MOVING ON AFTER LOSS
A/N--this is a companion story (not a sequel, really) to Jo's Loss. This takes place between the 1st anniversary and 5th anniversary of Lizzie's suicide. This is taken from Sam's point of view. Rated M.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
ONE YEAR AFTER LIZZIE'S DEATH (THURSDAY)
It's been a year since we lost Lizzie. This year's been a blur. I'll never forget seeing Jo cradling our dead daughter and crying, "She's dead! She's dead!" That was the worst day of my life. Jo looked so shattered and helpless, it took all my strength not to run out of the room myself. But Jo needed me. She's normally a strong woman, but this just shattered her for a long time. When the doctor at the ER told us there was nothing he could do to save Lizzie, Jo crumpled to the floor and wailed. That cut me to the core. Matt and I had to pick her up and just about walk her to the morgue to view Lizzie's body.
Grieving over Lizzie, taking care of Jo, and preparing for Marin's birth took time away from Matt. I know we neglected him; it shows. He's a different kid from a year ago, a little sadder and he seems a bit lost. Although he still enjoys his pranks, he's a different kid from the way he used to be. I need to spend some good father/son time with him. I spent so much time in my own grief and stress that I forgot that Matt was grieving. I lost my child, but he lost his sister. I hope we can help him
Marin's been a healing presence and a joy to our lives. We wanted a third child, and in some ways, the excitement of preparing for her arrival seemed to lessen some of my pain over Lizzie. Jo was so worried and afraid when we found out the baby was a girl. I know she's afraid of turning Marin into a replacement Lizzie, but she won't. It was hard for her to bond with the baby at first. She had bonded with Lizzie and Matt immediately upon finding out she was pregnant. Marin was a different story. When Jo told me she was pregnant, I was ecstatic, but she was conflicted. To her, being pregnant felt like a betrayal to Lizzie. Maybe that's a mom thing, I don't know. I was excited about the baby, and Jo looked absolutely beautiful when she told me the good news. God, I love that woman. She was a trooper giving birth to Marin, going through the whole process without pain medication. I'm such a wuss when it comes to pain. I think a paper cut is major! When I got to hold Marin for the first time, I thought I was going to bust with pride. I had a gorgeous wife, a great son, and a beautiful baby daughter. Life felt so perfect.
Things are so different now. Lizzie should be a sophomore in high school hanging out with her best friends, but she's gone and her friends are expecting a baby of their own. They're having a girl, Elizabeth Miranda, "Lizzie". We hear from them from time to time. They sent us flowers today. I miss those kids. Matt's in seventh grade at Hillridge Middle school. He, Melina and Lanny are still the Three Muskateers. The three of them are unstoppable. We have a four and a half month old daughter, who is daddy's little princess. Tonight, Jo told me she's pregnant again. I stopped by the cemetary after work. I needed to be with my little girl; I still can't believe she's gone and it's been a year. When I got home, Jo had a romantic candlelight dinner fixed for just the two of us. Matt was over at Lanny's working on a project and Marin was asleep. We haven't had much time to ourselves in a long time. We reminisced a little about Lizzie. Then she told me about Gordo and Miranda. I suspected there was something she needed to tell me, but she was stalling. I was worried about her; she looked scared. I was afraid that another shoe was going to drop, so when she told me about the baby, I was both relieved and excited. We weren't planning on having a fourth child, but it is a nice surprise. Dr. James suspects we're having twins, due around Marin's birthday. Wow! Five children. I was in shock. When I regained my bearings, I picked her up and twirled her around. I love that woman.