Summary: Post Gwen and Gavin. Lorelai and Luke rethink the past night's conversation and what they're going to do about it.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
A/N: This is for all who wanted a story with Luke alive. Hope you like it.
It's In His Kiss
There are just some things I can depend on in my life. There are things I'm certain of. I could make a list of them. Yet lately it seems that list is getting shorter and shorter. Rory. She's the dependable one. And just as I was thinking about crossing her off my list, she came back to me. She'll always be at the top of the list. If I made that list today, tonight, she might be the only thing on it. And that breaks my heart. And this song is breaking my heart, stupid Bangles. Eternal Flame? Are you kidding me?
"Lor?" I hear from downstairs. Wow, I was so deep in thought, I never even heard a knock or a doorbell. Maybe he didn't do any of that. "Lor?" Shit, I'd better answer before he comes up and realizes I'm… well… I'd better go downstairs.
I get up out of the bed I've shared with Luke and turn off the music. Maybe that was it, maybe the Bangles were too loud. Stop it Lorelai. I run down the stairs and find Chris standing there.
"Chris? I thought that was you but I, well, I don't remember the last time you were here and, well, I just didn't expect you," I stutter. Chris chuckles. "Where's your daughter?"
"With my mom. Where's yours?"
"Ours," I remind him. He nods, shoving his hands in his pockets. "She's at Yale, remember? That school you're spending so much on?"
"Yeah, I figured. It's just that it's Saturday night, and I know she sometimes comes home on Saturday night," he comments. I have to think for a moment. Was she here today? No, no she left. This afternoon maybe? Ay, Lorelai, just answer the damn question!
"She was, she left. Laundry's done." I smile to suggest that I'm joking.
"Oh, well, I just stopped by to make sure she got the message that I got the Yale payment in and on time."
"On time, wow. Well I'm sure she'll be impressed."
"Haha, you jest." He smiles at me for a moment and I fake a smile. "Lor, I know you, something's up." Does he have some kind of telepathy?
"No – heh – nothing's up. Guess your ESP is actually ESPN." Chris rolls his eyes. I sigh. He knows. Well, he doesn't know know, but he can read me. "Luke has a kid and I just found out and it – it took me by surprise is all," I say as lightly as possible. Chris squints at me as he sizes me up.
"You're upset that Luke has a kid? You have Rory."
"Yes, well, he found out a few months ago and he just told me yesterday," I explain. Shit, I told him. He's still staring at me. Do I have to tell him everything? It was bad enough talking to Rory about this. "He lied and I got mad. I shouldn't have but I did. And then – and then he postponed the wedding."
"Really?" Surprisingly, Chris doesn't even sound happy about that. I sigh and walk over to the couch and sit down. Chris follows, sitting down next to me. "Sorry to hear about that Lor."
"Me too," I say sadly. I really wanted this. Things were going well and I thought – I thought this was it for me. Chris rubs my knee.
"That sucks Lor." He pulls my head to his shoulder and I feel him kiss my head. I really miss Chris sometimes. I've known him since I was six. He's always been there for me whenever something happened.
I sit up and look at him. "I'm glad you're here, Chris." He nods, smiling softly.
After a moment, he reaches into his coat and pulls out a bottle of rum and offers it to me.
"You were totally holding out on me!" I exclaim and take the bottle. The rum feels hot and spicy as I swallow it. More than anything, I just want to open my mouth and down the whole bottle, but I'm not sure that would be the best idea. So after a few drinks, I hand the bottle back to Chris.
He takes a drink, a smile coming over his face. Next thing I know he's kissing me. His lips feel soft and warm and familiar against mine. As much as I try to give in to this, I mean it is Chris, my entire body is revolting against this turn of events. Finally, I seize control of myself and pull away.
"Chris!" I yell as I stand up. Anything, anything to get away from him. "What were you – this is – Chris!"
"Sorry, Lor, I just – sorry," he says. Oh Chris, if you only knew.
"No," I say, flopping back down on the couch. "It's not your fault."
"Lorelai, can I ask you a question?" I look at him expectantly, wondering what I earth could be going on inside his head. "Are you still getting married?" Suddenly I remember the ring on my finger and I look down at it. It feels heavy on my hand and it's lost the luster that used to make it shine. I sigh.
"I – I don't…" I shake my head, letting him know I'm not finishing this thought. How much did I want this? Since the day I proposed to Luke, everything has been so wonderful for us. He was always by my side and I knew in my heart he'd be there forever. And now, everything's different. "I don't think he wants to marry me anymore." My voice shakes as I say that and I know if I keep thinking about this, I'm going to cry.
"Then what is wrong with me kissing you, Lor?" I look up at Chris and all I can see is want and desire in his eyes. What have I done?
"Chris, we're finished."
"Because of Sherry and Gigi?"
"No, because… because of you. Chris, for years I probably dreamed of this moment, but I grew up."
"And then we thought about getting together."
"No Chris, I wasn't grown up yet. We were young when we were together. When Rory was conceived. And we were still young when we thought about getting back together before Sherry told you about Gigi. We were just young. I never grew up after having Rory, I was still 16 at heart. Completely immature." I rub my head and I stand up, walking around the room. "I'm not 16 anymore. I'm an adult. And who I love as an adult is not the same as who I loved as a child."
"I see."
"Do you get it Chris? I know you've changed. I know having Gigi has made you grow up. Don't you see what I'm saying. It's not Molly Ringwald days anymore." Chris nods.
"No, I get what you're saying, Lor." He stands, putting the rum back in his coat pocket. I hurt Chris by explaining this, but I know it's true. And he would have realized it eventually. I know I'm never going to love anyone but Luke for the rest of my life and until yesterday I thought it was going to be me and Luke forever. But now… I don't think he loves me anymore. I don't think he wants to be with me. "I'm going to get going," Chris says. No…
If Chris leaves it's just going to be me. And Paul Anka. Just me here alone. Forever. And my 'special alone space'.
"Can you take me somewhere on your way?"
"Sure, Lore, where?"
"The airport. I'm going to go to the airport," I decide. Chris watches me for a moment and then nods. I'm still not sure where I'm going but I can't handle Stars Hallow without Luke again, without me and Luke again. I don't want to deal with my mother's happiness about this and I just can't deal with this. "Can you?"
"Sure, go get your things and we'll get out of here."
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After Rory called this evening, I continued business at the diner as usual, pretending that everything was all right. I still can't stop thinking about what Rory said. And at the same time, I can't stop thinking about the day I've just spent with April. And at the same time I can't stop thinking about my last conversation with Lorelai.
We talked last night at the festival. She told me she understood about April. Something about Gina and Gabe or some weird people like that. I really don't know where she comes up with these things sometimes. But it's cute. And she smiles when she comes up with something I don't know, a smile that could make anyone light up inside. Anyways, she said she understood. I believed her, I mean she wouldn't lie. Never again.
I was just confused. All of this is happening so fast. April, Lorelai, Rory, Liz, the house, the wedding, the soccer team. Everything. And I can't do it all. I'm not that kind of a person. I hate spontaneity. I'm Luke Danes, I don't do that.
So when Lorelai suggested that we postpone the wedding, I agreed. It was just one thing I could put aside for a few months while I figured everything else out. Just so you know, I do want to get married. More than anything. But I figure, things are going so well for us. I don't know I needed to clear my plate just a bit and it was the first offer so I took it.
But then Rory called. "You realize Mom's not okay with this, right Luke?" she asked. No, actually, I hadn't thought about it. Lorelai went home with Rory after our conversation and called me later to say that she couldn't come over, she'd see me tonight. I didn't even think that she was unhappy. I didn't listen that carefully. What am I, some kind of idiot? I don't listen to my girlfriend when she's telling me something, not voiced telling, but read between the lines telling.
"Luke, don't ruin this. Don't do this to her. Don't let her hurt. If you care for her, Luke, don't do this," Rory warned me.
Yes, I am that idiot.
So after I close the diner, I head over to Lorelai's house. It's late and if she had really meant it when she said she'd come over, she'd have been here by now. I suppose if Rory hadn't called, this would be my clue. If' I wasn't an ignoramus, I would have been clued in earlier.
As I walk over to her house, my thoughts dwell on Lorelai. Her bright shining eyes. Her brilliant smile. Her touch. Her voice. How she makes me laugh. How she makes me smile. How she turns me on with her every movement, her every look.
Her house is dark. Oh God, her house is dark.
And I'm done. All my thoughts of Lorelai disappear as her house comes into view. I'm up on her porch in front of her door within seconds. "Lorelai!" I yell banging on the door. It's 11:00 at night. She's not at her house. She's not at my place. Where the hell is she?
"Lorelai!" I yell. Wait a second, this is Lorelai Gilmore I'm talking about. My hand goes immediately to the door knob. I jiggle it a few times. It's locked. Lorelai Gilmore, who has never locked her front door in her life, decided today, of all days, to shut the world out. Shit.
Glancing over at the porch swing I see something glittering on it. I walk over and pick up the engagement ring and a note telling me to feed the dog. I finger the engagement ring, watching it glitter for a moment. I remember when I picked out
And so I sit down on her porch to wait. Wait for what? I don't know. But she'll come home eventually. She has to.