lizzie's school by mistake, so he pretended to be a new student." "Lizzie was so mad at him!" "How about when Lizzie became an environmentalist?" "She drove everyone crazy." "We did have some good times with her." "We sure did, Jo." "I miss her, Sam. I miss her so much! Why'd she do it?" "I don't know, honey. I don't think we'll ever know." We held each other for a long time and cried. I didn't know how I was going to tell him about the baby, or shall I say, babies.
I decided to just go ahead and tell him, so I thought. "Sam, Gordo and Miranda called today." "Oh?" "Yeah. They also sent the flowers." "That was really sweet of them. I really miss seeing them." "So do I. They also called to tell us that they're having a girl." "I can't believe they're having a baby. They're so young." "I know. I can't imagine being sixteen and having a family. Anyway, they asked if they could name her Elizabeth Miranda, and call her Lizzie." "Lizzie would like that." "I know. That's what I told them."
I took a deep breath. Sam saw my worried look, "Jo, what is it?" "Dr. James called too." "What did she want?" "She remembered about Lizzie and wanted to express her condolences." "That was really nice of her." "Yeah it was. There's also something else." "What? Don't tell me you're pregnant." I looked at him and didn't say a word. Suddenly, he looked as if he was in shock, "You're pregnant, aren't you?" I nodded. I was in shock myself. I finally got the nerve to speak, "She said it looks like I'm having twins. They're due around Marin's birthday." Sam was speechless. After a few seconds, which seemed like an eternity, he finally found his voice, "Twins!" I nodded again. A smile spread across his face. He picked me up and twirled me around, "We're having twins! I love you, Jo." "I love you, too."