CHAPTER TWENTY
ONE MONTH LATER--TWO YEARS SINCE Matt's in 8th grade; Lizzie would have been in 11th grade
It's been two years since Lizzie's suicide and we found out about Marin and one year since we found out about the twins. We made our annual trek to the cemetary. Jo had just finished her latest round at the hospital a couple days ago, so I was concerned about taking her. However, she was insistent. When we got to the cemetary, I wrapped Jo up in her blanket and carried her to the gravesite. Matt had put the babies in their strollers by the time I got back to the car to help him out. Jo was on the ground, lying against the bench beside the grave when Matt and I brought the kids over. She was in deep conversation with Lizzie, so we approached quietly, not to be intrusive. I hate to say she enjoys these visits, because none of us do, but she feels closer to our firstborn here. Marin uses Lizzie's old room and the twins use Matt's old room, so most of Lizzie's stuff is either distributed out or put away. Matt and I remodeled the old guest room for him. It's bigger and away from the babies, so he can get his peace and quiet. We'll move Brooke into Marin's room when she's older. It's bigger and better equipped for two people.
I sit on the ground next to my wife. Matt holds Marin and helps her place the flowers. While we reminisced about Lizzie, I kept praying that we wouldn't be visiting Lizzie's AND Jo's graves this time next year. She is so weak and frail; I don't know how she can bounce back. She's lost an awful amount of weight. I'm afraid to pick her up because I'm afraid I'll break her. Suddenly, I hear Jo speaking, "Do you remember when Lizzie gave Larry Tudgeman a makeover for Miranda's party? He looked hot!" "Speaking of hot, what about when we held that party, where you played the French maid? I wanted to..." I whispered in her ear and a look of shock and laughter spread across her face. "Sam, there are children present!" "How do you think we got the children in the first place?" I whisper back. "Oh, stop it," she laughed, hit me on the shoulder, and then kissed me. Matt pretended that he didn't hear a thing. Thank goodness the babies are too young to understand. Brooke begins fussing, so Matt passes her to Jo. "Sam, do you remember when we got that note from Lizzie's preschool teacher? She came to Miranda's rescue when someone put paste in her hair." "Yeah, Lizzie was a very kind hearted person." "Brooke, you sister was kind and sweet and good to her friends and family." "She did stick up for me when Heywood was bullying me, or when I got three weeks' detention for putting soap bubbles in the waterfountain." We look at Matt, puzzled. "I didn't do it. Clark Benson did it." "How come we never heard of it?" I ask. "Ah, never mind," he replied. "Matt, pass Ben over here. He looks like he needs to get out of the stroller. Thanks."
We sit and reminisce until I look over at Jo and see her asleep, holding Brooke. She looks so peaceful. I hate to wake her, but I think we need to get her back home. "Jo," I touch her on the shoulder, "Jo." She rouses, "Wha?" "You fell asleep. We need to get you home." Matt takes Brooke out of her arms and puts her in the stroller, and then gets Marin. I put Ben in his seat, then I bundle Jo up and carry her to the car. She instinctively wraps her arms around my neck and falls asleep. I pray next year when we visit Lizzie's grave, that we'll still be a family of six, not a family of five.
We got home, and I started to carry Jo to our bedroom. "No," she mumbles, "The couch." "Are you sure?" "Yeah, wanna watch home movies." "Okay." I put her on the couch, and cover her with a blanket. I help Matt with the babies, and we pile in the living room and watch movies. I think it's now an annual tradition. I think it helps the three of us to remember Lizzie, and it helps us tell the babies about their older sister. I love seeing Lizzie and Matt on screen as kids. Those were such happy times. Lizzie was so full of life, and Matt was so young. Now, she's forever fifteen and Matt's fourteen, no longer a little boy. Also, watching those movies makes me look forward to the good times we'll have with Marin, Ben, and Brooke. They're still young and their whole life's ahead of them. I can't wait to teach them how to make a fort, or throw a football, or tie their shoes. I pray Jo's there with me every step of the way.