Chapter 32
Three days later.
The morning blew a stiff breeze into my hair and I was glad I'd put it up into my traditional braid. The sea spray felt cool and refreshing on my face as I bent over the railing of the Fire Navy ship, letting the fine mist cover my face with thousands of tiny diamonds. I closed my eyes and let my mind wander. I could imagine myself as a little girl again, going for a ride on my father's boat when he went seal hunting. How I used to love watching the fish dance in the crystal water beneath the prow!
I opened my eyes, half expecting to see silver fish dancing below my feet and my father's smiling face watching me in amusement. I felt a sting of disappointment when I looked down and instead saw the cold metal of the Fire Nation ship and the empty, fathomless water of the open ocean.
But all disappointment vanishedwhen I turned my head and caught Zuko leaning against the railing, staring at me with fiery golden eyes. There was an intensity in his gaze and a tenseness in his posture that suggested he was more than just admiring the sunrise.
"Beautiful morning, isn't it?" I asked him casually. He didn't reply, only walked forward, ever so slowly, until he was standing behind me. Our body heat mingled as I felt his hands land lightly on my lower back, tracing ribbons of electric fire as they slid around to rest on my stomach. His biceps flexed a little as he brought me against his front. I rested against him. I could feel his chest rise and fall in rhythmic breaths, his stomach muscles rippling deliciously as they adjusted to support my weight.
His hand came up to brush away wayward strands of hair that had fallen out of my braid to cling to my neck. "That's better." He murmured, his lips brushing my ear and then trailing down to place kisses on the soft, tender skin of my neck. My heart pounded just as wildly as it had the first day we'd kissed. I closed my eyes, moaning softly, and was rewarded with kisses that burned with a tingling, pleasurable fire as they alighted on my throat.
Suddenly, I heard the soft sound of scuffling on the deck of the ship. I looked up to see an earthbending soldier making his way across the deck with a mop and a bucket of dirty, sloshing water. I gently tried to squirm out of Zuko's grasp.
"It's okay, I'm sure the earthbenders have seen us kiss before." Zuko protested.
"But Sokka hasn't." I looked around, hoping my brother hadn't caught the little love scene. Sokka had become much more civil towards Zuko after the little talk they'd had, but by civil I just mean that Sokka wasn't stroking the blade of his boomerang and glaring at Zuko's back maliciously every time Zuko walked past. Sokka may have grown in respect for Zuko as a person and as a warrior, but not for Zuko as my lover. I sighed and pushed fully away.
"He's going to have to accept it sooner or later." Zuko growled impatiently.
"Yes... but it's going to take time."
"I can speed that process..." Zuko smirked while wisps of smoke curled around his wrists.
"Zuko, stop it." I chided him. "Sokka's my brother, and he may be the only family I have left by the time this stupid war is over." I cast a bitter glance at the sea ahead of our ship.Zuko relented and backed off, the annoyance draining from his face as he looked at me.
"I'm sorry." He said softly. I blinked. Had I heard right? Was that an apology from Zuko? Prince Zuko?
"You're lucky to have someone in your family that cares about you so much." Zuko said, staring out at the horizon, which by now was losing the pink tinge it had carried at sunrise. With sudden clarity I realized why Zuko had such a hard time understanding mine and Sokka's relationship. I'd heard enough about Zula and the rest of Zuko's family to know that there was no love lost between any of them. But especially toward Zuko.
Just as I couldn't imagine what it would be like to have a family that didn't care whether you lived or died, and only loved you if you were strong or cruel or powerful enough, neither could Zuko understand Sokka's loving protection of me.
It will just take time... I thought to myself as I walked away. It will just take time.
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I spent the rest of the morning assembling the waterbenders and going over the plans of attack with them. We would be arriving in Fire Nation waters by the next night, and I wanted to be sure everyone was clear on the battle strategy. But I needn't have worried. The waterbenders had been paying attention over the past several weeks of training, and knew their positions as if they were performing a dance they'd practiced since they were children. My mind put to rest, all I had to do now was wait: Wait for the ships to bring us to the Fire Nation's doors. Wait for tomorrow's moon to cast its glow on the blood that would redden the waters.
That was the problem with war. The waiting. I leaned against the rail of the ship and watched the men deal with their anxieties in whatever way they thought best. Most of the waterbenders were staring into the sea, collecting strength from their native element and meditating, calming their spirits and making peace within themselves.
The firebenders, on the other hand, were practicing with such energy as I'd never seen before. I watched them spew flames into the sky, the fiery comets arcing over the ship and blazing against the sun, twisting and turning in a deathly dance. So powerful! It must be nerves. I thought to myself. It was amazing how something so beautiful could be used to butcher, maim, burn, kill. I looked down at my hands. Healers would be desperately needed once this war was over.
I continued to stare at my hands, wondering how many burns I would have to heal, how many bruises I'd have to mend, how many bones I'd have to... I shut my eyes. I didn't know how to fix bones. Or tend to injuries deep inside. Or heal scars. I cursed myself silently. Why hadn't I listened closer to the healer instead of rushing off to learn how to fight? There were enough fighters in this world. What the world really needed were the gentle, quiet souls like Gran-Gran and the healer woman, people of peace.
I breathed a long, calming breath, still focusing on my hands. As I traced the lines of my palm, I suddenly noticed a dull pink scar. Dimly, I could remember walking down the hallways of the earthbender fortress a few days ago, running my palm along the wall as I went. I remembered a sharp pain slicing into my skin, and looking down to see a tiny rock embedded there. I'd taken it out and was going to heal it, but there was no water nearby and I'd eventually forgotten about it. After all, it was just a little cut. And a little scar...
A plan began to form in my mind. Maybe I could teach myself to heal bones and inside injuries, starting with something easy, like this little scar. I'd taught myself waterbending, hadn't I? Surely this couldn't be much different.
I waterbended a thin stream from the ocean below, bringing it up to settle in my palm in a brilliant blue ball. I focused on the sphere, making it shift and flatten to cover the old wound, its energy tingling against my palm. I slid to the floor to better concentrate.
I focused on the scar. Nothing happened. I imagined the scar healing. Going away. Disappearing. Melting. Vanishing... anything! But still nothing happened. I blew out a sigh of frustration and let my mind relax for a while.
I tried again, focusing on the edges of the scar this time instead of the whole thing. After all, when I'd first started water bending, I could only bend tiny raindrops, not whips and waves like I was capable of doing now.
I calmed myself inside. The first healing I'd done on myself had been when Aang had burned me. I'd desperately needed healing then, as the wounds had been fresh and painful. But this little scar had already healed, in a way. But not quite fully. Not quite right. It still hurt a little. I focused on the barely-perceptible pain, reminding the water that it was a wound. Finally, I felt my skin begin to tingle around the scar. I focused harder, squeezing my eyes shut and breathing in short, shallow gasps.
I could feel my body begin to tremble as I sat there, tense and straining. Perspiration began to form on my forehead, but I didn't stop. If I could learn to master this little scar, I could learn how to heal bones! And then maybe I could learn how to heal injuries inside. Maybe I would have power to heal soldiers with the green-sickness. Maybe the soldiers who coughed blood wouldn't have to die.
Heal. Heal. HEAL!
"Katara!"
The water sloshed from my hand and I looked up in a daze.
"Katara, are you okay?" I recognized my brother standing in front of me as the fog began to clear from my mind.
"Um... yeah. I'm fine." I smiled up at him, but Sokka didn't seem at all comforted. His eyebrows were drawn together in a line of worry and his mouth was tipped down into a concerned frown. He's such a good brother. I thought to myself. Always watching out for my safety.
"What were you doing?" He asked.
"Oh, just practicing a new waterbending trick."
"It looked hard." He glanced at the small puddle of water that had settled in my palm and was now running down to wet the edge of my skirt.
"I... I think I just need to practice. Maybe it will get easier." I dumped the water from my hand and stood up, stretching away the kinks and weariness I'd accumulated just in spending a few short moments trying to heal a tiny scar. What will happen when I try to mend a bone?
"Well, I just wanted to ask you something. Me and Aang were talking and-"
"Really? How is Aang? I haven't gotten a chance to see him." I said. A little wave of sadness washed over me. I'd been too busy helping Zuko and training the waterbenders to spend any time with the boys like I used to.
I wistfully remembered the nights we'd spent, just three of us, crowded around a meager fire next to Appa. I smiled as I thought about the times we would spend talking about the wonderful things Aang remembered from before the war, or the color of the sky that night, or how good the vegetable stew was that Aang had prepared. Sometimes we would just sit by the fire and tell jokes and laugh. It seemed like a dream now, almost as if it had never taken place.
But it had. Back when there was still some childishness left in us. But war had taken that away; I could see it in the sternness of Sokka's eyes, and the heaviness of Aang's. I wished I could be there with them, but I was needed by Zuko now... I had a place and I couldn't abandon it. Even if I could, I wouldn't want to.
"Aang's doing okay. He loves all the attention he's getting from the soldiers." Sokka's mouth turned up in a lopsided smile. It was a little like Zuko's smirk, only without the arrogance.
"What else does he talk about?" I smiled.
"Meng. A lot." Sokka rolled his eyes. "He's going to find her as soon as the war is over and take her penguin sledding with him, since she's never gotten a chance to before."
I laughed out loud at this. Several of the earthbenders turned to look at me, and I put a hand over my mouth, chuckling into my palm. But when I looked up, Sokka's face was far from mirthful. If anything, it was sad. Confused.
"So... you're happy, Katara?" His voice came as if from far away. It was an abrupt change of subject, and by the way his gaze dropped to the floor, I knew there was more going on in his head that just concern for my current mood.
"Yes. Why wouldn't I be?" I stared into his eyes, trying to see what lay behind his downcast blue stare. Sokka was much easier to read than Zuko, having not had to hide his emotions so thoroughly while he grew up, and I could see that there was a question I his eyes.
"I... I just want you to be happy, Katara." He said. Yes, I knew he wanted me to be happy. It was what he wasn't saying that intrigued me.
"I know, Sokka." I said, placing my hand on his cheek and looking into his eyes, conveying wordlessly that I understood what he was trying to tell me. "So, what was it you wanted to ask me?"
"Huh?"
"You said you and Aang were talking, and you wanted to ask me something." I reminded him. He seemed to come out of his haze and looked up at me. A brief smile flickered over his face.
"Oh yeah! I wanted to know if you had an extra blanket. Aang wants to make a flag with all four elemental symbols painted on it to fly over our ships."
"What a great idea!" I clapped. "Yes! Of course I have an extra one. Let me go get it." I rushed off. Why hadn't I thought of that? A flag for the ships! What a great way to bolster the men's morale and unite them.
I ran into my room and began rummaging through the chest where I stored my extra clothes. Sure enough, a forest green blanket lay on the bottom of the chest. I shook it out, the wrinkles flattening into the perfect backdrop for the rebel army's four insignias. I started toward the door, but then noticed that the knob was already turning. I'd been in such a state of excitement that I'd forgotten to lock the door behind me. I could hear Sokka's voice on the other side.
I cast a quick look around the room, and my world turned to jelly. Signs of Zuko's presence were everywhere: his robe draped across the bed, his meditation candles standing in the corner, his clothes folded neatly next to mine. And now Sokka was walking into my room. Oh great! Not again! I groaned inwardly. This is going to be the dance at Aunt Wu's village all over again! I rushed forward to try and block Sokka's entrance.
But I was too late. The door swung open and Sokka stood there, smiling and talking. "...and I was thinking it might be cool if we could get some bright paint to go around the edge and..." He cocked his head as he look at me. "What's wrong, Katara?"
I didn't move. Sokka would find out without any help from me. All I had to do now was wait for his outburst. I straightened my back and looked my brother in the eye. I'd been with Zuko long enough to know how to handle a few tantrums and shouting matches. But Zuko had been different. I'd known he would never hurt me. Sokka wouldn't hurt me either, but he might try to hurt Zuko, and that would be worse than if he'd slapped me in the face.
"Hey, why are you in Zuko's room?" Sokka said as he narrowed his eyes at Zuko's robe. Then he noticed my clothing in the corner.
"And why are your clothes in here? And why is your armor in here? And why-" The question died on Sokka's lips as he gazed at me with a confused, disbelieving look.
"We share a room, Sokka." I said in a quiet, controlled voice.
"YOU SHARE A WHAT?"
I was sure the entire ship heard that, and I grit my teeth. "Sokka, it's nothing bad. It all started when he saved my life by-"
"You've been sharing a room with that filthy, disgusting, vile, worthless, evil-"
"Sokka! Stop it!"
"No! I won't stop it! Did he make you? Did he force you? Because if he did I swear I'll-"
"No, Sokka, he didn't."
"Then why in the world would you want to-"
"I thought you loved me, Sokka." I said, so quietly that Sokka had to stop shouting to hear me. His hands dropped to his sides and he looked at me as if I'd gone crazy.
"Of course I love you, Katara. You're my sister."
"Then why can't you just accept that I've fallen in love with a firebender?" Sokka let himself fall against the wall, his back hitting the steel with a solid thump.
"Because I don't want to see you get hurt, Katara." He said softly.
"Get hurt? You think I'd actually-" I gestured to the bed and Sokka winced, holding up his hand to stop me from finishing my sentence.
"No, Katara, I know you'd never dishonor yourself. But Zuko's a different story."
"Ugh! I am so sick of this firebender prejudice you have!" My hands balled into fists and I felt like slugging my brother a good one.
"No. It's not about being a firebender. Well, maybe a little. But really, it's not. It's...it's that... Katara, Zuko's a guy." I raised one eyebrow. Yes, I knew that Zuko was a guy. Unbidden, thoughts of Zuko's rock hard chest and abs, sweaty from training, came to my mind. I pushed them away.
"So?"
"So..." Sokka squirmed a little in his chair, a faint blush staining his face. "Katara, guys are... they uh... when they..." Sokka buried his face in his hands and mumbled through his fingers "Mom should be telling you this, not me."
I sat on the bed and waited for Sokka to gather himself. Finally, he lifted his head from his hands. Staring at the floor, he began to stumble through his speech.
"Katara, some guys... they don't care whether you want to or not... they'll just... uh..."
"Sokka! Zuko's not like that!"
"How can you be sure?" Sokka's arms were crossed over his chest. I sighed, remembering the thoughts I'd had that morning. It will just take time...
"Zuko's got more honor than to... do that. Besides, we're surrounded on both sides by soldiers who sleep in rooms next to ours. One little whimper from me and one of them would be pounding the door down to make sure everything was okay." Sokka nodded, but his face was still dark.
"You shouldn't be so trusting..."
"I'm not! Believe me, I'm not! I hated Zuko just as much as you did when I first met him. But... things changed. I spent a year with him. I've seen what he's like underneath all the pain and fighting and horror he's had to endure. I know that to you, Zuko is just some angry, uncaring, unfeeling prince, but if he's built up walls, Sokka, it's to protect something inside. Something beautiful... and loving... something he couldn't show while he grew up under the tyranny of his father."
Sokka fell silent and stared at the ground.
"Here's your blanket." I smiled, hoping the change in subject would lighten Sokka's mood, as it had before. But Sokka took the blanket from me wordlessly, his face still a mask of confusion and frustrated misery. He turned and began to walk out the door. Just on the threshold, however, he stopped and faced me.
"Katara...?"
"Yes?"
"You really love him, don't you?"
"Yes, I do, Sokka."
Sokka nodded and turned, leaving me alone in the room.
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I sank onto the bed, thinking about the day's events and trying not to think about tomorrow's. I shut my eyes and tried not to think of my greatest love battling my greatest enemy. My stomach twisted and turned, racing to my throat and then dropping back down, like some kind of horrible seasickness.
Suddenly, the door slid open. Zuko walked in, a small smirk playing over his lips.
"Why are you smirking?" I looked at him suspiciously.
"I think your brother might be learning to accept the fact that you and I are in love."
"What did you do to him?" I growled only half jokingly, raising an eyebrow.
"I didn't do anything. He did." Zuko's cryptic statement made my heart race. What did Sokka do? Did he throw himself into the ocean? Disguise himself as hay and have Appa eat him?
"What do you mean? What did Sokka do?" I feared the answer.
"He... talked to me." Zuko said. I breathed a sigh of relief, but then the breath froze inside my lungs.
"What did he say?" A thousand possibilities filled my mind. Had Sokka tried to persuade Zuko not to like me?
"Nothing important." Zuko evaded. I knew it! Had Sokka told him about how I used to run naked around the hut when I was a baby? Or how I used to smear whale fat on my face and then stick handfuls of animal hair onto it and pretend I was an ice monster?
"What did he say?" I growled.
"He didn't really say anything. He just sort of threatened."
"Threatened?"
"He said that as long as you were happy, he wasn't going to stand in your way."
"Where does the threatening come in?"
"It's no big deal. They were just threats. They sounded pretty funny coming from a scrawny little water peasant with no muscles and-"
"Zuko," I warned "what threats?" I gave him a look that told him I wasn't backing down.
"He said he wasn't going to stand in your way, but that if I ever... touched you... against your will... he would... do things to me." Zuko said. I raised my eyebrows and grinned. That sounded like Sokka, alright.
"What things?"
"You really don't need to know." Zuko evaded.
"Tell me." I warned. Zuko was not getting out of this one, and he knew it.
"He said he'd... cut off... things..." Zuko reddened and shifted uncomfortably. I noticed his discomfort and decided to do a little teasing.
"Oh really? What things?"
"You really think this is funny, don't you?" Zuko scowled at me.
"Yes."
"Fine." He huffed as turned to walk out the door. "You can just stay in here and laugh all you want. I'll be on the deck."
"Zuko... stop." I smiled, grabbing his hand and pulling him onto the bed. "I'm sorry. I promise I'll behave."
"Hmph." Zuko was still playing his offended little princely pout, but I could see he was just as amused as I was by Sokka's antics.
"He'll get over it. Just give it some time." I murmured as I snuggled against him, enjoying the feeling of safety in his arms.
"...Let's just hope there is time." Zuko mumbled into my hair. I shut my eyes, hoping to shut out the pain in my heart too. I'd almost forgotten about the war while Zuko and I bantered. Now, reality came crashing back down on me like the pounding of waterfall.
As I drifted off to sleep, anxiety was still humming through me. What would happen tomorrow? Would we be able to clear a way through the barricades or would our plan fail at the first encounter? Would we be able to get into the palace, or would our men be slaughtered on the marble steps? Would Zuko be victorious against his father, or would Ozai's ruthless cruelty strike his son down a second time?
Only time would tell...
Sorry it took so long to get this chapter out, beloved readers. I just got a new job and things are a little hectic while I'm trying to adjust. Don't worry! It won't take long to finish the story. I'm hoping that it will be done in a week... only a couple more chapters! I do so hope you like them!
Next chapter:
The Rebel Army Attacks!