Zach held Kendall's hands in his own, trying to summon up the courage to tell her the truth. He should have told her months ago. He should never have agreed to keep such a secret. He hated Ryan. He could not understand what it was that everyone saw in that man, especially his wife. She had practically worshiped the ground he walked on, this man, who had treated her so badly. But she had been in love with him. As far as Zach was concerned, Ryan was the one that Kendall yearned for, even though she would never admit such a thing to him or anyone else.

He looked at her swollen belly. That was his child she carried. He would be a father again. This time, he was given the chance to actually be a father. He was deeply in love with Kendall but was afraid to actually say the words. One would think that after satisfying one another in such an erotic way and creating a child together, he would have bothered to tell her how much he loved her. Instead he had made sure to tell her how deeply in like he was with her.

The truth of the matter was that he was terrified of losing this woman, this one true love of his life. She was the mother of his child; she was his angel. She rescued him from himself, thinking that he should not have a child, that he deserved whatever the devil dished out to him. She made him realize that he was worthy enough for someone to care for him, but not to love him.

She had told him time and time again that she was afraid to fall in love. She was afraid of the hurt and heartache that came with it. She had never told him that she loved him, and he was not the one to push the topic, for fear he may lose this tiny inkling of happiness that he had.

But it may still all go down the drain. He could not hold this secret any longer and cursed himself for not telling her sooner. The only reason he was sitting here now, holding her hand while she calmly waited for him, was the fact that he got a call from Ryan Lavery.

Ryan was done playing dead and he wanted to come back to Pine Valley. He was on his way back and there was no way that Zach could stop him. Ryan had told him he was going to come clean. He wanted to start his life over with Greenlee. Zach knew the way the people in Pine Valley thought, and it would be like Lazarus being raised from the dead. They would be happy to see this piece of shit and do anything to kiss his ass; all this, while at the same time they ostracize Zach for helping him play dead.

It was now or never, and Zach knew Kendall's patience would run out. He said a tiny prayer and blurted out this secret he had been keeping. "Ryan's alive. I helped him fake his death and stay gone."

Kendall snatched her hands from his and quickly slapped Zach across the face. "You lied to me, for over a year," She said, studying Zach's face. She stood up and walked away from him. She walked back and forth in front of him, pacing angrily afraid to say much more, for fear she would not be able to quiet herself.

Zach studied the floor, ready for everything she was going to blast him with. He heard her start to cry as she walked back and forth. Zach stood up and touched her shoulder, in an attempt to offer some comfort.

She jumped and spun around and screamed at Zach, "Don't touch me!" It startled him, the sheer horror in her voice. "I can't believe you, Zach. How could you do that to Greenlee? And to me? Especially to me? How could you let us hurt like that?" Zach started to answer when Kendall cut him off. "Just…" she said and took a deep breath. "Leave. I don't want to look at you anymore. Just go, get out. Don't come back."

Zach looked at the floor again. He felt as if he had aged 20 years just standing there. He slowly walked out of her door and across the courtyard into his own dark condo. He poured himself some cognac and sat down on his couch. He thought to himself that he deserved nothing other than to remain in the dark. At least in the dark, he didn't have to look at himself.

He grabbed a remote control and turned on his television. Flipping through the stations he found nothing interesting on. He muted the television and just turned on his stereo. He waited for the CD changer to skip to what he was in the mood to hear. He was in the mood to listen to some nice easy jazz, nothing too hard on his ears. Alex Bugnon(1) sounded like a winner. He advanced the CD changer and "Slow Drag" started coming through the speakers. He took another sip of his cognac and leaned back against the cool leather couch.

When he closed his eyes he remembered dancing with Kendall to this song. He had gone to Fusion to surprise her with dinner by candlelight on the roof. That was the night he and Kendall confessed their deep "like" for one another. It was the first time he kissed her for real, because he wanted to kiss her, no other reason. He made love to her that night on the roof. That is where he believed they conceived the child growing inside her.

Kendall walking up to him in his office at the casino, wearing only a mink coat and shiny black patent leather mules, flashed behind his closed lids. Another memory invaded his mind of her shaving him early one morning before he went to a meeting at The Seasons. The day that he saw their baby for the first time bombarded him and he downed the rest of his cognac in one big gulp, and then quickly filled his glass again.

Suddenly his respite was interrupted by the harsh glare of light coming in through the front door and someone yelling his name. He made no other move to acknowledge the woman storming into his home, but only to tell her to leave.

"I'm not going anywhere until I have my say, you self-righteous son-of-a-bitch!" Greenlee said, much too loud for Zach's liking and hitting him on the head with her purse. He was willing to take whatever tongue lashing Kendall had lined up for him, but he'd be damned to hell if he just sat and let her so-called best friend throw insults and names at him, along with bodily injury.

Zach stood up and came around the couch, ignoring her ranting about how he lied to Kendall and her; about how both he and Ryan were no good. He towered over her small form and told her again to get out of his home. She ignored him, which was of no surprise to him. Without a word of warning, he grabbed her arm just below her underarm, with her feet barely touching the floor, and dragged her to the door; much like a parent would an unruly child, and shoved her out. He slammed and locked the door this time, and once again he was thrust into the darkness that was to be his solitude for the time being.

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(1) A sample of this music can be downloaded and heardat Amazon Com, from the album "Southern Living" track number 8.